Chapter 4: The Next Step 14th February 1996

13th February

Well what a day that was. Orla, if you are reading this (which you probably are because you've no respect for my privacy!), I want you to know how proud I am of you. Granda and James were getting so worried about the horse and the way in which you stood up and steadied it was actually quite inspiring. I'm even shedding a tear writing this… I love you cousin!

Anyway, as much as we had a bit of a laugh with Michelle falling off and the jockey getting a bit jealous of Orla, my mind has constantly been on tomorrow. Valentine's Day. It will be the first time I go into it with a boyfriend and one that I'm so…so in love with.

He's being a bit mysterious though. I'm not sure whether I like the fact he won't tell me what we're doing tomorrow or not. It makes me excitable to think what we might get up to… but I don't know how we could manage THAT in a place like this. Even with everything going on tomorrow, we still won't get our moment.

After removing every last bit of hay from her clothing, Michelle informed everyone (including an unaware James), that there would be a party at theirs tomorrow night. We were all invited, obviously, and Michelle was going to ask Jenny and Aisling to join us too. Granda nearly crashed the car when he heard Michelle saying something positive above Jenny Joyce but I think it's a grand idea seeing as Jenny's been a real solid friend recently. I reckon she'll invite Danny Scanlon too so maybe me and James can turn the tables and tease her for once. Since I decided I would be stealing James for the day, we did a trade so that she could have Orla to help set the party up. A fair trade in my opinion but Michelle moaned that 'Dicko shouldn't get away with doing nothing'. I didn't want to say I'd make sure he got his exercise… Christ! I'm burning up just writing that…

She isn't the only one with plans either. Mammy took a phone call from her old friend Roisin and they're meeting up in Omagh tomorrow morning. Granda has offered to drive her so that he can see one of his old work friends, which will keep them out of the house for hours. But Mammy wasn't happy that it would leave me alone in the house with James. I swear sometimes she can read my thoughts… so she's forced Daddy to take the day off work just to babysit me and James so that we don't try any 'funny business'. Daddy being at home also allows her to leave Anna with him and any chance of us taking our relationship to the next step has been ruined! But I need to talk to James about it first I suppose, because I don't even know if he's ready to… you know. Then again, he was with Katya… bitch.

The duvet was lovely and warm. And it was a good job that it was because that morning, Derry's citizens awoke to a savage frost. It was despicably cold, at least -4 as people woke around six o'clock and cars became ridiculously difficult to defrost. It was too early for Erin and she drifted back to sleep for another hour, retreating to her own little land of dreams, mostly regarding a certain young Englishman. But when she roused again at seven, her room remained just as cold as it had at six, and she quickly decided to leave the covers around her. There was no chance she was getting up when it was that cold and with no school to get up for, she had no reason to be up yet. James would probably be doing the same so he wouldn't be around for at least another hour or two.

James wasn't doing the same.

When the door creaked open, Erin frowned when no one said anything because if it was her mother or her father, they would usually announce their presence. She dropped the frown the moment she realised who it was though. James crept into her bedroom and within seconds her heart was galloping like their bloody horse. She could feel the blood rushing around her body, to places she couldn't afford it to rush to… because she didn't know if she could fight back. There was something about him arriving in her room like that… It sent her wild…

The ever practical and gentlemanly James didn't come empty handed and carried up her breakfast on a tray. The smell of the fresh bacon and crisp toast hit her as he closed the door behind him; a daring move on his part.

"Good morning darling". He grinned at her.

"Darling?" She snorted. "Since when did ye call me 'darling'?"

James rolled his eyes and they both giggled. He took the cup of tea off the tray and put it down onto her bedside table, Erin in the meantime sitting up in bed, allowing him to place the tray down onto her lap when he shifted across to her. Bringing his head back up, he received the kiss he had been looking forward to the second he trudged out of bed at five o'clock that morning. Erin was absolutely clueless about him being in her house since half past five that morning, conducting the preparations for their day together.

