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Part II: „The Bhaalspawn"
"Tale of the Void"
Any attempt of rest was a torture. The peaceful respite of reverie just wouldn't come, no matter how desperately she tried to call it, and the trivial human sleep wouldn't surround her, dulling her senses enough to let her to rest. An empty hole she felt in her chest, where her heart should be and still must have been, beating appallingly, was consuming everything and gave nothing in return. No visions came anymore, no insights, no rest… all these were parts of her spirit and all she had left to call was the taint in her blood, but that would never make her sleep.
Rats were scuffling on the floor of the inn and none of them was Gooseberry. No matter how comfortable Daria tried to make herself, after two minutes the touch of the pillow and old blanket was more than unbearable and she simply couldn't take it anymore, couldn't stand to stay like that for gods knew how many hours before the dawn would mercifully come. And her heart was beating. Not even the noises of the rats could muffle this annoying pulsating sound in her ears, her whole head. If she could only make it stop…!
At last she gave up, leaving her room with door wide open and all her possessions left on the spot. She had no spirit, what could possibly some wretched scrolls and cheap trinkets mean? It could all burn, everything, just fade away… She went straight through the corridor without stopping by any other rooms where her friends… no, her companions in travel slept. The stairs were leading downstairs to the base floor of the wooden building, where the place's owner was serving drinks in what was the only tavern on the island.
Xan was there, sitting by the bar of all places, but obviously sober. He was staring into space with his eves empty and lips formulated as if he wanted to stop himself from saying something so badly that it hurt. Daria practically run to him, tearing through the crowd of drunken sailors and dock workers, bumping on him with all her strength after leaping from the mass of people. Only then he broke from his trance and turned to her, instinctively supporting her to stop her fall.
"Dar…?"
"I understand why you have to go" she didn't let him finish, wheezing slightly after the run through the crowd. Sweat began to gather on her brow, even though she obviously had to feel cold only in her light tunic without a cloak, she had to feel! Her thoughts were one big mess, she was half-aware that she was spouting out something that had to form sentences. "I understand, but… please don't go, please stay with me."
"I-I can't Daria, it's…"
"Please!" Tears began to flow so easily from her eyes when once again only one emotion filled the emptiness left by her stolen spirit leaving no place for thought or reason. "I want to be with you, it's horrible without you and I can't take it anymore." Her shaking legs collapsed and she fell to her knees, clutching his robes, drowned by black despair. All she could do now was most disgraceful pathetic begging.
The tavern around them stirred seeing a new source of entertainment, laughing and mocking, drunks were staring at her with honest glee, sailors roaring with laughter, proposing her better company, but it all washed off her without leaving a mark on her nonexistent spirit. Only Xan's answer mattered. Only it hurt.
His pulse increased and she felt the overwhelming fear he felt, even stronger then when she turned into Slayer, sharp emotions entering her bloodstream like a poison. He hoped he could never see her like this, he hoped it was a horrible dream created by his exhausted imagination, that it would all end soon, a nightmare he could wake from.
"I can feel it… I don't know what is happening, but I can't control it…" she sobbed. "Please don't blame me, don't blame me. It's not my fault…" She felt the blindness was coming, that Slayer might emerge and she huddled to herself trying to keep it within. The world was slowly losing its colors and the despair was retreating, heralding the return of the emotionless void. Her tears stopped as once again it all began to have no meaning nor sense.
The world stopped with all its screams cut sharply. A purple cloak was placed on her shoulders, hiding her from the world and a gentle hand helped her rise to stand. The mocking crowd fell silent and cleared the way to the stairs as with the use… no, probably with the use of magic. Jaheira was standing on the first step on the wooden staircase with Imoen hidden in her shadow. Someone led her towards them, but with every step Daria felt less and less conscious.
"It will pass" her sister whispered to her ear. "It takes some time, but it all passes."
A door leading inside a room closed behind her before she realized they entered a room and someone tried to take the cloak from her shoulders, but her hands clasped on it, so it was left on her shoulders. Imoen's arms closed around her as they both fell asleep on bed in Jaheira's room, both in their own voids.
