This Would Be The End
Chapter 3
Bubbles formed upon his lips.
Eeeeeeeerrrrrghhhhhh.
Hands wrapped around his flesh.
Eeeeeeeerrrrrghhhhhhhhh.
Choking.
Strangled.
Dying.
Darkness.
P-A-I-N.
No one to save him.
No one to calm him.
Sinking.
Drifting.
Eclipsing.
This was it.
He was gone.
No - more.
Forever.
G-O-N-E.
He would not be coming back.
How could he?
He was dead-just as he was always meant to be.
Dead.
Erased.
Life driftwood.
In a sea.
He had died.
This was it.
The end.
No more...
~#*#~
"Loki."
A sweet voice sounded in the darkness.
"Loki."
He…knew that…voice.
"Looo-ki."
"M-mother?" His eyes refused to open, the muscles not cooperating.
"Loooo-kiiiiiiii!"
Her voice rang shrill, longer-fading.
"Mother."
Green eyes sprang open.
Bright light flooded into his pupils-overshadowing the existence of all things surrounding him.
"Mother?" his voice raised an octave. His eyes were not adjusting-they were not taking in the space around him. He didn't know where he was, barely even registered who he was, and he could hardly hear his mother's comforting tone of voice hang around his shoulders.
"Mother!" Loki cried out, though he would never admit it. His eyes searched frantically for her as his vision took painstakingly long to clear.
Where was she? Where was she?
Was she hurt? Alone? Lost?
His mind raced ahead, images and words flooding his vision as the world shimmered and sparkled in bits of white.
"Mother?" he asked again, voice lowering to a whisper.
Maybe-they weren't alone.
Mistrust colored his tone as he asked for her again.
Up ahead, he witnessed a furl of her peach robe turn the corner of the white bricked wall-green trees lining the horizon as he realized they were together in a garden back in the castle of Asgard.
He looked down towards his legs but found a fog of white staring back at him.
Confusion flitted across his irises as it dawned on him that wherever they were, it was probably not real, not on Asgard and he wouldn't be able to move.
"Is this a dream?" he asked aloud, hoping his mother's robes would return back to him.
"Isn't it always?" A new voice lifted from the light as a shortened, Dutch version of Thor appeared to the left of Loki.
"Brother?" Loki questioned, lips drawn to an amused frown.
"Who else would I be?" Thor muttered, tossing a yellow and red flower into the air over Loki's raven locks.
Loki blinked, "Where are we?"
Thor's head tilted back as he boisterously laughed.
"Where? But in your mind, of course!"
"My…mind?"
"Why yes, brother! And what a mighty fine mind this is! Don't you recall?" Thor hastened a serious gaze to his younger sibling.
"Recall what exactly?" Loki murmured, gaze fixating on his brother as if he hadn't seen him in years-which felt vaguely familiar at least.
"The accident, of course!" Thor's tone returned to a cheerful uproar as more flower petals filtered down over Loki's head.
Loki found himself growing more perplexed and even more suspicious.
"What accident, Thor?" he asked seriously.
Thor returned the gesture by smiling wider.
"The accident! With the archer! You know the one-my friend, Barton, we have worked together. He shoots arrows for his line of work. A mighty fine line of work it is, mhmph!" Thor ascended floating set of pale blush stairs.
Loki's deep sigh rattled through his ribcage. His dream brother was notorious for taking extra-long to fill him in on whatever nonsense was occurring in the real world. A habit that real world Thor took extra time to boast and jest with Loki.
"What happened in the accident, Thor?"
"What accident? There's been an accident?" Thor gawked at his brother.
Loki took another deep breath and rolled his eyes, "With agent Barton. And myself. That accident."
"Oh!" Thor exclaimed, a tutu appearing around his waist as he clicked studded red heels together. "Of course! Well, I believe it was your presence that alerted him. He acted on impulse, of course-nothing too personal-besides the fact that you controlled his mind for a period of time and forced him to kill his colleagues and go against everything he believed in, yes. Despite that, he awarded you-and himself-death of the highest order! Hehe!"
Thor's unhinged babble continued on in the background as Loki's vision blurred.
Dead?
He, Loki of Asgard, was dead?
