Chapter 14: A Little at a Time
"Hey! I've been looking all over for you." A pause. "How long have you been out here? You look cold…" Max jumps down the stairs and faces me. He gives me a strange look. "Why are you still outside?"
"I wanted to see how long it would take him to worry."
He looks past me up at the apartment.
"Kai?" he asks after some speculation. I nod. He sits down next to me on the stoop. "Even if he did he wouldn't show it." He laughs and nudges me as if to bring me back to life. I give him a half-hearted smile and nod again.
"You're probably right. Maybe I just wasn't ready to go in yet." I had been sitting there for over an hour. After Kai had left me behind at the cemetery, I had changed into Kai's clothes because they were a lot more appropriate than my pajamas but I hadn't done what he'd expected me to. Instead of finding my way back on my own, I had called a taxi cab…which I paid for with Kai's money, since he'd so generously left it in the bag with his clothes. I didn't have it take me back home though. I'd had it drop me off at a store near the bus stop where Tyson usually gets off for work. From there I had gone for a walk around town, stopped by a small café for a small bite to eat (also on Kai) and had wasted another hour or so debating what else I could do to prolong the trip home. Eventually I had given in and caught a bus home only to stop myself here, where I had been sitting ever since. I hadn't even noticed how cold it had gotten since then, having been preoccupied with pulling all the weeds out of the cracks on the stairs and thinking about how many things I didn't really know about Kai.
Max drapes his arm around my shoulders and gives me a small squeeze of comfort.
"Well I don't want to intrude on your gardening adventure but promise me you won't stay out much longer. I have something to talk to you about later." He releases me and gives me one last friendly punch in the shoulder before bouncing back up the stairs and going inside. I sigh and try to give myself the energy to follow him but for some reason I still need more time. I don't even notice the second presence, (which was probably also the reason Max left so quickly) until his fingers brush through my hair and make me jump in surprise.
"I knew you were resourceful but I didn't take you for one to steal," Kai says coyly as I turn my head to see who it is. I frown.
"Well you didn't leave me much choice." I try to answer to show how angry I was but the feeling had gone numb with the weather and I didn't feel so confident now. I turn back around and brush my pile of weeds off of the walkway. "I had a lot of time to think out there."
"Yeah?" He pushes himself up to sit on the railing above me.
"Yeah. Maybe that was the point." I shrug. He doesn't answer. "But I want you to know something." I turn my body so I can look up at him. "I trust you when it matters." I look down before standing up and approaching him. "Like today." His eyes stay fixed on me as I stop right in front of him and put my hands over his knees. "It doesn't feel right when we fight over things that are so stupid. I…" I break off but his eyes seem to egg me on. "I expect you to be smarter than me. I KNOW you're smarter than me," I laugh a little. "But somehow I get defensive and angry when you actually are. What is that?" It had been bothering me for a while. How did we always find things to tear us apart when we had made so many strides to stay together? Our relationship seemed solid but there was still a frailty about it that I couldn't understand. In one breath I wanted to knock him down and pick him up at the same time. Something about that didn't feel quite right.
"Jealousy," he replies without hesitation.
"Hn. Jealousy." I repeat. "Thanks for proving my point for me." I cross my arms and quirk a smile. He slides down off the railing and fills in the space between us. I am tempted to take a step back because we are still outside and anyone could walk by and see us but he grips my chin between his fingers and dares me to stay. I tense regardless, half expecting him to play another round of 'get my hopes up and push me away'. I had always known that Kai liked playing games but I hadn't known that he was such an extreme sadist as well. It would fit him if you really thought about it but I wasn't sure if that made me a masochist or just an innocent bystander that got caught up and just couldn't let go. My pride would tell you that I was just being stubborn but being the submissive all the time would suggest otherwise. Even without communication, he always knew what I needed, even if I didn't.
"Come inside," he whispers gently. "We'll talk." He turns and heads back inside. I stand and stare for a moment before going after him, letting the sensation of the contact briefly warm me up inside. I had been sure it was another game just to get me to follow but 'talking' didn't seem to be what he really wanted at all. Once we are in the safe confounds of his room, he pushes me to the wall and takes up where we left off in the car. Something that gave me the impression that he'd been waiting impatiently until I got back to do. His self-restraint was gone this time and on some level I felt like that was my win. If I had kept my distance a day or two longer he most likely would have cracked on his own. And sure I had been close to my breaking point too but it was much nicer to think that he'd given in first. It validated all the troubles I had caused between us and made it seem worth the strangling effort. That isn't exactly true, but are we really discussing this right now?
