A/N: In this chapter Mamoru refers to "Hubble Images". These are pictures that are taken of the universe by the old (now decommissioned) Hubble Telescope. Do an image search for "Hubble Images Deep Space" and you'll see what he is referring to. These pictures serve as evidence for how full the universe really is because these images were the result of pointing the telescope at seemingly total black areas of space – regions that prior to Hubble, we thought were empty – and instead, we discovered hundreds and hundreds of galaxies!
Chapter 4: First Date
Mamoru lay in bed blinking at the ceiling in his dark room. He flipped restlessly to his side, looking for a more comfortable position, but the throbbing in his temples made the task impossible. He really should have been used to the headache by now. It usually returned with a vengeance in the evening when Usagi was too far away across the district.
It also didn't help that his mind was currently occupied with bright images of knights and monsters battling for the golden power of immortality.
Shhh.
Don't shush me!
You're being loud.
I'm being completely quiet.
Not in your head. What are you doing, anyway?
Reading.
Reading? What's with the knights and monsters?
It's a medieval manga.
Ah. Can you read more quietly?
No! I've been waiting for this volume to come out for weeks! This is the first chance I've had to read it!
He sighed and rolled over again. It had been a long frustrating day, and he had been relieved to see it end. But she would likely be awake for the next hour or more, sending his own head in excited spirals with every reaction to every plot point. In short, it would be impossible to sleep.
You're the one spiraling.
He tried to soothe his pulsing headache by rubbing circles into his temples, but the action barely helped. It was going to be a long night.
It wouldn't have been as bad if they were together. At least then, the headache would recede. He might even enjoy the story of the cartoonish knights' quest for immortality playing out in his head. He found himself visualizing the trek to her house. He could reach her window no problem from the tree outside.
You're more than welcome.
He stiffened. She hadn't really thought about it, still completely engrossed in her manga. It felt like one of those automatic polite invitations, like offering a guest a glass of water.
Are you sure?
Sleepovers were one of the few boundaries they hadn't yet crossed.
We would be sleeping. This headache is killing me, Mamoru-baka. If your presence makes it go away, I'm all for it.
He would be lying if he said he wasn't tempted, but this seemed like a terrible idea.
Your dad?
Not here – out on some stakeout or something.
He bolted to his feet. If she was offering, he wasn't going to refuse. He didn't bother with the car. The next day was Saturday and he wouldn't need it to drive either of them to school. Instead, he transformed, and took the incredibly familiar route to her bedroom window.
He had never actually been inside her home, let alone her room, but she used the window to get to and from midnight battles discreetly, so he knew all the tricks to mask his presence – even which shingle on the roof was loose and shouldn't be counted on to support his weight. He slipped through the open window and let his transformation dissolve into the comfortable loose cotton pants and plain white t-shirt he had worn to bed.
She spared him not a glance, her attention riveted on the volume before her.
Hey.
Hey yourself.
He glanced around the room, not sure where to put himself, when she just scooted over slightly on her mattress in an obvious invitation.
He took it without thought, allowing her to snuggle into his side, her eyes still glued to the volume in her hands. Only after they were cuddled up, completely comfortable with their shared migraine having receded to a dull ache, did he question his actions and complete lack of hesitation.
Objectively, this was a terrible idea. He had just snuck into a young teenage girl's bedroom without the knowledge of her parents. And here they were, completely entangled in one another's arms like they were some kind of couple. Their intention being to sleep together.
Yes! To sleep! For pain management! Stop being ridiculous, baka.
He pulled away, and sat up on the bed, his back to her. Not that that really helped, because he could see the room from her perspective. She put the manga face down on the bed, and turned to him with a slight frown that he could feel.
Do you not want to stay?
I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.
She laughed, and gestured dramatically around the room.
I don't know how to tell you this, but there's no one here to get the wrong idea!
He looked pointedly at the black cat curled up at the foot of her bed.
She doesn't count! She knows what's going on. And that's not what you're worried about anyway, she realized, her blond eyebrows furrowing in an adorable sign of concentration.
"You're worried about us getting the wrong idea," she whispered out loud.
"This is all very intimate and domestic," he admitted.
Is that a bad thing?
Intellectually, he knew that it wasn't. Emotionally…?
It's okay to be close to someone. Or do you not want to be close to me?
I always wanted to be close to you.
So, why are you making such a fuss?
When she put it like that…
"Come to bed," she invited out loud, patting the empty space between them.
He still hesitated.
I know you want to.
It's for pain management.
It was and yet, it wasn't completely. He liked having someone. And he liked that someone being her.
