"Good morning, Mama," she said, in a daze. "Good morning, Papa."
"Good morning, sweetheart," replied Mama, attending to the stove.
"Good morning," said Papa, who was setting out some dishes. "Did you sleep well?"
"No," said Hitomi. "I had bad dreams." She walked over to her Papa, to give him a hug.
"Aww," he said, putting down the dishes, and kissing her gently on the forehead. "I'm sorry to hear that."
She nuzzled up against him. "It's okay, Papa. Thanks." She smiled.
He ran his fingers through her hair gently as he let her go, and smiled.
"Well then," said Mama, "let's get you a good breakfast so you can face the day, then, shall we?"
Hitomi nodded, scooting over to the table. "Okay. Thank you, Mama."
"Oh. That reminds me," said Mama, placing several dishes down on the table, "your Papa got in rather late last night, so I didn't get a chance to discuss anything with him."
"Hmm? What's this now?" asked Papa. "I'm here right now. We can talk about anything you like."
Oh. She'd almost forgotten.
"I'm not so sure," said Hitomi -
"It's about girls, obviously," said Mama.
Please, not now.
"No. No, it really isn't," replied Hitomi. "It's about the secrets people keep from the ones they love."
"You're all worried about what people will think," declared Mama. "Trust me, it's perfectly fine, at your age. Just don't you go thinking you're getting out of tea ceremony lessons this afternoon."
"... I don't even have tea ceremony lessons this afternoon -" began Hitomi.
"Well, that's not the point," said Mama, waving the large kitchen knife around once more. "The point is - you're a good girl, people know that, and if I'm going to hear gossip from Mrs. Mikuni about the young Lady Shuzuki's youthful indiscretions, you know, I'd much rather it be with a cute girl in her class than some older boy with a motorcycle and a leather jacket who smokes and has a record as a juvenile delinquent."
Take deep breaths, Hitomi, she told herself.
"Mother dearest," she said, deliberately, eyeing the knife, "I'm not entirely sure how to reply to that. I - I did not intend for this conversations to be about girls, nor am I in a relationship with one, and yet nevertheless, I find myself offended."
"Hitomi?" began father. "Would you like -"
"Youthful indiscretion?" she interrupted. "You think it's all - You think I'm just in a phase. You tolerate the idea of me being in love with a girl because you think it won't last, but at the end of the day the most important thing is that I need to keep going to tea ceremony lessons."
"Dear, please, calm down," said Papa.
"I will - I will not calm down, Papa. I'm sorry. This is - Mama, this is belittling. No, it's degrading. Do my emotions mean so little? Are they not valid at all? Have you considered for half a second that if I was in a relationship, that I might take it seriously as more than just- Oh," she realized. "No. You just assumed I'm the exact same as you, that I'm going to go off and have a little harmless fling and that twenty years later I'll just be laughing about it. I don't even know where to begin, but I've never been so offended in my life."
"... Hitomi, my darling angel," began Papa, "please -"
"NO!" she screamed, standing up, and leaning over her table at her father. "Don't call me that! Don't you ever call me that again! I'm my own person, okay? I am not my mother, I am not my father, I am not just going to calm down, and I don't care what freakish, unresolved issues that both you two seem to have with her, but I am as sure as Hell not Yukari Hitomi."
Her papa looked at her with the widest eyes she'd ever seen, and trembled slightly, and Hitomi hesitated. Had she gone too far? Maybe she should back off apologize -
"Hitomi!" said her mother, pointing the large knife at her and shaking it for emphasis. "Calm yourself this instant."
Hitomi stared once more at the knife.
I can't deal with this. I can't deal with any of this.
She snatched up the bowl of miso soup from the table, chugged it all at once in a most unladylike fashion, and slammed it back down on the table, grabbing her school bag and walking out the door without her lunch.
. . . . .
After the adrenaline rush came the crash, the doubt, self-loathing, kicking herself for losing her temper.
It would be fine, she told herself; it would all be fine. Even if Mama's this way about it, it would be fine, because, well, there wasn't anything between her and Madoka anyway, now, was there? Not really.
Deep breaths, Hitomi.
She was very, very early to meet Madoka, and had time to regain her composure. She really, really didn't want to explain, not to Sayaka, and certainly not to Madoka.
She'd take deep breaths. She'd maintain her composure, hide it all from the world, hide it from herself.
Her Papa's voice echoed in her memory. Can you face your true feelings, Hitomi?
Someday, Papa. When I'm not exhausted.
. . . . .
Sayaka was back today, and it was good to see her again, but Madoka wasn't quite her usual cheery self.
"Good morning, Sayaka," said Hitomi, politely. "How are you?"
"H-hey," replied Sayaka, "Good morning."
"Why didn't you come to school yesterday?" asked Hitomi.
She immediately regretted it a little. Too direct. She's going through some really hard times right now. Her problems are probably even tougher than mine.
"Oh, um, I felt a little sick, is all," replied Sayaka.
Hitomi nodded quietly. You're not really okay either, Sayaka, but you're doing your best to fake it, aren't you. She considered. Maybe that's okay for now. Maybe if you have a little space, it'll even help make things better.
I wish I could reach out and help.
Sayaka looked to Madoka's eyes for reassurance, as the group walked on, and Madoka seemed to cheer up as well.
But I can't help you, not really. What you really need is Madoka's affection, not mine.
"Hey, I got an idea," posited Sayaka. "How about we go and..."
She stopped, suddenly, staring across the way.
"Oh," said Hitomi, noticing the figure walking there. "I didn't know Kyousuke was out of the hospital."
Madoka's tentative smile escaped her face.
Now what is this about? wondered Hitomi.
. . . . .
"Kamijou-san!"
"Hey, Hitomi! What's up?"
"Well, you're back, of course. What else?"
Kamijou chuckled. "Well, I guess I am the man of the hour."
"I was just wondering," she said, "Do you need any help with lunch? I can go downstairs to get you some, if you'd like, and save you a trip."
"Oh, thanks," said Kamijou, "but isn't it out of your way?"
"Oh, no, it's no bother," said Hitomi. "I actually forgot to bring a lunch today."
"All right," he chuckled, "but I'm surprised. It's not like you to be forgetful!"
"Well, I get to have my off days too," declared Hitomi.
"Yeah," said Kamijou. "I guess we all do. Maybe off months, in my case."
She smiled. "I'll be back in a bit, then."
He nodded. "I'll be up here talking to everyone. Thanks a lot, Hitomi."
She felt better after talking to him. At least she was helping somebody today.
. . . . .
Sayaka spent much of her lunch awkwardly glancing, and occasionally staring, in Kyousuke's direction. Neither she nor Madoka were really saying anything to each other. Madoka didn't seem happy about it, though.
Hitomi was upset.
Sayaka, you two-timer. Right in front of her, too.
Think about her feelings.
Maybe that wasn't fair, though. She caught herself; she didn't really know what they'd talked about together, why Sayaka had missed school. Hitomi was just assuming that it was second thoughts about her relationship. For that matter, they'd never saidanything about having a relationship, though it did seem pretty obvious.
She considered for a moment. What if Sayaka actually likes Kyousuke?
Well, what if? Kyousuke was a really nice guy, a good listener, always kind and gentle, but with a drive and passion - well, when you put it that way, he was rather like Papa, wasn't he? Good for Sayaka, then; any girl would be lucky to have someone like Papa. Though, perhaps without those regrets. Still. She wouldn't mind that for her friend at all.
But then she looked over to Sayaka and Madoka, and Madoka was squeezing Sayaka's hand in reassurance... and they were talking without talking again, most assuredly. m . . . . .
Lunch was nearly over.
"If I stayed home," said Kyousuke, "it wouldn't help get my legs back in shape. I'm hoping to get off these crutches and be walking on my own by next week."