"I wasn't expecting this". She grinned, looking at her breakfast.

"Oh I'm not done yet".

One of his damned brilliant lopsided grins appeared and the tray shook as Erin's body reacted with feelings she didn't know how to contain. He was making her fall apart and for her own sanity, he needed to stop. However, it appeared that like her mother, James could read her mind, because he did just that by stepping out of the room for a second. It allowed Erin to fix her short-circuited brain and return her body to a state of control that she'd lost for a few seconds. But her heart and the rest of her were soon wrestling away from that control as James stepped into the room again. In his hands were a bouquet of beautiful red roses and box of chocolates.

"Such a romantic". She purred.

"I try my best".

Leaning in for another kiss, he rested the flowers and the chocolates on the other side of the bed, producing a card as well. Erin took the card out his hands and as he pulled back away, kneeling down at the side of her bed, she began to tear away at the envelope. The front of the card was a drawing of two people with incredible similarities to the two of them, holding hands with a heart separating them. A little part of Erin squealed in joy at it; she knew he had gone to great lengths once again to make her feel as if she was the most special girl in the world. Which she was, of course.

Inside the card, she read his message.

To my beautiful Erin,

I know of the two us you are the poet, but I have three important words you need to read.

I love you

You are the last thing I think of before I close my eyes at night, you are the basis of all of my best dreams and when I wake up in the morning, you are always on my mind.

You are everything to me.

From the depths of my heart, I love you.

Your Wee English Fella xxx

In the Hollywood romance she created in her head when she was ten years old, a boy would write her a card like this, and she would cry with happiness. Growing up in Derry taught her that it could never be the way she dreamt it those years before and she'd sadly accepted that truth. Yet her she was living the dream with a boy who fitted the description of the handsome, dashing young gentleman she hoped for at ten. The tears falling completed the dream.

"Ye silly fella, yer making me cry".

James's soft laughter rang in her ear and a second later they were wrapped in an embrace, James gently nipping at back of her neck as she wept onto his shoulder. Feeling a rush of confidence from his beautiful words, she moved back slightly to be in line with his ear.

"You can get in ye know".

It was James's turn to lose control of his body. He'd seen her previous attempts at seduction and it was fair to say they were a train wreck, but the effortless glide that her words seem to take as they drifted into his ear sent waves of emotion all around him. Control James… control!

"As much as I'd love to". He whispered into her ear before they pulled out of the embrace. "I promised your mum that I'd be back down within ten minutes. And for both of our sakes, I don't want to find out what she might do with the wooden spoon if I'm not".

Erin creased up at the thought of James being chased around her room by her mother, wooden spoon wielded like a battle-axe, ready to cut him down. As funny as it would be, she probably wouldn't be allowed to see him again and that certainly wasn't what she wanted. Sighing in resignation, she nodded, and he stood up and made his way to the door. Stopping just in front of it, he looked back at her over his shoulder.

"I'll be back though".

His alluring words and another one of his lopsided grins, and Erin again lost all control of her feelings. She could only thank the Lord that James was on his way out of the room because there was no way he would forgive her if James hadn't.

James made it back downstairs with a few moments to spare, Mary sheathing her wooden spoon for another day. In reality, she wouldn't have had the time to discipline him if he'd not made the time limit, because she had to leave in the next few minutes in order to get to Omagh on time. An inpatient Joe was already outside in the car waiting with Sarah, who they would drop off at work on their way out of the city and Orla, who'd be dropped off at the Mallon house.

"Have you got ye purse Mary?" Gerry questioned gently from the living room, as she rushed about in the kitchen.

"Yes Gerry. Christ… do ye have to ask me about the purse every single time I go anywhere".

Gerry shared a look of disbelief with the Englishman sat to his side. Both of them remembered the camping trip the year before and the distressing scene of Mary trying to find her missing purse. They also remembered her distinct instruction on the way home to always remind her about it before she went anywhere. Mary's memory didn't seem to stretch that far, not that either of them were willing to bring it up to her.

