BONUS CHAPTER #2! This one is less of an additional chapter as it is a self- indulgent song fic, but I couldn't resist! After all, we now need to answer Azami's question: how did Kurokiba and Alice get all those birds?
So, for those of you who may not know, there's this fairly annoying, trashy, suggestive innuendo of a song called "Milkshake" by Kelis, better known by its chorus, "My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard". In summary, the song is about how attractive the girl singing it is.
Below, I have written a parody to this song, sung by Kurokiba Ryou, about how attractive his seafood is to all the surrounding birds. For anyone who wants to listen to the original song, here's the link (take out the spaces!): www. youtube DOT com / watch?v=i4YutyVP7ig
There's also an arguably better version, more likely to be sung by Kurokiba, here: www. youtube DOT com /watch?v=I7NnyYKbGx4
Sing along with these lyrics if you want! Have fun!
Five days earlier…
Nakiri Alice and Kurokiba Ryou were standing in the park, an empty crate by their side. The girl looked slightly concerned. "Are you sure you can do this, Ryou-kun? There isn't a single bird in sight!"
The man simply scoffed, pulling out his bandana and staring off into the distance. Letting out a huff breath, he grunted, "Don't doubt me, Milady." And with that, he started his grill and began to prepare the ingredients he had bought earlier at the fish market, singing:
My seafood brings all the birds to the yard,
And they're like: Is that salmon charred?
DAMN RIGHT! That salmon IS charred!
I would teach you, but it'd be too hard
[x2]
I know they want it,
The things I make are
what the gulls go crazy for.
They lose their minds, The way I fry,
I think it's time
Kurokiba flipped his fish on the grill, letting it land with a tantalizing sizzle. Noticing that Alice was staring at him and giggling, he winked at her, then continued:
La, la, la, la, la,
Grill it up.
La, la, la, la, la,
The doves are waiting
[x2]
My seafood brings all the birds to the yard,
And they're like: Is that cooked with lard?
DAMN RIGHT! That IS cooked with lard!
I would teach you, but it'd be too hard
[x2]
At this point, flocks of birds came flooding in to get a taste of Ryou's food. Laughing, Alice ushered them into the giant bird crate, smiling appreciatively at her boyfriend and aide. He simply shook his head, wagging his spatula at her and speculating:
I see you want it,
You want me to teach
the techniques that bring these birds,
It can't be taught,
Know it's an art,
Watch if you're smart
La, la, la, la, la,
Cook it up,
La, la, la, la, la,
The geese are waiting,
[2x]
My seafood brings all the birds to the yard,
And they're like: Is that caviar?
DAMN RIGHT! That IS caviar!
I would teach you, but it'd be too hard
[x2]
"We're good now!" Alice called, having captured a partridge, two turtle doves, four "calling" birds, six geese, and seven swans already. Kurokiba, in full berserk mode at this point, simply smirked. "I'm just getting started," he taunted, pulling out a large box, filled with various spices.
Oh, once your food evolves,
Everyone will look your way so
you can maintain your smarm,
Can still maintain your ego,
Just get a nice spice blend,
Plus add some cinnamon,
Then next they all fly in,
They have picked up its scent
La, la, la, la, la, S
pice it up,
La, la, la, la, la,
The swans are waiting [2x]
My seafood brings all the birds to the yard,
And they're like: It's better by far!
DAMN RIGHT! It's better by far!
I would teach you, but it'd be too hard [x2]
Alice started shooing away the immense swarms of birds that had come flying in to taste Ryou's seafood, before turning back to him, hands on her hips.
"Okay, Mr. Show-Off von Sassy Pants," Alice laughed, "If you're done feeding the birds, we can go home now."
Kurokiba took off his bandana, reverting to his passive mode, and nodded. Alice walked over and gently kissed him, whispering "Thank you" before walking away.
And sighing contently, he followed.