Nuclear Family

Atia stayed up late so she could be there when Julia arrived home, but it was no use. Julia came home around one in the morning reeking of smoke and vomit; she stared past Atia to the apartment's couch, which she quickly made her way to and fell upon without once acknowledging anything Atia said. It had been the same for a week.

Julia had arranged them into a facsimile of a prewar household. They had an apartment in the new dormitory, with two bedrooms and a kitchen and a private bathroom (luxury allowed to the high priestess of Hecate). Atia was the mother, Julia the father, and Julius their son. They'd all wake up together in the mornings and have breakfast together. Julius was educated with the other children during the day while his mother worked in the archives and Julia worked in the temple. Unlike the other children Julius' mother picked him up at the end of the day and took him home instead of the child barracks. Then she'd cook him and (if she was home) Julia dinner, and after dinner she or (if she was home) Julia would read to him until Atia put him to bed. Inside and outside the apartment, Julia had all the power. No matter how hard she tried to deny it, some days Atia felt like she was still living among the Legion.

Atia was awoken in the morning when Julius came into her room and crawled into bed with her. She embraced him and they lay there for awhile before getting up. They walked past the living room and into the kitchen. Julia was still asleep on the couch, face down away from the fresh morning sun that shone through the small window above her. In the kitchen Atia made breakfast while Julius drew with crayons. She cooked eggs with a little bit of pepper and tomato. Julius was being quiet but she didn't bother to dim the noise her cooking made. She boiled coffee on another burner.

She gave a plate of eggs to Julius, who complained that there was no bacon.

"Just eat your eggs," Atia ordered and he complied. She set the rest of the eggs aside for her and Julia then tidied the kitchen. If she didn't clean before she ate she wouldn't clean until she came home from the archives, and by the time she finished she'd have to start dinner and not have any rest right after coming home from work.

Julius just finished his breakfast when Julia slouched into the kitchen. Atia told her son to go his room and get ready for school. Julia ruffled his hair as he walked past then she sidled up to Atia.

"We have any bacon?" Julia asked her, "Or onion?"

Atia poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Julia without looking at her, "No. Rationing. Food's tight right now. No salt either."

Julia opened a cabinet, then poured the scant remains of a plastic whiskey bottle into her coffee. She took her eggs and sat in Julius' vacated seat. She wolfed the eggs down, stopping only to drink. Atia watched her silently, leaning on the stove. Julius could be heard in his room, throwing things in a bag to get ready for the day.

"They're good," Julia said into her fork. She finished the eggs and then drank the last of her coffee. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before she got up and poured herself another cup. It was getting long, nearly to her shoulders. She let it grow out when she was in Ouroboros, but this morning it was unwashed and extra thick with grease.

"You've been out late a lot lately," Atia said. Julia didn't seem to care for her observation and shot her a glare. She sat down at the table again and drank before talking.

"Yeah, big happenings at the temple," she said, then paused, "I might be gone for awhile soon."

"Starting when?"

"...Today," Julia said sheepishly.

Atia sucked her teeth before continuing, "And where are you going?" she asked, knowing that she wasn't going to get an answer.

"I don't know," Julia muttered into her coffee.

"Bullshit," Atia snapped, "Bullshit! You are so full of shit, Jules!"

"Ati-" Julia pleaded but was cut short.

"You never tell me anything! I never know anything! You come and go as you please and just assume that I'm fine with whatever, that I don't mind being kept in the dark! Being treated like a child, or-or-or your... fucking slave! Well I live here too! I care about these people too! I can help!"

Julia swallowed her anger and repressed the urge to throw her mug at Atia's face. She wasn't used to being talked to like that, and she'd murdered people in the wasteland for less. She always carried that with her, but this time she restrained herself. She ran her fingers through her hair again.

"You want to know? You want to know where I'm going?" she hissed, rising from her seat slowly. She could see the fear in Atia's eyes and it spurned her gleefully forward, "I. Don't. Know."

Atia was regretting provoking her unstable companion. There was a hollowness behind Julia's big brown eyes, a gaping void that Atia had thrown wide open, she realized in terror. She tried to make herself smaller, truly scared that Julia might hurt her.

"I. Don't. Know!" Julia suddenly screamed, "I'm about to follow Hecate into the wasteland and I don't know know where the fuck we're going! I have to keep us alive as she drags us to fuck-if-I-know, Utah! I don't even think she knows where we're going!"

Atia turned around and looked away. Julia drew close, close enough that Atia could feel her breath on the back of her neck.

"You want to be a part of the temple? You want to know? Nobody knows. Nobody knows anything! Especially not you but me too, but I still have to make the decisions! I've sent people to their deaths, and sometimes," Julia spoke softer, directly into Atia's ear through clenched teeth, "I knew I was doing it. You want to be in charge? You want to make those decisions? You want to knowingly send the people you love to their deaths?"

Atia said nothing. They stood there for a moment longer, Atia cowed and Julia slowly calming down. She studied Atia's delicate ear, a soft pale nautilus. Her breath slowed. She tried to take Atia's hand, but Atia pulled it away. She held it to her breast and played with her hair.

"Should I talk to him?" she asked Julia softly while not taking her eyes away from the stove top.

"I'll talk to him," Julia sighed sadly and slipped away. She stalked down the hall past Julius' door (which she unhappily noted was open) and into the bathroom, where she primped a little. Then she entered Atia's room and gathered a few things. She peeked around the corner into Julius' bedroom. He was on the floor, surrounded by toys and notebooks. He didn't acknowledge her.

"Hey buddy," she said, and he looked up at her eyes peeking out just past the doorframe. He didn't respond, and looked back down at his feet. She slid into his room anyway, something for him held behind her back. She crouched down until she was at his level. He looked back up into her eyes, and when she smiled he involuntarily smiled back.

"You gonna be a good boy while I'm gone?" she asked impishly. Atia didn't like it when Julia encouraged her son to act out. She told Julia she never had to deal with the consequences like she had to. Julia had to admit that was true.

Julius nodded his head, making it perfectly clear he had absolutely no intention of being a 'good boy'. Julia's wolfish grin grew wider, "Good, because I have something for you and I want you to take good care of it."

She showed him what was in her hand, a pocket knife made for the United States of America army. His eyes sparkled when he saw it. Julia demonstrated how to unfold and fold it, then handed it to him.

"It's not much good for fighting, but it can carve or skin. Might even be decent for forcing a lock, but only if you have to," she said. He held the knife in his hand, gazing at it like it was some totem of great power. Her smile got sad. She never felt as though she was spending enough time with the boy she loved so dearly. There were always words between them that never got said, and in that way there was always something separating them. The knife was a stupid little nothing gift, but it was all she could think to stay close to him, at least in some small part. He held the knife to his breast.

"Be safe, mama," he said to her. She tousled his hair and stood up.

"Whatever you say, kiddo."

She left the apartment to gather her personal effects in the armory. She left without saying goodbye to Atia. She was pissed that she riled her up in front of Julius. They had their differences, but usually they were good about leaving the boy out of it. She wasn't worried about anybody else who heard her yell. Despite all her shouting, the only people in the dormitory who heard the fight were Atia, Julius, and Athena, who had been listening through the vents ever since she'd moved into the smaller apartment below them.