Hello again! ... I know it's been six, almost seven months since the last time you all got an update. 2018 went out swinging, but I'm still here and this story isn't being abandoned. I'm committed to seeing this through. I love this story too much to give it up. Updates may be slower, I'm taking a couple classes this semester and working, so my free time has dwindled. But I'm still writing, I'm still chipping away at this story.

Thank you all for being patient and sticking with this. I appreciate all the comments you all leave. Really, they make a difference. And thank you for the reminders that you're still here.

To Djungelvral: Thank you so much! (I was disappointed as well with the failure of the James/Kara relationship on the show. I'm happy you like this pairing!) Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this. It means so much to me that you like this AU so much!

To Onceuponahappilyeverafter: I'm here! I'm sorry for breaking your heart! I hope this chapter update makes up for that somewhat. We've still got the rest of this rollercoaster to finish with many more emotions. As Alex becomes more and more awake and aware of what's going on, I'll be able to dive more into all the emotions involved with what happened to her as well as Maggie Sawyer being a part of her life. Hang on! 3

"The main injury, though, is that you had an above the knee amputation to your right leg…"

No. No no no no no.

Slowly. Very slowly, Alex looked down at herself taking in the sling, cast, bandages, boot, leg. Singular. One.

Dr. Marks continued talking, eyeing Alex carefully to judge her reaction. Alex just stared down at the blanket.

"... From the scans that I received, your leg had been amputated below the knee in a traumatic amputation in the field, but your knee and what was left below it were then crushed. That's why it had to be amputated higher up. There was nothing that could've been rebuilt or saved in there… My best guess is that whatever you were in, collapsed onto you. I wasn't given a lot of detail other than x-rays and other scans, but the vest you were wearing definitely saved your life since your organs are all intact. This is also all preliminary information. Once you start physical therapy, we'll all get more information about the depth of your injuries."

It didn't feel real. Alex could've sworn she was still in Afghanistan yesterday, but today she had learned it was five days ago. Five days ago she was fine… Five days ago she was fine… Five days ago she was-.

"Alex?" Dr. Marks asked after Alex had gone silent. "Are you okay?"

"I-m f-ne …" She tried to say. She was rather frustrated with the oxygen mask on her face and her tired vocal cords, but there was almost no emotion to her voice.

Alex was still staring at her leg. She wanted to look away, but she just couldn't. She tried reaching for the blanket with her left hand, but her sling and casted arm were too big for her to reach it properly.

Eliza put her arm on Alex's and asked, "are you sure you want to see it now? Maybe you should rest a little longer."

Alex didn't listen. She just continued to try to pull the blanket away with her currently uncoordinated and uncooperative hand.

Maggie was the one to reach over and help her. She didn't take her eyes off of Alex's face as she delicately lifted the blanket.

Unblinking, Alex tried to push herself more upright. She needed to feel that it was gone rather than just see it.

"Woah, take it easy, Alex. You've had an incredibly rough five days." Dr. Marks warned her as she attempted to stop Alex from leaning forward.

Not taking orders from her doctor, Alex pushed away from the hands that came to settle her back against the bed. Dr. Marks was going to try again, but Eliza held out a hand to stop her.

"Don't. If this is what she wants, let her do it." Eliza's words were final. She left no room for argument.

Being an ICU doctor, Dr. Marks was not supposed to be intimidated by family members or patients, yet she could feel the immense weight to what the elder Danvers woman was saying. She backed off as Maggie and Eliza helped Alex sit up.

As careful as they were, Alex still winced when a hand found an extra sensitive spot on her back. But she pushed it down and ignored the pain.

She took in her bandaged remaining limb. It ended three inches higher than her left knee. It was shockingly short to her, but what she was left with was thankfully enough that a prosthetic leg was still possible. Alex was at least glad that she had that going for her…

Her left hand slowly inched its way down until it hit the air. She wrapped her hand around the edge of it. Her brain and doctor had unfortunately not been lying to her. She was an amputee.

As her hand rested there, not a person dared speak or breathe in the room. Alex could feel the tension in everyone but she didn't care. She faintly became aware of the pain that was in the limb and the slow and steady mounting pain that came from forcing her body to continue sitting forward.

A few more seconds of staring was all she could take. Her mother and Maggie were there again to lower her the few inches back against the bed.

