OS 3 Part 3 : I stopped lying to myself today.

Ivy Belfrey always got a little crush on Margot West. She had been twelve years old when she had discovered that she didn't have just friendly feelings for her best and kind of only friend.

In fact, it was thanks to her that she had discovered that she was completely a lesbian.

And even if her old feelings were now long gone, she still felt something strange in her when she looked at the other woman – and she had been terribly jealous when this one had began to date Alexandra. But it was years ago – a thing that Margot never noticed or knew.

Ivy was always really good at hiding who she really was to the other.

At lying at herself, also.

It had been difficult for her to be herself, when there was Ana, her great sister – and this, even more before the accident – the good child, the loved one, the perfect student, liked by everyone in the school and in Hyperion Heights.

Unlike Ivy, and despite their mother's bad reputation, Ana had succeeded to be herself and to separate herself from the opinion people had on their family before.

A thing Ivy almost never did.

And then, Margot entered in her life, and she couldn't help, but fall for the only girl who was not looking at herself with disdain and despise.

Who was liking her, but not the way she wanted her to, of course.

But Ivy never said anything, just accepting what Margot could give to her.

And now, here she was, working for her best friend/former crush, and feeling more alone than she ever did, after she met Tilly for the first time.

Yes, she didn't love Margot anymore, but yet, these feelings were still here, kind of.

And, being the lonely woman she was, she never fell in love with any woman after Margot.

She had been working in the coffee-shop for now four days when the door opened again, and a blond woman entered in it, rapidly saying hello to Ivy, who replied then politely, and she immediately went to see Margot, who was behind the bar.

"Hey… I'm sorry I couldn't come back here earlier, but I didn't have a lot of time for me these last days. Or even for anyone else. In fact, my confectionery making is taking all my time, and I am going to open it soon, and I'm so excited about it and focused on it, that I didn't remember that I was supposed to come there.

- Don't worry Gretel, Margot replied with a smile, your brother already told me that you were really occupied and that you didn't have any time for anything else than your work… Now, you're here, and it's what matters."

So, the woman's name was Gretel, Ivy thought absently, listening to them, and looking at the young smiling woman.

As she was looking at her more deeply, she realized how much beautiful she was, looking at little like Margot.

Well, their common point was that they were both blond women, nothing else.

Margot's eyes were green, while Gretel's were blue, and Margot had glasses, a thing that the new arrival didn't get.

And yet, she was clearly Ivy's type, and the young woman felt her heart made a strange twist in her chest as she was observing her.

Ivy had in fact, since she was working in the coffee-shop, this terrible habit to get/feel a little crush/attraction to almost every cute/beautiful girl/woman who entered in it, and she couldn't help but look at these one maybe for a too much long time.

Well, it hadn't happened that many times, and she had succeeded not to loose herself in her thoughts, and she had been back to work directly after looking at them for… like quite five seconds.

Sometimes more, she had to admit it.

Oh, it didn't last a long time, and it was ended directly after the person had left the shop, but yet, it was still embarrassing for her.

Her problem was that she was alone.

And frustrated.

She was lucky that her looks hadn't been perceived for what they were, but she was afraid that it would happen one day.

She was an awkward girl, she knew it, for she knew that she could have ask one of these girls out, if she really wanted to, but she hadn't dared doing it with any of them.

So, yes, this Gretel would be like the other, and leave the place really soon, and so, Ivy wouldn't get her heart broken again.

§§§§

Gretel definitely loved this place.

It was only the second time she was coming there, but she was understanding the reason why her brother really liked to come here.

(Apart the fact that he had met Henry Mill here, of course.)

She had came back there, not knowing exactly what Margot wanted to talk about, since her brother had given her no clues about it.

Gretel felt at one moment Ivy's look on her, and looked at her, just before Ivy looked back, and she just lost herself in her eyes.

The new bartender had dark beautiful eyes, and for some seconds, Gretel was unable to formulate any coherent thought in her mind, not even remembering why she was there, until an adorable blush colored the cheeks of Ivy, and that Margot brought her back to their conversation.

"Hum… Gretel ? Are you still with me ?"

The young woman turned her look back at her, as Ivy had apparently decided to go somewhere else, where she wouldn't be, since their first glare had been quite… intense, to say the least.

Gretel herself blushed as she realized that she had looked at the young woman for more than twenty seconds ! (More than what Ivy herself usually did.) Which explained why Ivy looked so embarrassed, and why Margot was looking at her with a puzzled look.

Gretel blinked some times, trying to get out of her head the image of this sublime woman.

