„Long Way Back"
Anomen wasn't easy to get rid of. Since the time they danced he was keeping to her side, unrelenting like an itching spot one couldn't quite reach. Since the time they departed from Trademeet two hours ago she already got another battery of stories about his brave deeds and many awkward compliments. It looked as if he was gathering courage to finally say something and though Daria pitied him because of the inevitable outcome of this conversation, she couldn't stop but pray for his courage to fail him this time.
And to think she already began to consider she knew Anomen and that his stories were only a cover-up for a living man with his own emotions, not treating her as a random 'lady to be courted'. It was almost like he had a split personality. Or an evil twin.
"My lady? You aren't listening to me, are you?" he asked after she ignored another one of his questions.
"Oh, I'm sorry Anomen. I got lost in my thoughts for a moment" she explained, forcing a smile.
"I didn't mean to bore you, my lady. If you'd like I can remain silent."
"No, it's fine." Daria knew she wasn't assertive and it didn't help her a single bit. "I didn't have any sleep tonight because of the headache" she lied flawlessly. "Don't mind me."
"There's something I'd like to talk to you about right away, my lady. We had no time in the evening, but if we could walk ahead of the group for a moment…"
And there it came… She's been friendly to him and she got what she deserved. What did Xan keep repeating every time they stopped to save a cat from a tree for an old lady? That no good deed goes unpunished?
Friendship between them was most likely to be lost, but if she could play it right she could at least save his pride and not lose another party member. It didn't work with Ajantis unfortunately. The diviner hastened her pace to avoid eavesdroppers, only turning back quickly to tell Minsc she's going ahead with Anomen for a moment to scout.
*
Xan's eyes followed her from the end of formation with uneasiness he didn't want to admit. He tried to keep his eyes to the ground, but every time he got lost in his thoughts he was finding himself looking back at Daria, walking alongside with Anomen. He tried not to glare at the squire as the pair chatted lightly. And now they moved ahead of the group, so they could talk in private. Xan sighed and began to watch the ground again.
"They seem to be taken with each other, don't they, my friend?" Yoshimo appeared by the elf side as if by a wave of a magical wand. Hopefully none of such wands existed.
"It's always rises the spirit to look at people in love" the bounty hunter continued, not discouraged with his listener's lack of response. "You would never hear me saying that those in love should be quiet about it."
All he received as an answer was a glare. Yoshimo smiled chirpily, before coming back to watching the pair ahead.
"But our young squire doesn't appear to hold himself back, judging by the look of surprise at our dearest leaders face."
Xan knew it was a bait, but it was not like he could decide not to doubt it, and thus his eyes once again wandered from the ground to the pair ahead of him. Daria in fact was surprised. She stopped and stood with wide eyes turned on the priest. Xan could only see her profile for a second before she recovered from the stun and began to march along Anomen's side once more, turning her face to the road ahead. The elf could hear soft murmur of the spoken words, even though he couldn't make them out.
"Bounty's for the brave, as they say. And winning such a woman's heart is quite a prize, isn't it?" Yoshimo continued to ask what only could be rhetorical questions. "Not many women would have courage to jump before an armed Rakshasa, and enough presence of mind to aim with a Ring of a Ram at the same time…"
"She did that?" Xan said before he bit his tongue.
"You should have seen her, my friend! Only that, by then you actually weren't able to see unfortunately."
"I wasn't…" Xan muttered to himself. He remembered the sound of loud crash after being blinded. It would mean that Daria was the one to save his life. Or at least prolong it for some unquestioningly short and not very joyful moments.
"Now that is a nice display of joy" Yoshimo brought elf's attention back to the present after a moment. He raised his head again and at the same time heard Daria's laughter. The girl was held in the air by Anomen as they whirled on the road again. Both were laughing out loud, oblivious that they were the centre of the whole party's attention. The diviner tried to tame the happiness enough to make the squire put her down on the ground, but only after few more spins he stopped releasing her from his arms, flushed and dizzy.
