A/N:
I think I'm kind've stretching the limits of my teen rating here. So, I'm adding an additional warning because I'm trying to get better about tagging things. There are sexual themes and references to masturbation in this chapter. Nothing remotely explicit is described - just implied… a lot. There is also a lot more swearing than normal. For some reason… More than a few F-bombs will be dropped. So, in short, be aware of very strong T rating!
Very special shout out to TinaCentury for specifically helping me to flesh out the non-dialogue aspects of this chapter so that it would better evoke the feelings I was going for! (And for catching all the compound words I messed up, not to mention missing commas).
Have fun!
...
Chapter 5: Positive Feedback Loop
Mamoru leaned back against the solid pillar that supported the main entrance to the Hikawa Shrine, a slight breeze offering very little relief from the afternoon sun.
Just go in, baka.
I was waiting for you.
You're just scared of the girls.
All of them at once? Absolutely. He was not ashamed. The senshi were beyond intimidating, especially when all together.
The door behind him slid open, and he jumped.
"Mamoru-san!"
He whirled towards the miko, who stood in the archway, her face open and friendly in greeting.
"Rei-san. It's good to see you," he greeted with a slight bow of his head.
She doesn't bite.
No, she shoots fire from her hands.
"I didn't realize you were here already. Where's Usagi-chan?"
"On her way."
"How's your head?" she asked, her eyes soft with concern.
See! Rei-chan is the sweetest!
I'll remember that next time you panic over spilling crumbs in her manga.
"Bearable."
Liar.
Mamoru ignored the voice in his head. The headaches were getting worse every day. Luckily, being together worked as a remedy better than it had in the beginning.
"Well, you don't have to wait out here. You can come in out of the heat if you like. There's tea and some daifuku."
"Tea is fine," he said as he stepped inside.
"Usagi-chan told us that you really like sweets." She followed him in and pointed to the plate of sweets at the center of the low round table.
He tried not to be irritated. Usagi was open about everything, whereas, he tended to keep things private.
Being a sweet tooth is supposed to be private?
It's contrary to my image.
You are such a dork!
"I'm partial to chocolate," he deflected.
"Suit yourself," Rei allowed, her lips twisted in amusement.
He chose not to respond as he took a seat next to Ami, who had her head buried in some readings on the Mercury computer – probably related to his and Usagi's mind meld, but he didn't ask. He wasn't yet one hundred percent comfortable around the young scholar, but as long as he was as far away from Minako as possible, he considered it a win.
Should I be upset you don't like my friends?
I like them.
What was all that then?
They just don't like me.
You're being ridiculous.
"It was so cute!" Minako exclaimed, her blue eyes focused entirely on Makoto, sparing Mamoru not a glance. He preferred it that way honestly. "He had made this sign asking Yumi-chan to go with him to formal. It was huge!" she spread her arms to illustrate.
Mamoru poured himself some tea.
"The artwork was gorgeous," Minako continued to squeal, her words coming almost too fast to catch. "He got the got the boys' volleyball team to hold it up outside of homeroom right when we got out. He timed it perfectly. When Yumi-chan saw it she was so embarrassed – but in like a pleased super happy way. She turned around to run back into the classroom, and he was right there blocking her path! Holding out a bouquet of roses. He didn't even have to say a word!"
"Did she say yes?" Makoto prompted desperately, her hand holding a half-eaten, and completely forgotten, fruity daifuku.
"After that whole display?!" Minako's voice jumped an octave in her excitement. "Of course she did!"
"About time!" Makoto cheered.
"Well, good for Matsuo-san," Ami added absently, her eyes remaining focused on the screen of her computer. "He's been crushing on her for years."
"Matsuo-san?" Mamoru repeated in surprise, setting down his tea. "But I thought Yumi-chan was holding out for Yoshiro-kun."
All three girls blinked at him.
"What?" he asked, the cup of tea frozen mid-air halfway to his mouth.
The laughter was simultaneous and loud, and completely at his expense. He felt his cheeks warm. Even Usagi was giggling in the back of his head.
"Shut up!" he growled. "Just tell me how Yoshiro-kun is taking this! He must be devastated!"
"Well Mamoru-kun," Minako said, a condescending superior smirk met his cobalt blue eyes. "If you must know."
He nodded. Clearly, Usagi had stolen the last of his shame and self-respect.