A period of silence enveloped Loki as the world erased around him-depositing him suddenly into his green and gold clad bedroom in Asgard.
Frigga, behind him, ran her long fingers through his hair.
"I am afraid it is true, my dear. You passed for a time, but your brother's friends were able to save you."
Loki, suddenly and inexplicably, laughed.
"Ohohoho, mother, you must be mistaken. There is no way in Helheim that the Avengers of all mortals risked their petty little lives to save mine."
"Then it is you who are in the wrong, Loki. For, Thor's friends have indeed risked their lives to save yours. And, my son, you are well deserving of this rescue." Frigga looked sadly upon her youngest, her own memories and hopes for him having been fallen to the back of her mind-too painful to think long or hard about, but resurfacing all the same in this moment.
Loki let out a loud, dark laugh.
"Mother, you think too highly of me and your love for me blinds you to the atrocities I have knowingly and willingly committed in the name of power," Loki uttered bitterly.
Frigga cooed to herself under her breath.
"Loki, my son, you know perfectly well as do I that you have never been able to lie to me. Your tricks were always mischievous, yes, but never done out of malice." Frigga paused for a moment, hand running down Loki's hair, easing at his shoulders. "Until Thor's coronation," Frigga hesitated briefly, "I would not have expected you of all Asgardians to shield your pain as well as you did. Why, Loki, do you insist so heavily to guard your pain? Has living in Asgard truly done so much damage to your young heart and mind?"
Loki breathed for a few moments, uncertainties riding like waves into him as he wasn't sure what to say or do next. There was so much pain that lay hidden behind his mother's words and he couldn't help but to voice the hiccup that sprang easily to his mind.
"But I am neither Asgardian nor truly your son." Before Frigga could protest Loki continued. "I have laid waste to many a species. First Jotunheim then Midgard. I do not expect redemption for my crimes. I…have come to accept them and the hate that flows through my enemies veins. I do not seek pity or forgiveness-neither rehabilitation." Loki shrugged innocuously. "If rage is meant to follow my actions of the previous century, then so be it. You must understand my perspective, mother. I was unwanted, unneeded, placed second for everything, and lied to by the ones who claimed to love me most. It…has damaged me. It may always do so. There is little hope for me yet…"
Loki's green eyes cast down to the foggy floor, continuing to avoid the prowling eyes of his not-mother.
"You know I will never give up on you, Loki. Nor will Thor. It matters little to me what you have done-which is not to suggest it does not pain me. An individual such as yourself must go through the process of deep loss and pain to commit such heinous acts. I mean not to minimize your previous actions, and I still love you. You may not be my son of blood but you will always be mine in heart. I love you, Loki, and I believe it is time for you to begin to learn to love yourself."
Loki rested in silence, understanding beginning to mend his broken shards.
"And how to you propose I achieve such heights in honor?" he questioned quietly, neck turning to catch a glimpse of his mother's comforting eyes.
"First, you live, Loki. You have spent so much of your life hidden away for your studies or letting go of your mind and soul on the Bifrost and upon Midgard-it is time for you now to lay with your wounds and learn to not pick at them but rather grow with your scars. Life treats many of us unwell, my son. It gives us many challenges and obstacles and for you to have come into this life at all means that you were born strong enough to live it. You will always be my son, and I, your mother. You can become someone again, Loki. If you are ever to fret, know my son that I believe in you. You are so strong-allow your light to shine up and above you, Loki. You were born to become a beacon."
As Frigga's words descended onto Loki, he could feel a light pressure easing over his green eyes, his lids closing shut. A sense of radiating warmth hued his cheeks as it continued to blossom up into his chest.
"Good night, my son," he heard filter into his ears before blissful sleep re-encompassed him.
A/N: So, you know, it's been a while! I have not given up on this fic and have a bunch of updates to be doing to all of them, soon! This piece was handwritten on January 24.2018 around 7p while I was in the hospital. I am working on Chapter 4 now, too, and will be updating the following soon (if you happen to be reading them as well): "Distorted & Disordered", "Severed", "A Little Unsteady." Hope you're all well and don't forget to leave a review! Thank you! 3/10/18 PS It bugs me that my cool little page breaks don't work anymore. D: