It was a cool Saturday morning in late November 1917. Elizabeth Thatcher Thornton woke up around 6am, put on her robe, and went downstairs to write in her journal. Writing always helped to center her and process her thoughts. She also relished this alone time before her soon to be 2 year old son Jack woke up. The truth is that Elizabeth had been having trouble sleeping for the past month ever since that fateful day in late October when Constable Nathan Grant had almost been shot. That was the day that Elizabeth realized that he truly was the man that she had opened her heart to and she was no longer afraid to admit it. Ever since that day, Elizabeth had been replaying in her head the events leading up to and following that day. What could she have done differently to ease the burden on her precious Nathan? After preparing a quick cup of tea, she sat down at her desk to write, hoping for some clarity. The sun hadn't come up yet so she would write by the lantern light.
"It's been a full month now since the prisoner transfer that went wrong. It had been another cool Fall day-it was the first day of the season where I felt a need to wear my Winter coat. After school, I had stopped by the Mercantile to pick up a few items before heading home and then Fiona stormed in saying that someone had been shot. I asked who and she just looked at me sadly, wanting to avoid telling me the truth. At the same time, I heard commotion outside. And then I heard it. Someone shouted that Nathan had been shot. I was stunned and ran outside immediately to join the crowd gathered outside the Mountie transport wagon. As I approached, I could see a Mountie lying still in the back. Dr. Carson Shepherd had just examined him and was stepping off the wagon.
I don't think I'll ever forget that feeling of hearing that Nathan had been shot and then hearing Carson say that "he" was gone. I was shocked and saddened at the same time. It couldn't be Nathan. I had just spoken to him a few hours ago. Earlier that morning, Nathan had finally worked up the courage to ask me out to dinner. And then I had the audacity to not give him an immediate yes. After I had basically hinted to him for weeks that I wanted him to ask me out, I froze when he finally did. Nathan being the ever patient sweetheart told me to think about it and let him know. But I knew that deep down, he had to be hurt and even confused by my reaction. I thought I'd have all the time in the world to give him my answer. Until I didn't or so I thought. After Carson stepped down from the Mountie transport wagon and said that "he" was gone, I froze again and had to get out of there quickly. I just didn't want to be around anyone. I knew I had to find a place where I could cry and process what had just happened.
So, I turned to leave and couldn't believe what was happening in front of me. It took me a moment to fully focus but there was a very shell-shocked Nathan walking towards me with Newton. Otherwise, he looked perfectly healthy. Thank goodness. I went from shock and sadness to absolute relief and elation in seconds. Nathan was alive! After I realized that it was indeed him, I ran to him without abandon and grabbed him and didn't let go. He did the same. I just wanted to feel him next to me and make sure he was alright. I can't say how long we were hugging in the street-it felt like hours but was really minutes. All I know is that I didn't want to ever let go. In that moment, I realized it was him and always had been.
Rosemary had told me that when the time was right, my heart would know what it wants. Well the time was right and my heart knew it wanted Nathan. My mind knew it wanted Nathan. It was always Nathan. As we stood there in the street hugging tightly, I felt my hair start to get wet. Looking up I realized that Nathan was crying as the transport wagon pulled away to the Infirmary with the dead Mountie in the back. I continued to hug him while he cried silently.
Finally, I felt him kiss my forehead.
"Let's go to my office." Nathan said.
I walked with him to the Mountie office. Unbeknownst to me, Bill Avery was slowly following us to make sure Nathan was ok. Along the way, Jesse had popped up and he took Newton back to the livery. We got to the office and Nathan hung up his hat on the hook. Then he gestured to me to sit down in front of his desk while he sat on top of his desk right in front of me. Bill also entered quietly and put his hand on Nathan's shoulder asking him if he was ok. Nathan shook his head. Bill squeezed his shoulder and told him softly but firmly that it wasn't his fault. The other Mountie shouldn't have pulled out the spare gun he kept under the wagon bench. Nathan had the situation under control. Nathan just blankly stared at him.
Bill repeated himself and then said that someone should tell Allie that her uncle was ok. Nathan nodded and started to get up before Bill touched his shoulder once again and said he'd take care of it. Nathan nodded gratefully and mentioned that Allie should be at Opal's house. Bill told Nathan to stay at the office and talk to me and that he'd pick up Allie and stay with her until Nathan was ready to go home. Nathan thanked him and Bill squeezed his shoulder once more and then bent down to give me a quick hug. He then went off to talk to Allie.
"What happened Nathan?" I asked.
He took a deep breath and proceeded to tell me how Elias' sister Jenny had ambushed the prison transport on the way to Buxton. He told me how he almost had the gun out of Jenny's hands when all of a sudden he heard a gunshot behind him. Then Jenny's gun fired and just narrowly missed Nathan but, it managed to hit the other Constable on the wagon bench. Then chaos ensued and next thing he knew he was back in Hope Valley hugging me in the middle of the street. Both of us were in tears at that point. I stood up and took the few steps over to where he was sitting on the desk and I hugged him tightly again. He shuddered and started to cry again laying his head on my shoulder this time. I held him while rubbing his back and kept repeating that it wasn't his fault. When he finally calmed down, I looked into his sad blue eyes and told him again that it wasn't his fault.