"Yoshio-kun was definitely down about it, but then Kotone-chan was sad about Matsuo-kun nabbing a date. And the two of them kinda bonded over both being looked over. I think it's all going to work out!"
Usagi flew in at that moment, plopping down into the last open seat, her face flushed, no doubt from the physical exertion of flying up the stone staircase to arrive. He smiled at her, and she beamed back.
You look beautiful today.
Her blush deepened and she buried her face into her tea cup.
He relaxed and all the tension he hadn't even been aware of drained away. He felt at peace just at the sight of her.
"I'm so excited to hear about Yumi-chan and Matsuo-kun! They'll look so cute together at the dance," Usagi gushed, needing no explanation.
Four sets of eyes darted to Mamoru for a second.
"I'm never going to get used to this, am I?" Rei grumbled.
Minako patted her hand consolingly. Rei snatched it back.
"Well, if we're all here," the miko facilitated. "Perhaps we should get started?"
"Yes!" Minako agreed, clapping her hands together. "Ami had an update for us."
The senshi of Mercury started explaining the results of her latest simulation and how close she was getting. But Mamoru and Usagi weren't listening.
It's probably boring anyway.
Speak for yourself.
He probably would have found it interesting. It's just nothing could compete for his attention against Usagi.
…
Usagi stepped from the stream of hot water, having woken early enough for the luxury of starting the day with a shower – a rare accomplishment even since Mamoru had started sharing her headspace. It was a refreshing start to the day, and definitely a habit she could get used to.
She moved into her bedroom and tossed the towel to her bed as she moved to her school uniform. She pulled on her underwear - pink and cute - when the elastic band settled on her painfully tender hip. She glanced down – having forgotten about the injury she had acquired at the previous night's battle - the ugly purple blotch started at her right side and stretched to the center of her back.
Are you okay?
I think so.
She hadn't thought the injury was this extensive. Concerned, she moved to the front of her mirror so she could see the whole thing. Delicate fingers traced the borders of the bruising, which extended from the center of her back. She stared at it in morbid fascination – it was almost pretty. The center, where the blow had landed, was white as if all the blood had been forced from the area, but it spread outward in spiraling patterns in fantastic shades of purple, blue, and deep red.
Goosebumps sprouted underneath her gentle fingers, and a shiver – just a whisper – shot down her spine. She stilled.
OH MY GOD!
What the hell Mamoru-baka? Are you turned on right now?
Shit.
She screeched and grabbed the abandoned towel and turned away from the mirror.
Hentai!
I'm sorry!
How much of that was you?
She meant her tracing the pattern. Had that been her action or his? But he didn't know any more than she did. She could speak from his mouth, so surely, he could control her hands...
I'm sorry!
She took slight comfort in the fact that neither of them had been quite aware of what was happening until after it had happened. And that for once, he wasn't smug. He was just as mortified and embarrassed as she was.
And still super turned on.
She pulled the towel tighter around herself. Kami-Sama, she couldn't handle this!
How was she ever going to get dressed again?
Somehow, she managed, but not without consequences. Usagi climbed into the car that morning when Mamoru came to pick her up, unable to even look at him.
Not a word baka! Just drive!
Breakfast was super awkward and quiet that morning.
…
Days later, things had not improved for Mamoru in the slightest. He couldn't look at her, he couldn't even think of her (which is almost impossible to avoid when she was in his fucking head) without becoming aroused. Usagi had always been an eye-catching girl with legs that went on for miles, a genuine smile so bright it made him feel warm, and compelling blue eyes that seemed to pierce into his soul, especially when she was angry. Of course, she had always stolen his gaze. It wasn't a new revelation.
It's not?
He had always found her attractive.
You have?
It had been a fact he had tried to hold close to his chest, but now that it had exploded, his attraction had become constant and overwhelming. And he couldn't figure out why.
Look! It's fine. It was a shock at first, but I'm okay. I know you didn't mean to. Hell, I'm not even sure it was completely you.
And how often did you get turned on looking in the mirror before we were linked?
Well, it wasn't often, but it wasn't never either.
His cheeks burned at the admission.
You're not helping!
Who said I was trying to help?
He groaned; his head hit the desk with a thunk.
The worst part of this wasn't even that he couldn't hide any of it. That was definitely awful in and of itself. He felt so exposed because she was aware of every single errant thought, of the tiniest twitch – physical or mental.
