„Gentler Times"
"You should talk to him about it" Jaheira looked in her eyes with seriousness, stopping changing her bandages for a moment.
"He won't understand." Daria had to turn away under this gaze. She was still weak and dizzy from the loss of blood, despite the healing and a night of sleep, and definitely wasn't up to another completely pointless argument.
"Not at the beginning, no. But given time…" Jaheira pushed further. She certainly had no mercy in her heart.
Daria gave her a long sad and distraught look. "I owe him that, don't I? I should tell him…"
"You owe him nothing and you will do what you want, but it is what you want – his understanding, don't you?" Jaheira threw her one last gentle gaze and turned back to healing bandages and salves, when her ward didn't answer her immediately.
"I do, but it will only upset him." Daria sighed. She doubted that giving an account of tortures she suffered was a way to fasten friendship. Certainly it wouldn't make the world seem like a nicer place.
Jaheira stroked her hair, resting on the pillow. It was soft and shiny now that it was washed by the druid, not tangled and bloodied anymore.
"He's already upset. He was grieving over you already when I came and not without reason. It's a miracle you survived. The fall caused a serious internal bleeding and the blood loss from being bitten by a vampire… You certainly aren't going leave the Sphere any time soon."
"But I won't go biting people or anything?"
"No, you won't. Turning into a vampire is a much more complex process than you read in your books." Jaheira made a pause. "I'll tell him to go to your room once he's awake. You'll decide what to tell him."
Silver glittered in diviner's eyes. "He's already awake. He appears to be struggling to leave his bedroom."
"You shouldn't peek on anybody like that." Jaheira shook her long mane, not braided yet in her usual hair style.
"Easy for you to say."
Peeking… that wasn't peeking at all, just some random glances she couldn't quite control. Daria remembered as once, in a camp near the Cloakwood Xan left her to practice her divinations after a finished lesson of runes… and went to take a bath in a nearby stream. Well, he told her to practice… It didn't take long before she got very stupid ideas end even shorter to try putting them into use, sending forth an invisible eye of mage after her teacher, finding him by the stream. She chickened out the moment he took off his cloak, but nonetheless kept herself even from thinking about the incident near Xan. That was peeking.
The moment she left her ward's room Jaheira called all the party, meaning to set a plan, just as Daria foresaw. The diviner sent her familiar to join the group as her voice. Not that she blamed Jaheira for plotting again, they needed some plan to gather more money, and find out what happened to Minsc while she was resting, but she needed to make some small improvements into it.
"Jaheira, you are not going to stay in the Sphere to tend to me" were the first words that fell from Gooseberry's mouth, voice being Daria's. No one from their small gathering of four was surprised by a talking rat anymore.
"I am staying. You lost too much blood. If something happens to you in such condition…" Jaheira began the healer's talk. Daria would rather have this conversation in her room, but after mentioning… she forgot about it.
"And why am I in such a condition?" the diviner asked rhetorically.
"Because you were attacked by a vampire?!" Jaheira lost her patience, as if called. She really could do it any time, any place.
"Because there was no healer around when we fought. You're going with the team. And one more thing. Gooseberry goes with you."
Jaheira threw the rat a skeptical look. "In case we need a walking doormat?"
"In case I have a vision concerning any of you, or you will need to contact me, he will serve as a link. It's easier than telepathy" Daria answered, feeling Gooseberry raging at druidess' comment. Someone was up for a rat bite…
"I agree to it only if somebody else stays with you." Jaheira stated her conditions.
"We're being run by the two of them like service. How did this happen?" Valygar whispered to Yoshimo as loudly as he dared and it wasn't loud.
"You wouldn't want to stand between two women when they fight, my friend" Yoshimo whispered back even quieter.
"So, you stay in the Sphere with Xan" Jaheira's eyes pierced through the enchanter. "And I'm going out with your rat."
"Yes" the diviner confirmed flatly.
"And you remember our previous conversation." It was a statement, not a question.
"I do" Daria said much less firm.
"Good." It appeared as if Jaheira wanted to add something more, but Gooseberry already returned to his ratty self. He ignored the druidess completely, trotted up to Valygar and peeped at him from the level of floor.
"Why it had to be me?" Valygar grumbled, picking the rat up.
Xan entered, looking as ever a bag of pain and despair, pale as always and mute like two hundred years of silence. His eyes might have become a bit glassier when he looked at her lying in her bed, but he didn't say a word as he sat on a chair nearby. He was watching her intensely as if she was about to understand his silence and answer the question contained in it.
"I discovered where the vampire's lair is" Daria began hesitantly, a bit put off. "I had a vision after I was attacked. I can lead us there."
"No, I am…! I am not going to let you go anywhere near this place" Xan raised his voice. He sighed and calmed down almost immediately, not looking at her anymore.