Something died again inside Daria, just like after the last clash with Bodhi her fear disappeared to never return. One by one the pieces of her emotions were leaving her in last bursts, leaving only emptiness, like pieces of glass leaving the frame of a broken window. These feelings she couldn't stop from decaying inside, but there was something that lasted, that grew as she was dying. Something that would make her to survive.
And kill.
It was calm on the deck of the ship. The rocking of the planks beneath was like a cradle covering her in its depths. Daria liked the sea, even the way she was now. She remembered well she did.
The world was closing around her in the constant rocking of the ship. She spent her days like that, the third now, walking to the one spot on the main board and watching the waves until someone came to take her to their shared cabin at the sun set. No one bothered her beside that. 'They are afraid to wake Slayer in the limited space of the Galante' she'd rationalize should she care enough.
Galante once more… And she saw Saemon Havarian somewhere around again. Wasn't he supposed to betray them, or did it already happen? Jaheira was taking care of the details and Daria was content with it as long as she could watch her waves.
"How do you feel?" the druidess approached her safe spot, at the end of the third day of the voyage. These days it was like being surrounded with an invisible aura of a disease no one wanted to contract, Jaheira being the first one to approach her before the dusk, so far busy trying to ease Imoen's seasickness. At last the druidess gave up the attempts, leaving the pink-head under Minsc's care and went to see Daria, feeling the need to do something, not to leave the frail elf without anyone's protection.
"I don't feel anything" her ward replied, without turning her dead eyes to look at the druidess. She seemed completely devoid of any feeling, emotions or energy. Jaheira's fists clenched. Irenicus would pay for that. For that and more.
"We have to trust Havarian again, but I doubt his intentions are sincere. I don't think he's going to betray us to Bodhi again after his mistress abandoned him, but he's up to no good, I feel it" Jaheira tried to help Daria focus on something, make her mind centered to solve a problem. The girl was falling apart before her very eyes… Imoen told her how she felt after the ritual and the symptoms matched – the feeling of void opening in one's chest, was that how Daria felt now?
Xan did nothing to stop this, he only made matters worse. Jaheira knew that with young and inexperienced woman Daria was, she'd have to help her face the pain of a broken heart sooner or later, but she never suspected the situation would end like that.
"Do you have any insights on the pirate captain, Daria?" The half-elf asked, putting her hand on the smaller woman's shoulder. Even that amount of contact sent shivers down her spine. Jaheira would never say that out loud, but her ward's aura was not a natural one anymore and being near her now was not a pleasant experience.
"I have no divinations left. They are all gone." Again, the elf's eyes didn't change as she spoke, just as if it were someone else's words she was only repeating.
"Maybe it's just shock or tiredness" Jaheira tried to comfort her. "Maybe it will come back with proper rest…"
"Gooseberry is gone too."
"The rat? He'll be back" the druidess wanted to dismiss the problem, but then she realized what the diviner meant. Their two minds were linked and after the madman's spells… "Oh child, I'm so sorry" Jaheira forced herself to hug Daria, despite the icy pit opening in her stomach. She was holding an elf, but also a monster capable of ripping a vampire to pieces as easily as tearing a piece of paper. And again the sun elf barely reacted, staring at the sea.
"I told you males cannot be trusted." A sharp voice interrupted what was in no way an idyll. "They are inferior to us as much as they want to deny it and thus should be watched carefully when given even the simplest tasks." For the first time Jaheira was content hearing Viconia's voice. She wanted to cut Irenicus into tiny pieces and feed him to the wolves, but for now the drow priestess would have to suffice.
"Be gone from my sight Viconia. Go torment someone else if you need, but don't dare to touch her!" that wouldn't discourage Viconia one bit, Jaheira knew it. And this time she didn't want her to go.
