White. Only white. Endless, never-ending, everywhere.
Tired, so tired. Rest here always and forever. Here in the white, in the nothing.
Slumber in the off-white. Sleep safely in the snow-white, the ivory, the alabaster. There are no dreams here within the dust, the chalk, the bone.
Within the bone.
In the bone-white.
But bone-white is not true white. It is a light yellow-white with an undertone of pale green.
And Bonewhite, well, he is not only white. His hair is satin silver-white and his skin is pale green.
His hair binds my frozen fingers. His eyes pierce and glow and shine; lemon and jade and golden-sand. His willow skin is smooth and cold, always cold with delicate veins that spider softly.
His nose... it should sniff and scent, wrinkle and twitch. But it does not... and those veins have turned dark and hard. He has shattered. He is dying.
Why is he dying?
Perhaps because he is not Bonewhite at all.
His mind is not bleached or bleak or barren or bone.
It is soft and pale and whispering and pearl.
He is cordial and clever, quiet and kind.
He is de'Keni.
But where is he? And why is he dying? I can't remember.
'Keni?
All around Evan, the whites were glowing; the dust, the chalk, the bone. They were blending and bleeding, mixing and changing until there was only one; pure white. But it became too bright and the mind that was once Evan Lorne tried to look away from the glare.
But he could not. He couldn't. Why not?
Because the white was everywhere; radiant, illuminating, blinding. Was he really seeing this? Evan couldn't even work out if his eyes were open. Everything was all blurred and without form or shape.
Evan hunched away from the white heat of the hostile light. Agony exploded down his side, venting the very breath from his lungs and firing his mind into chaos.
He couldn't— words wouldn't— the pain—
It was all too much.
—help! Help me!
Cracks appeared in his ivory mind; tiny veins of lemon, jade, and golden-sand. At first, the fragile capillaries pulsed sluggishly, then faster, faster, faster until a blazing white flash over-exposed his vision to reveal fiery neon scars against a blackened roaring famine.
Blistering hunger dug itself under Evan's skin and seared his eyes. His body was suffused with burning light and a scorching fever of wanting and needing—
he was hungry, and it hurt—
—he was tearing, ripping, bleeding, breaking—
–oh, god!
Everything burned.
No! Everything was in flames. Inflamed.
"No!" His soul was on fire. "Please!"
With the light and the heat and the hunger came a noise; a rushing, whooshing, frightening sound that pressed in on his ears and drilled into his mind. Where… why?
Once again he sought escape and found shelter in the curved form next to him. But he could only pant and whimper there. The rigid figure was unforgiving. In the stark white light, Evan couldn't hide from him that which he desperately did not want to see;
The limp body, the still face; grey, ash, stone.
No! No no no no no no no…
He willed his fingers to move, to squeeze the lifeless hand locked within his. At first, nothing. Then tiny pins pricked at his palm and sent needles stabbing along each finger. They stung his fingertips and then pierced their way back to where a barbed thorn sliced open his palm.
Evan screamed.
Hot molten liquid pooled and poured and then it was pulled from his hand, his arm, his heart. He had no breath left to cry out, and then he couldn't breathe at all.
The rushing, whooshing, frightening sounds bellowed louder as the beam of light seared his eyes blind until darkness blurred across the white and heat and pain.
Evan pushed and kicked and rocked, groaning as he rolled himself over to shield his friend from the flaming light and endless screaming noise. But he knew nothing could save them.
Those ghostly shadows were still coming, coming, coming…
Blue. Blinking into life.
Cerulean and black.
And not dead.
Navy and steel and azure and sky.
Staring back at him.
Seeing him.
evan-mea…
'Keni?
hhhheeeere…
'Keni!
yes.
A voice rasped, "de'Keni?"
"Yessss." The wraith blinked against the brightness of that blue stare. "Evan."
"...m'here, 'Keni." A warm forehead, then dry lips.
"Mmmm. This one is… de'Keni." The words were whisper soft and profoundly loud.
"How?"
De'Keni, for he would cling onto his Naming while he could, did not yet understand how. He had come back into awareness by following the beacon of Life, blood thundering in his ears, and hunger's shadow retreating to the borders of his mind. He recognised the taste of Life tingling in his palm but he did not care for any of that now. He only cared about the one who was lying before him.
The one who he had betrayed. His friend. "I am sorry, evan-mea."
Within their weak link, he felt the man's confusion. Evan could not understand why he would be sorry. They were alive, both of them, and there should be no sorrys for that, only thank-yous and thank-gods.
De'Keni, for he must fight for his right to that Name, slipped his shaking offhand away from Evan's back and snaked it between them. One by one he coaxed the gnarled fingers of his feeding hand away from Evan's, tiny spheres of blood beading where his claws hand dug in. He cupped Evans' hand in both of his own, presenting the damning evidence to his only friend.