"It's… true? My lady?" Anomen asked panting, now loud enough for everybody to hear. Daria beamed at him and patted his armored shoulder. Only then she realized that they caught the attention of the whole team. Xan lowered his eyes to the ground not to see her blush.
He tried not to hear her laughter, still ringing in his ears despite that now she was red with embarrassment and not in the mood for fun anymore. She was laughing only once, for him, in the clearing. He waited so long to hear her laugh, to see her smile happily. How could she laugh for Anomen so easily?
Before he realized she made her way to his side. Some of his thoughts must have been showing on his face, because anxiousness was mixing with worry in her eyes as she looked at him, eager to talk about something.
"Leave me alone" he said and turned away. There was nothing she could tell him, what he didn't already know.
*
It took her longer than she thought to prepare the camp fire that night. Every simple action was interrupted by long moments of getting lost in thoughts and then another moment she needed to recall what she was actually doing. Usually by that time she needed to start everything all over and so the circle continued.
And it all began with a simple conversation. Of course in the beginning she didn't think it would be as simple, and neither did Anomen… None of them was right about the course of their discussion, but in one thing they were both correct. It wasn't going to be just a regular small-talk.
"My lady, you know that as an aspiring knight, my actions are closely watched by my superiors in the order" he began hesitantly by then. She remembered he was struggling not to gesture nervously, making him appear as if he was trying to untangle his hands from an invisible cobweb.
"I don't mean to judge you for trying to contact the Shadow Thieves. All the official ways are closed by the corrupted wizards… And I know your intentions are pure and your heart noble, my lady…" The squire finally got tangled in his own worlds and fell silent. Only then she actually understood what he's getting at.
"You want to leave the group" she stated calmly.
"I'm sorry. I… Working with criminal underground doesn't befit a member of the Order of the Radiant Heart. And my Trial is getting closer…"
"Anomen… look at me" he raised his blue eyes at her when she asked him. "You have nothing to apologize for" she assured him hastily. "I'm sorry I didn't think about asking you earlier. You aided the group so many times as a healer and a warrior… and a friend. I cannot it against you that you want to fulfill your own dream. And if my visions are as correct as I think them to be, then perhaps there won't be any need of further fighting. We will pay for releasing Imoen and be done with the Thieves for the rest of our lives. We could visit you and introduce Imoen to you once it's all done!"
She gave him a long speech with full list of reasons why he shouldn't worry about leaving them. And to think he was afraid to as much as say a word… It was a fact that she was almost killing innocent on the streets after Nalia left, but that was a different case. Back then she wasn't happy that she wasn't going to lose a friend because of another failed would-be romance.
For the fifth time she tried to start the camp fire with a minor cantrip she normally could cast with one hand and a blindfold on her eyes. For the fifth time she lost concentration and the heat dispersed in to the air in a harmless puff of smoke. One more failed attempt and either someone else would have to do it or they'd all go sleep in cold. She couldn't stop thinking about what Anomen said next and it didn't bode well for her last try with making the campfire.
"My lady…" Anomen began after she finished convincing him. "There's one more thing I'd like to talk to you about. Forgive me if I say something inappropriate, but you called me your friend and, my lady, I'd like to be one. I think you should talk to Xan about how you feel. I believe you have your feelings returned."
"W-what? How…? No!" she stopped completely aghast.
"Please, my lady. I have my own eyes." He stopped as well, looking at her with a concealed, but polite smile.
"Who told you?" Who could tell? No one knew! Her eyes narrowed as she measured the priest for any sign of mischief or bad intentions.
"You did, my lady. The way your eyes always follow him when he's near, the way you panicked when he got injured. He's doing the same things when you're not looking. You two should talk."
"I… Anomen, I know him longer than you do." She tied hard not to look back at Xan marching on the rear of the group. His hearing was as sharp as any elf's. If he hears that… She felt chill rising her hair on the back of her neck accompanied by deep crimson on her face. The thought both chilled and warmed her.