Oh, she was sure as Hell that she already had a crush on her !

Oh, please, no, not again !

The last time it happened was with Lily, and it clearly didn't end well, since the woman was bisexual BUT already in a relationship.

She knew it, it was not going to end the same way this time.

And by the way, she didn't believe in love at first sight.

According to Margot's look and smile, she knew something that she herself didn't know, and it just made her very suspicious.

"What ? Why are you looking at me this way ?

- Oh, for nothing, her new friend answered her. Except that her smile was betraying her. It's not me who looked at her with such enamored eyes ! She explained.

- I didn't ! Gretel protested. Knowing it would be useless, since it was the truth and since it was more a joke from Margot than something else.

- What does make me smile, she answered, well, it's nothing… Just that… She is the reason why you're here."

The young woman frowned.

"Excuse me, what ? What do you mean ?

- Ivy Belfrey, that you just met some seconds ago, had been forced to leave her house by her terrific, toxic and abusive mother, and she is looking for a place to stay. And a job, that she already found here, as you can see it.

- So, as I am looking for a place to rent too, and someone also to live there, you're proposing me to give her a place, right ?

- Yes, indeed. Would it be okay for you ?

- I guess, yes, Gretel answered, trying with difficulty to hid her excitement, with no real success, regarding to the way Margot's smile grew larger."

Since Gretel wanted to stop being alone, she would like to get a friend living with her.

And she was great at making friends, so yes, she had no doubts of making a friend of Ivy Belfrey.

§§§§

Margot waited the end of the day to tell Ivy about what she had now for her, that is to say, something better than the place where she had to be for now.

"And so, I would share an apartment… with her…

- Yes ! Isn't it the better solution for you ? Margot told her with enthusiasm."

Ivy tried to smile to her friend, not being as convinced as she was.

For she was afraid.

The last time she had been close to a girl she liked, it hadn't ended well…

Even if Margot never knew anything about it.

"Sure, sure… Except that I don't know her ! And she doesn't know me !

- Well, her friend replied, if it doesn't go well, then we will try to find you another more suitable solution for you."

Ivy looked at her with both amazement and surprise.

"Why Margot ? Why are you doing this ? Why are you so nice toward me, toward someone who didn't contact you during the past ten years, and who is just here to ask for your help ?

- Tilly, my wife, she has… well, had, I don't know if Eloise is still alive or not… She had a terrible mother, who abandoned her when she was just a baby. And then, she came back, reclaiming her custody, whereas Tilly and her father had been completely happy during the past ten years where they had been together. She just wanted to ruin their lives.

She never won, luckily, but Tilly was deeply hurt by this… To know that her own mother was doing this just to make her father suffer… The reason why I want to help you is because you've got quite a crappy life, during these ten years, and I want you to get out of here. And so does Tilly… And by the way, you're an excellent bartender, she said, trying to make her friend relax."

Ivy smiled, tears on her eyes, being deeply moved by her friend's confession.

"Thanks Margot. Thank for what you're doing for me…

- Oh, but, you're welcome."

§§§§

It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay, Ivy forced herself to believe.

I'm going to be okay.

She will just be some pretty girl who won't care about you and with who you won't even become friend, you will just live next to her, talk to her sometimes, and if you do this, nothing bad is going to happen to you.

And you're not going to fall in love again with someone who will not love you.

Or so she tried to believe this would happen the way she wanted this to be.

She hadn't expected Gretel to be… well, Gretel.

Which means, someone totally different from her.

"So, tell me Ivy, who are you, and what are you doing in life ? Except being a bartender, of course !

- Hum… nothing else, in fact… I used to make studies in art, but it didn't really work… I guess I wasn't made for this, and that my mother was right…

- About what ?

- About the fact that I wouldn't succeed to do anything in my life. Gretel frowned but told her nothing, even if she was afraid of the so low self-esteem that Ivy seemed to have for herself. They weren't close enough, so she didn't allow herself to comfort her. It would be for later, when they would be real friends. A thing she was sure they would be. But, before I left the house, I was working in the Belfrey's Towers… I didn't really like it, she confessed.

- And now, do you like your new job ? Gretel asked her, interested.

She felt like Ivy had just more for her than just a pretty face.

And she really wanted to know her better.

- Oh, yes ! Margot and all the other are really nice with me, and at least, now, I feel like I am really useful… What about you ? She asked, not wanting to talk about herself anymore."

Gretel's face began to shine.

"I own a confectionery making, she repeated for what seemed to be like the hundreds times, I make candies, I sell them….

- I hope you don't intend to build a house in candies, hid it in a dark forest and make children come in it and eat them… Ivy joked."