They looked into the depths of the shadowed palm between them and saw what looked like the sharp red slash of a feeding maw, bloody and angry and please-no and impossible—
"Please, evan-mea." He tried to smile but his mind was drowning under the weight of his violation. "I..."
fed.
on you.
i am sorry.
"You fed? But I thought your, your… was...?"
"Broken? Not quite." The glare of those blue eyes blinded him and he had to look away. "Damaged, weak, deformed? Yes."
"And did you know you could–?"
"No. I would not… I could never… I did not know that I could…" Under the relentless spotlight his shivering had turned to violent shudders and his panic flooded their bonded minds. "I am sorry, evan-mea! It was nothing but a sip... a taste… but there is no excuse. I am so very–"
sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY
SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY
Regret screamed through his mind and self-loathing roared in his ears.
The Wraith Who had Betrayed the Major severed their tie. They were not friends or brothers and he was not… he was not... de'Keni.
His pathetic apology was left to echo around his mind, bouncing off the barren void of his solis. He was not the Second. He was not vis mea. He was only Bonewhite.
The shadows wavered around him, slinking closer, stalking. He was lost and alone and without anyone to come for him. No one wanted this wraith because he was wrong and broken and he always had been.
This one was only debilitis and nothing more.
He felt Evan fumbling between them until his treacherous feeding palm was engulfed by a strong hand. A heavy arm tightened around his shoulders and tugged him in tight. Fingers brushed clumsily through his tangled hair and Evan rocked them gently.
Under the resounding sorrys, the wraith could feel Evan's ribs and head and palm screaming raw, but yet the man just rocked and he hushed and he soothed and he murmured.
Back and forth and back and forth.
His Evan was crying and thanking strange forces for keeping them alive. For keeping him alive; a wraith, a thief of Life. His Evan was grateful for him. His Evan was holding him like some precious thing, like… like–
de'Keni…
de'Keni… de'Keni…
de'Keni… de'Keni… de'Keni…
Evan's mind was barely there anymore but even so he heard the human chanting his name; an answering croon to his own rueful howl. The wraith gathered everything he was thinking and feeling and flooded his torn filum, desperate to find their link, their bond.
He closed his eyes against the relentless light and shut his mind off to the wailing noise, rocking and waiting with Evan. He held on in the darkness until that thin gossamer thread reappeared and guided his mind through the dark until he felt Evan's solis pulsing in the distance. There. As the filum recoupled, Evan's mind burst into a kawoosh of rippling, flashing caerulus-blue.
i am here.
Don't leave me again.
Please.
i will not.
Promise me.
you have my word.
Hands pressed between them, de'Keni returned his offhand to stroke Evan's neck. The wind grew louder, kicking up clouds of ash and earth that danced and settled on them both. As Evan sobbed into his shoulder, the wraith held on and on, afraid that if he let go they would untether and their minds would return to dust.
"...'Keni."
"Evan-mea. My Evan."
Evan had no idea how long he lay there, wrapped up in 'Keni's arms and cocooned in the safety of his mind. It could have been hours, days even, but the wraith's soft chuckling huff told him it was only seconds.
Cool fingers clawed at his neck. "Evan-mea? Evan… look."
He didn't want to release his hold or let in the light and noise and ghosts, but those claws became adamant, scritching their insistence into his skin. Pulling back just a little, he turned his head and peered out into the glare.
For the first time, he wondered what could generate so much light. The pathetic moons still shone somewhere above them, barely illuminating the dismal grey dust and barren, pock-marked ground. Beams of light were coming from further away, with ghosts that roved around in front, coming toward them, solidifying into shadows.
From the formless shadows, two dark spectres broke free, moving both fast and slow and forward and back. Squinting didn't help; his eyes were truly failing him and his brain couldn't grasp what was happening.
"Evan." A hand squeezed his. He turned in to face a gentle baring of teeth. "I will show you."
He slumped back down and let 'Keni send him what he could see. From the blurred mess of light and shade, the hazy shadows sharpened into two silhouettes; one with a shock of unruly hair and the other with a long, wild mane.
"Sheppard?" Hope leapt in his chest.
"The Colonel, he comes for you, yes."
Footsteps. Running. Murmurs solidified into rumbles and drawls. "And… Todd?"
"Eres-prima."
"Sorry. The Commander?"
"He comes for me. He always comes." 'Keni hummed and their filum buzzed with joy. Evan lit up their minds with spectral devotion, love, honour, and thanks.
It took another lifetime but finally Sheppard and Todd were finally there, kneeling on either side of their lost Seconds.
"Colonel Sheppard?"
"Right here, buddy." John's worried face emerged from the shadows. A warm hand gripped his shoulder, careful not to jostle his battered side.