"If you say so, my lady." Anomen smiled politely at her again. "But my advice still stands. I believe that with Helm's blessing you two will be together before I pass my trial. Before I will face my trial." He corrected himself with a sigh.
"You will pass it. I know it."
She shouldn't have said that, she should have realized that it wasn't just a friendly reassurance when came from the mouth of a diviner. Before she knew it she was in the air, held up by Anomen in the middle of his victory dance, laughing like a child and spinning around on the road. For a moment she even wanted to stop him, forewarn him that no future was certain and what she knew was only the most likely possibility, but seeing his joy she decided to postpone it, at least for now. He couldn't stop laughing until he finally let her down on the ground.
"Your robe is on fire." A somber voice pulled her out of her conscious reverie.
"W-what?" Her vision centered on Xan standing before her with a resigned look on his face, pointing something by her feet.
"Your robe…" He sighed and kneeled before her, whispering a word of incantation to put out a small flame created by her last attempt to create the campfire. Daria yelped realizing she accidently pointed her newest set of mage's robes with her last fire spell. After one day of wearing it already had a burned out hole.
"You should watch out before you burn the whole camp" elf raised his eyes from the burned edge of the fabric. Over his shoulder Daria saw Anomen looking at them from some distance. She'd recall his advice should she be able to forget about it in the first place.
Xan turned around to see what caught her eye.
"I'll go gather some more firewood." He stood without turning back to her. She quickly caught the sleeve of his robe.
"No, wait! I… run out of spells."
"You had six prepared for today." He looked at her dubiously.
"I couldn't quite catch the concentration…"
Xan sighed and began chanting without sparing her a second look. The campfire was scorching merrily two seconds later. Daria's blush became two shades deeper, added by embarrassment.
"Could you sit with me for a moment? I'd like to talk to you." Daria addressed the enchanter when he finished summoning fire.
"I have spells to prepare." He tried to walk away, but she didn't let go of his robes.
"Please. Just ten minutes."
Xan sat in front of her by the fire and looked at her coolly. His silence weighted over her head like a load ready to fall.
"I just wanted to say… I…" she swallowed with difficulty. She should have thought it through before she said anything. No idea came about how she should begin to say what she wanted. And what could she tell him? That she heard he loves her? That she loves him?
And Xan wasn't helping, never taking his cold and composed eyes from her face. She envied his control over his own emotions.
No, it was pointless. Anomen was wrong, he had to be wrong. Not a briefest vision, most blurry flash shown that future hid something close to what the squire believed was there. True, he guessed right about her feelings, but it was a lucky guess. They spent a lot of time together, in many difficult situations, and she must have given herself away somehow. Besides he was still new in the group compared to most other members. What he took for a proof could be a simple gesture between good friends who came through as many life threatening situations as they did. Only she was foolish enough to fall in love in a party member.
And what her precognition showed… what she knew for sure… was that they wouldn't be together.
She looked deeply into eyes of the elf sitting before her. No celestial light appeared, no God came, no thundering voice announced some great revelation to point to her what to do.
"I'm sorry, it's nothing. I got distracted." She turned away feeling teary out of sudden. For one stupid moment she hoped…
Xan stood up and walked away as silent as before. Daria caught the eyes of Anomen from some distance, looking at them from over a mass of stakes and fabric that were to be composed into a tent. Soon he would came and ask her what happened, but she didn't want his attention now, or almost anybody else's.
She took her cloak and disappeared in the woods.
*
The night was long and cold, especially if welcomed alone in the woods, away from the campfire and tents. At least Jaheira could be brushed off with an explanation that there was something important her divinations showed that forced her check it immediately in the forest.
The next day wasn't any better, with its warm sunny weather, flowers blooming alongside the road and everything reminding Daria of her captive sister. She tried not to think about what she nearly done last night, almost losing the already strained friendship for an idle gossip, not to count the days after Imoen's capture and suppress all the worries concerning working for the Shadow Thieves. Gathering even vast amounts of money or powerful magical items wouldn't be more dangerous than their everyday life, but what Daria feared was that her abilities would be the center of guild masters' interest. After all a diviner in the ranks of assassins and spies was a worthy asset. She dreaded having to stain her hands with innocent's blood to save Imoen.