But needing someone was dangerous. The vulnerability this intimacy required was dangerous.
"For pain management," she assured him.
She was allowing him to save face.
Which was dumb. He knew and she knew, and he knew that she knew… so who was he saving face from?
Luna?
And now she was mocking him.
"For pain management." he said out loud.
"Can I go back to reading now?"
He nodded his permission, settled back into the bed again with her nuzzled into his side, and let his eyes fall closed, the cartoonish medieval battles of her manga playing out in his head once more. Moments later, Luna planted herself on his chest and began purring, adding to the warmth that nestled around him like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. He pet her absently, like she was an ordinary house cat. It did not take long for sleep to claim him.
And when morning came, he couldn't remember having ever slept so well. Not a single nightmare or headache plagued his rest. And Usagi, nestled into his side, adding extra warmth and comfort, fit perfectly – like two puzzle pieces snapping together. He pulled her closer to his chest and breathed in the scent of her floral shampoo.
Maybe he could come to appreciate that lie-in after all.
What time was it anyway?
He glanced towards the window, trying to judge the amount of light bleeding from the edges of her curtains.
Who cares? It's Saturday.
She shoved her face further into his chest. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her waist, allowing himself to drift back towards slumber, only dimly aware of the growing bustling activity that could be heard from the floor below.
Suddenly, she shoved him hard off the bed and he landed on unforgiving cold ground, feeling more offended than hurt.
"What was that for?" he barked indignantly.
"You have to get out of here!" she whispered back frantically, her anxiety pulsing through his own thoughts.
"Your dad home?"
"My dad?!" she repeated in surprise. "He's a total softie! It's my mom you have to worry about!"
"Why didn't you say that last night, when I asked about him?" he countered, collecting himself off the floor, rubbing his elbows that had managed to mostly break his fall.
"You asked me while I was reading manga! I didn't think about why you were asking," she bit back.
"Usagi!" the maternal voice called through the doorway. "Are you awake?"
Knowing the older woman might open the door at any time, Mamoru didn't waste another second. He transformed, raced to the open window, and leapt from the windowsill to the roof. Once out of sight, he remained motionless, catching his breath, allowing his nerves to settle.
"Usagi, are you going to sleep the whole day away?" her mother asked as she came in through the closed door.
"Of course not, mama! I'm meeting the girls today for a study session," she explained.
Are all your study sessions actually senshi meetings? No wonder your test scores...
Don't finish that thought! Ami-chan always makes us study afterwards, she told him, addressing his underlying concern. Plus! With such a nerd in my head, I don't really need to study these days. Did you want to come to the senshi meeting?
He considered the question. He might as well.
What else was he going to do?
He supposed he could get a head start on his physics project before going for a run.
No!
No?
You will not ruin my Saturday with a bunch of homework and physics equations! Besides, you have a date today with Saori-san.
I wasn't going to go.
You are soooo going! You are not going to stand that poor girl up.
She would never let him hear the end of it, if he ended up cancelling. It was the main reason he hadn't already done so earlier in the week.
"Usako…" he whined out loud, clutching either side of his head.
I keep telling you that this is not the time to start any romantic entanglements.
It's one date. You'll be fine. I'll help you.
…
He was not fine. He was the worst date, and staring into the barely suppressed hurt of the girl's watery teal eyes, he felt horribly guilty about ever getting Saori's hopes up in the first place.
It had started out well enough.
She had blushed when he sat down across from her at a small circular table outside a cafe, under the warm early afternoon sun. He had felt awkward after they had placed their orders, not knowing what to talk about, and Saori didn't help much as she kept smiling, blushing at him, and fiddling with her hands in her lap.
She's just nervous. Help her out! What is something you have in common?
"How do you think you did on the physics exam?" he asked after a moment of silence.
Don't talk about school! What is wrong with you? That's so boring!
But Saori seized the topic like a lifeline. "I think it's the best I've done all term! And it's weird. I never thought I would like astronomy at all."
"Really? Why not?" he asked, genuinely curious. He never understood how one glance at a Hubble image of deep space wasn't enough to hook anyone into the subject.
What's a Hubble image?
He pictured the sprinkling of glowing galaxies on a black field in his mind's eye, and felt Usagi's corresponding internal gasp. He raised his mug of coffee to his lips to hide the sudden distracted grin that bloomed in the wake of her awe.
"It's so abstract! And literally happening so far away that it will never affect us," Saori explained.
"So, what changed your mind?" he asked.
She shrugged. "I don't know… I really like he how we figured stuff out."
