A/N: Haha I actually confused you on purpose and you'll see why soon. Hopefully I can get it out in the right way so it's cleared up. But! At least you didn't throw anything at me. :D Although I suppose there's still time for that… Also, parts of this chapter are a bit different than I am used to writing so sorry if it seems off. I had to get a lot of information out. Thanks so much for the reviews!

Chapter 11: What Goes Around

I wasn't sure which problem to attend to first, however I considered that Max was a big boy and could take care of himself. That and he was Max. How much trouble could he possibly get in to? He'd left me with no reason to believe he was in danger or held up somewhere that he needed help so I decided to go straight for the heart of matters and leave him for later.

I had been going over things all morning as I got ready and had discovered one thing, I was a genius. I had thought it was the end of the world, of Kai, of me, of Kai and me, but it was just the beginning. Kai was angry. Kai was REALLY angry. And I know what you're thinking… You're thinking that's a terrible thing. Kai being angry meant vengeance. Kai being angry meant fire and spite and passive aggressive brimstone. But Kai being angry also meant something else. It meant that he cared. He cared enough to be angry, so he cared enough to give it thought. Which, in his own way, was letting me know something about him that he wouldn't say out loud.

I was brimming so much with overconfidence at my deductions of Kai's behavior and what it means that I almost forget how much of an idiot I had been the day before.

That is until I am standing in front of his office door like a lost puppy.

The secretary gives me the same critical look she had the day before, only this time it was accompanied by a look of intangible inquiry.

"He's not busy," she states as if it would get me to move. "You can go in." I nod but take another few minutes to gather my courage. Having a witness to my internal dilemma helped me make my decision faster than it probably would have otherwise, and I hold my breath as I open the door.

Kai is seated at his desk with his head propped up on his arm in boredom, a pen tangled between his fingers, looking over something on his computer. He glances up casually, with a slight hint of annoyance, to see who it is and starts to turn back to his work but stops to do a double take, as if not expecting me at all. He stares at me a moment, gaze hard, dropping his arm and sitting up straighter, before tipping his head back to usher me in. I oblige, taking a step inside and closing the door, but decide to remain close to the door, clinging to the doorknob behind my back as if it will comfort me by allowing me a quick escape.

I freeze there, unable to make the first move myself. All I wanted was to look him straight in the eye and ask him what we've been doing all this time together if it wasn't meant to go somewhere, but none of the words I wanted found their way out. I wanted him to admit that he wasn't heartless like he portrayed, that he DID allow himself to feel things and that I didn't understand why he couldn't just say it but instead I stare at the floor, wondering how I made it this far on pure adrenaline. Where was that adrenaline now?

It probably left with the glare he set on me.

It was clear that he was bothered. My presence was unexpected but it wasn't just the surprise. He was holding back other emotions. Much stronger ones. Ones that indicated one wrong move might just end up with me leaving in pieces, and not the physical kind. I didn't realize that one little slight would make his so upset. It wasn't like I told him he sucked at his job or his shoes made him look stupid. It was just a pile of laundry. Was it really that important to him?

He stands up and I tense, expecting some sort of consequence for my presence. His demeanor indicated that he wanted space but he wasn't throwing me out and he made no move to do so either. Maybe I was getting mixed signals?

"I…uh…came to apologize." I utter briskly, hoping it will halt any negative assault he had prepared for me. He leans forward and presses a button on his phone. A beep follows then the low sound of static.

"Hold my calls and don't let anyone else in. Especially Tyson," he demands, then hits the button again and it goes silent. He places the pen he had been holding, down on the desk and averts his eyes, contemplating how to proceed.

"I know you probably don't want to talk about this now but I couldn't let it wait. I needed you to know that I didn't mean to offend you or pressure you or whatever I did…" He moves around the desk and stands in front of it, halting my train of thought and my babble as he fixes another cold glare on me.

"How do you expect me to say something that involves trust when I know you're hiding things from me?" he replies crossly. "Besides that…"

"You don't have to explain yourself here." I save him the trouble of going on. If I could get us past the initial awkwardness I knew everything would work out. I just had to get him to stop being mad. He watches me as I push away from the door casually, leaving the security of it behind me.