"Gerry!" She shouted.

"Yes love". He replied, walking towards her position in the kitchen.

"You keep your eye on the wains. I don't want any funny business going on in this house, so you better be on their case every five minutes, ye hear me". She dropped her voice so that James wouldn't hear them

"Relax love". He sighed back. "They're just kids".

"I will not relax!" She stood her ground, adamant in her beliefs. "They've got their whole lives ahead of them for that… I don't want anymore additions to this family yet".

"Mar…"

"I said no Gerry!" Mary raised her voice.

James wondered what they were on about hearing her shouting at Gerry, but it wasn't usual to find the two of them scrapping whilst he was at the house, so he thought no more of it. His thoughts were focused on a different member of the house entirely but if he shared them with Mary and Gerry then he would be experiencing his final breaths. Those thoughts were ones that could not be aired but could be enjoyed in his head.

"Bye James love". Mary called out to him as she passed.

"Bye Mary, have a good time with your friend".

"Thank ye son".

Gerry walked with her to the door, Mary stopping at the bottom of the stairs, shouting up to Erin to tell her she was going, her daughter wishing her a goodbye from behind the closed door of her bedroom. Walking out into the cold air of the morning, Mary pulled on her gloves, turning back to Gerry who stood shivering at the door in just a shirt and jeans.

"I mean it about those two Gerry".

"Alright love!" He responded in an aggravated tone. "You've made the point very clear".

Giving her a peck on the cheek, Gerry caught sight of Joe through the car window, scowling at him and flipping him the bird. A beautiful sight in early morning Derry. Mary soon got into the car and they left in the direction of the Mallon house, with Gerry earning himself one more showing of Joe's middle finger before they disappeared out of view. Some things never changed.

"That's a lot of bottles Michelle".

Orla's remarks were completely true. Michelle had acquired a scary amount of alcohol for this party and the shed in their back garden was practically full to the brim of it. Orla admired the pretty colours of each crate, the various brands having entertaining colour schemes that captivated her.

"Well, I've invited half of fuckin' Derry Orla, can't have them going thirsty".

"Aye that is true. I wonder what Erin and James are doing".

"Ha!" Michelle laughed aloud. "Not a lot, Gerry's probably got them playing Monopoly or Guess Who".

"Monopoly I reckon Michelle, Aunt Mary said we can't play Guess Who again after what happened with Uncle Gerry and Granda at Christmas".

Michelle nodded, completely in agreement with Mary's logic when it came to anything regarding the two bickering males. From out the back they heard the doorbell go and the two of them raced through the house, ignoring the need for quiet as Deidre slept upstairs following another night shift. Opening the door, Michelle was correct in the thought that shot into her head the moment the doorbell rang. Jenny and Aisling were stood outside. Michelle had a card!

"Morning Jenny, Aisling".

"Good Morning Michelle!" Jenny spoke in her usual cheery tone.

"Morning!" Aisling sounded chipper herself.

"I'm a lucky girl then". Michelle flicked her hair back dramatically, smacking Orla right in the eye with her hand as she bought it down. "Oh shit, sorry Orla".

"No bother Michelle, no bother". Orla replied, rubbing the eye.

"I'm glad we've caught the two of you here, saves us a trip up to Orla's house to give this to her as well".

Jenny reached into the bag and Michelle nearly keeled over in shock when it was revealed that someone wrote Orla a card. Unless James had done it in the hope of some fucked up threesome, the English did have some strange habits, she couldn't work out who it could be. Erin had told her about the Oliver Cromwell card but as far as Michelle was aware, there weren't any boys in Derry called Oliver Cromwell. Realistically there shouldn't have been any boys named Oliver Cromwell in Ireland at all. It was not the sort of name you could flaunt on the Western side of the Irish Sea and expect to live to tell the tale.

"Did ye get my card to Oliver?" A hopeful Orla asked.

