Chapter 7: A bit more than a cream horn 15th February 1996
Gerry owed the Lord so much at church, that Sunday couldn't come quick enough. Unluckily for him it was only Thursday and there were still a lot of sparks he expected to see fly before then. He'd enjoyed a lovely dinner with Mary on Valentine's evening, finding one of the best restaurants in town and treating themselves. Somehow, they never met a single member of the family and it was the first time in years they'd done anything as a couple on Valentine's Day. After the calamity that proceeded in the first half of the day, it was relaxing for Gerry to be able to spend such quality time with his wife. Returning home later than night, they waited up as a couple for Erin and Orla to come home and the two girls rambled in at a respectable eleven thirty. James accompanied them to the door and shared a grateful smile with Gerry, Mary's eyes narrowing at it, but they escaped further interrogation due to it being so late. That had been added to Gerry's Sunday prayers.
He was already nearly ready for work when Sarah strolled past him and into the kitchen, joining Joe at the table while Mary did some toast.
"How did ye date night go then Sarah". Mary enquired with interest.
"Ach not too bad Mary". She replied, stopping to take a sip of her tea. "I met a couple of nice fellas but no one too special".
"Any man who wants to be with my daughters has to be special alright". Joe huffed. "Just a shame Mary took it in the intellectual sense, didn't ye love".
Mary rolled her eyes at another insult about Gerry, who heard it from the hallway and sighed. Mary soon came out of the kitchen and headed in the direction of the stairs, straining a smile in his direction in acknowledgement of Joe's latest tirade. He sat at the bottom of the stairs whilst tying his shoelaces, thinking about how busy he would be after a day off. They always lumped extra work on him the next day when he did.
"How was ye party last night Orla". He heard Joe asking her from the kitchen, Orla sat in the living room.
"Not bad Granda, not bad". She replied.
"What's the craic then Orla love?". Her mother added.
"Ach mammy, Michelle was ripping so she was. Her Danny got Jenny and Aisling drunk and they were throwing up everywhere!"
"The Joyce wain? Yer having me on Orla?" The shocked Joe retorted.
"No Granda I swear on Erin's diary that that's the truth".
Ignoring the odd comment about the diary, Joe pondered the Joyce family dealing with their daughter turning up drunk at home. It would certainly take them down a peg from their upper-class lifestyle, having to deal with a common drunk teen like any other parents would. It was as he came out of those thoughts that Joe first recognised the heavy stomping on the stairs. Mary was absolutely thundering down them, nearly wiping out Gerry at the bottom as he still tied his laces. Frowning, Joe caught the murderous look on Mary's face when she re-entered the kitchen but never got the chance to even open his mouth before she began her crusade.
"YOU DIRTY OLD MAN!" She roared at him.
"YOU WHAT!" Joe immediately pushed the chair back and stood so he was face to face with his daughter.
"I know you're game Da!" She continued. "You were happy to have Anna here last night so ye could put her to bed and have yer fancy woman round".
"Da!?" A shocked Sarah asked.
"Now just one minute!" He shouted. "I have no idea what yer talking about. I haven't got a fancy woman!"
"It's probably that harlot from up Pump Street!". Mary looked at Sarah, sharing nods.
"Maeve is not a harlot!" Joe protested. "And I've only seen her at church for your information. So I suggest ye quit with yer accusations before I lose it!"
Holding the bin bag up so he could see it, Joe still couldn't work out what Mary was getting at and he was right at the end of his tether. She pulled it away before he could see into it any further, allowing Sarah to examine the contents and Joe saw her usually colourful cheeks turn visibly pale. The venom that was locked into Mary's eyes could also be found in Sarah's. In the background, he heard Gerry call Orla out to the stairs and then the vague sound of the floorboards creaking as someone ran upstairs.
"That's a bit more than a cream horn Mary!" Sarah shouted in a mix of anger and despair.
"MARY!" He shouted. "Will ye tell me what's going on!"
Bubbling with rage but also upset, Mary's lip quivered for a few moments, the words stuck on the end of her tongue and refusing to escape.
"Oh Aye I'll tell ye Da! I'll tell ye!".
"GO ON THEN!" The rage began to consume him with her stalling.
"A CONDOM! In yer bin bag! I FEEL SICK!"
"WHAT!"
At the bottom of the stairs, Gerry was practically rolling around in laughter, having to cover his mouth with his hand to stop them hearing him. Years of abuse, mostly taken without any form of retaliation, had led to this moment. The ultimate revenge on Joe. From the tantalisingly terrible scenario he'd partly helped to create with Erin and James, the idea was sown into his head when the task of disposing of it was his. As much as he wanted to have a romantic meal with Mary, the whole meal out was a front for his real aim to get one over on Joe. Knowing Sarah would be out of the house and the kids would be at Michelle's for her party too, finding an excuse for him and Mary to disappear for a couple of hours created the window. Joe would have no choice but to look after Anna and the smashed mug only furthered Gerry's causes on the day. He knew Mary wouldn't do the bins until the following day if they got back late enough in the evening and with the right time of day set for Joe to have a potential liaison, he also knew Mary would accuse him without another thought. It was juvenile but he'd be damned if he didn't feel good for doing it. It had been a long time coming.
Composing himself, Gerry chose that moment to leave, knowing that once the idea resonated with Mary and Sarah then they wouldn't let it go. His work was done. He didn't even bother calling out to them, letting them continue their now furious argument. Clicking his heels on the way out to the car, Gerry revelled in one of his great achievements. And for a few moments, felt like a young man again.
Erin awoke to shouting downstairs and the front door slamming shut, wondering what in the good Lord's name was going on. She failed to notice Orla sat at the end of her bed straightaway, cacking it a few seconds later when she sat up.
"Jesus Orla!" The shocked Erin remarked.
"Ach sorry Erin, Gerry told me to come and hide in yer room while our mammies argue with Granda".
"What are they arguing about?"
"From what I could hear, Mary found a condom in Joe's bin and she reckons he had a woman round here last night while we were all out. Mammy thinks he's got a young mistress, but I reckon that's strange because…".
Orla continued speaking but Erin didn't pick up on a single word because she knew exactly why there was a condom in her Granda's bin. There was no fancy woman from Pump Street this time, or a young mistress, and the question she'd gone to ask her father but never received an answer for, answered itself.
Good for you Daddy… good for you…
When the gang met up later in the park, and Erin and James snuck off behind a tree to enjoy a private moment, he could barely contain his laughter as she retold the story to him. They were so lucky that Gerry was such an understanding man and was actively encouraging every aspect of their relationship.
Not that it would be any easier the next time.
But when Erin whispered something in his ear a few seconds later, James was contented in the knowledge that there would certainly be a next time.