"Besides that," he starts again. "How could you say it and mean it when it's only meant to negate something that isn't even happening? It's obvious that YOU don't trust ME. That whole conversation was meaningless. And then…" He shakes his head, probably picturing the scene in his head to bring back just how pathetic he saw it as. "It's impossible to speak to you when you're angry. You don't listen and then you say things that aren't you. Did you really want me to be honest at a time when it would only get ignored?" I look down and shuffle my feet uncomfortably.

"You don't do anything without thinking about it first, do you?" I look back up at him and take a giant step forward, breaking into his bubble of personal space. "Sometimes it feels good to just let yourself say what you want without thinking about it." I half smile in a trying attempt to make him change his mind.

"Because I see how well that works for you." He eyes me skeptically and I roll my eyes to the side. He was a tough one to crack, that's for sure.

"In all fairness, you didn't exactly respond in a dignified way. Sure you held your tongue but seriously? Sometimes you act like a spoiled child." I should have ended it there but I can't stop myself. "Like you're gonna cry if you don't get what you want." I bite my lip. Hearing the words come from my mouth doesn't make me feel better. I feel myself cringe at the thought of how they must have sounded. How wrong it was of me to even suggest things so…mean.

"Maybe I will." He replies and I shift my eyes back to him sharply. This was another mind game… He was baiting me to dig myself a deeper hole. Maybe he was seeing how far I would go or if he could get me to the point where I was blurting things out again just to get to the bottom of everything he thought I was 'hiding' from him. But I don't let myself go there this time. I wanted to put this behind us right now, and move on.

"I highly doubt that…" He catches my gaze and settles on it, before taking a slight step away to lean back on the desk behind him, crossing his arms.

"Look. I know I don't exactly shout my feelings from the rooftops but I thought that you at least understood that I have them." Okay, so that was halfway to my goal, but wasn't quite enough for me. Time for a little pushing over the edge.

"What? Kai Hiwatari has feelings?" I mock surprise. "I never would have guessed." I lean forward, placing one hand on the desk next to him, tauntingly close to his hip. "So, MR. Hiwatari, do tell me about these…'feelings'." His lip quirks as he fights off amusement but he doesn't make a move or show any hint of being uncomfortable. If I had been in his position I would have folded like a paper bag already, but he's a pillar of inner strength. My tactics were not new to him and he'd gotten better at defending himself.

"You're not getting out of this one," he relents. "Something is making you think crazy thoughts and clearly my comfort isn't enough to appease you. So. Either you tell me what's been going on or you start sleeping in your own room." AND he was using them against me. This was trouble.

"You can't be serious." I step back again. He raises an eyebrow as if to show just how serious he is and I growl. "It's not even that important."

"So you admit that there IS…something?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"You don't have to act ignorant, Kai. You already knew there was something or you wouldn't have started this…whatever this is." I cross my arms and disregard him. He responds by straightening and taking ahold of my elbows, but for once I decide not to take the bait. Whether it was his overbearing pride or the way he thought he could always get what he wanted, I didn't know. But suddenly I had the thought that I could make him go back on his own choice. And I wanted him to. If only to prove to myself that he was in this as deep as I was. That everything I felt, he felt too. And that even if he wouldn't say it, it was true. He loved me and I WOULD get him to say it. "Fine." I meet his eyes defiantly and pull out of his grasp. "If that's how you want it." I press myself forward, putting both my hands on the desk behind him and boxing him in a tight, very close space in front of me. I nuzzle his face and tease the skin next to his ear and a part of me thinks it's working when the space suddenly feels too large and he shifts a little making it smaller. "I'll make sure to move my stuff out before you get home," I whisper seductively, before pulling away and leaving his office. I don't even look at him when I fumble with closing the door behind my exit.

I knew I could have just told him. About Tyson, about Max, about everything going on around him that he either ignored or didn't care about. But I liked this better somehow. I liked having something he wanted but couldn't get. Not that he couldn't figure it out on his own if he wanted to, but he wanted it from me. And it wasn't until I was well far away from that office and that smug smirk of his that I realized just how much stupider I had gotten than I had been the day before. I was starting some sick war and I wasn't even sure what I was winning, except ending up alone at the end.

