1
On the day that Lily met Dorcas Meadowes, Lily had been eleven. It was two whole years away from the event that would come to define the rest of her mortal life in a way that she found to be completely and utterly unbelievable on the best of the days, and something which she did not wish to even think about on the worst of the days.
Dorcas was a pretty girl of eleven, pretty in a way that Lily could never even hope to be, with a dark hair that fell around her in waves, and dark eyes that stared at her like she was there was something about her that wad worth something indeed, and even though Lily only felt like a strange girl in a place that she didn't appear to be able to quite fit in, Lily felt thankful for her friendship nonetheless.
It wasn't like Dorcas was lacking in any friends. People tended to like Dorcas, not just because of her lineage, but also because she was just the sort of a girl they tended to flock to, and the fact that somebody like her had chosen to befriend her out of all the people at Hogwarts, made her feel far more special than she was feeling back then.
"You must be Lily," The girl said with the slightest Mexican accent. "I am Dorcas, would you like to be my friend?"
Dorcas was confident the way wealthy girls who knew they would be able to get anything they desired if only they wished were, and as the daughter of a Mexican Ambassador, Dorcas was plenty wealthy, though maybe not in the way that Blacks and Potters were wealthy, their noble blood running through their veins, giving them all the privilege they could ever long for.
Dorcas was the sort of a girl, she would later learn, she could trust with anything because she would hold that secret tightly to her chest to the day that she died. She was the sort of a friend who though did not agree with her choice of a marriage partner (Dorcas had never gotten along with James Potter, even though they've known each other since the day her parents decided to move into the house next to theirs when Dorcas was eight), had always shown an undying support for her, and when she'd died, Lily had felt like that she had lost something very invaluable.
She had lost her best friend, and even if Lily still did not quite understand how she had ended up here in the past when she was supposed to be dead (she had felt the spell hitting her chest, had felt the life slipping out of her when she fell down to the ground), at the very least, she was grateful to have her best friend back in her life again.
Never again, Lily swore, she would never be put in any situation where she had to lose her again. "Lily?" Dorcas squirmed against her warm embrace, sounding almost scandalized. "Are you crying?"
Lily wiped her tears away, pulling away from the other witch. "No," She smiled at her, "I am just happy. I feel like I haven't seen you in a very long time."
Dorcas arched her eyebrows at her in the disbelief, "We saw each other yesterday."
"I think I just had a terrible dream, that's all." Lily explained, the painful memories of the future still hanging over her tightly, shaking her to the core. "I thought that I'd lost you."
Dorcas pursed her lips, staring at her thoughtfully. "Terrible dream, huh?" She said. "Sounds like you need an ice cream."
Lily could not help it. She chuckled, while Dorcas led her to the Great Hall, all too happy to acquire her a spoonful of chocolate ice cream. "Now," Dorcas sat down beside her at the Gryffindor Table, "Tell me about this dream that you had, and maybe we can work together on how to revive you of it."
So, Lily told her, and at the end, Dorcas hugged her while she cried, and for the very first time in years since Dorcas had died, she felt like she could finally breathe.
2
Lily looked down at the dark-haired boy kneeling in front of her, and felt like she was in a bizarre dream rather than a reality, one where her husband used to look at her with such complete adoration and love in his hazel eyes, long before those eyes were replaced with a vague disappointment that she turned out to be something else entirely than he had expected and was desperately trying to hide that fact from her.
He had never been very good at pretending, though.
"Lily Josephine Evans, would you do me the honor of marrying me?" He asked, looking so painfully hopeful that it almost broke her heart.
Staring at him right now, Lily found herself remembering the day of her graduation when he asked her to marry him, and found herself unable to feel any of the happiness that she had felt back then, so devoid of any resentment and bitterness that had taken over their marriage during those last few years.
All she found instead, was the bitter emptiness that had taken over her life ever since Dorcas had died, and her life started to crumble right in front of her eyes.
"No," She simply said. "I refuse." She did not appear to be able to say anything else, the words that she longed to tell him dying on her lips.
"One day, Evans." James said, falling to his feet once again with a cheeky grin that she found that she desperately wanted to wipe off his face any way that she could so she wouldn't have to see them ever again.
She found that she did not even want to look at his face.
"Tough, Prongs." She heard Sirius saying, patting the other boy on the shoulders the way friends like them did, closer than brothers, but not quite related in blood.
Lily shook her head, "No — never, it's never going to be you even if you are the last man on the planet," Lily remembered the endless hours that she had spent in that house all alone while she waited uselessly for the husband that would not come until it was far too late, a husband who refused to even meet her eyes those past few months of their doomed marriage.