"We did indeed Orla". Jenny confirmed, Michelle's eyes widening. "And he wanted us to give you this card in return. He couldn't make it to put in the collection in time but he begged us to give it to ye so he did and we couldn't say no".

Aisling's overbearing nodding mesmerised Orla but it didn't convince Michelle and she frowned at the two girls stood at her doorstep. What the fuck was going on…

"But". Aisling added. "He said that ye have to open it on your own, away from the rest of us. He was very specific about that wasn't he Jenny?"

"He was indeed". Jenny corroborated Aisling's story.

Orla snatched the card out of Jenny's hand and ran off in the direction of the back garden of Michelle's house, her heart pounding. Oliver Cromwell had written a card back to her. She was worthy of him and nothing made her happier than to have the confirmation of it in written form. Michelle stood aghast in the doorway, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Cromwell died hundreds of years ago, there was no way he could have actually wrote Orla a Valentine's card. The only way it could have been done is if…

The light bulb flicked on. Of course.

"You… got her a card and…".

"Yep. I didn't want to see her feelings get hurt and I thought it would be helpful to get a card and Aisling picked out a perfect one when I told her".

At a total loss for words, Michelle's mouth simply fell open with the surprise of what the two girls had done for Orla. She would be completely heartbroken if she'd got nothing back in return from the long dead Statesman, but the two girls recognised that and did something about it. That showed true class and… friendship?

"Thank ye. Both of ye. That's proper class what you've done like".

"It was nothing". Jenny attempted to brush the praise off.

"No really Jenny. I know my lot haven't seen eye to eye with the two of ye in the past but perhaps we can let the past stay like that?" Michelle searched the two of them.

Jenny and Aisling could tell Michelle that any hopes of friendship were beyond salvation and she couldn't exactly complain about it. After all, most of the bitter resentment came from her side and not theirs, they were just trying to get by in life living by the rules and not breaking them like the gang did. But neither Jenny or Aisling wished to continue hostilities, and both smiled to accept a cessation in any further conflict between them.

"Here's your card Michelle". Aisling smiling again whilst handing it over.

"Thanks. Hey look, I'm having a wee get together here tonight. If you's want to come then I'd be happy to have ye".

She'd already planned on asking them anyway, but Michelle couldn't quite believe the words fell so easily from her mouth when she did. Being friendly to Jenny and Aisling felt far too easy. Far too easy.

The two girls both said they'd need to check with their parents, but all being well they accepted the invite warmly. Michelle waved them off before shutting the front door and sitting down on the sofa to open the card. The thought of who it could be from quickly entered her mind. The logical choice was Danny Scanlon but Michelle was the hottest girl in Derry so it could be any lad. It was somewhat surprising there was only one. That was what she thought anyway. The card was covered in glitter, with a little bear on the front of it holding a love heart and the sky appeared to be raining little love hearts too. She opened it up.

Love?

Do you feel it too?

I hope you do…

Your secret Admirer.

It was short and… shit… that was her first honest thought. She was expecting something a bit more solid than a couple of questions and hoped that the admirer would out themselves instead of hiding. But there was something else about the card that caught her attention.

The handwriting.

She recognised the handwriting. Recognised it because she saw it often. It certainly wasn't the handwriting of Danny Scanlon as she had never seen anything he'd wrote before. She knew exactly who it belonged to.

What the fuck…

James slouched out on the Quinn's sofa. After being up at five, he'd barely stopped in an effort to make Erin's morning as perfect as possible, but he wanted to in order to conserve a bit of energy. He would soon have to get up again to retrieve the tray from Erin's room, so he enjoyed the couple of minutes to himself. Gerry was busying himself tidying up the kitchen after breakfast, the rest of the house having vacated without any attempt at clearing up. Little Anna sat in her chair at the table and every so often would give James a little wave and he would smile and wave back to her.

"SHITE!"

Gerry's sudden shout of profanity made him jump out of his skin on the sofa.

"What is it Gerry?" He quizzically called out from the living room.