Metal-clad fingers brushed over Evan's arm to cradle 'Keni's head as Todd leaned in to press his forehead to his Second's.
Todd's mind linked with his brother's, and burst in on Evan;
vis mea
'Keni sighed with relief.
aegis mea
Todd rested his large hand over Sheppard's on Evan's shoulder.
major lorne
'Keni frowned.
evan-mea
Todd tilted his head and studied the human.
second, i do not–
Evan bared his teeth and tried to directly address Todd;
This wraith is de'Keni!
It was unnerving to have both wraith staring at him, Todd's yellow eyes wide with surprise. Evan held their gaze for a moment before offering up a tired smile. 'Keni's delight surged between the three of them with indentations-hollows-marks and he felt himself blush.
"Uh, guys," Sheppard drawled. "Kinda feel like I'm missing something here."
"Sorry, boss." Evan was having trouble focusing on the Colonel's words, as Todd and 'Keni's voices tumbled rapidly through his mind.
he is–?
evan-mea. my friend.
mmmm. brother, i was–
[frightened-lost-waiting-searching]
help this human–
[muchpain-broken-hurtings]
but... do you not–?
[hunger-long-need-burn]
At the mention of his hunger, 'Keni fled from Todd's mind, concealing his shame and retreating closer to his bond with Evan.
"Colonel, where's AR-1?"
Sheppard busied himself with checking over Evan's injuries, pointedly ignoring their joined hands. Evan ignored the stinging throb in his palm and waited. "There were… extenuating circumstances, Major."
"So you came without Mr. Woolsey's permission." Evan didn't even bother to conceal his disapproval. "And AR-1?"
Sheppard jerked his head in the direction of his backpack and Todd reached in to grab a packet of meds. He'd brought the good stuff, swiped from Beckett's locked storeroom. Todd popped two pills from the foil, handing them to Evan along with a bottle of water. Helping 'Keni to sit up, he rumbled, "We were forced to act in great haste, Major Lorne."
"And you thought it acceptable to mount a rescue operation without human Healers?" 'Keni sniffed, glaring at Todd as he accepted some water. "A foolish decision."
Sheppard stopped his efforts to re-strap Evan's ribs. "Now, hold up there, Kenny, we–"
"Second," Evan blurted out.
"Oh, uh, what?" The Colonel looked startled by Evan's reproof.
"You will call him Second," he insisted. "Sir."
do you wish to share my new Naming?
de'Keni?
yesss.
No. That's… [special-sacred-yours-ours]
my thankssss. Evan felt the wraith's pleasure at his decision.
Sheppard looked from Evan to 'Keni and back, then darted a glance at Todd who smirked in amusement. "Sheppard. Your Namings are not always so well received."
"But you like your name." Sheppard looked doubtful. "Right?"
The wraith Commander affected a look of total innocence. "We must go."
"Fine." Sheppard stood and raised a prompting eyebrow.
Todd turned to Evan. "I am afraid we are without a transportation apparatus so you must be carried."
"Wait, what? Who's gonna…?" Evan was having trouble getting his mouth around his words and he was starting to feel all warm and loose.
Strong hands lifted him up as though he weighed nothing. He was confused for a moment when his vision was taken up with white hair and green skin but it was all showy-white not silky and brazen-green rather than willow-pale. And the fresh pine scent had been replaced by something bittersweet like… licorice?
This was not 'Keni but… Todd. And that meant he was no longer holding… and had become untethered from... He pushed away from a chest that was too broad and looked up into eyes that were yellow, only plain ordinary yellow. "Stop! Please… I just–"
The wraith appeared by his side, propped up by Sheppard. He leaned in close and whispered, "I am here, evan-mea."
"Todd's gotcha, buddy," Sheppard assured. "And he promises not to bite."
Evan could feel a warning growl building in Todd's chest and he caught a glimpse of those sharp teeth under a curled upper lip. The meds were making everything too big and too loud and too much. He didn't know where to put his hands and his ribs were on fire and 'Keni was there but Sheppard was helping him and it should be Evan helping the wraith make it to the jumper and–
A familiar vibrating hum began but it sounded strange. Todd's thrumming was deeper and it resonated right at the back of Evan's mind, effectively cutting off his panic but it left him completely stunned for a moment. Beside him, 'Keni hummed his approval; a lighter sound that harmonised with his Commander's deep tones and danced around within Evan's mind, dulling his pain while reigniting his ability to think. He let his wraith lull him back into a calm state and relaxed in Todd's arms.
They made their way toward the bright light. 'Keni sniffed and he glanced up to find the wraith peering down at him, a crooked smile lighting up his tired face. The wraith took his hand as they struggled along. "We are taking you home now, evan-mea."
