"Can I just reiterate that this is a bad idea?" asked Remus.
"I told you Remus, your objections are noted, and also dismissed," said Sirius. "Now, let's get this set up."
The group had been at Hogwarts for just over a month, and so far things had been going fairly smoothly. However, Sirius had started feeling bad about ruining James's chances with Lily. So, Sirius had talked to the others about what to do about it, and eventually had come up with a plan: to try and separate Severus from Lily.
"And how do you propose to do that?" asked Remus. "From what I've heard, Severus was a friend of Lily's before she even came to this school. He was actually the one to show her what magic was, since she came from a muggle family and has a sister who despises her magical abilities."
"Ah, but you forget," said Sirius. "A little humiliation goes a long way."
"All I am going to say is that this is a bad idea," said Remus. "I am in no way going to try and stop you, since you're probably just going to do it anyway, and you might actually learn something when it inevitably goes wrong. I may also be needed to help fix things when that happens."
"I agree with Remus," said Peter. "It's going to go wrong, and..."
"You're not getting out of this, Pettigrew," said Sirius.
"Okay," said Peter, sighing in defeat.
"So James, are you okay with this?" asked Sirius.
"If you think it will help my chances with Lily..." started James.
"Not so much help you, but it should hurt Severus's chances with Lily, which should give you an in," said Sirius. "So, what's the plan?"
"You're the one who wants to pull a prank, and you don't have any idea what the prank is?" asked Remus.
"Not gonna lie, I was kinda hoping you'd be more onboard with the whole plan," said Sirius. "You...don't have any good plans, do you?" Remus sighed in response and opened up the book he'd been reading. "Okay, no good there. How about the rest of you?"
"Excuse me," said a girl's voice from nearby, making them all jump. "Did I hear something about a prank?"
"Oh, ah, did we say prank?" asked James, watching as a girl who appeared to be in her fifth year approach them. "We meant..."
"Don't freak out, I really don't care," said the girl. "In fact, I'm interested in helping."
"Why do I feel like that's a bad idea?" asked Remus. "Who are you, anyway?"
"Oh, where are my manners?" asked the girl. "Patricia Rakepick. You may know me as the student who charmed the school brooms to flood the castle."
"Wait, that was you?" asked Peter. "I'd heard someone did that after watching some old muggle film, but I just assumed it was a story."
"Nope, I did it," said Patricia, taking a seat with the boys without asking to join them. "So, who's the prank on, and why?"
"First year named Severus Snape," said Sirius. "We need to humiliate him so that James has a shot with Lily."
"Ooh, one of you has a girlfriend?" asked Patricia. "Which one of you is James?" The other three immediately point at James.
"I don't have a girlfriend," said James. "That's the problem."
"Okay, okay," said Patricia. "Here's what I'm thinking: we get him drenched in water."
The boys stared at her expectantly. "Is that it?" asked Peter. "Because that doesn't seem so..."
"Water that's enchanted not to come off for a few hours," said Patricia. "When he finally dries off in about four hours' time, he'll be all wrinkled up like a prune. No girl will like that."
"You seem to like causing havoc with water," said Sirius.
"That's because it's relatively harmless if you don't use an amount capable of drowning someone," said Patricia. "So, who's with me?"
"Do we have a choice?" asked James.
"We do, but she's also come up with all the details for the prank," said Sirius. "So, who's doing what?"
"You know, I think I'm going to teach you how to do each part of the prank yourself," said Patricia. "It's more rewarding to accomplish these things on your own."
"And why would you do this?" asked Remus, suspicious.
"Because I'm in my fifth year," said Patricia. "I've only got a couple of years left here, and then I'm gone. I want a legacy to be carried on, and if that's in the form of pranks, then that's even better."
"I hardly think that's appropr..." started Remus.
"We'll do it," said Sirius and James at the same time.
"Excellent," said Patricia, before facing Remus and Peter. "What about you two?"
"If it means hanging around with you, then yes," said Peter, who seemed to be eyeing Patricia quite a bit more than the others.
"Good to hear," said Patricia, who either didn't notice Peter staring at her, or didn't care. "How about you?"
"Okay, fine, I'm in," said Remus. "But I just want to learn any reversal spells and charms, just in case things get out of hand."
"Spoilsport," muttered Patricia. "Okay, we're all in, here's what we're gonna do..."
It was a few weeks before the boys were ready for the prank, and by this point it was approaching Halloween. "It's the perfect day for it," said Patricia, on Halloween evening. "There's always a big feast for Halloween, so you can get him in front of everyone."