"I take no pleasure from looking at this pathetic wretch, mongrel." Viconia squatted by Daria, obviously taking delight from her state, despite what she just claimed. "A hero of some pitiable Sword Coast, one of the most skilled diviners to walk the face of Toril, a child – daughter! – of Murder… broken completely by a male. You're so revolting that I almost feel sad looking at you" the drow snickered with honest satisfaction. Jaheira moved before her as to shield Daria, but not too close, not to show her back to the elf. She wouldn't be that cautious if she hadn't felt what she felt when she touched the elf only moments ago. Viconia was not intimidated and faced Daria once more using Jaheira's distance. "You were yapping all the time about goodness and trust trying to lecture me about the customs of the surface-dwellers and now you end like that. Pathetic. At least admit to yourself, because I don't really care, that the drow are right in this one thing – you holy self-righteous surfacers are just as selfish and evil as the drow, only we don't hide it under a wretched veil of egoism, calling it righteousness!"
"What can you possibly know about trust Viconia, about loyalty and care?" Jaheira glared, trying to cover her ward. "You spit your acid at everything around you, don't be surprised when you'll find yourself alone in the end!"
"Perhaps if you heeded your own advice you'd still have your worthless husband."
"Don't dare to mention Khalid, dark elf!" Jaheira's hand clutched her quarterstaff. The cursed drow crossed the line. But then she hesitated looking at Daria. It wasn't safe to be violent so near the elf now.
Viconia snorted with contempt. "You're wasting your time on a wreck of a person, who had the potential of becoming one of the most powerful creatures walking both beneath and on the surface of Toril. You could have been so much more Daria, you still can." The drow held the sun elf's chin, forcing her to look into her eyes, Jaheira trying to withhold the urge to use her quarterstaff. But she had to be calm. Near Daria she couldn't allow herself not to be. "Shar guides those who seek strength and don't delude themselves with false trust, remember that at least. If you are still capable of thinking."
Viconia smiled with superiority and walked away. Daria turned to watch the peaceful sea.
"What do you think you're doing you…" Imoen paused to make up a suitable insult. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked after a long moment. "You think you can hurt my sister like that and get away with it?"
She caught him at last, stopping him in one of the tight corridors on the lower board of Galante. At least her sea-sickness bought him that much time. So far Imoen spent the travel on the lower deck, accompanied only by Jaheira. Now she seemed in much better state, not only physical, but also mental. Much better state than Daria.
"Don't. Just don't, Imoen. It's already… It's hopeless." Xan sighed and tried to walk past her, but she stepped on his way again.
"I'm not going to let it pass Xan! How can you do that? After all that was between you two!" Imoen attacked him with her green-faced anger.
"You know nothing about what was between us!" Xan snapped, much faster than Imoen expected. She calmed immediately. "You know nothing, you didn't see her struggle every day to stand up, to fight, just to find you! You didn't see how much pain and endurance it cost her not to give up, how hard it was for her to open up again, after what was done to her!"
"You are sounding as if you were with her only because of pity" Imoen whispered calmly, narrowing her eyes before he would realize that he's been shouting and back away.
"It's not like that." Xan looked away. 'It was exactly like that' his inner voice mocked him.
"Then what it's like?"
"It's a long story." And he didn't want to tell it.
"I'm listening." Imoen crossed her arms at her chest, a pose taken from Jaheira. She wasn't going to let him pass through this corridor any time now. He considered turning back where he came from, but this conversation couldn't be avoided that easily and Imoen would find out everything sooner or later. This ship was only that big.
"She fell in love in a man named Anomen, a squire of an order of knights" he sighed, beginning the tale, but also trying to cut it to minimum.
"I find it hard to believe, but go on."
"He left her. We had to enter some shady dealings to get to the Spellhold and he didn't want to mar his untainted reputation" Xan uttered bitterly. "It hurt her a lot. I didn't want her to be alone in the time like that…"
"And you didn't think how'd you hurt her when she realizes you cared for her only because of pity?" The pink-hair moved to offense again.
"I was quite certain she'd forget all about me the moment we rescue you. It wasn't that she loved me, she just needed…"
Imoen slapped her forehead, not ever bothering to make it more theatrical.
"And how exactly you didn't realize she loves you? It's like, she didn't listen to your every word enough or didn't follow you around all the time? Or did she old-fashionably forget to watch your every move with dreamy eyes? Because if it's about crying her eyes out at night because you once again told her that nothing has any meaning to you, I assure you she did that all right!"