"Shit! Shit!"

Gerry's continued swearing became a bit of a concern to James and he roused himself from the relaxed spot on the sofa to investigate. Moving through to the kitchen, James found him with his head in hands, fingers running through the hair he had left.

"Mary's missed Anna's check up at the doctors. It's today".

"Ah".

"She'll go mental if we miss it". Gerry fretted.

It wasn't like Mary to overlook a detail like that. Other than the Turkey, which James put down more to the Gerry/Joe conflict making practical conversation impossible, he'd never seen Mary miss a trick. Being a recipient of the wooden spoon treatment, he was well aware of the consequences of Anna's appointment being missed. It was serious.

"Shit!" Gerry swore again before marching off towards the stairs. "Erin!"

James followed him to the bottom of the stairs but at a slight distance, unable to keep up with Gerry's furious pace.

"Erin!" Gerry called again.

James heard the door opening and the shuffling of feet, and on looking up, the now dressed Erin stood at the top of the stairs. She was wearing almost identical clothes to him which made him soften and almost liquify. Denim jacket and jeans with white shirts on underneath, they were the spitting image of each other.

"What is it Da?" Erin frowned.

"Anna's got an appointment at the doctors in twenty minutes. Your mother… forgot".

Erin's frown remained. Like James, she couldn't think of a time where her mother would have carelessly forgotten an important detail like a doctor's appointment. She wasn't convinced that her father was telling the truth.

"Ma forgetting something like that… wise up Da". She scoffed.

"Erin I'm serious. Your mother will kill me if the doctors ring to find out why Anna missed her check-up. If I go now, we'll make it just about on time".

Erin continued to frown and turned her attention to James, whose nod and sincere expression began to change her view. There was no way they would both lie to her about it and when she looked back at Gerry again and found him to be running his hands through his hair, she recognised his sign of stress.

"But I need your word that the two of you will act responsibly".

Gerry addressed the question to the couple, his eyes flicking between the two and narrowing on James. It was a straight to the point question and Gerry wasn't hiding the meaning behind the words. Erin knew from her mother's outburst at the dinner table the night before that nothing along those lines would be allowed in the house. Reluctantly, they had no choice but to agree.

"Good. Right I best get Anna's coat on".

"How long do you think you'll be Gerry?" An interested James asked.

"Probably a good couple of hours son. But don't worry, I should be back to get the two of you some lunch".

Nodding his appreciation, James made his way up the stairs after Erin, who'd retreated back into her room after accepting her father's terms. He waited at the top of the stairs, waving a goodbye to Gerry and Anna as they rushed out of the house to his car. When the front door shut, the wry smile dared to edge out across his lips.

Erin waited for the front door to shut before she stopped tensing. She couldn't really work out why she was tensing anyway because more than anything she was baffled. Mammy would never forget an appointment like that…

James soon joined her in the room, shutting the door behind him, beaming at his girlfriend from the door but changing expression when he caught the look on her face.

"I don't get it James". She threw her hands in the air. "Mammy would never miss an appointment like that. Never!".

"I wouldn't worry about it…".

"Don't worry?!" She almost shouted at him. "Daddy might have a fancy woman James. He might be… conductin' an illicit affair right under Mammy's nose and now we're complicit in it!"

He couldn't help but laugh at her ridiculousness in return. Earning himself a rare look of disapproval from Erin didn't stop him either and he was in a real fight to stop himself. Erin slapping him on his wrist was the catalyst for change as she caught him cleanly and it stung his skin.

"Ow!"

"Ach grow up!" She complained in return. "I'm being serious James! These are my parents we're talking about… this could ruin our house…".

"Erin". He interrupted her, resting his hands on her shoulders to draw her attention to his face. "Do you really think your dad would risk Joe's wrath to take a mistress? I doubt it".