She stared at the door in front of her as she waited for the onslaught of pain to retreat, but it didn't. The pain of her body and the disorientation from the ringing in her ears was becoming too much. She moved her hand back to her side where she felt something hard. She looked over to see a button attached to a tube that went into her IV.

"It's a dose of morphine that you can administer yourself when you need it." Dr. Marks explained.

And Alex pushed it, waiting only a short time before the pain dulled and her eyes grew heavy again. They make her fuzzy and loopy, but Alex will take that over pain and reality for now. She can deal and process later.

The doctor couldn't notice a difference, but Eliza and specifically Maggie could see the change in Alex's eyes. They were colder, harder.

This could all still be a bad dream. Alex thought to herself.

Alex's lack of comments and emotions were a hint for them all to leave. She didn't want to interact with anyone. That much was demonstrated with her quick administration of morphine. Alex had to have been in a lot of pain to be so willing to take it.

"It's gonna be okay, sweetie." Her mom said to her as her eyes closed.

As Maggie left, she gave Alex's hand an ever so gentle squeeze, smiling when she got an even fainter squeeze back. That was all the fight Alex had left in her for now as she welcomed the blissfulness of sleep.

…

Maggie checked the time as she stepped out of Alex's room. She had exactly twenty minutes until she was expecting a certain phone call that she couldn't miss.

After waving goodbye to Eliza, Maggie took a cab back to her own apartment. The back seat was tainted with engrained cigarette smoke and what looked like someone's used chapstick stuck between the seats. She shivered, noting that she'd need to shower later to get rid of the feeling of the cab.

As the trees passed by, Maggie went through her own mental checklist for what was going to happen within the next week. She had to pack for the next month, but only lightly. The majority of her civvies were in Metropolis anyway. And then there was the matter of Alex being in the hospital for the foreseeable future. The first date she had planned wasn't going to really work with her being confined to a bed at the moment. That was another thing to deal with.

Her thoughts charged forward as she looked out the window of the cab. It was raining lightly now, and the drops were racing each other down the slightly foggy window. Oddly enough, the rain was the calm to her own storm. She allowed her mind to quiet for the last few blocks to her apartment building.

…

Maggie looked in her mirror and sighed. She had purple bags under her eyes from the jet lag and lack of sleep specifically from the previous two nights. The bags almost gave her a ghostly appearance to her usually warm skin. She looked drawn and weary. Her hair was longer than she liked it to be, adding that to her mental list to get trimmed. That one, though, could wait until she got to Metropolis.

Her apartment felt empty with no one else in it. It hadn't been used in months, and it was so still, almost as if the apartment was preserving the memories in it as they were. The place was covered in framed photos of her and her little girl and James. She walked down the short hall to Jamie's room and poked her head in.

Right now, it was tidy, no evidence that her little tornado stays there. The light baby pink walls and soft carpet were completely intact. The small easel in the corner still had her doodles across it from months ago.

Maggie had to remake the bed once already though, she had found herself sleeping in it, the faint scent of her little girl still lingering on the sheets and stuffed animals. Her heart, despite already being in pain for Alex, ached deeply for her daughter.

Speaking of her daughter, her phone rang out, the call she was waiting for now ringing through. She picked it up and held it to her ear.

- "Hey books, it's James." James said as soon as the call was picked up.

- "Hi sketch, it's good to hear your voice." Maggie replied, knocking her back into the wall behind her and slowly sliding down to meet the floor. She didn't want to get the cab smell on her sofa.

- "I know I'm calling you a few minutes early, but I wanted to hear your voice and update you on something happening in Jamie's class." He said, getting right into it. "The day you get back, they're doing a mini-career presentation day."

- "Isn't preschool a little young to do that?" Maggie questioned. She was in middle school when they did career day in Nebraska.

- "Yes," James confirmed, "but, one of the kids wanted to bring their dad in for show and tell because he just got a new job. And you can guess what happened after that… Hence it being a mini-career presentation day, just a little something to expose them to the possibilities for when they're big and grown."

- "Oh please don't say big and grown! Jamie just turned four. Our little baby needs to stay little forever." Maggie sighed. Everyone had told her that her baby would age seemingly in the blink of an eye. She didn't grasp that until she saw it before her own eyes. The deployment hadn't helped either.