His hand makes its way up my side and I shudder, the kisses and touches seeming to be more intense than usual. The passion behind each movement is overwhelming and I wasn't sure how he managed to get that much better each time we came together like this. I let him lead me away from the wall to what I think is the bed but turns out to be the shower where I find myself for the second time in our time together, fully clothed with water raining down on me. This time is much different though as he takes his time unwrapping me from his clothes and having his way with me. I was well passed compliance and into desperate need, the water only making his body feel hotter and his energy seem stronger. If I had a genie, my wishes would all be that I could always feel this good.
By the time he was done with me I don't even have the will to turn the water off or move. I don't remember how I got dressed and made it to the bed but when I open my eyes again, that's just where I am. Sore. In different places than usual. Kai is still beside me, rolled over with his back to me, but he doesn't seem to be sleeping.
"I'm leaving again," he says, confirming my suspicion. I sit up.
"What? But we just…" …made up? Was that our reconciliation or was it his way of lessening the impact of that statement? I look down at him and notice that he's holding something.
"I wasn't keeping things from you," he continues, his grip on the object tightening. "I've never…" His voice gets quiet like a ghost and he can't finish. He rolls over to face me and holds out his hand to me. "I want you to come with me." I figure out then that the 'something' is a plane ticket. I take it from him silently. He sits up. "I promised I would tell you everything. I don't know where to start. I was hoping that if I pushed you away you would get angry and forget about it like you usually do. That only made me feel guilty. Especially since you didn't force the issue."
"That's…"
"Here." He turns to unlock the drawer of his nightstand and pulls out a book. I hold in the urge to laugh when I realize what it is.
"Kai Hiwatari keeps a journal?" I smirk in disbelief. "That's…amazing." For lack of a better word. I wanted to say it was comical but given the situation I thought that would be quite rude of me. This was probably the most he'd said in one sitting than he ever had before and in truth he hadn't really said anything at all. The gestures he was making said more than anything he actually could have spoken.
"If you tell anyone I'll deny it." He slides the book across the blanket towards me and points at the ticket in my hand. "Just say you'll think about it. I already received permission but it's still your choice." I look at the ticket then and see that it's dated for the following Monday.
"Not much time to think about it," I muse. He shrugs.
"I'm sorry I left you out there by yourself." He moves to stand up but I stop him by grabbing onto his shirt sleeve.
"What about Tyson and Max. If we are both gone, they…" He brushes himself free.
"Forget about them. They're adults now. They need to start acting like it."
"Hey wait!" I jump on him just as he stands up, making him stumble forward a bit before stabilizing himself with the added weight of me wrapped around him. "I still have to talk to you." He goes to shake me off the way he normally would if I had been Tyson but stops when my legs get tighter around his waist. He tilts his head to glare at me sideways instead. I smile. "Oh come on, it's time to come clean right?" Even restrained, he manages to cross his arms and snub me.
"I talked to Max," he declares, letting me know that he already knows everything that he wants to. I deflate and drop my feet to the ground but keep my arms around his neck. I bury my face in his back and close my eyes.
"Sorry for being insensitive. You probably really needed a friend today." He relaxes and unwraps my arms from his neck so he can turn around.
"Don't worry about it," he replies before giving me a kiss on the cheek and going on about his business of leaving. I return to the bed and pick up the book, not being able to restrain my curiosity. Ten second later I throw the book at the door as it closes behind him.
"And you wonder why I don't trust you!" I yell after him futilely. I know. You're probably confused. Me too. You want to know why? It's really simple…
I don't read Russian.
I can just picture his look of triumph and smug satisfaction. I have to admit, having him play with me in such a way is kind of fun. I never get bored anyway. I hope on some level, he feels the same way. Or not. I wish he'd lose just once…
I growl and vow to buy a Russian dictionary tomorrow when I go out, but for now I just retrieve the book and put it away in my drawer. I think about locking it but the chances are the others don't know Russian either and even if they did, they wouldn't be audacious enough to enter Kai's room without permission, right?
I decide to go find out if Max is around. It's still a bit early so I assume he's either wandering around the house or…
"Oh hello!" I enter the living room just as Tyson and Max break apart from another one of their wrestling matches over the remote. Tyson being victorious once again and leaving Max to pout on the floor in defeat.
"Ray! Awesome! We were just about to watch a movie!" Tyson gushes as he takes a seat on the couch. Max picks himself up begrudgingly and follows.
"HE was about to watch a movie. I wanted to watch my show." Max rolls his eyes and grabs a pillow to comfort himself with.
"It's on the DVR, you can watch it later!" Tyson waves him off. "I won fair and square!" I watch Max's grip tighten on the pillow but he doesn't respond verbally.
"You said you needed to talk to me?" I decide that changing the subject is the best choice, given the circumstances, as I take my own seat in Kai's chair. The pillow goes flying to the floor as Max jumps up again.