They said that when a child was born between two people, their relationship bloomed even further, but a child only seemed to distance them even further.
Lily barely even saw him those last few years after Harry was born, and on the rare occasions that they did see each other, Lily found that they were so devoid of any passion and feeling that their relationship used to possess once upon a time, but instead filled with an anger and resentment that she did not quite know what to do with, but force them down and bury them deep inside until the day she would eventually break apart would come around.
"So, you better drop that thought, Potter, because it just isn't happening." Lily was many things, but she wasn't the type of a witch who would make the same mistake twice.
Now, that would be just foolish.
3
The little red-haired walked towards Lily's crumbling body with a look of an utter confusion etched onto her face, frowning while she held onto the teddy bear that their father had bought them when they were only eight. "Why are you crying?" asked the girl, touching her face lightly with tip of her fingers, and Lily felt like she could die at that moment. "Do you want me to hug you? My Mama said that when people are sad, they like to be comforted." Her voice echoed through the darkness of their world, echoing and echoing until you could not hear it any longer.
Lily shrugged, and let herself be hugged by the ghost of the girl that she had been a long time ago, but was no longer capable of associate with any longer. Too much had happened for that to be possible. She no longer held the same innocence that she used to have back then, when things used to be so much simpler, did not put her faith in things and people that same blind way that she used to back then, and though she was smarter for it, she found that she rather mourned the loss of her childhood innocence just the same.
"It's going to be alright," The girl whispered, the physical embodiment of the innocence that Lily had tragically lost, but she found herself wondering if anything was going to be alright ever again.
It did not seem likely, with the way her life had taken a turn.
4
When Lily woke up, she awoke to the look of Regulus Black's panicked face by the edge of Astronomy Tower's railing, while he desperately tried to hold onto her arm, and not drop her down to the ground. Frantically, Lily grabbed at his other hand, a rush of sudden fear coursing through her chest when she finally realized the dire situation that she suddenly somehow found herself in, tears running down her face. "Hold on," He gritted his teeth tight while he tried to pull her up, and Lily held onto his arm even tighter, desperately begging him not to drop her, and yet unable to voice those concerns out loud. "It's going to be okay, just trust me."
Then, with a surprising amount of a force, he suddenly pulled her up, causing both of them to bump against the cold surface of the Astronomy Tower.
Lily breathed hard, struggling to even her breaths, and sat up on the cold ground of the tower, sparing a glance at the dark-haired boy who was sitting beside her, looking just as affected by the whole thing.
When he looked at her, Lily realized with a surprise that his dark eyes were soft and kind, filled with none of the cruelty that his family were known for, but then maybe Lily shouldn't have been surprised at all, for she remembered the look of his face at the back of that bookstore that day, and couldn't help but to think that maybe he just wasn't the sort of a boy who was capable of the cruelty that the rest of his family were very much capable of doing. He had saved her, after all, and that was ought to amount to something, right? Certainly none of his family members would take it very kindly if they discovered that he had saved a muggle-born witch from dying.
"Just breathe, steady and slow," He sounded like he had quite an experience with such intense emotions, and Lily wondered if he would tell her how he knew about them if she were to ask him right now.
She thought not.
Lily breathed, uselessly trying to steady her still racing heart with a little to no success. "Thank you."
She could have died tonight. Of course, Lily had been fully aware of that fact, but it was something which didn't fully register until that moment when she turned to look at him, but when it did, it came along with an uncontrollable set of emotions that she did not quite know how to control. "I —," There was something she wished to say dying on the tip of her tongue, but she found that she could not say them regardless of how much she tried.
Instead, Lily threw herself on him, an action which required a huge amount of a bravery from her, but she found that she had a desperate need for a comfort right now, and he was the only one within the vicinity able to provide it. He wasn't exactly her first choice, but he would have to do for now.
She just hoped he wouldn't try to hex her for it.
When he did not move to do much of anything, Lily whimpered against her throat, snuggling closer to him and wrapping her arms around his neck, causing for his breath to cease for the moment.
"Just for a moment, please." He sighed, having finally resigned to the way his life had taken a turn tonight, and wrapped a rather loose, hesitant arm around her, and though Lily wished he would hug her a little tighter, she was glad for it nevertheless.
Lily closed her eyes shut and cried, the sounds of her tears disappearing into the night. "It's okay," His hands moved to pat the back of her head from her waist, and Lily wondered if it was his first time comforting somebody. "It's going to be alright."
And though Lily did not think anything was ever going to be aright, she did not voice out her inner thoughts.