Arthur and Merlin rode triumphantly through the streets. The king's return had been trumpeted throughout Camelot since the front gate guards first spotted them, so it was no surprise to see a familiar welcoming party waiting for them at the palace steps.
"My king!" Leon and Percival greeted him as Arthur dismounted. Knights surrounded the king, embracing him and shaking his arm in celebration. Arthur was overjoyed to see all their smiling faces, but he scoured the crowd for one face in particular. When he spotted her, his breathe hitched.
Gwen, in all her regal beauty, stood straight, her hands intertwined at her waist, attempting to maintain a semblance of decorum, though her eyes glistened with joyous tears and a smile broke across her lips.
Arthur went to her, their eyes never parting. They embraced and kissed each other in a love that radiated across time.
Merlin, too, found the one person he was most happy to see. He hugged Gaius, the two sharing a knowing and congratulatory smile.
Arthur and Gwen separated, but remained holding hands as Arthur searched for another face he'd yet to see.
"Where's Gwaine? Surely not in a tavern at this hour?" he joked. Merlin looked around, now wondering the same thing.
Gwen frowned. Leon and Percival approached, also looking forlorn, and Arthur knew something was wrong.
"Sire," Leon said, "Let us convene in the throne room. We have much to catch up on."
"Yes," Gwen caught Merlin's eye and smiled, "we do indeed."
…
Once Arthur, Merlin, Gwen, Gaius, Leon, and Percival were alone in the throne room, Arthur posed his question again.
"So, where is Gwaine?"
The others looked down, again giving Arthur a sense of dread. Percival shifted and spoke up, "Sire, after the battle, we discovered the woman Gwaine rescued from the village was actually a spy for Morgana. When she was executed for treason, Gwaine blamed Morgana for her death. He-he was distraught, my lord…" Percival trailed off, not sure how to convey Gwaine's motivations.
"And…?" he encouraged Percival to continue, though he didn't like where this was going.
Percival swallowed his emotions, "…he sought to ambush Morgana. I could see he was determined and didn't think he should go alone, so I went with him," Percival took a deep, steadying breath, not able to look Arthur in the eyes, "we killed the Saxons with her, but Morgana used her sorcery…she confined us and…tortured Gwaine to reveal where you and Merlin were headed."
"That's how she found us," Merlin noted.
"Percival," Arthur cut in, signaling to Merlin for silence, "no man can withstand Morgana's magic. I do not hold it against him that he revealed our location. He has no need to avoid me," Arthur hoped against hope that was the reason he wasn't here.
"My Lord…" Percival's voice cracked. Gaius stepped in, relieving Percival of the burden.
"The injuries he sustained, Sire, were too great..." Gaius said solemnly.
Arthur understood and finally said what the others could not, "Gwaine is dead." Leon bowed his head and Gwen raised her hand to her eyes to bridle her tears.
Merlin's sorrow at this news overwhelmed him and he turned away from the others, struggling to contain his grief. Even in his moment of greatest triumph, loss continued to break his heart.
After a moment of silence, Leon spoke again, "Sire, you are returned, but Merlin said Morgana found you. How did you survive?"
Arthur saw Merlin shift nervously as he turned back around, eyes red and puffy, but composed.
"We don't need to worry about Morgana anymore," Arthur conveyed all they needed to know, "She is dead."
"My Lord, this is glorious news!" Gwen exhaled, clearly relieved, "it will do the people good to know this threat is vanquished. Leon, Percival," she commanded and they stood at attention, "Go share this news with others. The king needs his rest now." They bowed their heads respectfully and left the room.
Gwen, seeing Merlin's distress, immediately went to her friend and brought him into a comforting hug. They shared a moment of friendship, allowing tears of both joy and grief to flow freely. Arthur and Gaius sat down at the round table, Arthur propping his forehead in his hand.
"You must be tired, Sire," Gaius noted.
"It has been a long couple of weeks," Arthur confessed.