When they tell you that love makes you do some crazy things, they don't incorporate all the ridiculous manipulation tactics that come without thinking. What was I even doing? Kai wasn't going to play nice now. Not after that. A part of it was thrilling, it sparked some life into me that I hadn't felt in a while. But then there was the rational part that wondered if I had just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me, and for what? So I could say that I had the upper hand? With Kai there was no upper hand. I was too far into it to back out now though. If I groveled for forgiveness and told him I was being stupid, he'd never let me live it down. So I had to go with the flow and follow through.

Maybe this was a good way to gather my own identity back. For the past few months it had been "me and Kai". Even when he wasn't right there, every decision I made involved him somehow. And I never thought that was a bad thing. It wasn't. But somewhere in "us" I needed a "me". And I'll be damned if I let it be this blasted college. It was probably why I even let Tyson weedle his way in between us so easily. It was because I thought Tyson had something I didn't. Something that I couldn't offer and was somehow better. But was that true? I was doing all of this to better myself wasn't I? I could have chosen what Tyson did. I could have taken a job there without trying to find something else. But instead I chose to discover something new. This.

I look up at the college and groan. I'd be happy next week when I didn't have to see it for a month. I'd be happy today if I didn't have to see it at all. All my papers were done and handed in but I had 1 last torture session of a midterm to do before I could finally rest.

First things first though, I had to find Max. Now was a good time as any for the distraction.

I look for him in all the normal places and when I don't find him I feel sadly nostalgic about it. Right before I start to feel panicked that something HAD actually happened to him. We had been fine yesterday and there was no real reason for him to want to stay away, even if chances were he had probably just missed the bus home and had to stay on campus. Knowing Max, he probably would have called though.

Somewhere in my searching, my panic turned into pure worry and when I DO find him and he looks absolutely fine and relatively untouched, I actually feel a little betrayed. However, before jumping in at him angry I take in his appearance and second guess whether he really was okay after all.

Physically he looked fine, but his face held all kinds of emotions and sadness that I didn't know whether to ask or leave him alone. But! I made a promise to Tyson so I had to do my best at keeping it.

"Hey, Max." I approach him and greet him with a friendly smile. He looks up, returns the smile with a short one of his own, then looks down to avoid keeping eye contact.

"Hey, Ray," he returns. I don't miss the reservation in his voice, or the hint of melancholy.

"Everything…okay?" I venture, trying to keep things simple before jumping to more drastic conclusions.

"Yeah, just thinking about what to eat for lunch…" he replies in a musing sort of way. Distant but not completely unaware of the rest of the world. I send him a look of disbelief but he doesn't notice so I take it a step further.

"Is that all? Well, we can go find something in the cafeteria." I point in the direction of the student dining for added effect.

"Yeah." He answers again just as absently. I think that he's not really committed to his decision but then he stands up suddenly and I take a step back in surprise. "Let's go!" he smiles and takes off. I'm still partially confused but follow him anyway. Maybe having lunch together would get him to open up a bit more.

We don't really talk as we approach the lunch line and start picking out things to eat but then he stops in front of the lady serving rice and stands a minute. "Do you think this is all there is?" I look up at him in bewilderment.

"What's that?" I ask concerned. He sighs.

"I try so hard to hide my real feelings that I'm not sure that I really know how I feel anymore." He frowns. I look from him to the lady who is watching us impatiently.

"It's just rice. I don't think it matters which one you take. They're all pretty much the same." I offer my help. He smiles and turns to return my look.

"That's not what I mean." He shoves me.

"Are you really trying to have a life changing realization in the lunch line?" I look at him skeptically and he shoves me again, taking a plate a moving down the line to pay.

"Come on," he insists, half whining, when I grab my own and follow again.

"Okay, but just tell me something first." He nods in agreement. "Is this about whatever happened with Tyson or something else? Is it why you didn't come home last night? What exactly happened between you two?"