When they reached the back of Sheppard's favourite jumper, Todd set him down carefully on one of the bench seats in the back and headed up front. Sheppard eased 'Keni down next to him. "Try to keep him steady on the trip home, okay? Holler if you need anything."
Evan watched Sheppard slump down into the pilot's seat, catching a fond look that passed between him and Todd.
"Evan-mea?" 'Keni had settled back against the wall, his long legs straddling the bench seat. The wraith beckoned with his off-hand so he leaned back on 'Keni's chest. The wraith placed his feeding hand on Evan's which rested on his lap and slipped his off-hand under Evan's tender palm, the cool skin soothing his untreated feeding wound. 'Keni rested his chin on Evan's shoulder and they smiled.
'Keni lifted his off-hand and gently pressed a pale green knuckle to the corner of Evan's mouth.
there they are again, your
[indentations-hollows-dimples]
yours, 'Keni.
[everything-anything-all]
Evan grinned at the look of shock on 'Keni's face, right before their link was flooded with warmth and heat and mine?-no-yes-yesplease… yes-mine!
'Keni thrummed softly as the jumper fired up around them and the powerful search lights dimmed. They stared out of the open hatch at the bland, grey expanse. Evan wasn't sorry that he couldn't make out the barren spot where they had lost one another, but even so...
A warm nudge at the back of his mind delivered what 'Keni could share; the pitiful moons staring down at the remnants of their campfire, all smoke and ash and partially obscured by the dust cloud kicked up by their rescuers.
Eventually, that powdery dirt would settle and all that remained of their plight would be the hulking carcass of an abandoned gateship. His body wanted to sink into sleep but he couldn't, not just yet. Not until the hatch closed on their little camp and they cleared the debris field surrounding the spacegate.
"Hey, sir?" Evan heard a distracted grunt of acknowledgment. "How'd you make it through all that debris?"
It was Todd who answered. "We assumed that your craft had sustained damage forcing you to set down on the nearest planet."
"Wasn't easy," Sheppard piped up. "Nearly called it a day. Wanted to get back in time for dinner. It's pizza night."
"Sheppard," Todd rumbled in reproach. His deep dual-toned voice resonated strangely in Evan's head as the wraith's thoughts passed through his connection to 'Keni at the same time. Todd was communicating mentally, but not with 'Keni–
you speak untruths
–and Evan found himself the uninvited witness to a faint pulse of [nooneleftbehind] and Todd's stronger throb of yesss-mysheppard-myjohn, all wrapped up in a thick layer of affection.
"Colonel Sheppard is correct that it was not easy." It was getting hard to fight the desire to sleep with 'Keni's voice purring in his ear. "Eres-prima had to assist with navigation."
Evan could hear Todd shifting in his seat. "Your gateship was not emitting a signal and this empty world is vast indeed."
second.
i thought you were lost to me,
but...
you heard my mind
"What?" Evan yawned, ribs trying to protest through his medicated haze. "He heard you?"
"Beckoning from the darkness," 'Keni whispered, lips brushing Evan's ear. "Both of us."
Evan turned, his lips tracing along the wraith's jaw, his chin and up to meet his mouth. Their kiss was warm and cool, bright and shadowed; it was incandescent with navy-steel-azure-sky and lemon-jade-goldensand. 'Keni felt his mind melt into Evan's as his heart thrummed and his skin tingled. They parted, panting, smiling.
Senses calming, Evan asked, "Todd heard... us?"
"Yes." 'Keni's frail hand squeezed his, the wraith's secret hidden between their palms.
They closed their eyes and found themselves surrounded by the familiar welcoming white of 'Keni's solis. Beyond the borders of the wraith's mind, a blue-white star shone faintly; Todd. He understood that what he saw next was from Todd and, somehow, from Sheppard.
in a lonely sea of stars cast out across the inky depths of space
desperate minds are searching;
[eresprima-highcommander-todd] and [coloneljohnsheppard-brother]
and though they come flying, they are failing
then, out of the endless silence…
a call...
too faint… too far...
it comes again, again, again but it cries out from nowhere and from nothing
and so they cannot find
[second- bonewhite-vis mea] and [majorevanlorne-soldier-brother]
until…
until…
a distant comet fires in lemon-jade-goldensand
tethered in silver to
a rippling star of navy-steel-azure-sky
still so distant, so far away
but the wraith and the human who seek their seconds
are coming to claim them.
with every breath, they draw closer, ever closer to
The One Who Hides His Light and He Who Guards the Dead City
"You called them, 'Keni?"
"And you showed them the way, evan-mea."
"I… don't understand."
"Perhaps…"
a loving soul, which never dies
takes broken hand and failing eyes,
if body fails, the mind must rise
to cleave the silence, and paint the skies.
we are tethered, yet we are free
with hand to hold and eyes to see.