Cas has just settled in in front of the TV, a curious tilt to his head, when he hears footsteps behind him and he blinks, looking up to find Dean lingering in the doorway, an uncertain look on his face. "Whatcha watching, Cas?" he finally asks, venturing into the room, as if worried Cas might not want him around.
Things are still unsaid and hanging heavily between the two of them, and Cas finds he is pleased simply to see him, as they've been dancing around each other ever since... ever since the Empty, and Cas' confession, and eventual return. "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," he says simply, brow furrowing when Dean's face immediately darkens and pales all at the same time. "Are you well?"
"Oh, uh. Yeah, I just... haven't seen this in years." He hesitates, clearly uncomfortable, and finally clears his throat, the struggle he's going through evident even as he steps closer. "Mind some company?"
"Of course," Cas says calmly, shifting over to make room as Dean reluctantly circles the couch and drops down next to him, hands clenched tightly in his lap as he blinks at the bright colors and cheerful noises coming from the TV. "It is quite loud," he offers after a moment, relieved when Dean's lips twitch up into a near-smile, his shoulders relaxing a little.
"Yeah, it always was," he murmurs, settling back into the cushions a little more comfortably.
Cas is conflicted between watching the TV and watching Dean, it obvious something about the show is weighing on him as he stares at it, worrying his bottom lip almost nonstop through the narration setting the scene of Grinch complaining about his neighboring Whos and their determination to celebrate Christmas loudly and cheerfully. He looks away when the show goes to commercial and Dean glances over at him, but it's too late. He knows Dean knows he's been watching him more than the show.
"What?" he asks, some of his old defensiveness creeping back in.
Cas takes a moment, thinks hard about what to ask, and finally settles for asking, "Is there something wrong with this cartoon? You appeared... unhappy... as soon as you saw it." He's still learning human norms, even after all of these years, and it's somehow even more tenuous as he's all but mortal himself now, grace dwindling even further after the Empty.
Dean looks even more wan now, glancing down at his hands as he twists them together anxiously. "I, it's just..." He stammers around for a second before tossing his head back and sighing in frustration. "I used to make Sammy watch this when we were kids," he confesses softly.
Before Cas can ask for clarification to the tension in Dean's shoulders, the deep rooted misery in his gaze, the cartoon returns and they watch on in silence as Grinch begins to formulate his plan further, preparing a mock Santa costume and even dressing his pet dog Max up as a reindeer to pull his sleigh. The next commercial comes quicker than the first and Cas' gaze returns to Dean once more, searching and uncertain.
Dean notices and his jaw ticks, his shoulders tensing until finally he bursts out, "It's just, we never really had Christmas, you know? When we were kids, and Dad..." He falters, drops that. "I tried, but we needed food and money could only go so far so it was... it was whatever I could find that people had thrown out, or small things I could get away with without getting caught, and..." He blew out a frustrated, pained breath.
Cas is starting to understand, his gaze fixed and lips pressed in a tight line, but before he can think of anything to say, or Dean could expound on his outburst, the cartoon returns and they reluctantly turn back to it, watching as Grinch tears through the Who village, taking everything from toys to ornaments to food to general things not even to do with holiday cheer- lightbulbs and fireplace logs, and whatever else his nasty little green hands can get ahold of. Once the next commercial break comes, Cas is quite unsettled. "I do not like him," he mumbles decisively and Dean lets out a soft snort next to him.
"Kinda the point there, Cas," he says faintly, wincing when Cas' piercing, blue stare returns to him. He exhales, meeting his eye for a second before looking away. "Sammy never really cared for this either," he admits. "It was a job just to get him to sit down and watch, and the message either was too deep for him when he was really little, or when he was older, he just internalized all of it and began... began seeing us as the Whos and Dad as the Grinch, and... I eventually stopped trying."
Cas is about to offer to turn it off, find something else to maybe bring some of the light back into Dean's troubled eyes, when the show comes back again. Grinch watching on in disbelief as the Whos journey out anyway, to where the massive tree they'd painstakingly decorated recently had once stood, and sang to herald in the holiday despite losing everything. It's a message about holidays being about people and togetherness, despite what gifts are lacking, or walls bare, and suddenly Cas understands why Dean would try to get Sam to watch, to accept what they cannot change. A struggling child himself, missing his mother and father, the only home he'd ever really known, lost as a toddler, trying to help his brother feel better about things, make it hurt less as they struggled through their childhoods.
He keeps these thoughts to himself, the two of them watching on as Grinch, strengthened by his realization and by the goodwill suddenly overflowing in his heart, manages to save Christmas, returning all of the decorations and food and everything else to the unaware Whos below. The cartoon ends with Grinch celebrating with the Whos and as the last few words of the narration drifts out of the speakers, Cas reaches for the remote, quietly clicking the TV off. "I'm sorry, Dean," he says after a few strained moments.
When he turns to look once more, Dean is picking at his jeans, a detached expression on his face, although his eyes are bright, a myriad of emotions overwhelming within their depths that only someone who knows what to look for can really see. "Wasn't your fault, Cas. Wasn't anyone's, really. Just how life shook out."
He moves to stand up and Cas feels an unexpected wave of panic, rushing up to his feet as well. "Dean," he says, stopping the man with careful fingers curling around his forearm. They haven't really touched since the Empty, and Cas closes his eyes for a split second, overwhelmed by the soft warmth twisting in his chest at this brief closeness. "We're here," he finally finds his voice. "We have food, and gifts if we want them, and decorations if we feel like putting them up." He forces a small smile, searching Dean's gaze, hoping that this helps, somehow. "I'm sorry your childhood was less than ideal-" I'm so sorry for bringing up all of these memories for you- "but Chuck is gone now, and we can make whatever we want of things. And I promise no one will dress Miracle up like a reindeer."
Dean lets out a startled laugh at that, before nodding, once or twice. He exhales sharply, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. He eyes Cas tentatively for a moment before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around him, hands smooth and warm against his back. "Thanks, Cas," he whispers.
Cas leans into the famliarity, and inhales softly as he hugs him back, marveling at the feel of Dean under his fingertips, alive and breathing, whole and healthy. "Any time," he says, relieved when Dean relaxes even further into his touch.
"C'mon," Dean says, suddenly pulling away. Gruff and trying to school his emotions back under a calm facade. "Let's go find Sammy, harass him into doing something about those decorations you mentioned." He reaches back and both of them pause when their hands meet, but Dean doesn't falter, simply squeezes Cas' fingers before dragging him out of the small room to find his brother.
Cas smiles.