- "I know, I know. I can't believe she's four already either," James agreed sighing too. "We can dwell in sadness later about our baby growing up. The point I'm getting to is that it's the perfect way we can surprise Jamie about you being home. It's at the end of the day, and your flight lands an hour and a half before the… I'm gonna call it show and tell. I can arrange it with her teachers that we go last, giving you enough time to get to the school from the airport." He paused for a moment before continuing, "that's if it's something you want to do. We can do a private reunion too if that's more appealing. This is your moment."

Maggie was silent taking a second to process it all. In theory, it could work. That's in theory. She needed logistics, a detailed plan, and a beautiful (not delayed) travel day, to make it all work. If executed to the T, it would make her day, and Jamie's as well. Failure was not an option. She'd love to have a private moment with her daughter, but, she wasn't sure she could wait until after school to see her. Maggie knew that the second she landed in Metropolis, she wouldn't be able to wait another moment.

- "You get me the details for where and when, and I'll fly that plane myself if I have to, to get there on time." Maggie confirmed.

- "Perfect!" James said. Maggie could practically hear the smile in his voice. "So that's the-" He stopped talking as Maggie heard that little voice. "Daddy, can I have a cookie?"

Maggie's chuckle mirrored James's.

- "Not right before bed, Jaybird, you know the rules. You already brushed your teeth!" James continued talking to Jamie, letting Maggie listen in. "I know I did, but I NEED a cookie, Daddy. I need it to sleep." Jamie tried again. Maggie could practically hear the pout in the small child's voice. She imagined Jamie in her tiny pajamas, her bear probably dragging on James's soft carpet. Maybe she was in her sock-monkey pajamas tonight. "I don't think you do need a cookie to sleep tonight… I actually have something even better than a cookie before bed!"

Maggie jumped up to go grab the book she was supposed to read tonight, rounding the corner too fast and out of practice. Her sock-clad feet almost caused a cartoon reenactment, but she steadied herself on the doorframe, continuing her frenzied dash to get the book.

- "What's better than a cookie?" Maggie heard Jamie ask, baffled. After all, what's better than a cookie to a four-year-old?

Book in hand, Maggie made it back to her spot on the floor, the plain wall behind her, as James switched the call over to video.

"Hi Jamie," she greeted her daughter, dimples out in full force. Jamie was indeed in her sock monkey pajamas all cozy and ready for bed.

"MOMMY!"

"Hi, mija. How was your day?"

"I miss you, Mommy…" Jamie's voice grew small, her tiny lip trembling just the way Maggie's did. It wouldn't be long before those big hot tears would spill over, the excitement from a moment ago was lost.

"I know you do baby, I know. I miss you so much, my little Jaybird. I promise I'll be home really soon." Three days seventeen hours, and thirty-seven minutes to be exact... She'd been counting the days ever since she left and as of this last week, she'd been counting the hours and minutes.

Maggie watched as James kissed Jamie's cheek and picked her up heading for her bedroom. They kept all of Jamie's bedtime books in her room. Her room at their house in Metropolis was nearly the same as the one here in National City. They tried to keep things mostly the same for Jamie to make their living situations a little easier to transition between.

"Mommy? Can I read the book tonight?" Jamie asked when she was put down and handed tonight's book.

Maggie furrowed her brows, "mija, you can read?"

James chimed in, "yeah, she's starting to read already, not just memorize the words. Of course our little Jaybird is smart, just like her mommy and daddy!"

Pride swelled in Maggie's chest, this was a big milestone, "of course you can read tonight's book!"

"Okay!" Jamie smiled. "Goodnight Moon…"

…

Although it was muffled, the beeping was that incessant that it woke her again. Alex had had her fair share of hospital trips, but never quite realized just how loud it was in here. The ICU was exceptionally noisy, that, added onto the ringing in her ears and mounting headache, left Alex laying in a very disorienting atmosphere. With critical patients being in here, one would think it'd be a little quieter. That definitely wasn't the case.

While the world around her still seemed somewhat muddled, Alex felt a little clearer, more aware of her surroundings.

A quick glance around the room and Alex discovered she was alone for once. So she took this moment of "quiet" to really access how she felt, Dr. Marks' words still bouncing around inside her head.