"Oh right! Yes!" he exclaims. He looks down at Tyson, whose attention he has caught with his outburst, and blushes profusely before sitting back down and retrieving the pillow in embarrassment. "I'll uh…tell you later." He negates the attention as best he can, coughing and pretending to be interested in whatever movie Tyson is playing. "Oh hey, I've seen this one before! It's pretty good!"
"Shhh, don't spoil it!" Tyson counters, shoving him away. I watch them as they banter back and forth for a few minutes before Max jumps to life again.
"I'll go make popcorn!" he offers before jetting out the door. I watch him leave with a bit of admiration. He was always thinking of others even if they didn't ask him to.
"He's in a good mood today," I comment absently which almost feels out of place. When WASN'T Max in a good mood?
"He's just hiding the fact that he's upset about his loss," Tyson answers just as absently. I scrunch my face in confusion.
"Loss?" I dare to ask. Tyson nods but doesn't stray his attention from the TV.
"Yeah, the results of his election came back. He always acts extra happy when he's covering up his real feelings." If I hadn't known any better, I would say that Tyson was very observant. But this is Tyson we're talking about. Had he been fooling us about his intuition all these years?
I decide that asking about it further would feel too much like talking behind Max's back so I let it drop and turn to the TV as well. That had probably been what he had wanted to talk about with me earlier and it seemed wrong to discuss it without him present too. Tyson HAD been right after all. Max DID seem to hide his real feelings a lot when he was down. You would never know it if you watched him bounce around every day like a wrecking ball of happiness. I appreciate his spirit. If I had received such a loss after trying so hard, I would probably be off crying somewhere alone. Or threatening everyone who voted against me. At least in my head anyway…
"You and Kai…" Tyson voice snaps me out of my twisted delusion. I look over out of interest in the subject matter and what he could possibly want to ask, but he's not paying any real attention to me and doesn't seem to want to continue right away. That is until… "It's just kissing right?" If I had been drinking anything I would have been spitting it out right now. I bite my tongue as if I had spit anyway and flitch at the sudden pain. What Tyson was curious about was a lot more surprising than why he was curious about it and I couldn't quite find the words to go on with that conversation. Fortunately for me, Max re-enters before I can fumble my way through any intelligible answer to the very…bold…inquiry.
"You can't be serious, Tyson." Max looks at him dumbfounded, bowl of popcorn in his hands. I stare at him with the same disbelief. I mean, the question was innocent enough in its own way, but did he really believe that? And who was I to corrupt his fragile little mind? Tyson reddens at the unwanted attention and starts his usual stuttering when he talks about anything intimate or embarrassing.
"Y…yes? I mean, what else is there? Y…you can't r…really mean… That Kai wo… T…there's no w…way." I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh when Max nearly falls over at Tyson's lack of comprehension.
"You mean to tell me that you don't notice all the sexual tension Kai throws out every morning?" Max is beyond disbelief at this point and watching him try to hold back his exasperation is quite hilarious. I can see his want to smack Tyson upside his head but his resistance is incredible. I knew Tyson wasn't that observant! And this time I do spit, unable to stop my laughter when Tyson almost tumbles off the couch from fidgeting uncomfortably.
"But how? You're both guys." I cough and try to avoid eye contact.
"I'm not going to sit here and explain it. Google it or something," I say as I turn to Max who has also gotten caught in a hysterical giggle fit. "And you. Don't talk about Kai like that. He's not that desperate."
"Oh?" he manages between giggles. "So you put out easy?" I flush, partially out of embarrassment and partially out of anger. This starts a whole new set of giggles and Max has to sit down and put the bowl of popcorn aside so that he doesn't drop it. Well, if anything, at least Max was feeling better. His laughter is much more genuine now, even if it is at my expense. Setting all my concern from before aside, I start to get a little agitated.
"Maybe I should teach you both a thing or two. Stand over here." I stand up and motion them both over. "Max, you especially." They both oblige, Max a little more unsure than Tyson about my intentions, sensing it from my tone and the sudden change in my mood.
"What are you going to do?" he asks warily. I smirk.
"Just a little experiment." He pales, somewhat sensing where I am going with this. Tyson…not so much.
"Oh whatever. I already know. I just don't get how it works between two guys." He dismisses me with a shrug.
"Well, hold onto your hat because you're about to find out," I reply with a grin. Tyson starts to get nervous; Max starts to panic.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," he starts to beg me with his eyes.
"No, no. Trust me. You'll appreciate it. There's no better way to learn." I wink at him and he groans.
"Then, lets just get this over with…"
"What do we have to do?" Tyson whines. "I hope you don't expect us to…"
"Nah, I won't get all that deep. I just want you to understand how attraction works and then maybe you can understand how the rest of it does. Just…" I point to the space in front of me. "Stand here and face each other. Then, take two steps forward."
"This seems more like a duel…" Tyson mutters as he follows my instructions.