No, the worst part was that after her initial mortification, she embraced the new dynamic and took every opportunity to give him complete and absolute hell.
He would see her and feel the rush of attraction – his face flaming, his heart pounding, his groin tightening. She would stop mid-sentence, no matter who she was talking to or what she was saying, and turn that superior smirk toward him, freezing him in place. It was his fucking smirk. She had no right to wear it.
But I like it. It's fun.
Other times, she would play it coy by gently curling a strand of golden hair around her ear or turn just fast enough so her skirt would flare and he'd see a flash of thigh - long and smooth. And typically, she did this during the worst possible moments.
Like during a fucking battle. He would watch her, with his heart falling into his stomach like lead, execute some improbable acrobatic move that sent her adversary reeling, showing off exactly how flexible her petite form was in an outfit that left far too little to the imagination, and then turn to his hiding spot and fucking wink.
He groaned. She was loving this. And it was cruel.
Empowering, she corrected.
It's not the time!
He could hear her laughter. And not just in his head, she was actually laughing wherever she was. Whoever she was with probably thought her insane.
Nah! Naru-chan just thinks I'm fun.
He had to release some tension. He was going insane. This wasn't sustainable! He couldn't think about anything else for any length of time.
And so, he waited until she fell asleep. He wasn't fooling her at all. She knew exactly what he was doing, but she shrugged it off. At least she wouldn't have to "watch".
She lay in bed not quite asleep, her satisfaction with herself pulsing through his form, which somehow only made her that much more alluring.
Eventually, she fell into slumber. And he had a moment of respite where he didn't have to filter his thoughts or feelings. Where she couldn't pounce on every errant fantasy and turn up the volume to eleven. He actually could breathe and relax.
It lasted all of five minutes.
Then he started overhearing her dreams. She was dreaming of him – of all the things he had been trying not to think about all goddamn day. He moaned. Kami-sama, it was nice to know she was not as unaffected as she pretended, but he needed a break!
Or a release.
And he definitely didn't need any material tonight to help him get there.
…
His relief was short-lived, as he woke up hard as ever. An ice-cold shower brought relief for the whole ten minutes he was in the water's frigid stream. But it came back almost immediately as he stepped into normal temperatures only too aware of Usagi going through her own morning routine.
Everything was a fucking turn on.
There were the obvious moments where he could almost forgive himself. The moment when her nightgown fell into a puddle at her ankles. Or when she pulled a lacy white bra out of the top drawer of her dresser. But even the smaller things – like her brushing her hair – untangling the golden tresses into a tamed organized waterfall – were enough to set him off. He swore it was because her hair was down. And she wasn't shy about the fact that she was ogling him through their link, either. Hell, he could feel her teeth pressed down into her lower lip as if they were his own.
He somehow survived the drive to her front door, despite being distracted through every intersection and turn.
She tore open the car door, but instead of settling into the seat like she normally did, her knees fell to the passenger seat and she leaned across the center console, firmly placed both hands on either side of his face, and pulled him into a kiss. Her lips felt like soft velvet, but warm, like a blanket fresh from the dryer.
He gasped on the spot, his lips parting.
She didn't need a second invitation.
He was drowning in the sweet taste of the strawberry syrup she had poured on her pancakes that morning.
"Do you want to have sex?" she demanded breathlessly, as she pulled back just an inch. Her compelling eyes and flushed face filling his entire field of vision.
"Is that a trick question?"
"I'm serious, Mamo-chan. I can't take this. Sex is all either of us can think about. And I can't get anything done! And my standards for productivity aren't that high!"
"Usako, no," he objected, pushing her back into her seat. "If we're going to do this. I want it to be for the right reasons, and with a clear head. Not just giving into hormonal urges."
"What is so bad about giving into hormonal urges? Live a little, Mamo-chan!" she argued.
But he wasn't going to budge. Not on this. It would be her first time.
It would be yours too! It's a stupid double standard!
But it could hurt you.
Well, I can't do this anymore. She tore out of the vehicle as fast as she had come in moments prior.
What?
You're driving me crazy. You need to go home, you need to jack off, and you need to do it now.
But…
Hell, maybe I do too…
"Usako…" he groaned, feeling even more turned on than he had with her tongue down his throat.
She darted back inside. And of course, she made it into the comfort and privacy of her own room within moments.
He was so fucking screwed.
You could come up and join me. The window is open.