Gretel then burst into laughter, and for Ivy, it seemed to be one of the most beautiful sounds she ever heard before this moment.

Yes, she was not really objective, she knew it…

And Gretel's bright face as she was laughing clearly didn't help her…

What had made her laugh was this : it was the first time that someone was joking about her name/the tale which had inspired this, not by making her the innocent abandoned child, but by putting her into the position of the evil witch.

By the way, it was quite funny too.

"This is not in my projects, she said, "reassuring" her, but especially joking about it. But, if it appears that you're not a roommate as good as Margot told me you were, well, I may use it on you… She warned her with a smile. She desperately tried not to wink at her, and succeeded with a lot of difficulties."

Ivy smiled, and Gretel lost herself in her, again.

Ivy Belfrey was not especially a smiling person, well, except for forced, polite and non-natural smiles, natural and amused smiles were not really the kind of smiles that she usually got, and, even by knowing here since like just one day, Gretel had already understood this.

And she was glad to see Ivy smile at her, even for that kind of simple joke.

Just as Ivy herself had easily understood that, indeed, unlike her, Gretel was a smiling person.

She was a freaking sunshine which was always shining and which risked to make her become blind, if she stared at her too much time.

(Ivy knew as well that she was already fucked up.

There was no way this story was going to end well.)

§§§§

Six weeks later.

The good word which could qualify this situation was certainly : obsession.

Ivy was now definitely obsessed by Gretel freaking beautiful and smart and charming and nice and amusing and all these other things Branson.

Well, another more good term which could be used to define it would had certainly been : in love.

But, since Margot and the complete disaster that it had been to fall in love with a girl who would see her just as her friend, she had decided that love was not for her anymore.

Hell, she had spent so much time healing from her feelings for her, and she still hadn't succeeded to work on her issues toward her mother and her past ten years, and all the scars and traumas she had got from being treated terribly by her own mother, she didn't need another painful heartbreak.

Gretel was her friend.

That was it.

It was also freaking awesome, but she knew she wouldn't ever get more than just this.

And as terribly painful that it was, she could deal with it.

She already did it, after all.

And, by the way, she was pretty good at hiding her pain, and deal with her own sufferings on her own.

She was used to it, since ten years…

§§§§

Well…

Maybe that she was not that good.

The problem – and the good thing – at having Gretel as her roommate was that… she had Gretel as her roommate.

Which meant that they were living in the same apartment.

Which meant that they were close to each other – physically and as friends, of course – and that… Gretel could hear her.

When she was still living in her house with her mother, the house itself was big enough so, when she was doing a nightmare, and that she was crying or screaming, her mother never heard her. Or, if she did, she never got the desire to go in her room and comfort.

Not since Ana's accident…

But here… the other woman could hear her.

It had been a normal nightmare, one of those she made the more often.

It was all about Ana, of course.

Who else could it be ?

Her sister, walking on the ice, the ice then cracking, her mother screaming as Ana was falling into the lake, and who was not breathing anymore…

And who never woke up.

Who never would.

A sister she loved as much as she hated her now, for what she had taken from her without wanting it, for what she had broken in her, by her only disappearance.

A sister who had destroyed her life, and who ironically, also had got her own life being destroyed, because of a single fucking accident.

Ivy didn't even realize that she had woken up by screaming Ana's name.

She was panting, her eyes opened wide with terror, as if the scene was playing itself in her mind and under her eyes, again, and again, and again, as if it was telling her that the tragedy would never end, that the pain would never stop.

She switched on the light, trying to get a more calm breath, tears forming in her eyes, as she was almost forgetting where on earth she was, and especially the fact that she had finally escaped from her mother's grip.

Until Gretel showed up.

She looks both asleep and worried, and for some seconds, Ivy just doesn't see her.

All she sees is a frozen lake, a cold water, and her mother with a scream of agony on her lips.

All she sees is her sister, all she feels is the cold, the terrible coldness of the lake, where she fell too, and where her sister saved her from death, but never succeeded to come back from.

All she sees is her mother's look, full of hatred, pain, anger, despise, and if she never said that it was all Ivy's fault, she always thought it was, and always made it so Ivy would know it and think that it's her fault.

Except that it never was…

Ivy's hands were trembling, and her entire body was now shaking, cold, frozen, and it felt like she was in the lake again, as if she never left it, never escaped from it.

Her look was completely lost, and she was looking at Gretel as if this one was not really here, and she seemed to be seeing something else, Gretel quickly realized.