"If you want to think about it like that, that's fine. Sometimes it seems that way. Max?" I look over at Max who is still on the other side of the table. He swallows, a bit more reluctant for many reasons, predominately, his mixed feelings for Tyson. Which, I was actually using against him right now but maybe also in favor of him. I nod in Tyson's direction to get him to move and he listens, timidly turning and taking a step forward. "Closer." I urge him to take the second step. Tyson sighs, not hiding his boredom at all.
"I don't see how this is supposed to teach me anything," he grumbles.
"Tyson, shut up and move closer. I want you to be able to see Max's pores. Max, just stand still," I order. Max immediately stops fidgeting and his breath catches as Tyson steps as close as he can to him without touching him.
"Okay, now what?"
"Just shut up and look at him for two minutes. Study him. Get to know what it feels like to have somebody invade your personal space," I instruct with a small wave of encouragement. Max's face turns a light shade of pink at the scrutiny but he manages to not look away. I almost feel bad for torturing him like this but not enough for me to stop.
I hear movement behind me and turn to find Kai stopped in the entryway.
"What are you guys doing?" he asks judgmentally. I hold up a hand.
"Don't move Tyson." I halt Tyson from responding to Kai's question. "Ignore Kai. Just…keep looking." Kai's interest goes up a notch but he doesn't ask again. "Just a little payback for Max calling me 'easy'," I explain casually.
"You ARE easy," Kai chides in return. Max's lips curl as he starts to break into another giggle fit but I raise an eyebrow and his eyes reunite with Tyson, who is still trying to figure out what I'm trying to prove. I leave them to walk over to Kai so I can hit him. He doesn't seem to mind as he's studying the two others in criticism. "How did you even get them to agree to this?" he asks me quietly. I smile deviously.
"Don't worry about it," I answer with a hint of mystery.
"Max, stop blushing…it's not like we've never been this close before," Tyson orders, taking back our attention. Max responds by blushing more and I really do start to feel a bit sorry for him. The fact that Tyson is so clueless pushes me to keep going regardless. I was probably just caught up in the moment myself, but it was too late to change my mind without it seeming obvious that it wasn't really for their benefit at all but for my own amusement. Maybe Kai was rubbing off on me. It kind of felt good having people do what you say without questioning your intent.
"Shh, Tyson. Stop talking already," I chastise him.
"Wait, he has something…" Tyson goes to touch Max's face to brush some invisible dust away and Max immediately folds.
"Forget it. You win. This is stupid," he says, swatting Tyson's hand away and puts some space between them as he turns to leave. His actions are all in objection but his body is completely flustered and out of control. If he had just gone with it, he wouldn't have been able to hide his feelings from Tyson anymore. Tyson still doesn't understand and tries to stop him by grabbing his arm. The contact makes Max's body freeze and he looks back almost pained.
"Were we done?" Tyson asks confused, just wanting an answer to the questions he was asking or a reason why I was making them do this. Max squirms and I send an amused look to Kai, whose interest has disappeared.
"I didn't know you were so cruel," he says slyly before continuing on his way down the hallway. I turn back to watch Max fight with himself, making it so that now his feelings were excruciatingly obvious to anyone who was looking at him. There was no doubt that he wouldn't believe they were there now. He was no longer trying to get away, letting Tyson continue studying him without reason. He even seemed to take a step closer to where they had been before. Tyson had given up on asking, somehow stuck in concentration of whatever it was he was supposed to be finding in the task. He doesn't even realize how closely he is examining Max's face or how uncomfortable the situation had become. So of course there is only one thing left to do to make Tyson see what was really happening.
"Kiss him."
Max's eyes widen, my words waking him up again, and he moves like he's going to escape but Tyson, still wrapped up in whatever trance I had put him in, follows my instructions blindly into oblivion, and does exactly what I asked of him. Max, now caught off guard that Tyson had actually responded, has no time to react or pull away before it happens and ends. Not sure of Tyson's feelings or having any thoughts except to be free, Max breaks away by throwing his hands up and through the air in a giant circle to remove all contact with Tyson so he can run away without hindrance.
"I hate you," he shoots in my direction as he disappears down the hallway.
"You're welcome!" I call after him, proud of my work and completely unashamed of the results. Even if he was angry at me, he was secretly overjoyed. I could just tell.
"What just happened?" Tyson blinks himself out of his trance and looks over at me as if discovering something new that needed explanation. "I feel tingly. Is that what you wanted to happen?"
"That was fun. Thanks, Tys." I pat his shoulder and start my way towards the kitchen. It was about time to start dinner and all that action had built up quite an appetite. I knew I would have to find Max later to apologize but to me, it felt like I had done him a favor and in a way it would help him (and Tyson) with things in the future. Even if Tyson was a block of wood.
"But I didn't learn anything," Tyson whines after me as I go.
"You learned plenty. You just don't know it yet."