"Indeed it has," Gaius searched the king's demeanor for the answer to a question he wasn't sure he should ask, "though you seem remarkably recovered from when I last saw you."
Arthur looked up at Gaius's inquiring stare and guessed what was on his old physician's mind.
"You were right about Merlin. It was his magic that saved me, saved Camelot," he looked over at Merlin and Gwen, "I owe him a debt that can never be repaid."
"All Merlin has ever sought is your friendship, Sire," Gaius smiled with both relief and wisdom, "That you see him for who he truly is, and accept him, I'm sure is enough."
Gwen and Merlin gathered themselves and moved to join Arthur and Gaius at the Round Table.
"Come, Merlin," Gwen pulled her friend by the hand, "let us share stories over a meal, you must be famished!" but she stopped when Merlin's hand resisted being led forward.
"Merlin?" turning, she saw Merlin had gone white, faltering where he stood, before collapsing to the ground in an unconscious heap. "Merlin!" she shouted with worry.
Arthur and Gaius rushed over.
"What's wrong with him?!" Arthur demanded, overwhelming worry making him suddenly frantic.
"I'm not sure, Sire," Gaius checked for a pulse, a fever, "we need to get him to my chambers."
Without hesitation, Arthur picked Merlin up and they all hurried to the infirmary.
…
Gwen sat by Merlin's side, dabbing a cool cloth to Merlin's forehead as Gaius combed through books and Arthur paced, feeling useless.
"Well?" Arthur asked Gaius impatiently.
"I can find nothing physically wrong with him, Sire. I suspect something magical is at work, though I have yet to find anything," Gaius scanned Arthur as if the answers were written on his face, "you mentioned his magic saved you?"
"I – well…" Arthur glanced at Gwen anxiously.
"It's alright, Arthur, I know Merlin has magic," she said, looking up at him.
"You know?" he scoffed incredulously, "Was I the only one that didn't know?"
Gwen stood, moving gracefully to her husband, and placed her hand on Arthur's forearm with a reassuring squeeze.
"I figured it out only a few days ago," she sought Arthur's eyes to convey the truth in her words, "his mysterious absence from Camlann, despite never failing to be by your side, then the appearance of the sorcerer who turned the tide of battle in our favor…" she smiled at Gaius, "when Gaius assured me Merlin was all you needed to return to me, I knew he must be more than he seemed."
Arthur let Gwen's calming voice soothe his nerves. He gazed into her loving eyes and gently lifted her hand to his lips, "I'm sorry I worried you."
She smiled, "knowing Merlin was protecting you eased my worries."
Gaius stepped forward, "the Queen is both wise and strong, My Lord," he smiled at Gwen and handed her a poultice, gesturing her to return to Merlin's aid. She nodded understanding and resumed her ministrations. "Now, Sire, please tell me what happened at the Lake of Avalon."
Arthur braced himself to recount what little he could remember.
…
"I can't be sure, Sire, but what you describe sounds like a soul-binding," Gaius went to his shelves, looking for something. "Ah-ha, here!" he pulled a large book from a shelf and flipped it open.
"A soul-binding?" Gwen asked. Color had returned to Merlin's cheeks and now he slept soundly. Arthur and Gwen sat at Gaius's table.
"Yes," Gaius placed the book open before them. Arthur recognized the picture on the page as the Isle where he had awoken with Merlin. Gaius continued, "It is ancient magic and most powerful. Normally, to save a life, another life must be taken, it is the natural balance." Gaius paused, letting his words process.
Arthur looked up with sad understanding, "like my mother…" he compared.
Gaius nodded and continued, "But yours was no ordinary wound, Sire. It was your destiny to die by Mordred's sword."
Gwen shook her head, "What are you saying, Gaius? The king is not dead, he is here," she wrapped an arm around Arthur's waist as if to make sure.
Gaius sighed, "But for how long?" he turned to Arthur with utmost seriousness, "Sire, if Merlin performed a soul-binding, it was surely as a last resort."
Arthur's forehead furrowed with worry and confusion, "Why do you say that?"
