Prompty by maddy taylor (mmadstaylor): "if the world was ending you'd come over right" preferably pre-canon
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A/N: A huge thank you to my beta (she knows who she is) – couldn't have done it without her help. And for the person who prompted this: I don't know who you are yet, but I'm super grateful for your fun idea. I've truly had such a blast putting it together and writing this – so, hopefully, I did you justice :) Enjoy!
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Would you love me for the hell of it?
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…des images me reviennent
comme un souvenir tendre…
November
Wise people love to throw around cheesy one-liners like you can hear it in the silence. And the thing is – they're probably right. But Harvey Specter has never been a fan of silence. Ever since he was a kid, he saw it more as a reminder of how truly alone he felt in certain moments. Usually it is on the nights like this, when everyone else is off to celebrate holidays with their families, that he finds himself lost deep in thought.
Although this year is a little different, of course.
On the one hand, he has given Donna, Mike and Ray Thanksgiving off as a token of his appreciation for all the hard work they put in these past few months in particular.
On the other hand, his mom is now back in his life, so for the first time in so many years he gets to celebrate this day together with Lily, Marcus, Katie and the kids. And maybe he wouldn't admit it out loud just yet, but he is finally starting to understand why everyone always refers to this time of year as special. He has really missed it – that nice feeling he can't quite put a name to. Although deep down in his heart he already knows the answer: family, silly – that's the word you're looking for here.
That's why Harvey doesn't mind when the driver who stands in for Ray and is currently taking him back to New York City suggests they listen to what's on the radio. As long as the car ride doesn't have to pass in complete silence, he is ready to settle for whatever cliché music his ears would have to endure.
The first hour or so he just reminisces about his favourite parts of that evening.
Apparently his niece was currently obsessed with Clueless and, as luck would have it, Marcus suggested Harvey show her his A+ impression of Cher Horowitz – he reckons it better not to tell Donna or she'll make fun of him relentlessly. And after all the laughing that followed, Lily served his favourite dessert Harvey hadn't had since he was a teenager. Overall it just ended up being a really, really nice evening.
When Harvey finally snaps out of his daydreaming, it takes him a few seconds to focus on his surroundings and he finds himself smiling at the fond memories from that dinner.
All of a sudden the song playing on the radio catches his attention.
but if the world was ending you'd come over, right?
For a moment there he actually stops breathing. The reality hitting him like a bucket of ice cold water. Because now that he thinks about it – he was never really alone in any of the moments that truly mattered, was he? But before he can answer his own question, his mind is already running a hundred miles a minute taking him somewhere else entirely – far far away from the car ride and even this day…
"Here's the deal. I will take a bullet for you. And I don't mean that literally."
It was the day Donna came to his desk. She said those words as a promise of her loyalty and she never once broke that promise. Her message was loud and clear – wherever he strayed, she would follow. And she really did. Through every hardship and every crisis that came his way, she was right there by his side. Harvey no longer had to deal with any of them alone after she had walked into his life. He has always valued loyalty above all else and she is the one person who truly understood that principle from the very beginning.
"You need me. Because as good as Gretchen is, she can't be a part of this and
you know it."
"You're saying you're coming back to me?"
"Yes, I am."
"Good."
"Good."
So many things can be said about the events that preceded this one in particular.
There is a whole lot of pain, anger and just that feeling of emptiness he has almost forgotten existed that came back when he had to face the fact that Donna was no longer his assistant. Long story short, it was a really bad time for the both of them. But despite all the hurtful things that had been said and, not to forget, all those unspoken feelings, she still came back to him when he needed her the most. Because maybe he didn't fully understand it yet at this point, but of course she did. She is Donna after all. And as she once told him, most of the time she knows people and their true feelings way better than they do themselves.
"Don't do it. Don't fall on your sword again."
"I have to."
"No, you don't."
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"I don't want you to do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I think you're worthy."
It is no coincidence at all that when Harvey is ready to drop his sword and give up the fight, it is her door he comes knocking on. She immediately sees right through all of his blatant excuses. He goes to Donna because, no matter what case or dilemma he finds himself facing, she is always his compass. She never pushes him to be someone he isn't or tries to change him into a completely different person. No, instead she just figures out whatever it is that's bothering him judging by the look on his face alone and knows exactly what advice to give him and how to best convey that evergrowing faith she has in Harvey.
"You gonna be okay?"
"She was my mentor. But yeah, I'm gonna be okay."
"You want to be alone?"
"No."
Sometimes it is just easier to not say a word about what's eating you up inside. And of course Donna understands that like no one else can. So instead of turning around and walking out of his office, leaving Harvey to wallow in pain and sadness by himself, she did what someone who truly cares about the other person would. She stayed. They didn't even need to start up a conversation to feel connected in that moment. And when her fingers reached out to find his, it almost felt like all this pain that he felt burdening him slipped away and fit in the palm of her hand taking his. He didn't say the words thank you then.
And looking back at it now, he realises that he probably should have.
"Every day you go out in the world and you find a way to win. It's who you are.
It's what you do."
"Donna, this isn't about winning-"
"Yes, it is. But it's not just one person in this case, it's two. And right now you're
both losing."
"What if I can't do it?"
"Then don't get on that plane. But that bag sitting over there tells me that you're
ready to forgive her. And if you are, then that's all you need to do."
She fully understands the importance of family. And so it's no surprise she wanted nothing more than for Harvey to be on good terms with his own. It is one more thing the two of them have in common. Of course winnings cases for his clients matters. He wouldn't be a great lawyer if it didn't, and they both know that. But what's a lifetime of all the achievements he so prides himself on if he just goes on with his life not letting himself experience things in full, constantly closing himself off from real feelings? That's exactly why Donna gave him a gentle push saying it was finally time to make things right with his mom. And once again her faith in him helped him not only make the decision itself, but also, quite literally, take that final step towards reconciliation.