Of her worries she told no one, what became her habit, but through their link Gooseberry understood as much as he could as her familiar. He comprehended and knew much more than a common street rat now and even his new appearance expressed his newfound magical nature. The regrown fur on his back was black and white, with dark mystical patterns set with every single hair. Gooseberry the Runic Rat was now by no means similar to the dirty sewer creature she met in her cage below the promenade. Only in the inside he was the same rat, just as she was the same elf. And Xan was sneezing every time he got near again.
Daria sighed and looked forward. Avoiding everyone while marching in a formation was impossible, so she chose to walk alongside Valygar, who used scowling as a sole method of communicating with her. It suited them both, but could last only as long as she didn't call for a halt. Some under-skin feeling was telling her that this night's rest wouldn't be an easy one.
*
"My friends! I would like to thank you for many heroic battles you fought alongside with me. You have shown much bravery in many difficult situations and I am honored that you proved to be a company worthy of a knight of the Order. Unfortunately I must leave your company once we reach the city of Athkatla."
Daria groaned quietly when Anomen stood up in the middle of their crude camp and began his speech. The temperature immediately dropped when the priest became a target of Jaheira's icy glare.
"And why must we be deprived of your presence, oh brave knight?" the druidess asked with her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I understand your disappointment lady Jaheira, but I assure you my reasons are valid" Anomen continued, never noticing the mockery. "I have to go and prepare for my Trial and for that my reputation cannot be blemished with collaboration with Shadow Thieves. Lady Daria gave me her permission to leave the group."
Daria was quickly annoyed with a look of compassion Jaheira threw her before turning back to the young squire.
"You're going to leave just like that? After yesterday?" the half-elf asked him with irritation.
"He's leaving Jaheira." Daria chimed in quickly, before Jaheira had a chance to gather speed. "And so are you."
"What do you mean?" her step-mother asked, now more with worry than anger.
"The Harpers are looking for you in the city. They will approach you when we arrive and take you somewhere, I suppose for some sort of a secret mission. I didn't see more. But it won't take long before you will be able to come back."
"I understand." News gave Jaheira something to distract her as she began to ponder on complications it created.
"So when is your test to occur, my friend?" Daria uttered a curse when Yoshimo brought everyone's attention back to Anomen. The last thing she wanted was Jaheira to create more fuss around his leaving.
"The date has not yet been set, but a squire of the Order has to remain ever vigilant" the priest answered with his nose in the clouds.
"One weirdo less" The sun elf heard Valygar muttering from his corner. Ironic for him to say. When she threw a mocking smile at the broody ranger she noticed out of a corner of her eye Xan watching her from over his spellbook. She quickly turned back to Jaheira.
"What about loyalty your kind seems to value so much? Or is it just a trick to impress young women?" Jaheira mocked, trying to stick a needle as deep as she could.
"Jaheira, please stop." Daria rose from her seat and picked up her spellbook. "I hereby predict this argument has no point" she tried to send everyone away to their tents. As long as they continued talking another argument was inevitable. "You're taking first shift with Valygar today Jaheira, the second is for me and Xan to prepare the spells, Minsc…" the diviner turned to the large berserker already snoring soundly on his bedroll. "Anomen and Yoshimo, see if you can wake Minsc for the last watch. Goodnight."
She went inside the tent she shared with Jaheira. She hoped she wouldn't wake up on a bloody battlefield.
***
"What's with all this arguing at night and staying silent during the day?" Valygar startled Daria suddenly saying something to her as they walked in their last day of journey to Athkatla. Of all, this she did not expect.
"What do you mean?" she responded after a long second. It took her some time to banish unhappy thoughts clouding in her head.
"You're the weirdest group I've ever traveled with. During the day you barely speak to one another, but at night you'd keep the whole forest awake with your arguments. It appears that the only cause of is that you don't like each other, but in this case why would you keep traveling together?"