Gaius sighed as he sat opposite them, "The only reason to perform a soul-binding is to keep a soul among the living that is driven towards death," Gaius looked over at Merlin's sleeping form, "it requires the caster to give up half his life in exchange for half of the life of the soul to be saved."
Gwen gasped and covered her mouth.
"Half a life?" Arthur asked, the weight of Gaius's words still sinking in, "Do you mean to tell me, Gaius, that Merlin is - that he's dying?"
"I'm afraid to say you both are," Gaius lowered his head, "Your fate to die by Mordred's blade cannot be undone. All Merlin has accomplished is to buy you some time. How much, I cannot say."
A tearful cry broke from Gwen and she turned in to Arthur. He hugged her to his chest and kissed the top of her head.
"And Merlin…" Arthur spoke slowly, still trying to comprehend what Gaius had said, "he…he bought me this time with his own life."
"I believe so," Gaius said softly. He looked sadly at the boy who was like a son to him, "the soul-binding will take a heavy toll. He will continue to weaken until his magic can no longer sustain him," he turned back to Arthur who now also looked upon Merlin with sadness, "and then…you will both die."
…
Merlin yawned and opened his eyes to the morning light. He was surprised to find he was in a patient bed in Gaius's chambers. And that Arthur was slumped in a chair next to him, sleeping with his arms crossed. Merlin chuckled as a little drool dripped from Arthur's open mouth.
Merlin sneakily got out of bed and bent close to Arthur's ear…
"ARTHUR!"
"WHA-!" the king startled awake, falling to the floor. Merlin guffawed over him, ignoring the dangerous scowl Arthur was shooting him.
"Merlin, you're awake!" Gaius promptly emerged from Merlin's room at the disturbance. "How are you feeling?" he looked him up and down with concern, but Merlin just grinned at him.
"I feel great!" he chirped.
Arthur muttered "Not for long…" as he angrily stood to his feet.
"You must be hungry," Gaius guessed.
"Famished!" When was the last time he ate?
Gaius patted Merlin on the back and ushered him toward the door. "Come, we could all use some breakfast," he laughed at hearing Merlin's stomach grumble.
"Gaius," Arthur interrupted, stopping them in their tracks, "if you wouldn't mind, please go to the kitchen and have someone bring up some breakfast," Arthur glared at Merlin, "I'd like to speak to Merlin alone."
Gaius and Merlin exchanged perplexed looks before Gaius gave a 'yes, Sire', bowed, and left the room.
Merlin laughed nervously, "Arthur, it was only a joke," he said, referencing the rude awakening.
Arthur eyed Merlin with a sober expression, causing Merlin to grow apprehensive.
Arthur crossed his arms and decided to get straight to the point, "Did you perform a soul-binding?"
Merlin's demeanor instantly changed from cheery to meek.
"I-I um…" he looked down and back up sheepishly, "h-how did you…?"
"How did I know?" Arthur's voice was rising in anger, "well, certainly not because you told me!"
"What else could I do, Arthur, you were dying!" Arthur shook his head, disregarding Merlin's impassioned justification. Merlin went from hesitant to annoyed. Was Arthur actually going to be mad at him for this? "I'm not going to apologize for saving your life!"
"Are you going to apologize for keeping secrets from me? Again?!" Arthur was shouting now. Merlin was sure the entire castle could hear him.
That was it! Everything Merlin had sacrificed for him, all the heartache, all the trouble, which Arthur…well, sort of knew about now…and still the prat only thanked him when he was dying!
"NO!" Merlin stood defiant, shocking Arthur from interrupting as he poured out his own anger, "No, Arthur, I'm not going to apologize! I'm won't apologize for saving your life AGAIN! I'm not going to apologize for facing bandits and dragons and skeletons, and…and whatever else, to be by your side, to protect you! And I'm certainly not going to apologize for who I am, for having magic, for using it for you, or hiding it from you even though it tears me up inside because sometimes, Arthur, sometimes that's what friends do! They sacrifice their own well-being for the safety and happiness of those they love!" Merlin was shaking now and he was sure if he hadn't been so angry he'd have broken down into tears. Arthur stared at him, wide-eyed, then turned his back to him.