"Why are you here Elizabeth?" he finally asked.
"Because you matter to me too, Nathan. You always have. It's just taken me this long to admit it."
He just stared at me. "This is a lot to process right now. I could have died today and you would have had to say good-bye to another Mountie. You've also spent so much time with Lucas these past few months and then didn't answer me this morning so I don't know what to think right now. And I really should get home to Allie. She's probably terrified by now."
I just nodded sadly. I wasn't proud of my behavior over the past few months-some would even say that I was stringing along both Nathan and Lucas. That was not my intention at all but looking back, I can see what things looked like and how Nathan would be confused by my behavior. I was confused by my behavior too. So Nathan gave me a weak but grateful smile and went home to Allie. He said we would talk soon.
I went home to Little Jack and was immediately ambushed by Rosemary who had relieved Laura at that point. She had found out about what happened from Lee. He had gone back to the sawmill office they'd dropped off Susanna at the stagecoach while Rosie had gone home. As soon as I saw Rosie, I started crying. She pulled me over to my settee and hugged me just allowing me to cry. I told her about what happened.
"I could have lost Nathan today and still may have lost him due to my own actions." I said.
And then I told her that my heart knows it wants Nathan and always has. She smiled at me and said "It's about time you figured it out."
"You knew it was Nathan?" I asked incredulously.
"Elizabeth, I'm your best friend. Of course I knew it was Nathan all along. The way you two look at each other is like something out of a romance novel. And you talk about him and Allie all the time."
"Then why on Earth did you encourage me to go to Union City overnight with Lucas? Do you know how much I hurt Nathan by doing that?" I asked.
"Elizabeth, if you'll recall I asked you if you wanted to go and you said yes. It was your choice to go. I just helped you come to the decision. You are an adult and you deserve to be happy. I couldn't force you to pick one guy or the other-you had to come to that conclusion on your own." Rosemary said.
I thought about it and she was right. I had chosen to go to Union City with Lucas. In hindsight, I realized I was using Lucas as an excuse not to get close to Nathan. I still haven't quite figured out why. I do care for Lucas but not in the same way as I do for Nathan. I never did. I see Lucas as more of a good friend but nothing more. I'll forever be grateful to him for helping me with the book deal. Nathan started out as a good friend but that escalated into something more pretty quickly and it terrified me and still does. I see that now. I had never expected to find love again after Jack and certainly not a year and a half after his death but, love is never linear and sometimes things happen when they are meant to. Just like that day last month when I finally realized who was in my heart.
The Mounties forced Nathan to take 2 weeks off for his mental health. Standard procedure after an incident. During this time, he spent a lot of time by himself at home while Allie was at school or sometimes out fishing or riding by himself. My heart ached to be with him but, Allie said that he was even closed off to her. He did drop Allie off and pick her up at school each day but, he didn't stay to chat. He looked sad each time I saw him. I knew he was in pain and still blaming himself for what happened. Nathan and Allie also didn't attend church those 2 weeks so I couldn't try to speak with him there either.
During this time, I also went to see Lucas to set things straight. This was much easier than I expected as he had witnessed me hugging Nathan in the street. So, when I went to tell him that I think we should be friends and only friends, he knew it was coming. He also told me that I had always made it clear that we were just friends however, I also had accepted his many gifts and offers to go out so he remained hopeful we could be more than friends. To this, I apologized and offered to return the signed Virginia Woolf book he had given me. He told me to keep it and if I still didn't want it, I should donate it to the library. That's exactly what I did. He told me he'd like to remain my friend but it may take some time to get used to knowing that we'd only ever be friends. I accepted that and thanked him for his kindness towards me.
After the 2 weeks, Nathan finally went back to work and was immediately told he'd have to attend the trial for both Elias and Jenny in Buxton. Based on what happened, the Mounties wanted this taken care of immediately so Bill and Nathan went off to Buxton for what ended up being a week and a half. Nathan did allow Allie to stay with me during this time at her request and I was glad he did. I think it was a good thing for both Allie and myself. The truth is I care about Allie as much as her uncle. And I can't picture my life without either of them in it. Nathan and Bill finally returned to Hope Valley 3 days ago. Both Jenny and Elias were given life sentences for what they did. Nathan had stopped by briefly to pick up Allie and to thank me for watching her. I had hoped that spending some time with Bill had helped get through to him. So I did the only thing I could think of on the spot and invited him and Allie over to dinner on Saturday(tonight). Nathan tried to decline but Allie interjected and basically begged him to say yes. I was glad when he finally gave in to her and accepted my invitation. So now it's Saturday and Nathan and Allie are joining Jack and I for dinner tonight. I have no idea what to say to him yet but I take it as a sign of progress that he said yes."
With that, Elizabeth heard babbling coming from Little Jack's room upstairs. It was now 7am and the sun was up. Smiling, she turned off her lantern and went upstairs to pick up the other man in her life who mattered to her. No matter what the evening would hold, Elizabeth was looking forward to having the 3 people most important to her joining her for dinner.