You're both know-it-all nerds!
You say that like it's a bad thing!
"Like we know how much the earth weighs!" Saori continued. "You never really think about how we know that."
Why is that hard to know?
He took another sip of coffee.
How would you weigh a planet?
The image of a globe sitting on a giant planet sized scale filled his mind. He choked, spraying coffee in front of him, trying very hard not to laugh. He was mostly successful.
"Are you okay?" Saori asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"Fine," he quipped back quickly, smoothing the cloth napkin over his lap as he offered her a polite smile he hoped was reassuring.
But the silence turned awkward again, as teal eyes considered him in confusion. He didn't know how to fill it.
It's not that hard, baka.
"Tell me more," he invited. He stiffened as the words left his mouth. He hadn't intended to say that.
Did you just speak through my mouth?
Maybe…
"After the lecture about expanding space-time, I met with sensei to ask how we even knew how far away a star or galaxy is. And it turns out there isn't just one technique," she began, her eyes sparkling in excitement.
Didn't we agree that you wouldn't do that anymore after the incident with Motoki?
I agreed to not make you flirt with him. I also promised to help you with this date, which you clearly need!
"They refer to the chain of techniques as the cosmic distance ladder. For stars that are relatively close we can use parallax," Saori was explaining. She placed her coffee cup on the table between them and then traced a circle around the cup. "But when stars are farther away from the sun, their position is the sky doesn't change enough for any noticeable parallax to occur. So at that point, you need a different technique for the next band of stars."
Mamoru objectively knew he would find the explanation fascinating, but he couldn't focus on his date's words, preoccupied with keeping a straight face while Usagi sent him imagery of ladders stretching out endlessly between planets.
Are you doing that on purpose?
I am not doing anything. I think you are imagining how you think I would think about cosmic distance ladders.
That is absurd!
The thought is absurd? Or you think I am absurd?
Somehow, that hurt. Or maybe, she was hurt? He didn't know anymore.
Neither! Me having that thought is absurd!
Such thoughts are beneath you, are they?
He thread a hand through his hair, and forced himself to breathe through his sudden agitation.
Am I that...?
"Am I boring you?" a soft, uncertain voice asked.
Saori's question caught him like a deer in headlights.
"No! Not at all!" he objected. "I was just distracted. You're... really cute when you're so passionate."
She blushed, and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear self-consciously.
He smiled. She really was quite adorable. There was a touch of sadness to that thought.
Why though?
"You were explaining the..."
Standard Candle Model, Usagi filled in.
The what?
That's what she had been talking about.
What does that have to do with astrophysics?
Don't look at me! Something about the brightness of a candle at certain distances.
Ah! That makes more sense.
Glad to help.
"...the Standard Candle and how light intensity falls off following an inverse square law," he finished.
How did you hear that? I mean, if I didn't hear it, how did you?
I was listening! You heard, but you weren't listening.
I was listening!
No, you weren't. And you aren't now either.
He started.
And made himself listen as she explained the international project that linked eight radio telescopes to simulate a telescope the size of the planet to take a picture of a black hole. But despite his efforts, he couldn't keep his attention on Saori. He kept losing track of what she was saying.
What's wrong?
The imagery of a brick wall - this one made of pink and white bricks - filled his mind's eye, and he sighed.
Why do you bother? We both know neither of us has privacy anymore? Please tell me why we're feeling this way.
For a second he didn't think she would listen, but then the mental wall crumbled.
I just feel really inadequate. I mean, I know what you're talking about because I can see your understanding of it. But, I feel like without your help I could never keep up with you the way Saori can…
Why do you need to?
Because...
"Mamoru-kun?" the soft-spoken voice interrupted his internal musings.
"Yes?"
"You okay?"
"I'm fine. I was just thinking. I apologize. You were saying?" Mamoru prompted politely.
"You know, it's clear you don't really want to be here," Saori said softly, her eyes downcast into her coffee cup.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. Saori did not respond, and he shifted nervously under her gaze. He had no idea how to fix this.
Even his head remained silent.
"Honestly, Saori-san, I am not really in the right headspace to be dating anyone. The other day, you just seemed so dejected, and I wanted to do anything I could to make you feel better."
"A pity date," she summarized, her voice cold and distant.
He cringed.
"I didn't mean it that way!" he rushed to reassure.
Please Usako! Help me!
Just be honest and open, Mamo-chan.
Mamo-chan? He felt oddly touched at the personal honorific.
Focus!