Daria looked back at her party. It was no surprise that nobody was taking. Even Yoshimo couldn't monologue for long in such conditions.
"It's a… tensed situation" she hesitantly explained.
"I've figured as much."
"Well…" Daria considered where to begin. "You heard what the gypsy said in Trademeet. Unfortunately, for me of course, Jaheira decided that this fake fortune-teller was telling the truth."
"Your reaction to her words would rather confirm that."
"No… it was nothing. Trademeet was… I had many visions there. Some very strong…" Daria looked down for a moment. "I was edgy, but it had nothing to do with being in love."
"This visions…"
"It's nothing new. I'll get better once we reach Athkatla. Big cities are tiring, but they also dampen my senses."
"So, Jaheira thinks you're in love" the broody ranger concluded.
"In Anomen to be precise."
"And you don't suspect why?" He threw her a sarcastic look.
"I know…" she dismissed it with a wave of a hand. "We're good friends. His sister died, it's been a hard time for him since then. He needed somebody to talk to."
"And nothing more?" Surprisingly Valygar didn't believe her at once.
"Don't try to make me feel guilty. I just don't see him that way."
"And you can't tell Jaheira about that, because…" Valygar inquired further, suddenly talkative.
"You think I didn't? Surprisingly a word of a trained diviner is worth less that of a fairground charlatan's."
"Then maybe you could ask Anomen to tell her that there's nothing between you two. Or does he think different?"
Daria threw the ranger a mocking smile.
"There's only friendship between us and he knows it. And I want him to leave this camp alive. As a paradox though Jaheira believes I love Anomen she doesn't want me to get involved with him. She doesn't think that a human is a right partner for an elf."
"A strange sentiment for a half-elf."
"My thoughts exactly. But despite her prejudice she wouldn't just let Anomen leave our group and 'break my heart'." The elf raised her eyes in a mock of despair. "She… cares too much for me to let him do that. She may not seem like it, but Jaheira is a very protective person."
"That crosses out Anomen and Jaheira, but what about Xan? Or is he always that murky?"
"Oh, he is moody. Only a bit more recently. I'm afraid it might be my fault."
Valygar cast her a look of interest.
"You saw that my visions can be… nasty" she explained. "It's even worse when the full moon comes, three nights in a month. Sometimes I drink to block it. And I don't mean tea."
"The night after you came to my hut was a full moon…"
"Yes. And there's this one tiny problem. I know a lot as a diviner. I can summon up visions when I need them, but I can't block them when I don't. This way I learn many unnecessary things, many… private things."
"So… you drink to block your visions, you got drunk… and you know some private secret about Xan… You let it on."
"Yes. Most likely."
"Most likely?"
"I don't remember a single thing and Xan won't tell."
By this time Valygar actually smiled. "You have a very twisted life, you know that?"
"You don't know the half of it" Daria answered with a wry smile.
"It's about this Sarevok, isn't it? This 'mad half-brother' of yours? You mentioned him in the grove" Valygar explained seeing her startled gaze. "I happen to know that Sarevok was the name of a madman, who tried to start a war between Baldur's Gate and Amn. No rumor mentioned him being a half-elf, but some said he was…"
"…a child of Bhaal. He was. And I am as well."
The ranger just stared at her with utter shock on his face. At least he wasn't trying to draw his weapons, which was a much more controlled state than most of people who found out about her heritage so suddenly.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. It's not a topic you can casually mention in a conversation." She apologized with a sigh.
"It's… It's not" he stammered, probably surprised she wasn't trying to cut his throat or gut him now that he revealed her secret.
"I'll leave you to your thoughts" she whispered, tired. No surprise that the last person she could freely talk to…
"No, wait… stay." Valygar stopped her and took a pause to gether his thoughts. "It's just a bit surprising to be with a half-goddess in one group. But I guess one can't quite run away from his family. My mother…"
Daria listened to his tale, looking at the shapes of Athkatla slowly appearing on the horizon.