She started with her left hand, the one she knew worked. Starting with her thumb, she slowly moved it up and down. There was a subtle ache that started to settle in her hand, extending through her wrist and forearm. That she could chalk up to severe lack of movement… and to the minor detail of what landed her here…

Alex picked up her left arm and rotated it, not missing the IV that protruded from one of her veins. Half of her skin was covered in bandages, hiding the inevitable scars from the shrapnel carefully removed one piece at a time.

Keeping her head still against her pillow as to not cause further pain to her neck and head, she then moved her hand to brush across the front of that awfully unflattering hospital gown to feel the semi-loose bandages over her midsection. A small amount of prodding is all it took for her bruised ribs to make themselves known. The grunt she tried to let out had no sound to it but caused a very quiet and very painful cough to slide out between her lips.

She took as deep a breath as she comfortably could to recenter herself and continued on with her assessment.

The large black sling on her right arm was next. The hospital gown covered the top of her arm and shoulder and went into the sling, but Alex could still make out the edges of a plain white fiberglass cast and the tips of her fingers just barely poking out.

As Alex poked and felt around the edges of the cast from her fingers to her elbow, she discovered two things. One: she had no pain in it or feeling, but she assumed it was due to the constant flow of high-grade painkillers. And two: the cast continued up past her elbow to the top of her sling.

When she pressed on her right shoulder, there was a good bit of pain that broke through her drug-induced fog.

Trying not to put too much thought into the pain, (if she doesn't acknowledge the pain, then it won't hurt) she calmly and slowly reached back to her left side for the buttons that move the bed.

Ever so gently and carefully and at the pace of a snail, Alex pushed the button for the back of the bed to be raised.

It turns out, an extra thirty degrees upright made a huge difference. That pain in her right shoulder, that she may or may not be ignoring, was relieved almost instantly. When she was lying far back like that, she hadn't been able to see much, but now up at a better angle, everything seemed to ease up some. Her lower back was the only thing that protested, but it wasn't significant enough to matter.

From her new angle, Alex had a good view out the glass door as well as the bottom half of her hospital bed.

Her legs were still covered in a blanket, but she could make out what looked to be the box-y outline of a walking boot on her left leg. There were no doubt dozens of bandages up that leg as well but the thought of reaching down to move the blanket was too much effort.

Avoiding the inevitable, Alex's eyes drifted over to the empty space that her lower leg should've occupied. She couldn't look away. In her head, there was this disconnect of what she saw versus what she knew should be there and what was there a week ago.

There were unsightly drain tubes that she could see coming out from under the blanket that hung down the side of the bed into bags.

She couldn't look away. She couldn't process. Her memories were still missing, something that was currently scaring her much more than her injuries. She was missing part of the story…

And as the next dose of medication entered and her eyes grew heavy once more, she still couldn't look away…

She couldn't look away…

…

"Hey Alex, I come bearing your dinner!" Kara announced cheerily as she entered Alex's ICU room followed by a nurse with a cart and Dr. Marks.

The glare Alex sent Dr. Marks' way didn't go unnoticed.

"Easy, I'm just here to switch you to a nasal cannula so you can eat." With her hands up as a gesture of peace, Dr. Marks approached and switched the mask out. In the process, however, the cannula bumped into the stitches that Alex didn't realize she had, below her right eye.

Wincing away Alex glanced towards Kara before glaring back at the doctor.

"Sorry. Those should be coming out in the next day or so. We want to be sure that cut is sealed so it doesn't reopen."

Once the oxygen was flowing again, Alex wouldn't admit it, but she felt relieved. It did help.

When Dr. Marks promptly left, Nurse Tony had stayed behind just to make sure the process of Alex eating went well. But he did stand off in the corner in an attempt to give the sisters time with each other.

Alex reached a tentative hand up to her cheek to feel the long stretch of stitches. From what she could tell, the stitches ran along just under the base of her eye socket starting at her nose and extending horizontally towards her temple. The cut traced the length of where the bottom of her tactical glasses had once rested on her face.

She was brought out of her haze, however, when Kara cleared her throat and gestured to the food. The bowl holding her less than appealing dinner was placed on top of a table that rotated to fit over her into the center of the bed giving her easier access to it.

"Are you hungry?" Kara asked, but only got a head tilt out of Alex, so she repeated the question a little louder.