"Question," said Remus. "By everyone, does that include teachers? Because I feel like even if we do this out of sight of the teachers, they'll catch on pretty quickly that...you know..."
"Okay, fine, you can wait for him to be out of the Hall," huffed Patricia. "Jeez, it's like you haven't been paying attention to the plan at all."
"And it's like you haven't been paying attention to the fact that I'm just here to make sure the joke doesn't go too far," said Remus.
"Trust me, it won't," said Patricia. "Not unless that thing happens again."
"Wait, what thing?" asked Remus, as James approached with a cauldron full of water.
"Ah, excellent," said Patricia, ignoring Remus's question. "Okay Peter, you're up."
"Here goes," said Peter, pulling out his wand. "Aqua glutinosa." There was a quick flash of blue, though the water seemed more or less unchanged. "Did it work?"
"We'll know soon enough," said Patricia, pulling out her wand and levitating the cauldron to a spot just hidden enough that no-one would see it without knowing it was there. "Okay, next up is Sirius. Now, you're sure she'll be with him?"
"They're practically inseparable," said Sirius. "Even if they're not together, I reckon I can get him to..." Sirius cut himself off when he saw the doors to the Great Hall open, and Lily step out with Severus. "Here they are, wish me luck." Quickly, Sirius rushed up to the two of them.
"Oh, hey Sirius," said Lily. "I was just telling Severus about one of my favourite TV shows."
"And I'm pretty sure one of our kind is trying to subtly expose our secrets," said Severus, clearly unimpressed.
"Oh? And why would you say that?" asked Sirius, trying to feign interest.
"I told you Severus," said Lily. "He specifically says he's an alien, not a wizard. And he uses a police box that's bigger on the inside to travel through time, and every so often he changes his appearance."
"All explained by the extension charm, a time-turner, and Polyjuice potion," said Severus.
"Whatever Severus," huffed Lily. "I'm just disappointed they got rid of Patrick Troughton. I mean, Jon Pertwee's not bad, but Patrick was so much cuter."
"Just pretend I understood any of that," said Sirius, clearly not understanding any of it.
Meanwhile, back with the others...
"So, what kind of things do you do other than pranks?" asked Peter, making the most of his time sitting next to Patricia.
"Hmm..." started Patricia. "Nope, that's pretty much it. Well, except for..." Suddenly she cut herself off, seeing what Sirius was doing. "Look, he's manoeuvred everyone into the right places. James, it's go time." While they'd been talking, Sirius had managed to subtly move Lily and himself out of the danger zone, leaving Severus to take the effects of the cauldron if it were to get holes.
"Okay, here goes," said James, pulling out his wand. "Partum foraminis." There was a subtle white flash, one that Sirius saw right before the spell hit the cauldron. Sirius watched as the water poured down on Severus, drenching him from head to toe.
"Wha...what the hell?" snapped Severus, once the water stopped pouring down on him. "What is this?"
"Hopefully just water," said Sirius, feigning surprise. "Hopefully."
"Are you okay Severus?" asked Lily, pulling out her wand. "Here, let me try and dry you off. Siccarentur aquae." A blast of warm air hit Severus, but he didn't seem to be any drier. "What the..."
"Oh my God, did you wet yourself Severus?" asked James, coming into view before laughing at his own lame joke.
"James? You did this?" asked Lily.
"Well, I don't mean to brag, but..." started James.
"FLIPENDO!" yelled Lily, as a blue flash of light hurtled into James and knocked him over. Lily then turned her attention back to Severus. "Come on, let's see if Madame Pomfrey knows how to dry you off." Lily helped Severus up, and led him towards the Hospital Wing.
Sirius, Peter, Remus, and Patricia all came over to where James was lying on the ground. "You okay there buddy?" asked Sirius.
"What did I do wrong?" asked James, sitting back up.
"That joke was probably a little much," said Peter.
"Oh, you screwed up WAY before then," said Patricia. "Come on, let's see where else you went wrong."
"The fact you thought a prank would work to impress someone like Lily?" asked Remus.
"That's one of the problems, yes," said Patricia, helping James to his feet. "What else?"
"Entered way too soon?" asked Sirius.
"Sirius did most of the work?" suggested Peter.
"The prank was kind of lacklustre?" added Remus.
"All good points," said Patricia.
"Okay, I get it, I'm an idiot," said James.
"Good," said Remus. "Maybe you won't try something like this again?"
"Pfft, hell no," said James. "This is only the beginning."