The thing that Gretel didn't know, is that Ivy was now in the same state as she was after Ana's accident.

Trembling, scared, horrified by what happened, cold and frozen, crying, and especially…

Mute.

During the six months that followed Ana's accident and her almost own death, she hadn't spoke any word to anyone.

She hadn't left the house, hadn't done anything.

She was too broken for that.

That was one of the main reasons why she hadn't seen Margot after that.

The first thing she had said was : "I'm sorry."

Her mother didn't even reply to her.

Gretel looked at Ivy, not knowing what to do.

Her and Nick had been abandoned by their parents when they still were children, and she was used to nightmares, she was used to comfort her brother when these one were happening to him, and so did he with her.

So, yes, she knew what it was, except that she had no idea of what Ivy lived.

(Yes, of course, Margot didn't give her a lot of details about the past life of her former friend.

She preferred Ivy to tell it to Gretel by herself, if she wanted to, and by the way, she herself didn't know all the details.)

She wanted to hug her, take her in her arms and promise her that everything would be okay, as her brother and herself usually did with each other, she wanted to stop her tears and make sure she was okay.

The two women had lived together for now six weeks, and Gretel couldn't help but know that she was hopelessly falling in love with Ivy.

She cared about her, and wanted her to be happy, to be fine.

A thing she clearly was not.

And the empty look that Ivy was giving to her since now five minutes was really going to worry her, if it didn't stop right now.

She didn't dare touching her, since she didn't know the way the young woman would react to this, and since they didn't know each other well enough.

Gretel herself knew that in these type of moments, she only supported to be touched or hugged by her brother, so, she decided not to approach her.

Yet, she sat down on the young bartender's bed.

Then, she finally succeeded to talk.

"Ivy… She asked her friend, what's wrong ?"

It was useless, since Ivy stayed silent again.

Until she said one single word.

"Ana, she whispered with pain and sadness, being still lost in her own mind."

She was too much shocked to be able to come back to reality, Gretel understood.

Not without the help of an external person.

Gretel asked herself since how many times she was suffering from these moments of absence, and if it was what Margot had said about the abusive and toxic mother, and how much this woman had succeeded to break her daughter by her behavior.

She asked herself how many times she had to stay there, in this state, without someone to tell her that things would be okay.

She asked herself also what she could do for her.

Gretel came closer to her, and crossed her legs.

Hesitantly, she pulled her hand on Ivy's shoulder, shaking her a little.

"Ivy ? Ivy, it's me, it's Gretel…"

Ivy was in the dark before this moment.

She was seeing nothing but the darkness of the night, the darkness of the place, of the lake, the darkness of her mother's eyes, the look of pure horror on Jacinda's face.

She blinked, and came back to life, to reality, and was confronted to Gretel's blue eyes, and she started, almost falling from her bed.

And the young woman seemed to realize where she was now.

"Gr… Gretel ? She looked at the hand on her shoulder with surprise, but didn't ask her to take this one from her.

It was… comforting.

Something she was not really used to.

- Yes, Ivy, it's me… I heard you scream, she explained. You had a nightmare, right ?

- Yes… Ivy said, still having difficulties to talk. I… I just…

Gretel gave her a comforting smile.

- Hey, it's okay, take your time to talk, I know it must be… harsh for you. Margot told me you had… issues with your mother."

For the first time since she woke up, Ivy succeeded to get a little smile on her lips, and it warmed Gretel's heart to see her being more comfortable.

"That's a fucking euphemism, she whispered. My mother ruined my life… In fact, she tried to…

- If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to."

Ivy realized after some seconds that, indeed, she trusted Gretel enough to tell her what she had lived and suffered from.

Gretel had been there for her, just as Margot used to be before the accident.

She deserved to know, and Ivy got the right to free herself from her past wounds by talking about it with someone.

"I do want to tell you."

Gretel's hand was still on her shoulder, and Ivy felt that the coldness was progressively leaving her, and then, the other woman sat down even closer to her, surrounding her with her arms.

She looked at the woman next to her, and felt again the terrible urge to kiss her, just to know what it was like, and how it felt.

She turned back, trying to find the good words to tell which would summarize her whole story.

She internally sighed.

Oh god, she was so fucked up.

Hadn't she promised to herself not to get caught again, and not to fall in love again ?

Apparently she was never good at taking promises like this one.

A shiver of fear crossed through her, as she knew what it meant, all this… situation.

To talk to Gretel about it, it meant to open up to her, and she knew that after this moment, nothing would ever be the same.

But this time, even if she was terribly afraid, she knew that she would do it.

She took a deep breath, and began to talk.