Playlist: All For Us- Labyrinth ft. Zendaya

I didn't plan on going this long between updates! I'm going to update again this week.

Then: 3 months ago

Bella hated hospitals.

Not only because they're sterile and cold. She hated the rigid dichotomy of circumstance found there. Generally, you were either given good news or bad news - or on the odd occasion, no news, which was just bad news in her experience.

She hated the protocols and detached way of interacting that was often necessary for medical professionals.

She hated the waiting, the smell...

Suffice it to say- she avoided them at all cost.

So, when she wakes up handcuffed to a bed, in a hideous gray gown, she immediately knows she's in one.

What she can't immediately figure out is how? And why?

She'd been aware of the painful thumping in her head since she came to. The sharp pain in her neck and side seemed to be increasing as she continued to gain awareness. She tries to remember details, like the date or her birthday to ground herself.

During her internal freak-out, she becomes suddenly aware of someone's hand grasping hers. Before she even turns to look, she knows the hand belongs to her mothers.

She's the only person Bella knows that enjoys wearing a ring on each finger.

Her mother's face is turned oddly, her dirty blonde hair covering most of it. Behind her, little Alice is curled up in a loveseat.

Outside her room she can hear the faint whisper of a nurse or a doctor, "...patient was administered Naloxone..."

There's a sudden sinking in her stomach. Naloxone?

The overdose antidote? That naloxone?

She gripped her mother's hand harder.

You're so fucking stupid

She was brought out of her internal chastising when she heard the sound of ruffled clothing. Not ready to deal with any interaction, she closed her eyes and tried to even her breathing. Hopefully she appeared to be sleeping.

Listening to the small steps and loud breathing, she knew it could only be Alice. Bella could feel her next to the bed and could feel her eyes on her face.

"I know you're not sleeping." Alice whispered, her sweet voice serious.

Bella opened her left eye and took a peek before allowing her right eye to open as well.

"Hi Al," She managed to croak.

Wordlessly, Alice pulled herself onto the bed, careful so as not to put any of her weight on Bella.

She sat beside Bella's legs, her expression gloomier than Bella had ever seen. The sound of monitors, carts and their mothers deep breaths filled the otherwise silent room.

What could she say?

"Are you going to die?" Alice asked.

Bella's eyes widened before they watered.

"Like Daddy did? Are you?" Alice pressed.

"No."

"How do you know?"

"Cause- Al, look at me- cause, I know. I promise. Ok?"

Alice looked reluctant to agree and Bella felt even shittier then, knowing Alice was recalling the numerous times bella had broken her promises.

Bella wished she could express to her -and everyone else she was sure to have disappointed- that it was never supposed to go this far- get this bad.

So she looked at her little sister, arguably the most important person in her world and begged with her eyes that she trust her this once.

Alice looked away before speaking.

"Ok."

Now: October

Bella pumped her legs faster as she sped by on her bike. She was late to her NA meeting, as she usually was, but she couldn't be bothered to care. She was feeling good and light and...free?

At least, in one sense. It had been a few days since her talk with Edward and things between them flowed seamlessly. Despite their obvious attraction for one another, he was a true friend to her and more mature than she could ever be.

She wanted to be worthy of a friend like him, and maybe in time...a partner like him.

Arriving at the community center, Bella quickly jumped off her bike and set it against the buildings side, not bothering to chain it up. As she was about to enter the meeting, she felt her phone vibrate as she pulled it out her back pocket.

This english hw is killing me.

Bella smirked as she typed back a response. Though Edward was dangerously attractive, he wasn't as smooth as he thought he was. This was his thing- he'd send a text about needing help with school work which would then lead to hours long Facetime conversations that very rarely had anything to do with the work he was "struggling" with. It was something Jasper had actually pointed out, and Bella though it was so cute, she never mentioned that she was on to him.

She also didn't want him to stop.

Poor baby

Yup. im a poor baby who desperately needs your help.

Can't :(

?

At NA

Ah. As you were soldier.

Reluctantly, she began to pocket her phone when she felt the vibration against her hand.

And also...have a nice meeting?

Was that weird to say? Sorry.

Edward was also a double texter. Again- too cute.

Lmfao. No, that's...perfect.

Bella ignored Siobhan's disapproving eyes as she signed in.

"You're late. Again." She deadpanned.

"Last time! Promise!" Bella threw over her shoulder as she walked into the large meeting room.

She grabbed a chair towards the end of the room, noticing a new face at the podium. The man had sandy blonde hair and strong features. If Bella had to guess, she would have put his age from anywhere to mid to late forties.

Though she rarely engaged during these meetings, she knew almost all the regular attendees by face. He must have been new, but he spoke with vigor and passion. She listened.

" ...I thought that by doing good, studying in med school, being an EMT... I was absolved of any wrongdoing. One canceled the other. But that's not how it works, because while I couldn't give a shit about myself, my mother, my ex-wife, my friends...they lived in fear everyday. They carried my burden, and it almost broke them." His eyes, a sharp blue color, scanned the crowd before landing briefly on Bella.

"The worst part though is that my reality...and the reality that was... are worlds apart. And in my memories, I don't know if I'll ever be able to tell the difference. And my ex-wife and daughter don't speak to me much these days, because it's hard for them to move-on or forget. I don't want them to forget though. Cause they're the only way I'll remember the truth of my reality. This reality. Thanks."

He's met with thunderous applause from the group as he walks down. People pat his back and offer him encouraging words, as he heads to the back and finds a spot near Bella. It isn't until he passes her a tissue from his jacket that she realizes she's crying.

Outside, Bella leans against the side of the building as she watches clumps of people leave the center. When she caught the blonde hair she's looking for, she leaps into action and catches his sleeve. The man looks back in confusion, his scruffy eyebrows furrowed. Bella steels herself before speaking.

"Hi- not trying to be a creep or anything. I just wanted to say, you really moved me in there... I usually ignore these meetings but I really relate. So, um, yeah. Thanks."

The man regarded her for a second, his eyes softening as Bella wonders what he sees.

"Carlisle." He says, offering his hand.

"Bella."

"Nice to meet you. I'm sorry that you relate."

"Me too."

"I'll say this, my life is probably harder than it's ever been right now."

Bella frowns.

"But it's also the best it's ever been. You get what I'm saying?"

"I do." Bella responds nodding.

"Who do you do it for?"

The question confuses Bella, and she isn't sure how to respond. She begins to regret even talking to Carlisle.

"Do...what?"

"This." He answers, waving his hand towards the center.

Ah. He means sobriety.

"My...family. My mom, Aunt and little sister." she sounds young and unsure to her own ears.

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't use your guilt to keep you clean. It never works. Guilt isn't that strong. When you do this, for you -and subsequently everyone who loves you- then you'll succeed."

Bella is left speechless.

"You have a sponsor?"

"No"

He whips out a small white card and hands it to her.

"Good night Bella."

She watches as he walks off, a slight limp to his gait, and wonders how all these strangely kind men whirled into her life at the same time.

On her way home, she tries to picture her future. She can't see much yet, but she goes to bed hopeful.

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