Playlist: We've Only Just Begun by The Carpenters.
Bella spent the remaining half hour of her lunch period trying not to die. The musty girls bathroom on the second floor seemed like a good place.
In...1, 2, 3
Out...1, 2, 3
Struggling to breath, she could see her finger shaking as it hovered over her contacts list.
As if Jasper had summoned him with his comment, Riley had sent a text.
Miss you. Call me back.
In...1, 2, 3
Out...1, 2, 3
Almost everything in her ached to be subdued. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach was enough to make her sick, and her mind raced at lighting speed. She was irritated with herself for always being so easily affected. She couldn't keep up with herself.
Her first day back had been what she expected - some snide comments but otherwise normal.
The only difference now was her.
And without the high, her anxiety was at a dangerous peak. She considered her options.
She could:
A) Contact Riley or her other plugs and fuck it all
B)Turn her phone off
or
C) Utilize the breathing techniques used at St. Mary's, followed by the serenity prayer
Taking another shuddering breath, she looked back down at her phone.
His contact name mocked her; she was small at the mere sight of it.
No, she thought.
Before she could hesitate, Bella chucked her phone into the toilet boil along with a large wad of toilet paper and flushed. She watched, calm now, as her phone was submerged under the paper and rising water. She didn't even flinch when the murky liquid trickled over the bowl and dripped onto her white converse.
Standing, she walks promptly out the girls bathroom, only briefly aware of the roaming bodies around her.
Stepping into the main office, instantly looks up, her chapped lipstick emphasized by the pucker of her lips.
"Hi Bella. What's going on, sweetie?"
Bella fidles with the sleeve of her sweater before speaking.
"The second floor girls bathroom is flooding. My phone fell out of my pocket and into the toilet. I'm sorry-"
"Oh crap," Mrs. Cope sighs. "Well, don't you worry about it, ok? Let me call up maintenance!"
Bella nodded and offered the older woman a smile before heading out of the office, a new bounce in her step.
And though a small part of her knew that flushing her phone had been a bit much, a larger part of her basked in the small freedom she felt as she walked to her next class.
"Bella!"
Turning at the sound of her name, Bella's eyes widen slightly. Walking briskly down the empty hall is Edward, the small grin on his face prompting bella's own lips to quirk upward in response.
Remembering Jasper's comment, Bella feels her stomach flutter. Did he really ask if she was single?
"Hey." She greets once he is close enough. She could smell his fresh scent from where he stood, impressed by the lack of boy-funk.
"Where you headed?" he asks, following beside Bella as she begins to walk again.
"Study Hall." She wrinkles her nose.
"Then you can show me the way." he responds, his grin widening.
Bella looks up and is momentarily struck by the perfection that is his face. Even his teeth are white and straight. Without realizing, she continues to analyze him, looking for a flaw. The only thing she can come up with are his slightly large ears, but even then he is so cute, it doesn't even matter.
"Are you ok?" Edward questions, his brow dark brows furrowed and voice amused.
"Sorry. I'm being a weirdo. Follow me."
Edward opens the door, waiting for Bella to walk in before following after her. As she walked to the back of the class room- which was more like a small library- she looked behind her. Sure enough, Edward followed, intent on sitting with her.
Once seated, the two began to arrange their bags so that they rested on the table.
Bella folded her arms on her bag, resting her head and closing her eyes.
"You tired?"
Opening her eyes, she saw Edward in a similar position.
"Yeah." she whispered.
"I saw you leave earlier. In the cafeteria. You looked…upset." He said.
Her first instinct was to lie, minimize what she was feeling so that she was left alone. Instead, she did something she rarely did when it came to her feelings. She told the truth.
"I was."
Edward looked at her, noticing the pink coloring her nose and cheeks. It was obvious to him that she had been was quiet for so long, Bella thought he wasn't going to respond.
"What's wrong?" He asked, his voice low.
Bella stared at him, marveling at his kindness. She barely knew him, and yet he had given her so much more than she had given him. First, driving rose home after Tyler's party and now being a friendly ear. Just two hours before, she had resolved to ignore him or at least keep her distance. Now here she sat, confiding in him before she confided in her best friends.
"I guess today was a lot for me...I flushed my phone."
Edward shook his head, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.
"...On...purpose?" Edward asks slowly. .
That made Bella laugh. She didn't know what possessed her to speak when he was around. He was so... normal- the complete opposite of Bella. He was warm and bright, his cool demeanor permeating any space he occupied.
She loved it.
"Yeah."
"Damn. Now who am I supposed to call for help with my homework?"
Bella laughs again, a small "Whoops" playfully escaping her mouth.
"Are you ok, though?"
She considers his question and finds that despite the bullshit, she is. Now.
"I am."
"Good."
They spent the rest of the class period bullshitting. If they weren't cracking jokes, they were sharing interests, trading stories and talking music.
By the end of the period, Bella had learned that Edward was originally from Chicago, really liked Jay-Z and Elton John, and was 6 foot 3.
Bella couldn't deny that Edward was really cool. He was easy to be around. Easy to talk to. Easy to look at. Just easy.
She knew keeping her distance was going to be very hard.
And when he held her to his chest as he said goodbye…
She feared it would be impossible.
Bella was the first one to arrive at the dance studio. Passing the football field before entering the Performing Arts Building, Bella was sure she knew where half the dance team was. She couldn't be completely annoyed- had things been different for her she probably would have been there along with them.
She walked over to the auxiliary cord and speakers, connecting her laptop and finding the appropriate playlist before stretching.
Eventually, dance team members began to trickle in, a group of team hopefuls following behind. The team hadn't voted in a new captain, but Bella took on the role without a second thought. She was always serious when it came to the team.
The team had made it to state last year, which was as far as their team had ever gone. The team was good, and last year's captain was a talented choreographer but it always seemed that they missed it. Whatever it was. Nevertheless, Bella knew most of the team shared her determination to make it to nationals this year. More than anything, Bella wanted to prove that she could be deeply committed to something that wasn't drugs. She wanted to breathe life into her true passion.
Once Bella and Angela led the group of hopefuls in a stretch, they followed the girls as they demonstrated the try-out choreography. The steps were sultry but sharp, a mix of post-modern and hip-hop. There were hip rolls, shoulder pops and elegant spins and jumps. Even Bella could admit it was a bit challenging without practice, but there were a couple of promising prospects.
Soon enough, only the team members were left in the room. Members were scattered around the room, chattering amongst themselves.
"So," Lauren Mallory started, loud enough to stop any conversation. "Voting time?"
Every year, the team came together and voted for a captain. The role was a coveted one, an unbidden popularity accompanying the position. No one was surprised that Lauren brought it up.
Tall and sure, Lauren stood with her hands on her hips, one perfectly done eyebrows arched.
"Honestly, do we need to?" Angela asked, her tone bored.
"What do you mean?" Asked Lauren, attitude on 10.
"I just mean that it's obvious." Angela scoffed, her arms gesturing towards Bella.
There was a general hum around the room. The team agreed. Most of the team members genuinely loved dancing. Others joined the team for its approximation to cheerleading. But beside Jasper, the team knew Bella was the only team member who had done this since she was a child. Reminding her of her father, it was something she held dear to her heart. It was something she wanted to do for the rest of her life.
"I don't think it's fair to put that on Bella right now." Lauren stated.
Bella rolled her eyes, silently fuming. Lauren always had a way of dissing people in what she thought was a covert way. What came off as concern, was really shade and jealousy. Bella couldn't stand the bitch. Though she knew that she deserved some doubt for her past actions, Lauren didn't know shit about what Bella had been through. She resented the notion that she couldn't do it coming from her.
"If the team agrees, I can do it." Bella stated, standing up to address the room.
"I can do it." She repeated, her voice vulnerable, pleading with the room to give her the chance. She was overwhelmed by her desire to take on the role.
"Everyone in favor of Captain Bella raise your hand!" Jasper says loudly, his hand already raised.
Angela follows right after, and one by one, so does everyone else. Lauren looks at Bella, and sighs. It's clear to see that she utilizes all her self-control, a snide comment on the tip of her tongue.
"You need a Co." she says, referring to the Co-captain position. Knowing there is no way in hell Bella would choose her, Lauren puckers her lips in what Bella assumes is a pout.
Ignoring her expression, Bella nods, looking around.
"Jasper." She decides. Not only could he offer a different perspective as a boy, but he was the only other team member she knew wanted to dance for the rest of his life, like her.
"Yasssssss!" He exclaims playfully, earning a laugh from everyone.
It's almost 7pm when Bella finally leaves the studio, her loose curls wet from the shower.
Once again, she chooses to pass the football field on her way to the parking lot. Seeing several bodies, her eyes scan the field - Searching, hoping. She's disappointed when she doesn't find the one she wants, and quickens her pace.
