Hatoralo: "Merry Christmas!"
godlessAdversary: "Happy Winter Solstice!"
Hatoralo: "Happy Hogswatch!"
godlessAdversary: "Happy Nondescript Winter Holiday!"
Hatoralo: "We decided to make an improvised Christmas story with the cast of Habin Hotel!"
godlessAdversary: "We improvised because you wanted to write a story just a few days before Christmas."
Hatoralo: "I have many things to do! You asked me to do a MST3K on your own story!"
godlessAdversary: "Fair enough. Here's our second Hazbin Hotel Christmas Special in rhyme!"
Hatoralo: "I swear, it's obvious you have a thing for busty goth women."
godlessAdversary: "Hatoralo!"
Hatoralo: "And many thanks towards our proof-reader ultrabud2 for proofreading this poem."
Alastor Presents SCP's
by
Hatoralo and godlessAdversary
Alastor, Radio Demon, former Overlord in Hell
A charming specialist in radio shows and new speaker for the Hotel
But at the Christmas Party, at his new place of work
He would bring along presents, all of them with a special quirk
"Happy Holidays, my fellow sinners and princess."
Said the smooth talker with finesse.
"I hope you are ready for tonight's celebration,
'cuz I have prepared a special presentation."
He had presents in all sizes and forms
In boxes, wrapped in papers with random norms
"I don't trust this sudden generosity,"
Said Vaggie with a lot of clarity/i
"C'mon, Vaggie!" said Charlie, Princess of Hell
"Last year, Mr. Alastor behaved pretty well!
He helped us redeem Mr. Pinhead's soul,
So I doubt he is trying to be a troll.
"None of the presents for you will be permanent or deadly"
Promised the former Demon Overlord sincerely
"Then let me have a look," said Angel Dust, his present unwrapping
It turned out to be Mr. Soap, who suddenly cleaned him
"The fuck?!" shouted the spider pornstar
"I don't remember asking for a soap monster,
But I do want a harem of demons
And when life gives you lemons…"
Vaggie was the next to open a gift
While Mr. Soap was fleeing the spider swift
"Why is my yule present a bag?"
The Hungry Bag then ate the box it was in as a snack
Husk was given a… coffee machine thing?
"Okay, your weird box. Give me your best shit."
Typing so literally was Husk's damnation
Since he got liquefied defecation
Razzle and Dazzle got gifted a Teddy Bear
One that wanted to gut them, this was clear
They didn't mind and instead cuddled with the murderous being
The Builder Bear wanted, but was unable, fleeing
Nifty got excited when she received a cleaning mop,
but seeing it dissolve the floor's wood made her sob
"What kind of sick cruel joke is this?!"
Mr. Soap comforted the little miss
Lucifer's Daughter was the next to open a gift meant for her
In it was an orange slime and it seemed to purr
It jumped onto Charlie's head, much to her surprise
Started to tickle her, making her laugh with tears in her eyes
"What are you planning?" said the gray skinned lady
"With you, I know there's always something shady."
"You offend me, young Miss." said the man eater
"I just wanted to show my appreciation to you and her."
"What are these beings and this stuff anyway?"
Wanted Vaggie to know from Alastor with no dismay
"Special beings and objects, Vagatha" Alastor said with ease
"In the land of the living, they are called SCP's"
"Secure Contain and Protect." said an angry Lucifer
Everyone turned around and saw the King of Hell
"Daddy!" squealed the princess holding triple nine
"It's good to see you during this lovely yuletide!"
"The situation is not lovely for us Ms. Magne to be precise"
13 holograms said appearing in the hotel from a flying device
These thirteen changed appearance from time to time
So nobody could make out of their true identity a rhyme
"We are the O5-Council, Leaders of the SCP-Foundation"
O5-1 introduced the group without hesitation
"Alastor, you stole SCP's from them"
The Lord of Hell accused the Radio Demon grim
"I just wanted to give my new colleagues a delight"
Defended the Demon with top hat calmly despite this sight
Lucifer said "I have deals with O5, including not stealing their stuff"
"Also, where is 628?" O5-8 wanted to know with a puff
Meanwhile in the Lust Ring of Damnation
Valentino was having a beautiful celebration
A special present was under his burning Christmas Tree
One on which was written "A present for the Sex-Marquee"
The Pimp Overlord opened the present quick
But he found himself quick in the deepest shit
A reptile, large, strong, old and tough looking in a cage
It awoke and his eyes had the most murderous rage
What is this? An alligator from an ancient time?
