Nami wanted to sleep in. But being on a ship with a rowdy crew always complicated things whenever she tried.
This was the case today.
Her delightful dreams of money, power and fame were rudely interrupted by a loud shout and a commotion.
Grabbing the pillow and covering her head, she tried to shut her crewmates' loud shouting out of her ears. Usopp sounded like he was angry that Franky stole some of his tools. The usual. Only difference is, this time, there was a crib in the room's corner. A baby of about 6 months of age lay fast asleep in that crib, oblivious to the sound outside. Her baby didn't deserve to get woken up. If they did, there'd be hell to pay from the Pirate Queen.
Her husband Luffy, sleeping right beside her, wouldn't do enough. Because he probably was going to sleep through this whole thing. He brought everyone together; he was used to the madness. He slept soundly, splayed out on the bed, a snot bubble attached to his nose expanding and contracting. The Man Who Would Be King of the Pirates, everyone.
Her idiotic, lovely, sunshine husband, whose smile and just the thought of it could make her turn to mush. Don't ask her why she fell for this idiot, or his stupid, toothy grin—that's probably the biggest reason she fell for him, to be honest. Sitting up, she gazed at her husband. She didn't expect him to change that much when they started this romance, and so far, it looked like he was still the same idiot he'd always been. He looked like an idiot, but he was her idiot.
Love is weird, to be honest.
Smiling, she laid back on the bed, let her eyelids waver between open, and closed, as if she was worried that she was going to die. Eventually, sleep won out.
Then, there was a loud sound, like a 'BANG', making her eyelids fly open. Sitting up, she looked around the room. Luffy and the baby were still asleep, no surprise there. But the noise, as used to it as she was, got on her nerves. Her wrist still hurt from all the maps she'd made last night, going until early in the morning before Luffy walked into the navigation room, picked her up and took her to bed... oh right, that's why she loved him, silly her. Thinking about it again, she turned onto her side to admire her dumb husband again.
And then Zoro and Sanji started arguing for the gajilionth time.
Frustrated, she threw off the covers and stomped up to the door. Without warning them, she threw the door open, not even caring that she was only wearing a tank top and her undies. She just got out of bed to shut some assholes up. Why should she care? She stomped up to the door and loudly kicked it open.
The crew had gotten into another fight. Sanji and Zoro were at each other's throats, Usopp switched loyalties depending on whom he thought was winning, and everyone else watched. Problem was, no one was doing enough to stop their fighting.
"STOP INSULTING MY COOKING, MOSSHEAD!" Sanji shouted.
"Make better food, you stupid cook!" Zoro countered.
"Just tell Franky to give me my tools back!" Usopp begged.
"When I'm finished!" Franky replied.
"YOU IDIOTS SHUT UP OR YOU'LL WAKE THE BABY!" she screamed, her teeth turning sharp and eyes turning white.
The rest of the crew stopped in their tracks. She could already see what they'd been up to.
"NAMI SWAAAANNNN!" Sanji crooned, waltzing up to her with hearts in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, but this green-haired brute just—" He didn't get to finish. Nami reached out, grabbed his collar and pulled him closer to him. He was almost happy, until he noticed that she was trying not to get too angry. Well, it wasn't going to last long.
"I said, SHUT UP OR YOU'LL WAKE THE BABY!" she bellowed into Sanji's ear.
"I'm already up!"
Nami didn't turn around. She already knew that Luffy was up. "Not you!"
"But I thought I was your baby!" Luffy groaned.
"Not you, baby, our baby! The one we made when we had sex!" Nami's words struck Sanji right in the chest like an arrow.
"Ooooh, why did you have to remind meeeee?"
"Because you're too dumb to figure it out yourself," Zoro interjected. Sanji zipped right up to him and got in his face.
"What'd you just call me!?" he growled.
"Are you deaf?" Zoro asked.
"I don't think he's deaf?" Chopper asked.
Robin, sitting off to the side and watching everything like it was a play, finally said something when she chuckled. "It's a metaphoric insult, Chopper," she said.
"Really? Well, I don't like it," said Chopper. "If he's losing his hearing, then that's serious."