"Xan…" She wasn't going to argue. It had no point now, when he was barely controlling his shuddering breath and unrestrained emotions. It hurt to see him thrown out of balance so much… and even more to know she was the cause of it.
"You were dying before my eyes" Xan took her hand in his cautiously as if it was made of glass and raised it to his lips. He planted a soft kiss on her middle finger, never looking at her face. She could feel his trembling breath on her skin and the ache in his heart. "I could do nothing, I thought… You only woke up for a moment. You were talking to Gorion, asking him to…" He didn't finish. He released her hand and stood up, walking up to the door. After few nervous circles around the room he sat back on the chair, a bit calmer. Again he looked at her with his eyes saying something she couldn't decipher.
"When I was in the dungeon…" Daria began. 'It'll be easier after you begin' Jaheira said. What could she possibly know about it?
"When I was in the dungeon I was slowly losing my mind… After all the spells searching through and destroying my memories, all the tortures… I was convinced that all of this… all this pain… was a punishment I deserved for leaving Gorion that night when Sarevok attacked us on the road, for leading my friends to death… That I have to atone for it and then I would be able to finally die."
"No, you are not guilty of this." Xan shook his head. "Their death was not your fault. It was just…"
"No, you don't understand. I had to believe it was a punishment, that all this suffering had some meaning. Realizing that I was there just because of a sadistic madman, completely in his power, only because he was stronger… that I would die only if he wished me to, when he would be bored with torturing me… I wouldn't be able to take it."
Xan moved to sit on the edge of her bed, stroking her hair just like Jaheira did only minutes ago. She could feel him clearly through the elven spirit, without any barrier between them anymore and she knew he feels this closeness too.
"You suffered so much…" he finally spoke. "You are tired. A reverie will recover some of your strength."
"Will you stay with me when I sleep?" she asked shyly. But now that they were so close there was no way of misunderstanding. "…milya mellon?"
"I will" he promised.
They joined their hands and Daria fell asleep, maybe a bit more at peace.
For Jaheira the three days passed in a blink of an eye, busy as always. The first thing they had to do – buying Minsc out of jail where he was locked for breaching through the gates of temple of Lathander and an attempt to kidnap one of the acolytes – quickly led to another and soon they had enough work to keep them occupied for another month, negotiating with fussy artists and solving murder cases both.
The largest part of their 'adventures' Gooseberry spent hissing at Boo and cleaning Valygar's backpack from crumbs, but once in a while he was addressing them with Daria's voice, giving advice or pointing other places where they could find out once more that adventurer's profession was essential for the well-being of athkatlan citizens.
Only twice they needed to use the link the other way around, calling Daria through her familiar and most attempts of convincing the rat to call up his wizardess ended with bitten fingers. The first time, when they needed the location of fallen paladins' hideout, and the second, when an old acquaintance of theirs, a half-mad mage Xzar asked for help in finding his nurse and spy, Montaron. The first vision Daria had revealed that the mage didn't even have the reward he promised them for this task, but she divined the halfling's fate anyway and it wasn't a happy one. Xzar walked away muttering curses under his breath.
The three days passed in a slow and relaxing monotony, during which Daria would play cards and dice with Yoshimo, talk quietly with Xan or listen to Minsc and Boo, depending on who stayed behind in the Sphere. For the first time since long her spellbook was abandoned in one of Sphere's great wardrobes, now that there was no need to study the same spells every day over and over. Once in a while she would throw a helpful hint to her party when some stray vision would wander to her mind, but otherwise she'd leave them on their own. It was meant to be her vacation after all.
The Sphere had so many secrets yet to be uncovered, to keep the boredom away. Daria didn't even have to leave her bed. With a helpful golem and an ability to see through the walls last mysteries yielded to her one by one. The second day she even managed to restart the machine building new golems in stead for the destroyed ones and repairing the damaged. The halls and corridors quickly crowded with small stiff creatures she created out of clay.
She liked the evenings the most, when her crew would come back from their treasure hunting, with new trophies or magic, and fatter pockets, recounting their adventures and arguing about what to do next. They would crowd in her room with magic items to identify, tales to tell and presents for her, the practical ones like wands and scrolls and magical rings. After half an hour Jaheira would come and complain that they weren't letting her ward rest and would throw them all out. Then, when they would be alone at last she would check her wounds and administer another round of potions to speed up the healing and recover the lost strength. All the time she would speak with a soft, but determined voice, saying that when the time would come to meet Gaelan Bayle again Daria would be as strong and healthy as before.
When she would leave at last it would be already dark outside. Few minutes later Daria would hear a quiet knocking at her doors and Xan would enter, careful and anxious like a thief caught on act. He would sit on a bed near her and touch her palm, his pale skin pinking only slightly. They would entwine their hands and Daria would fall asleep, free of any nightmares.
In the morning she would wake up alone in her room.