Playlist: I'm With You- Vance Joy

Edward stands leaning against the door frame, visibly tired but attentive as always. He holds his gym bag by the straps, the vain in his arms prominent.

His question hangs in the air for a moment, the tension palpable. There they stood as if ready for battle. Edward, ready to fight for a chance and Bella, ready with offensive moves. There was no way he'd want anything to do with her after she came clean- right?

Bella is at a loss, having only gone into depth about her past with her therapist. Her family had- as always- been so gracious in giving her space that they never dared press.

Except her mother, but that was an entirely different situation.

Focusing on her mission, on at least giving Edward this, she blurts out the first truth.

"I'm scared."

She sounds how she feels: like a scared child. She can't even look at his unwavering gaze. He doesn't verbally answer Bella at first,waiting until she hesitantly peeks up at him.

"That's okay." Edward finally says, "But just know...I'm a safe space. At least, I'm trying to be."

At that moment Edward looks and sounds decidedly adult. It was one of the things she liked most about Edward- his maturity. For the most part, he was a cheeky clown who set her inside a buzz. Every now and then though, she'd get glimpses of this Edward. She wasn't sure any of the others guys her age would have even made it this far with her. She yearns to be as mature as him. She tries.

"I don't know how to do this." She says, her voice exasperated and her arms folded in what looks like defeat. Already strife with nerves, she can't bear to look at his face and give him the explanation he's owed. If she were a better person, a less selfish person- she would just leave him alone as she had intended to do in the first place. The action was almost tantrum-like.

So much for being mature.

Part of her understood that this guilt and feeling of unworthiness was why she always hoped that he'd just grow tired of her. She wanted to take the pressure off herself in the laziest way possible- by always giving just this much but never giving it all. It was shitty and admittedly wasn't working anyway.

She wasn't sure if Edward was stubborn or really that patient of a person, but he never seemed to waver.

So the least she could give him was this.

Bella hadn't realized that she had been quiet for so long, startled by Edward's warm and calloused hands. Bella watches as his large hands work to unfurl the fingers on her left hand and hold them lightly with his own. He softly clears his throat.

Blazing emerald meets her smoldering brown, and he calmly says, "Start from the beginning."

So she does.

"I wasn't a good person before. I'm not sure that I am now, actually...but I'm working on that."

Edward tugs on her arm, prompting her to follow his lead as he lowers himself to the floor and sits. His eyes are on their intertwined fingers, thick brows furrowed.

"I have stolen, lied, ignored and been straight-up mean. Y'know, the people who love me...they always say 'that wasn't you, Bella' but it was. A different m, but still me. I don't remember a lot before the accident- mostly because I was so fucking high I didn't care where I was half the time." she laughs humorlessly feeling awkward and naked.

"But the beginning...I guess that's when dad got sick. My mom was gone a lot- working you know?"

Edward nods his head, a small "yeah" slipping out of his lips.

"I told you this a little bit-"

"I remember."

"Yeah, well like I said, I was older so I'd watch over daddy. Usually, after I did my homework I'd stay in bed with him and we'd watch these corny 80's sitcoms. He loved Family Matters." she remembers fondly. "But anyway, at nine he would take this medication cocktail and knock right out. It was the most peaceful he'd looked in a while. Maybe ever. Like a sleeping angel. I wanted that, that peace so I would steal a pill and it was like nothing else-not even dancing."

"No one noticed?" Edward wonders aloud.

"Not really. We were alone a lot and I could usually just pass it off as being tired. I never took enough pills to raise suspicion either. I guess they'd just assumed daddy had a particularly bad day or something."

Bella pauses for a few seconds, reconfiguring her thoughts as she tried to make sense of her memories linearly.

"Daddy died around Christmas time- I remember we'd all been around the tree decorating a week before. I was pissy because it felt so forced to me. Everyone pretending that he wasn't withering away right before our eyes. I know now that it was for our- the kids- sakes. And maybe mom's too." she shakes her head absently.

"He wasn't good, but he was up and talking that day. The next day he had a cough. Four days later he died in the hospital. They said he'd contracted Sepsis but if it wasn't that,he would have died soon either way. That feeling...I had never, ever felt that bad in my entire life. Never. We had a good life, a good family before the Cancer. We weren't perfect, but we were content. Things haven't been the same since he was diagnosed. So his death...It all spiraled from there, I guess. It was so quick I don't know that I could have stopped it."

"What about your friends?" Edward asks. Offering him a tiny smile, she reaches over to fix a curl that fell on his forehead before answering.

"They tried. I know they did but I wasn't ready to accept their support then. I was convinced that no one could help or understand me. I was really angry. I wanted to be someone else. When I was fifteen, Riley gave me that escape."

"Riley," Edward said as if testing the name on his tongue. "A boyfriend, I assume?"

Bella nods.

"He was this older kid that used to go here. I Remember hearing that he'd been arrested or something, then he dropped out. I didn't see him for a while. He gave me a ride one night, I snuck out that night, and took me all over Port Angeles. It was...exhilarating. It was forbidden and not me. That first night he gave me so many pills, i didn't even what half of them were. He hooked me up for free,too. Got my number and we started hanging out... "

"The perfect disaster."

"Exactly." Bella agrees. "I won't get into details, but I was so impressionable. I went along with almost anything he wanted and he loved it. I was like a toy, he loved having me on his arm...showing me off. He'd say things I thought were romantic but really they were...violent and controlling. He...didn't always treat me great. It always felt like it was my fault. Like, maybe if I'd paid him more attention or looked better he wouldn't.. but...no. At one point I didn't even care. I was in pretty deep with his lifestyle, I was with him most was starting to get comfortable"

Edward nodded, knowing how dangerous getting comfortable could be.

"So what was the breaking point?" He asks.

"What do you know about this summer?" Bella wonders instead of directly answering.

Edward is hesitant, but sighs and answers anyway.

"Something about an overdose...and an accident?"

Bella feels her cheeks warm in embarrassment. She had hoped that Edward hadn't been witness to the whispers about Bella but she knew the boys locker room gossip rivaled the harshness of mean girls. She wasn't stupid - she knew there would be talk before she came back but she had still foolishly hoped that the new boy wouldn't be privy. Bella couldn't blame anyone, had it been someone else she'd probably wonder or listen too. Her memory was hazy, but she offered what she could.

"It was after an argument with Riley. He'd given me some crazy shit- a bad batch- and I had been so angry, I just got in my car and drove home. I remember feeling fine getting into the seat. I don't remember losing consciousness, but my aunt told me I hit the tree in our front yard at two in the afternoon. Carmen said it was terrible, that I looked dead. Mom was freaking out, kept trying to get to my body. Alice was confused and crying. Vomit and sweat and the car... and Alice must have been so scared."

Bella choked out the last part of her speech and Edward automatically wrapped his arm around her body and brought her into his chest. He caressed her hair as she shook in his arms, her sobs quiet but heartbreaking.

While Bella sat there and cried, Edward sat proudly and a bit impressed. Objectively- her actions had been bad and he knew that the rippling effects of addiction are deep and painful. This was something he had seen before- people he loved have been through the not the same extent, he couldn't help but wonder if he and Bella had more in common than they both thought. Regardless, he could see how serious she seemed about making a change. How could he judge her? She wasn't the bad person she felt she was. She had done bad things, but she wasn't her mistakes - something Edward saw so clearly. He wished she could too.

"I was charged with a DUI- but since I was sixteen, they arranged a deal. I get my liscense suspended until I'm eighteen. I attend NA meetings twice a month and I attend therapy. And stay clean of course. If I do well, they'll take it off my record. I got really lucky." She mutters. "Mom and I don't really speak anymore. I've cause too much stress, I guess."

"And Edward I just- I need you to get this. Even after the rehab and after therapy- I will always be a recovering addict. Just thinking about the drugs, I can sometimes feel that craving or that excitement. Everyone I love knows this. And they fear it, just like I do. This is heavy stuff and I can't ask-``she cuts herself off, sniffling and wiping her face.

She was right- this was heavy stuff. Edward wasn't sure what the right thing to say was. She was skittish- he'd learned that the night before. He didn't want to scare with any declarations but he wanted her to trust him so badly.

And, god, they were only seventeen.

But Edward got the sense that Bella Swan wasn't a quitter- and neither was he.

Cradling her wet and splotchy face, he turns it so that she's looking up at him. Her lashes are wet and her lips are chapped and she still looks so beautiful. The words tumble out of him before he knows it.

"I'm here, with you, because I wanna be. Let me."

"Be with me...how?"

"However you need. You know how I feel." He shrugs.

It's true. Edward doesn't mind waiting. He had been doing it for months now and time was always relative.

Blushing, Bella feels pinned by his gaze. She knows what she wants to say. She says what she should say instead.

"Friends...for now."

"With benefits?" He jokes.

Bella playfully slaps his arm, warming at the sound of his chuckles.

"Kidding!"

She matches his wide smile.

"Friends...with an understanding." she amends.

A/N: Wrote this one at my dentists appointment on my phone. Oy.