"Don't worry about it, Chopper," Robin chuckled. "Sanji's fine. Zoro's just insulting him." Then she winked at Zoro and put her hand down at her stomach, which was already starting to see a light bump. Seeing this, Zoro smiled, then sneered at Sanji.
"OOOOH, WHY ARE BOTH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN HERE TAKEN!?" Sanji wailed.
"Uh, Sanji, Viola's still asleep," Usopp interjected. "Are you insulting your wife?"
Blushing, Sanji stopped his crying, rendering the deck silent, except for Luffy's loud laughter.
"If the baby wakes up, I could play a lullaby," said Brook. "I know a song that'll put him straight to sleep!"
"Not that one!" Nami insisted.
"Why not!?" Brook whined.
"Because the lyrics are totally inappropriate for a baby!"
"But he can't understand 'em!" Brook proudly replied. "If I was a baby, I'd just care about the music, and let my eyelids close… IF I HAD ANY! YOHOHOHOHOOOO!"
Groaning, Nami facepalmed, dragging her hand down her face.
It didn't matter, anyways. The wailing sound hit her ears before her husband could notice. Reflexively, she spun around and ran inside. Her son, Monkey D. Ace, cried and cried, flailing his arms and kicking. Softly, she scooped him out of the crib, holding him against her chest. She shushed Ace, bouncing him up and down, rocking him in her arms. His crying slowed, finally stopped. Overcome with love for the tiny package in her arms, she kissed his forehead, whispering, "I love you", and carried him out to the deck.
Luffy was there first, shirtless, but took Ace in his arms. For a moment, he was serious, but proud of the tiny little person he'd helped create, and she knew would be a great father. Then, with a toothy grin, he lifted Ace above his head to the cheers of his crew. Panicking, Nami grabbed Ace from his hands.
"Aaaaww, Namiiiii, what was that for!?"
"Be careful with him!" she scolded.
"I was just showin' him off!"
"You do that every day."
"Oh right, I do!" he laughed.
Nami went to sit down, but Ace woke up and started crying. She tried to rock him again, but to no avail.
"I think he's hungry," said Luffy. "Do you... wanna..." He pretended to cup an invisible pair of breasts, but all that did was make Nami smack him.
"NOT HERE!"
As that was going on, a sea king breached the water close to the ship. The crew watched in awe as the majestic creature swam next to them. Initially frozen in awe, Luffy's lips spread in a mischievous grin. Before Nami could react, he wound up his arm. "One sea king coming right up! Gum-Guuuummmm…"
Nami gasped, ran over to her husband and whacked his head. "YOU CAN'T FEED A SEAKING TO A BABY!" she screamed, her teeth getting sharp.
"Well, why noooot?" Luffy moaned.
" 'Cuz they're big, and babies can't eat big things!" she said, "And, babies can't chew yet!"
"Let 'im kill it and I can mash it up!" Sanji called out. "Gotta prepare the kid for solid food, right!"
"He's six months old, not 2 years!" Nami shouted back. "Don't you idiots even know how to care for a child!?"
"He offered to mash up the meat," said Robin. "It should be fine for a baby."
"He's old enough to eat soft foods," said Chopper. "Why don't we get him some fish?"
Nami turned, paused, and thought about it. "Oh. Guess I wasn't thinking of that." She sighed. "Okay, fine."
Grinning and chuckling, Luffy wound up his arm again. Then he bit his right thumb, and his right forearm grew larger, in Third Gear. "Gum-gummmm... GIANT PISTOOOLLLLLL!" Luffy's arm stretched, until he hit the sea king's fishy face, knocking it out. Then Zoro drew his swords, two in his hands, one in his mouth, and jumped on the railing of the ship.
"Three Sword Style... Leopard Harp Orb!" He jumped, forming a ball with his swords as he flew at the knocked-out sea king, slashing at the creature until it had been chopped up into big pieces, then small pieces, throwing some of them at the ship. Usopp shot some ice at a couple of pieces to freeze the leftovers, and Franky and Jinbei caught the pieces of meat and handed them to Sanji. Sanji saluted and carried the meat into the cabin to prepare for the baby. And then Luffy extended his arm to pull Zoro out of the water.