Harvey thinks about these moments – every single one confirming just how loyal and compassionate Donna Paulsen really is – and how they all kind of felt like the world was about to end (at least for him). But it never did, because she had always been right there by his side ready to pull him out of the current and help out – if not with advice, then simply by showing him he is not alone and never truly will be. Not as long as he has her next to him. Because that's who Donna is – someone who has a big generous heart and is ready to open it up to those worthy of it.
"She must be very special."
"She is."
If only Jessica Pearson from all those years ago knew just how right she was about this woman she hadn't even met yet, but who already somehow managed to impress her nonetheless!
Harvey doesn't really like to think about his mentor's departure a lot, but the truth is, he misses her. If Jessica were here right now, she'd probably tell him he is such an idiot for not seeing what is right in front of his stupid face.
His thoughts are interrupted by that same song, only a different line this time.
and there wouldn't be a reason why we would even have to say goodbye
Once again he finds himself remembering the past. Because he had already once been in a situation where had to say goodbye to Donna.
"I'm leaving you, Harvey."
"What?"
"This isn't working for me anymore."
Donna left and it felt as if she pointed a weapon at his deepest hurt. But it's not like she walked away out of the blue for no reason. He understands that now. It was his own damn fault really. He couldn't give her what she wanted the most, so by not being able to communicate properly, he ended up unintentionally pushing her away. And truth be told, Harvey has absolutely no right to make her the villain. Not after all the years Donna has spent putting him first.
If anything, one thing is suddenly as clear as day to him. He has spent hell of a long time not appreciating what a great gift he was given all those years ago. It is high time he recognised Donna being there no matter how tough the going got and showed her how much he appreciates it. He would have never become the person he is today without her compassion and he'll be damned if he takes that for granted again and god forbid ends up being the reason she ever thinks of leaving again.
Harvey takes a look out the car window and notices it already started to snow. A tentative smile starts to form on his lips while he thinks how just as the landscape in front of him is about to transform and turn completely white, he can almost feel some sort of change coming in his own life as well.
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December
It's Christmas Eve and Harvey treats this day the same way he does every other year. He cooks himself dinner and then spends the rest of the evening listening to his dad's record. Originally his mom wanted to come over and keep him company for the holiday, but due to a snowstorm in Boston all the flights this week have been cancelled. And so the two of them agreed to move their plans to New Year's instead.
To make up for it, Lily ended up sending Harvey's Christmas present by post and luckily it made it there just in time. So right at this moment he is looking at the new painting she made just for him.
Peach hydrangeas.
He remembers how back when he was still working at the DA's office, Donna told him that every flower has a meaning and how fascinated she was by the idea. So he looks it up online and finds that these particular ones represent "gratitude for understanding". He notices that his mom also added a small note to the package saying, Thank you for letting me back in your life. I like to think the best way to thank someone is simply give them something from your heart. After all, the most precious things can never be bought with money.
Harvey remembers what he promised himself a few weeks ago and, before he can think too long about the best way to show his gratitude to the one person who truly needs to hear it, his feet take him to the bookshelf where he finds exactly what he needs.
"I didn't know you were a Shakespeare fan."
"I'm a Donna fan."
He opens the book he's had ever since he was a little kid and doesn't even hesitate to scribble, Thank you for never letting me walk through any storm alone. This particular copy might be the most precious item in his collection, but Harvey reminds himself how for so many years now he's loved sharing everything with her so he knows he's doing the right thing. Suddenly he is struck by another idea and adds a little something he feels she would appreciate.
Harvey puts the book in a small box and covers the gift with wrapping paper. Finally, he decides to add some flowers. Once again the internet helps him find just the right ones to send the message. He is feeling a little nervous but really hopes this will be enough.
The next morning, Donna wakes up and, as she makes her way to the kitchen, a little something peeking from under the entrance door catches her eye. She finds a piece of paper with "open me!" written on it. And judging by the lack of anything to actually be opened, she unlocks the door to reveal a small box sitting right there.
She decides to take it with her and see what the mysterious package is inside. Donna sits down on the couch in her living room and opens the box. She sees a copy of The Merchant of Venice and two blue iris flowers.
Who would do something like that?
Donna's question is answered as soon she opens the book and sees the message scribbled on the front cover in his handwriting. She goes still. The stunned look on her face doesn't even begin to describe how taken aback she is by this gesture.
After her initial shock fades, she notices a small card that came with the book.
Check page 134.
Donna quickly flips through the pages to open that one. Her eyes settle on the bit he underlined.
How far that little candle throws his beams!
So shines a good deed in a naughty world – the most Donna thing this guy has ever written, don't you think?
She sees what he wrote right next to Portia's line and it fills her heart with affection. What an idiot, she thinks to herself and chuckles a little. Donna takes another look at the gift and she gets such a fond feeling in her chest. She is immensely touched by what he did and it makes her let out a breath she didn't even realise she's been holding all this time.
Suddenly she feels hope. Because maybe one day they will actually get there. The day when all their fears will be irrelevant and they will finally be ready to go all the way in.
There's no telling when that day will come. If anything, the package in her hands showing exactly how surprising Harvey Specter and his actions can be sometimes. But for now it's enough. Just knowing not all hope is lost fills her heart with warmth and she has faith that day is not too far ahead.
After all, some things – or in this case, some people – are really worth waiting for.
Right then her thoughts get interrupted by three firm knocks. She puts the book down, a bit puzzled because it's not even 8 – who could possibly want to come by so early on Christmas morning?
Donna's curiosity takes over and she strides across her apartment to unlock the door.
She catches the gaze of the person standing there.
She smiles.
The end.
Merry Christmas!