Rasa Sordidum

Summery: When Xander watches his step in the sewers, Willow's spell to make Buffy forget about heaven doesn't end. Weeks pass, and Alex and Tara finally consummate their relationship. Several times.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended

The bed was comfortable, warm, and a little wet. The smell of sex hung in the air like a perfume around their bodies. Every breath reminded Alex of what he and Tara did to conjure up that scent, and little Xander was starting to stir.

Tara slept next to him. Her honey colored hair was damp and disheveled, and her glorious breasts begged to be groped and teased. Alex resisted the urge to cup them in his hands and instead caressed the tender skin beneath. When she let out a sighing moan, he smiled and traced his fingers further down until he touched her soft, plump mound. She was still slippery and hot when he slid his fingers inside her. Tara spread her legs wider and her back arched off the mattress as Alex gently pushed in and out of her.

"Ah, wait," she moaned.

Alex removed his fingers.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he casually licked his fingers. Delicious, but it was nothing compared the sweet and savory, mouth-on experience taste he had earlier that night.

Tara closed her thighs and swiveled over onto her side to face Alex. She was incredibly beautiful, especially all pant-y and flushed. She blushed when she saw the look in his eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"Yes." Tara shook her head. "I mean, no! Fun as that was, can't you tell something's wrong? Couldn't you feel it?"

Alex tilted his head. "Oh, I felt it alright."

Tara's blush deepened and she shyly lowered her gaze.

"You know what I mean," she whispered.

Alex sobered. He didn't mean to make her uncomfortable. He reached over and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Sorry. Are you okay?"

Tara rubbed her cheek against his palm before she caught herself and pulled away.

"I'm… I don't know."

"Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?"

She'd been very snug at the start and Alex tried his best to enter her as painlessly as possible. It had been slow going, but Alex was more than willing to be patient. His patience was rewarded a hundred fold when he brought her to her first orgasm

Tara blushed again.

"No. No."

"Was it... before? I did my best to be quite the cunning linguist, you know."

Tara giggled and hit Alex in the face with her pillow. Then she kissed him. Knowing an opportunity when he saw one, Alex rolled them over until he was above her. She spread her legs and allowed him to maneuver his way inside her body.

Her fingers dug into his back and her ankles were hooked over his calves as they kissed. The kiss was lazy, but confident, unlike their first attempts which had been timid and stilted. Now it was easy, calm, and so outrageously hungry it took his breath away.

As she grew slicker, Alex picked up the pace of his thrusts, and he didn't worry about his endurance. He'd already released inside Tara twice, and sensed he could deliver her to completion—several times—long before he needed to finish.

"Alex."

The way Tara said his name sent a thrill through him. How she drew out each syllable was music to his ears. He could hear it in her voice how dangerously close to the edge she was, and he desperately wanted to make her fall.

Eventually.

Alex pushed all the way into Tara and stopped moving. Every muscle in Alex's body clenched as he deliberately held himself as still as humanly possible.

"What are you doing?" Tara gasped out.

Instead of giving her an answer, Alex pulled part way out of her before slowly pushing back in.

"Stop-stop that!"

Alex stilled again. "You want me to stop?"

"I'm so close," she said whispered. "P-please, Alex…"

The puckish game Alex wanted to play went right out the window at Tara's plea. He relaxed his body and melted against her.

"I'm sorry," he said before he kissed her.

He rubbed all the places he learned provoked the greatest pleasure in Tara. He circled his hips and stoked each spot randomly to catch her off-guard with every thrust, and didn't stop until she gasped and trembled beneath him. He didn't stop after she had her first orgasm, either. Or after her second, or her third. The way her body surrounded him was addictive. The way she shook, how she clawed at his shoulder blades, and the pleasing way she moaned his name, was just too much to give up.

It was Alex's own orgasm that betrayed him and forced him to let go. It tore through him like an explosion as he flooded Tara's deepest recesses. And when it was over he had to use to last of his strength to roll away before he crushed her under his utterly drained body.

He laid on his back and tried to catch his breath and calm his heart, which felt like it was going to punch out of his chest. Alex turned his head and watched Tara go through a similar experience. Only he was sure she wouldn't look at his sweaty, gasping form and think he was half as beautiful as she looked to him in that moment.

Later, after they'd settled down, Alex reached out for Tara. His heart ached when she pulled away.

"This was wrong," she said.

"Because we don't remember who we are?"

Tara shook her head. She turned onto her side and caressed the side of Alex's face. "I feel like I do know you, I do, but this—here—is wrong. I can feel it."

"But—"

"Alex, I know you feel it, too. We—we don't love each other."

Alex wanted to protest, but deep down, he knew Tara was right.

"I feel like I could love you," he said.

Tara's eyes softened and she leaned over and kissed him. Before the kiss could deepen she covered Alex's mouth with her hand and leaned back.

"We need to find the others and figure out who we all really are to each other."

Alex watched her slide out bed. He admired the sight of her wide hips and curvy bottom for as long as he could before she dressed. He hoped it wasn't the last time he ever saw her naked.

"Please, Alex, we have to go," she said when she turned back around and Alex was still laying in bed.

Defeated, heartbroken, Alex complied.