She works to unlock her bike, grimacing at the dark residue left from the chain. She is too busy wiping her hands on her sweat pants when a loud car horn honks behind her.
She jumps, one hand flying to her chest as she turns to look for the source.
Edward sits in his car, a silver Audi, laughing uncontrollably as he hangs his head out of the window.
Bella scowls, turning her back on him and pretends to be occupied with her bike's chain.
Edward leaves the driver's door open as he walks the short distance between them.
"I'm sorry." He gasps in between laughter.
Bella works hard to hide her smirk, turning her face even further away from him.
She feels the warmth of his large hand wrap around her waist, turning her body towards his. It takes everything in her not to fully lean into him and snuggle.
"Don't be mad. I came to offer you a ride." He says, calm now.
At that, she looks up. Her brown eyes meet his dark green ones as his hand tightens on her waist.
"Um," she mumbles, battling with herself.
"It gets darker earlier now…I just didn't want you alone on that bike." He explains.
She feels a warmth bloom in her chest at his thoughtfulness and before she can stop herself, she is riding home with Edward.
"You don't drive?" He asks, humor in his eyes.
Bella looks at the muscles and veins in his forearm as he drives, watching as they pulse and jump with his movements. She wonders what his hands would feel like palming her ass or pumping in and out of her-
Whoa there, she thinks to herself. She cannot go down that path right now.
"I'm actually not allowed." She answers.
"Not allowed?"
"It's a long and fucked up story."
"I'm intrigued."
She doesn't feel like getting into the details right then, but she has a hard time giving him a hard 'no' for an answer.
"Maybe I'll tell you one day." She says instead.
"Alright." He says, nodding his head. "Tell me another story then: What do you see in Mike Newton?"
Bella's entire face scrunches up in confusion, her head whipping in his direction so fast her hand comes up to cup her neck. That is so not what she expected to come out of his mouth.
"Mike Newton? I barely fucking know him!" She exclaims, the confusion and disgust evident in her voice.
It's bad enough that most of the school knows her as a fucking druggie- she doesn't need to be associated with that super creep Mike, too. Especially not in a romantic sense. The last time she'd even acknowledged him was at Tyler's party.
Even then, it was a simple, "Hey, Mike."
He was decent looking - kind of basic in Bella's opinion, but she would never go there. Last she'd heard, he was flirting with 13 year old 8th graders. She shuddered internally.
"Yeah, there was something off about that," Edward replies, a chuckle leaving his mouth once again. "You should know that Mike is going and saying you guys have been...texting."
"That's fucking gross. I would never." She responds vehemently, suddenly really worried about Edwards perception of her. It seems there has been even more gossip about her than she originally thought.
"Good." He says.
"You were worried?" Bella deadpans.
Edward's face is serious as he responds.
"Yeah, I was. He's an ass." He looks around before making a left turn, then lets his eyes flicker briefly to Bella's.
"And how did this even come up?" Asks Bella, her brows furrowed.
"The guys were bullshitting about girls. It's dumb," He shakes his head. "But when you came up, I asked." Edward's voice is matter-of-fact, no embarrassment or hesitation.
The car comes to a sudden stop, and Bella realizes that they've arrived at her Aunt Carmen's. She collects her backpack, and opens her car door. One leg out of the car, Bella turns her torso to look at Edward.
"Why'd you ask?" She wonders.
The smirk on his full lips is dangerously attractive, and something about his confidence makes Bella think that he knows it.
"Why do you think?" He responds, leaving it at that.
Dazed and stunned, Bella steps fully out of the car, before closing the door. Once again, Edward waits for Bella to head inside before driving off.
That night in bed, Bella ponders her interactions with Edward thus far. Even Bella can't deny that he's been flirty- especially after their most recent interaction.
And she was flirting right back.
She's frustrated. He is just too charming, and constantly has her re-thinking her boy-embargo. She consider's keeping it casual - maybe some fooling around but no labels?
No.
It's only been four days since they met- not even a week- but they were friends. Or something like that.
Her brain scrambled, she resolves to forget about it and go to sleep.
Under the silvery light of the moon, Bella's hand slip into her underwear and pretend they are Edwards, a soft moan leaving her mouth as she cums. She enjoys a dreamless sleep that night.
A/N: I keep writing in weird places. I wrote this on the Bus today. I've also finished Euphoria and need something new to watch- what are you guys watching?