He watched as that thought went through the passage of procession in Erin's head. He saw the moment she realised he was talking more sense than her and felt her body ease under his hands. The expression on her face softened too; His Erin was back and not the over-dramatic, borderline neurotic Erin that the rest of Derry knew.

"I… guess not". She finally uttered.

The much calmer Erin frowned after finishing her words as James held a frown of his own that she couldn't understand. She'd just given him the answer he wanted, so why did he still look confused? Was that not the answer he wanted?

"What?"

"I'm still confused". James admitted.

"About what!?" She challenged.

"About why you felt the need to get dressed".

Wha… oh… OH!

The atmosphere in the room went from a tepid confusion to a fully heated sauna on the surface of the sun. James did not hold back the allure and desire in his voice. He was almost… husky. Consequently, Erin's brain went into overdrive.

For feck sake words, where are ye? I can drivel on about the beautiful sun kissed mornings and the wet and dreary evenings on paper, but now I need ye in real life… WHERE ARE YE?

"Er…".

"I… erm". James stood awkwardly, almost tripping over his own feet and scratching the back of his neck. "If you don't want to then its fine but".

Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved something that Erin hadn't seen for a while. In fact, she'd only seen them once in her life; in Katya's bag.

Condoms. REAL ACTUAL CONDOMS! The ones she once believed to be illegal in Derry. Erin recognised herself to be a blonde rabbit caught in the beam of two latex headlights. She wanted to breach the subject with him lightly, but he beat her to it and she chastised herself for thinking he would want to talk. James was a man of action, not a man of words.

"Sorry I've gone too far…". The slightly crestfallen Englishman moved his hand back down to put them back into his pocket.

"NO!" She cried, jumping forward into him and knocking him back slightly.

"Oh… okay…".

"How did you…?" The confusion level only increased for Erin.

"There are…". James stopped to clear his throat. "… things that I cannot unsee in Michelle's room, but I found these in there and… well I just thought that now we have an empty house…".

Stepping back away from him, Erin fidgeted with her hands. This wasn't a situation she envisaged when she got up that morning, at least not in realistic terms, and now she struggled. Her knees were weak, James's deeper… much deeper… voice was sending her emotions to heights they'd never scaled. Her heart was racing. Her palms were sweating. Breath was catching in her throat…

"So erm… how did you want to…".

James was shitting bricks. He expected to be declined and had made his peace with having to wait for another day, which gave him time to… psych himself up a bit more. But she wanted to. And now his knees were weak, and his heart set a relentless beating rhythm that threatened to rip his chest in half. His palms were sweating, and he found any further words getting caught in the back of his throat like fish in a net.

"Well I… erm... maybe if ye take your… jacket off and… I take mine…".

"Right…".

The floor soon received two denim jackets to its collection.

"Now what?"

"I… I don't know James!"

"Ok Ok… sorry!" He apologised in an ungainly manner. "Maybe we lose the shirts?"

"Yes!... I mean… yes. And then the jeans?"

"Erm… yeah… I…. I don't know Erin ok! It's not like there's a manual for this or I'd have read it!"

"Christ alright I'm sorry!" It was Erin's turn to apologise.

Despite the slight argument, the garments began to pile up on the floor of her room. In sophisticated, neat piles rather than a clumsy mess of discarded clothes. They certainly didn't practice folding in adult films. Although adult films didn't focus on explanations for creases in jackets like Mary Quinn did.

Soon the two of them were left in only their underwear.

"Now what?" Erin, nervously folding her arms across her chest, asked him.

James's eyes became mischievous and the internal control Erin had wrestled with all day broke beyond the point of return. She stumbled slightly and cursed herself in her head. For feck's sake Erin, yer not Bambi on feckin ice!...

But she needn't have worried. James was ready to catch her. When their skin touched, it was as if she had been thrown right into the local power station and took every volt. Her body tried to rebel and jump away but James's did not, and he held her in place. With those eyes and that lopsided grin… Erin couldn't take much more…

"I think I've seen enough Bond films to know what to do next".

"What do ye m…."

Oh James….