I don't need a new pet, but a leather bag would be fine"
Before he could think for more plans for the monster in his view
It broke out of his cage, the pimp in his mouth and started to chew
"C'mon, cheer a bit, my faceless friends."
said Alastor to the holographic beings
"He will be returned after he gets his present."
The O5 found this situation to be unpleasant
Lucifer snapped his fingers the SCPs were gone
and Charlie already missed her friendly orange blob
"Have a Merry Christmas, my darling."
Then Lucifer left without caring
"What bunch of Scrooges" Alastor joked
"Charlie, are you okay?" Vaggie got worried
"I guess I wanted him to come to celebrate,
but it's dumb to ask for his presence."
"Parents can be assholes." said the Spider
"I recommend to just ignore that motherfucker."
The hooker passed two margaritas to the girlfriends
"Let's get wasted before this fucking year ends."
That night, Charlie was laying on bed with her girlfriend
She was looking at the roof, still depressed
"Of course dad only cares about his schemes,
No celebrations or parties, just business."
Suddenly, a box was materialized on her nightstand
The box had a note written by her father's hand
"I made a deal with the O5, so here's your present.
You can have them every last week of December."
Charlie opened the box and was hugged by the blob
And everyone was awoken by the sudden laughter bomb
"Hahahaha! Thank you dad! Thank you dad!"
Vaggie was half asleep and confused by that.
The Devil in the end had his heart grow 666 sizes that day
Even the other Hazbin Hotel personal/patrons got the gifts to stay
Like with 999 only for every last week of the 12th month every year
Hell also had a 13th month, to nobody's surprise in here
"My heart didn't grow", protested Lucifer to one poet
"I only did this to get a big tax abatement"
He said so, but the poet knew better, had read about the guy
"Stop making me look nice, or I will rip out your eye."
Meanwhile, Valentino's attacks on that monster had no effect
682 mauled through Valentino's people, had them all wrecked
"What in fucking hell have we here, what kind of demon is this?
I will punish, make it beg, take it and then throw it into an abyss!"
Also, there was a special condition with the Foundation
Each winter, 682 will roam the realms of damnation
Specifically the areas with the most evil hell beasts
The misanthropic reptile would enjoy such a feast
And 053 and 079 will be his Christmas companions
The three moving happily through desolate canyons
This will give some rest to Foundation workers
And even some data to enthusiast researchers
In the meantime, another purge has arrived again
Charlie could only save a few people that day
But she was happy she wasn't alone
She had made a home of her own.
As part of the deal, Lucifer delivered someone
to the SCP-Foundation for a non-standard testing run
"Lord of Hell, please, my day was bad enough!"
Begged Valentino as he was shoved into a certain room rough
"Sorry, Vale, they need to test SCP-008 some more
Zombified Demons are not something often to occur"
Door closed, the "Zombie Plague" strain unleased onto the abusive pimp
Pain, horror and the sniffles would ruin Christmas for this simp
"It is me Alastor again, and I have to admit
My presents were meant to be jokes, not for happiness to commit
At least Valentino got a bad time now, which is for me alright
So I'll say again: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night"
Hatoralo: "We finished this story in time for Christmas!"
godlessAdversary: "Now we can get back to working on my novel."
Hatoralo: "I thought you were going to work on our Homestuck x Pokemon crossover."
godlessAdversary: "I will when you finish doing the MST3K of my first chapter."
Hatoralo: "This whole story looks like you just want to live your fantasies of dating a tall and busty goth woman."
godlessAdversary: "That is so judgemental for a guy that has a wall covered with posters of Shantae."
Hatoralo: "Shhhh! Don't tell the secrets of others in ! Do you want me to tell everyone about your erotic ShuMako fanfictions?!"
godlessAdversary: "I am proud of those fanfictions and I don't hide my love for those erotic stories!"
Hatoralo: "Do you want to fight?!"
godlessAdversary: "Yes!"
Hatoralo: "Merry Christmas to everyone and a Happy New Year! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
godlessAdversary: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"