"Eh, it's more than that." He clams up a bit and looks away and for a moment I think he's going to avoid the subject again. He runs his free hand through his hair and looks down at the floor for a second, then looks back up at me. "I should have called last night but I didn't think he would answer with the way he's been acting. He's never ignored me for this long before." He shrugs. "I didn't tell him if that's what you're wondering. He doesn't know about my…struggle." He gulps, as if admitting he has feelings was some sort of infidelity on its own. "I wanted to. I started to. I almost did. Then, he…" He takes a breath and sits down at a table then waits for me to sit down too. "He started talking about you and Kai and how unnatural he thought it was and I couldn't. I didn't want him to look at me differently. I'm from a different country. Things like boys and boys and girls and girls don't really matter as much. It's just a cultural…thing. One that I think creates a lot more problems than it does solutions." He adds with conviction. Then he lowers his voice again. "I tried to get him to accept the situation first. With you and Kai. People don't choose who they like sometimes and things…happen. I just wanted him to understand that it wasn't wrong. And it worked!" He gets excited for a moment, like he'd made some kind of breakthrough. "Sorta." He shrugs and the excitement vanishes. "But then he started talking about Kai controlling everyone's feelings and we got into a fight…" he huffs dropping off any detailed explanation and letting it go.

"He likes Kai, right?" I ask, partly hoping he knew, partly hoping he didn't. Somehow trying to lay it down in concrete made it feel different. Like my paranoia wasn't just paranoia. "I mean, of course he does… They've always had that weird connection…" I let my mind wander a bit, distracted by my own insecurities to even notice that I was walking myself away from the real issue here. He wasn't this upset because of Tyson, I was picking up something else from his body language that wasn't just about a simple unrequited crush. "Something else is bothering you…" I say absently before he can even respond to my question. He looks up at me and nods.

"It's this." He indicates the room around us and I follow his motion with my eyes, scanning around the room. "All this. Tyson wasn't the only one that applied for that job." I catch the last past and turn back to him sharply.

"You applied too?" He nods again. "And they didn't hire you?" He looks down and I frown. "That's impossible. Did they tell you why? You're a way better choice than Tyson is. At least you've HAD a job before. You know schematics and how to build. You have creativity and durability. You don't fight! And you have the most patience of anyone I know. He's so much more likely to make them crazy than to get any real work done!" The more I talk the more far away he seems to get and my frown grows deeper. "Max…" He looks up at me again with a half-hearted smile.

"I thought you of anyone would understand what it feels like. We both work just as hard as they do and they're the only ones anyone sees. We shouldn't have to prove ourselves more than they do."

"Is this what you guys were fighting about? And why you joined the election here?" He makes a motion with his hand that tells me I'm half right.

"I joined the election because it was something that I wasn't competing with Tyson for. Something I felt I might actually win. I had control and he couldn't take it from me. Even when he offered to help with the posters, I knew it was something I could use to prove to myself that I was more than just HIS sidekick. YOU were the one that helped me the most and I was happy for once that it WASN'T HIM. But it didn't make me feel any better…" He starts to pick at the food items on his tray.

"What was the fight about? Did you tell him all that?" He shakes his head emphatically.

"No, we fought about Kai. When I went to tell him about everything, he overpowered me with all his babble about you and Kai. And then he cracked out that stupid plan."

"The intervention?" I laugh at the thought and how terrible that had gone for him. I wondered how long it had taken him to think all that through and how much convincing it took to get Kenny to agree. It was hard to picture Kenny feeling anything but frustrated when Tyson was involved.

I get so caught up with my musing that I almost miss what Max breaks in with next.

"No, you don't understand," he starts sternly. "He's just using Kai. That's what we fought about. I told him he was being stupid. Well, he's still being stupid, but…"

"Using Kai?" I interrupt, confused enough not to even know where this was going anymore.

"Yeah. To show you that he's not serious about you. To 'free' you." I stare at him blankly, letting his words sink in.

"Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. He's not hanging all over Kai because he likes him but because he wants ME to see that Kai isn't serious? So what? He wants KAI to like HIM to prove that he doesn't really like ME?" Max nods. "That's…the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Well…it IS Tyson," he relents.