"What?" he managed to interrupt her tirade.
"She loves you, you-you moron! From the very beginning she fell in love in you. You might have missed even though you're usually so attentive of other's feelings and never focus only on yourself, but I'm her sister, I know!"
"I…"
"Now you're going to go to her apologize for everything and you better do it honestly, or else! And you're never going to hurt her again, ever!"
"Imoen. Thank you for telling me, but it changes nothing. And you can't be possibly correct. Not anymore. Daria and I… It's not good for either of us. She'll be much better off without me." He said it out loud at last. He needed to make it be heard, if only to make sure it didn't sound that pathetic when said out loud, just like some truths could.
"I know what she's going through Xan, I know it very well." Imoen didn't laugh.
"I understand." He walked past her and this time she didn't block the way.
"So your sister was in love with the enchanter from the very beginning?" Valygar stopped her once she came back from the canteen, her first meal after an episode of sea-sickness.
"You were eavesdropping?" Imoen asked with suspicion. Her mood was returning after being healed and eating half of their provisions for the voyage. It seemed that the old Imoen was back. She could even sound authentically suspicious.
Valygar sighed. "Remember the corridor where you were shouting at Xan? My cabin was just behind the wall."
Imoen stick out a tongue at the annoyingly picky ranger.
"Yup, and she was pretty serious about it" she answered the question, seeing she wouldn't get any reaction. Valygar sure was a bore. "She didn't even tell me and that counts as something in my book."
"If she didn't tell you then how do you know?" he asked, already looking for a hole in her reasoning,
"Sheesh, you can tell, when you've lived with someone for over fifteen years" Imoen replied with sarcasm. "You know, she really is my sister, and having the same father has nothing to do with it." Imoen looked at him as if she expected a sarcastic remark, but seeing that the boring Valygar was actually listening to what she was saying she continued. "My sis was always the quiet one. She could hide in the Great Library for entire night, only to show up in the morning to tell me about the new fascinating book she just read, all flushed and with this fanatical gleam in her eyes. Heh. And she never got along with other people too well. None of the visitors that were coming to Candlekeep ever saw her. Except Khelben Arunsun, that is, and then she only came out because she liked his cloak. That cloak… Anyway, when she started circling around Xan doing positively everything to make him smile for at least a second it wasn't all that hard to figure out."
Valygar mulled it over silently.
"That would have saved me and Yoshimo some effort" he said at last with a sigh.
"You two were friends?" Imoen asked carefully.
"I thought we were…"
"I don't want to pry, but if you need somebody to talk to, good old Imoen is here for you." The rogue placed a hand on his shoulder trying to be sympathetic. She couldn't find in herself to joke in this situation, but she tried to smile at least. And she wanted to know if her sister really had it as hard as Xan made it sound. No one else appeared to be eager to talk about anything more gruesome than a field of flowers with her, just as if she was a second Slayer in the making.
"He was the one to get the idea to get the idea to bring Xan together with your sister. But he said he needs a collaborator so he kept bugging me until I agreed…" the ranger began a tale. He even managed to finish it before the deck suddenly shook as if the ship was about to fall to pieces.
Something happened with her peaceful sea. It used to be calm, only a little bit uneven and very blue. She was watching it for almost an entire day, as it was becoming darker steadily, maybe slightly faster than usual, when the sun would set and change the sea into a dark depth, as if it was a dark oblivion they were sailing. Now white spume was growing on the raising waves, making the sailing vessel Galante tremble. The deck was noisy with sounds of battle, the war cries and the shouts of the wounded, but she didn't move from her safe spot and she didn't really care. Someone was standing behind her back, shielding her from any harm, so she could watch the waves still. Berserk's battle cry was all she needed as a guarantee that she would not be disturbed and even if she didn't have this guarantee there was nothing she could do anymore.
A great quake of the deck made her shudder.
"Sea devils!" she heard someone yell and suddenly her previously peaceful weaves rose above her head to consume her. The last thing she remembered was a scaled hand closing around her neck, just before the icy waters of the Sea of Swords welcomed her in its cold embrace.