He thumped his head on the steering wheel and whimpered.
…
Usagi had taken to masturbating every morning. Mamoru was still being prudish, in her mind, but at least his thoughts weren't quite as raging as they had been. He could feel her get there too. Sometimes he gave in as well. It definitely helped take the edge off through the rest of the day for both of them.
She was still so mad that he wouldn't just let the hook up happen. He clearly wanted to. She wanted to. There was no doubt at all between the two of them that she could sense. And it wasn't like being able to feel one another as they brought themselves to orgasm was not just as intimate as engaging in the act together would be.
Not to mention, she was willing to admit that she was just a little bit (try, a lot) curious what it would be like when you could feel the other person in your head. Another thought that could send Mamoru into a raging blush, which she smirked about.
If only he didn't have some stupid macho ideal in his head about being a gentleman and not taking advantage, as if she wasn't capable of making her own fucking decisions. But he was convinced that it was his own libido that was affecting her. And they couldn't be sure that it was actually consensual.
How did he even function like this? He was going to drive her to fucking madness.
Literally.
She was going to have to break him.
You've already succeeded.
Not yet. Hopefully soon.
…
Motoki wiped down the newly vacated seat next to Mamoru. Motoki eyed his friend strangely. Mamoru was reading, or pretending to, because he had been on the same page for the last fifteen minutes.
"You okay?"
Mamoru jumped. And wide cobalt eyes turned toward him like a deer in headlights.
"M-Motoki-kun! Good to see you! How's your day going?" Mamoru stuttered.
Motoki raised a blond eyebrow. "Not much has changed in the last hour since you got here and asked before..."
"R-right... hope your shift wraps up smoothly." Mamoru's gaze fell back into his textbook, but his eyes were unfocused.
"Are you okay? Motoki asked again.
"Never better!" Mamoru replied quickly. Something was definitely off.
"Where's Usagi-Chan?"
"U-Usagi-chan?" Mamoru repeated. "Why would I know where Usagi is?"
Motoki delivered a flat look. God, the girls were right. He was so lost on this girl. Had Mamoru even noticed that he had dropped the honorific?
"You're practically joined at the hip these days," the part-timer observed.
"She's at... home," Mamoru admitted.
"What's she doing at home?" Motoki asked. Usagi spent most of her afternoons after school at the arcade or with the girls. It was unusual for her to go home before dinner.
"How the hell would I know what Usagi does in the privacy of her own home?! What do you take me for?"
"Woah! Calm down! I only meant that Usagi is usually here or out and about having fun. I thought maybe she was grounded."
"R-right," Mamoru stammered.
"You sure everything's okay?"
"Uh huh," Mamoru said through gritted teeth, turning his attention into the dining room. "She's just driving me crazy."
Motoki turned to follow Mamoru's line of sight. "Who is?"
"Usagi!" He was almost growling.
"What did she do this time?"
Hands clenched into his hair. "She... ugh! I can't handle this! I have to go! See you later, Motoki-kun."
He grabbed his coat and bolted.
"What the hell was that about?" Motoki asked the now empty stool.
…
A/N: This is rated T. I'm not going further than this for this story. (Honestly, only because if I add a legit sex scene it'll take me a year to post this chapter because sex scenes are HARD to write!
I want you to know I wrote this the way I did, not because boys have uncontrollable urges, and girls are teases. Because I find those stereotypes to be bullshit (and anger inducing). I wrote it this way because I read Mamoru as more repressed. And Usagi as more free and sexually open. I actually think in this situation it is affecting both of them. They are both turned on. And that makes it spiral and it builds and builds. Like he thought about it which makes her think about it and that's a turn on and it's a vicious positive feedback loop, especially when no one is doing anything to relieve such build up. Mamoru is embarrassed and tries to fight it, whereas Usagi embraces it.
Anyway, you can actually interpret it however you want (including what does or does not happen next - I will not be addressing it in the next chapter). Like seriously, go with whatever resonates with you (I definitely have my own opinion on the matter). I just wanted to make my intentions clear.
I think how they see each other and relate to each other sexually is a big part of a romantic relationship (though not the only part) so it was important for me to explore this theme in a mind reading trope context. Though special shout out to FloraOne, whose influence on me over the last few years, has made me no doubt more willing, and even inspired, to get over my shame and explore these types of themes in a positive way.
Reviews are love!