"I suppose…" I take another minute to process. "So. If he DOESN'T like Kai, than who does he like?" Max clams up again and a slight blush crosses over the bridge of his nose as he looks away shyly.

"Well... I'm not EXACTLY sure…" He turns his head to the side as if looking for something to distract himself with.

"Are you kidding me?" I laugh. "Then how do you know it's NOT you? Or that it's even anyone? Did he even TELL you he liked somebody at all?"

"Well no, not specifically. He hinted. He said something that made me think he did but he didn't say anything else about it. I assumed it was you since he's been so obsessed lately. You're all he talks about. Ray this. Ray that. Ray, Ray, Ray…" He rolls his eyes and I can't help but smile at his antics, even if he is talking bad about me. "I started to get jealous. That's when I started questioning my feelings. I started to think something was wrong with me because I wanted him to be that obsessed about me. Maybe there IS something wrong with me. It's crazy right?"

"No, no. It's not crazy at all." I pause to take apart the pieces he's given me and put them back together in a way that they makes sense. There was so much of all this that I wasn't understanding or comprehending. And there was so much more that I still needed to figure out. I had to get what I needed from the source and not all this secondhand nonsense. I had to talk to Tyson. Like a REAL talk. And not one that I just started and then let drop off because Tyson is hard to talk to normally.

"You're ringing," Max breaks into my thoughts, taking a bite of food and nodding towards me.

"That's impossible, I don't have a…" I stop when I start to search for the source of the ringing and find a phone tucked into my pocket. How did that even get in there? I look at it confused as it continues to make noise and vibrate excitedly.

"Are you going to answer it?" Max laughs, obviously enjoying my confusion.

"I don't…" He reaches over and takes the phone from me.

"Hello?" he answers it with a click of a button and presses it to his ear. He smiles and passes it back towards me. "It's Kai." I shake my head and put my hands up defensively.

"Not now," I say. Max studies me, then looks from the phone to me and back again before replacing it on his ear.

"He's…busy. Can I take a message?" A pause. "Uh-huh, sure. No worries, I'll let him know." Another pause. "Oooh, um, no. That's okay. I'll see him later. Thanks, Bye." He clicks it off and sets it down on the table casually. "Before I tell you what he said, do you mind if I ask what's going on with you two?" I shrug and pick at my food absently. "Raaaay, come on. I just spilled my guts. The least you can do is make me feel like it's mutual." He sends me a goofy grin and I can't resist it.

"You're incorrigible, you know that?" He does a small victory pose.

"Soooo?" he pushes. I roll my eyes before delving into a non-detailed explanation of the mess this morning and why I felt like I was digging my own grave.

"And the message?" I ask before his mind can be taken over by his stupefied look.

"He just wanted to make sure I was okay because Tyson wouldn't stop bothering him. He also said not to let you lose his phone." He waves it all off. "And hey! If you need some help I have another sweater you can borrow." He winks and giggles and I suddenly feel better about my choice. It was nice to have a friend in it anyway.

"When did he…nevermind. Figuring out Kai is like trying to open a puzzle box. Gimme your phone," I hold out my hand. He looks at me a bit concerned before handing it over.

"Who are you calling?" he asks curiously as I dial Tyson's number and hit 'call'. Tyson answers after one ring.

"Max? Is that you?" he gushes excitedly.

"It's just me, Tys. One sec." I hold the phone back out to Max but he doesn't take it back right away. I wave it towards him to urge him forward. "Come on. You guys need to talk." He takes the phone from me slowly but doesn't lift it just yet.

"What am I supposed to say?" he asked with a look so innocent it made me want to hug him.

"The truth. He needs to know how you feel even if he doesn't feel the same way. It still matters." I push back from the table and stand up.

"Wait, where are you going?" Max panics, unsure of what to do next.

"Just talk to him. I'll be right over there." I indicate a wall across the room. "When you're done we can go pick Tyson and Kenny up and do something fun." He hesitates but nods and puts the phone to his ear. I smile. If this can work out, so can everything else.