"You haven't talked him yet, have you?" asked Madoka. "Why don't you go over and say Hi to him?"
"No, it's okay," said Sayaka. "Maybe later."
Oh, Madoka, thought Hitomi to herself. You're too kind.
. . . . .
She's indecisive. She's hesitating. She's being Sayaka. She made a big show about being as eager as ever, and committed to something she wasn't really ready for, and now she's scared and she doesn't know what to do.
And this time, people are going to get hurt. She might hurt Kyousuke; she'll definitely hurt herself... and she's hurting Madoka already.
But there's no backing down this time, Sayaka. You need to choose. You need to commit to something.
You need a push.
Hitomi had an idea.
Maybe it was a good idea. Maybe it was a terrible idea. It was a little too early to tell. She was talking herself into it, though. Papa always said that this was a bad sign with ideas.
Still...
If she's really in love with Madoka, and she chooses Madoka, well, then there's no harm done, she thought to herself. And if she's chooses Kyosuke...
if she leaves Madoka...
A shiver ran down her spine, and her heart beat quickly.
if I started going out with Kyousuke then Mama would be happy and I might even be happy too but if - if she decided to leave Madoka...
No. Don't think about that, she told herself. Think about Kyousuke. Thank about Sayaka. It needs to be credible. If you tell her that she needs to choose then *you* need to commit too. You can't just lie to your friends, it needs to be the honest truth.
I'll make it the truth.
. . . . .
"I want to talk about love," declared Hitomi.
Sayaka's eyes went wide.
"I'll explain it. There's something I haven't told you or Madoka. But I can't stay silent any longer."
"Huh? Oh, okay."
"For a long time now, I..."
She hesitated.
It's for Madoka, she reminded herself.
"I've always liked Kyousuke Kamijou. And now I'm in love with him."
Ugh. Her delivery was awkward. She's going to call me out on it.
"O-oh, you are, huh?" said Sayaka. "I-I never would've guessed, Hitomi. That's awesome. I hope Kyousuke knows just how lucky he is."
"You've known Kyousuke for a while," continued Hitomi. "Weren't you friends since childhood?"
"Oh, yeah, sort of," she giggled, stretching her arms behind her head awkwardly. "We hang out together every now and then."
"... And it's nothing more than that?"
Sayaka didn't have a response.
"I've thought long and hard about this," said Hitomi, "and I can't lie to myself any longer. So, how about you? I need to know. Can you face your true feelings, Sayaka?
"Uh, true feelings?" she hedged. "What do you mean?"
"I take my friendship with you very seriously. And I don't want to get into a situation where you think I'm stealing him away from you. I want to respect the relationship you have with Kyousuke, because you've known him a lot longer than I have. That's why if you like him, you have a right to go after him before I do."
"Hitomi..."
"I'm going to tell Kyousuke how I feel after school tomorrow. That gives you one day to decide. Will you confess your true feelings to him or won't you? Think about what you want so you don't have any regrets later."
. . . . .
"Mama, Papa, I'm home," said Hitomi, coming in the door.
"Welcome home," said Mama. "There's a surprise for you here in the kitchen."
"A surprise?" asked Hitomi. She set down her bag by the stairs. In the kitchen, on the table, she found a single cupcake, with raspberries in matcha frosting.
"Oh," said Hitomi, "did Papa get this for me? He shouldn't have..." It was a really good bakery, though.
"No, no," said Mama, "this one is from me. Happy birthday."
"... I'm sorry?" asked Hitomi, confused.
"Well, since you're officially a teenager now, I thought I'd get you a little cake to mark the occasion," said Mama, her voice gentle, but cold. "You'd better be sorry. You made your Papa cry."
Hitomi blinked at the cupcake in confusion and shock.
"He'll be late getting back from work, I'm afraid, so enjoy yourself in the meantime," said Mama, with a smile. She placed the large kitchen knife down on the counter, next to the cupcake, and stepped out of the room.