A tense quiet fell between them, Merlin breathing heavy from his rant, staring at Arthur's back, bracing for Arthur's rebuttal. It wasn't until Merlin calmed down that he noticed Arthur's head hung low and no outburst was forthcoming.
"Arthur?" he posed tentatively. He saw Arthur move his hand to his face, but he didn't turn around. Merlin moved carefully toward Arthur, as if approaching an injured lion.
"You're not going to hit me, are you?" the joke meant to raise a reaction so Merlin could better read Arthur. But it didn't work. Now Merlin knew something was wrong. He put a comforting hand on Arthur's arm, a slight pressure to get Arthur to face him. For all his ranting, Merlin couldn't stand to see Arthur like this and the words fell from his mouth.
"Arthur, I'm sorry, ok," he pulled at Arthur's arm harder, but Arthur resisted, keeping his face hidden. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Merlin's voice was quiet, "It was…it's not like telling you you're a prat, you know. It's…bigger…and I guess –I guess I'm not used to talking to you about these things." Merlin was desperate for Arthur to respond now. Any response. "Please, look at me, please understand."
Merlin heard Arthur take a steadying breath, felt his arms shake, but still he was struck speechless when Arthur finally turned to him. Merlin had never seen Arthur cry before.
"Idiot," it was barely a whisper and held no malice, only endearment. "Gaius told me…" Arthur swallowed back tears and wiped his sleeve on his face, "to perform a soul-binding, the caster must give up his life."
"Only half a life," Merlin chuckled lightly. He wasn't sure who he was comforting anymore, Arthur or himself.
Arthur peered at Merlin, eyes red, trails of wetness on his cheeks, his face contorted with an undecipherable mixture of sadness, admiration, anger, and gratitude.
"Do you think so little of your life? Time and again you-you have risked yourself for my sake, every day, hiding your magic, you risked your life, and even now…you joke about making the ultimate sacrifice. Does your life mean so little to you?"
Merlin didn't even need to think. "It means nothing compared to yours," he placed his hands on Arthur's shoulder and squared them to face each other. Arthur had dropped his head again and shook it in disbelief. "It's true, Arthur. I would gladly give my life 100 times over if it meant you had one more day." Merlin smiled as Arthur looked back up at him.
"Merlin…" Arthur pushed the tears back, held them in. Kings don't show emotion. Then why were his words catching in his throat? Why was his vision getting blurry? Why was he grabbing Merlin and holding him tight? And why was Merlin's shoulder getting wet?
Their embrace was one of kindred spirits, which, Merlin mused, was more apt a description in their case than most. Merlin waited patiently for Arthur to release all he could not say. He listened as the sniffling died down and the quiet sobs racking Arthur's body finally stopped. They moved apart, Merlin keeping one hand on Arthur's shoulder, giving it an encouraging squeeze. Although Arthur had been the one crying, Merlin, too, felt a burden lifted. Both men steadied their breathing, preparing to return to a world where Arthur was commanding and Merlin was his goofy sidekick.
Before their moment of openness was over, Arthur, having found his voice again, turned to his friend, "Merlin, I know you mean well, but please, no more sacrificing yourself for me," he raised his hand to stop Merlin's protest, "I know you don't value your life as you should, but I do," he held Merlin's gaze the way a king captivates an army, "from now on Merlin, we make decisions like this together. For all the times you've reminded me of my worth – as a knight, as a king, as a friend – now I know that you need the same. Whenever you think you can just throw your life away, I'll remind you how much you mean – how much you mean to me."
Merlin stared at Arthur, an admiration and affection deepening more than he thought possible. Arthur clasped him on the shoulder with a smile and Merlin nodded in agreement.
"Good," Arthur took a deep breath and turned toward the door, "now where is Gaius with that breakfast?"