Nami sat down Ace and Luffy at a deck table, fawning over their son while she bounced him on her knee. Usopp and Franky made some goofy faces, delighting Ace. Luffy even got in on the action, squishing his face in, pulling it out, stretching it up and down, and squishing it down. Ace laughed, and Luffy teared up, snot running out of his nose.
"MY SON'S SO CUUUUUTE!" he cried, picking him up, holding him above his head and displaying his son above his head. Ace laughed all through his father's shenanigans, but Nami grabbed Ace out of his hands after Luffy started jumping up and down.
"BE CAREFUL!"
"He's havin' fun!" Luffy replied, grinning. Ace was laughing, but Nami knew Ace had already inherited his father's carefree, happy-go-lucky fearlessness to a fault. But he was still a baby and hadn't even eaten a Devil Fruit.
"He's not rubber like you!" she replied.
"Oh yeah, I forgot."
A few minutes later, Sanji emerged from the kitchen, carrying three plates in his hands. He lay the first plate on the table, some of the sea king mashed up for Ace, the second plate a fancy fish breakfast for Nami, and for Luffy…
"Aw, carrots!?" Luffy groaned.
"That's what you get for stealing my beautiful Nami-swan," said Sanji.
"Hey, Sanji?" Nami asked, sweetly.
"YES, NAMI-DEAR?"
"He didn't steal me. I was never interested in you, creep."
Sanji's face turned blue. His mood quickly changed, hearing Luffy cackling.
"Boy, that's embarrassing!" he laughed, helping spoon some of the mashed sea king into Ace's mouth. "Come on, buddy!"
"YOU BASTARD!" Sanji roared. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY HONOR!" Ace laughed again.
"I think he agrees with me!" Luffy grinned.
This was the last straw. Enraged, Sanji threw a flaming kick at Luffy. Luffy jumped, dodging it, gave Ace to Nami, and ran away, laughing loudly. Sanji chased Luffy all over the deck three times, until Luffy kicked Sanji into a barrel Usopp had placed there, and returned to Nami's side.
"How's he doin'?" Luffy asked.
"He's doing fine," Nami replied.
"Hey, let Robin feed him," said Luffy. "I mean, you're doin' all this work, you need a break."
"Aw, thanks, Luffy!" she said. While this happened, Sanji freed himself from the barrel, Luffy looked behind him, smirking.
"Oh, Sanji's free," he said. "Love you, Nami!"
"I love you too, Luffy!" Nami replied. Luffy snaked an arm around Nami and kissed his navigator. She gasped and moaned, while Sanji groaned behind them, the rest of the crew laughing at Sanji's expense. When Luffy ended the kiss, Sanji roared and attacked Luffy again. Luffy ran, and the deck-wide chase resumed. Shaking her head, Nami placed her elbow on the table, head in her hand to watch Luffy and Sanji fight, until Viola emerged, and Sanji returned to his wife. With the fight over, Luffy started dancing with Usopp while Brook sang a hearty jig.
"CAPTAIN! THERE'S A SHIP OFF THE STARBOARD BOW!" Carrot called from the crow's nest.
Indeed, there was. Luffy ran to the starboard railing, foot on top of it. "LET'S SEE IF THEY HAVE ANY MEAT!" he shouted.
"AND LET'S RAID THEIR SAFE!" Nami replied.
Still feeding Ace, Robin turned to Nami. "Well?"
"He's a fucking idiot," said Nami.
"But you love him, anyway," said Robin.
Nami smiled at Robin. "Yep. And I couldn't be happier."
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
I've had this fanfic in my WIPs for a while, working on it here and there, now and then. Took me a while, but I finally finished it! It's just a look at the Straw Hats post-canon, trying to keep everyone as in-character as possible. And yes, even seeing how Luffy and Nami could be happily married while Luffy is still, well, Luffy. Also, some of it was written BEFORE the Whole Cake Island and Wano arcs, which is why Jinbei and Carrot don't quite feature. Please forgive me. Like I said, it's been in my WIPs for a while.
As for Sanji, I'm not bashing him. I like him, but not when he's hitting on Nami. The fight with Absalom on/in Thriller Bark creeped me the hell out.
But I hope you liked it, anyway!