"You are so kind, beautiful, and intelligent," he gushed sincerely with Usagi's guidance leading him to the right words. "I felt like I would be an idiot to not give it a chance."
Her eyes welled up with tears.
"But I wasn't ready and you deserve someone who can give you their full attention. Until I can get my head on right, I'm afraid that person isn't me."
"Are you getting over a break up or something?"
He nods in agreement. "Something like that."
"Thank you," she said, tears still threatening to fall as she rose to her feet. "For being honest."
She collected her purse, and walked quickly away, no doubt wanting to be nowhere near him if she fell apart.
Relief flooded his form at her departure, the need for pretenses having vanished.
Usagi slipped into the vacant seat not five minutes later.
"Mamo-chan! I'm so sorry. You're right. You probably shouldn't have gone on this date. I bullied you into going and I promised I would help, and all I did was make it worse!"
"Usako," he interrupted.
"I'm sorry distracted you. I feel like I ruined this for you. And that's such a shame because Saori-san is just so elegant, intelligent, and perfect."
"Usako."
"And she seems like she does it all without trying. I feel like she is who I'd want to be. Not that I could ever pull it off in a million years."
USAKO!
"Yes Mamo-chan?" she said meekly.
Her silence finally left enough space for her to feel beyond her own anxiety into the storm of his own emotions - the spiraling mess of guilt, relief, and frustration.
She looked like she had been hit by a train.
"You're going to have to help me sort that all out."
"First, you are beautifully perfect just the way you are," he said out loud. He had become somewhat of an authority on the subject. "You don't need to be like Saori or really, anyone else. And it's okay that the date didn't go well. I felt like a jerk while she was sitting here crying in front of me, but I'm relieved."
"What do you mean?"
"Saori is everything that I should love. She's perfect on paper," he admitted.
"So, what's the problem?"
He looked up into into her eyes. "She doesn't make me laugh."
Pink bloomed across Usagi's cheeks as a dozen mental walls went up, but they might as well have been made of paper-thin glass for all the good they did.
He reached across the table for her hand.
"It's okay," he reassured with a gentle squeeze.
I feel the same way.
How can you? I don't even know how I feel.
I know that, too.
His midnight blue orbs met her cerulean ones. No words were spoken, no thoughts strung between them for a long minute.
"Do you want to grab a milkshake?" she offered into the silence. "They can fix anything!"
He smiled softly. "Sounds good."
…
Hino Rei took a giant gulp of her milkshake, her eyes never leaving the odd pair sitting side by side at the Virtua Racing console. Mamoru threw a smirk towards Usagi as they selected their racers. She didn't even turn towards him, but just burst out laughing, seemingly out of nowhere.
The miko leaned towards Ami, who already had her computer out in the seat next to her.
"Should we be worried?" Rei asked.
"I think they're cute!" Makoto interjected from across the booth before Ami could give out her report.
"Sickenly so," Rei agreed, taking another sip.
"I think they're fine for now," Ami reported, slipping the handheld blue computer out of sight. "There's still two distinct brain wave patterns in any case."
"Well, that's good," Minako stated happily as she finished the last of her own shake, slamming the empty glass down on the tabletop before leaping to her feet. She stood behind the two players, watching the race. She wasn't the only one. A crowd was forming behind them.
Motoki quickly slipped into the vacated seat, setting down an empty tray. "What's going on with Usagi and Mamoru?" he asked, leaning forward. "Are they dating now?"
"For a few weeks now," Makoto indulged.
Rei snorted. "Not that they know that's what happened."
Motoki's face twisted in obvious confusion. "What?" he asked when no one elaborated.
"It's hard to explain," Ami admitted.
Rei nodded in agreement. "Let's just say they're in denial."
All their heads turned toward an uproar from the crowd surrounding the Virtua console.
"Did you guys seriously just tie?!" Minako's disbelief cut through the crowd's murmur. "How is that even possible?"
…
A/N:
OH my goodness! I struggled so much with that date scene. I had an outline for so long that I loved in concept, but had no idea how to flesh out! I eventually fell back on my own physics expertise (inspred by recent pictures of black holes if you must know!)! If none of that made sense to you, don't worry about it. It was just a backdrop! Usagi may not understand it either. She's still amazing in my book!
Thanks to all of you that take the time to leave a review or comment! You kept me coming back to this chapter. You made me work through the struggle. And I think it paid off. Hopefully, you agree. Thank you for your patience!
And a special thanks to TinaCentury as always. I may one day learn how to use a comma correctly! She also gives content feedback that just makes things flow better! She's the best for squeezing my chapter into her full life.
Reviews are love!