"Are you hungry?"

A meager one-shouldered shrug was the response Alex gave her, but Alex reached for the button again to sit more upright.

Settled, Kara got up and pulled the blanket higher up on Alex.

"This way," Kara said while tucking Alex in, "if you drip, it'll land on the blanket and not the gown. The blanket can be changed out a little easier than the gown right now…"

When Alex was situated, she reached forward with her left hand and picked up the spoon. The simple act of eating, though, proved to be much more difficult than it should have been. Although Alex was becoming more and more clear each time she was awake, she was far from fine or functioning at normal levels.

Her arm was too weak and the drugs were seriously affecting her ability to use utensils and the coordination that they required.

Saving the day and the blanket, Kara intervened before too much could be spilled.

"I know you can eat by yourself, but I'm going to help you out this time," Kara spoke, having chosen her words carefully.

Normally, Alex would've protested and just not eaten, but she had no choice. It was the condition for not using a feeding tube anymore, and she definitely wasn't willing to go back to that.

The first tiny taste that made it to Alex was less than satisfying. She made a face when Kara gave her a second spoonful of the broth that they were calling her dinner.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad," Kara said with a frown. It wasn't homemade but Kara had figured that the hospital couldn't do broth wrong.

Alex gave her a disbelieving look. It wasn't good broth by any means, but it was food. She needed it. But that didn't mean she had to enjoy it or like it. Even though the broth was approaching lukewarm and was less than appealing, she'd force it down and just hope it stayed there.

Kara stayed mostly silent while she carefully gave Alex spoonful after spoonful until she had eaten every last drop. She was cautious as she did it, always checking in to make sure Alex was doing alright. This was her first "meal" in a week. A lot could go wrong.

But what could have gone wrong, didn't. While rather dissatisfied with what she had for dinner, Alex couldn't deny how much better she felt now that she was mostly full. She hadn't been given a lot and was told to eat slowly for the best chance at keeping it down, which is exactly what she did.

"You good?" Kara asked her.

Alex simply shrugged with her good shoulder and gave a little nod.

Dr. Marks came in just after she had finished, neither of them having noticed when Nurse Tony went to get her. She was no doubt waiting and giving the sisters some space, busying herself until she knew they were done.

When she entered again, she reached over for the oxygen mask and Alex narrowed her eyes at her.

"I'm sorry, Alex. You need it a little longer. You'll be without the extra oxygen before you know it, but for now, you need it."

"Y-u c-a-n -all. -e. -an-ers."

"What?" Both Dr. Marks and Kara said at the same time.

"Dan-vers… You c-a-n c-all m- Dan-vers." She'd been referred to as Danvers way more than she was ever referred to as Alex over the last several years. That wasn't something she was going to give up just yet. Calling her Alex was something that friends and family did. She needed some more time.

"Alright, Danvers noted. I can do that, but you still need the oxygen."

Alex narrowed her eyes again. She felt a little like a petulant child, but she was fiercely independent. In the course of what felt like a day, Alex had gone from completely independent and being in charge, to complete dependence and being told what to do. She was over this and not happy. She felt like she was going to go insane in this room.

"It's non-negotiable." Dr. Marks said with finality and put the mask on Alex. "The sooner you listen to instructions on how to get better, the sooner you can get out of the ICU and into General and then eventually home."

Be that as it may, Alex still grumbled under her breath and ignored the feeling of relief as the additional oxygen flowed through the mask.

…

"Knock knock," Maggie said as she slid through the glass door. "I come with pre-approved chamomile tea with honey for the most important patient in the hospital. It should help your throat and voice."

Alex smiled sleepily, her eyes tired but bright, and made a little grabby hand at the styrofoam coffee cup. She was never much of a tea person, but if it helped her to speak and made her throat less raw from the ventilator, then she'd happily drink it.

"Th-nks."

Maggie nodded with a dimpled smile.

Cup securely in Alex's hand, Maggie turned to find Kara drifting off in the reclining chair in the corner, a hand protectively resting on top of her growing belly.

She walked over to the younger Danvers and gently shook her shoulder.

"Little Danvers," she whispered, "time to wake up. You need an actual bed to sleep in."

Kara simply grumbled and turned away. But when a light knock rang out from the doorway, Kara peeked an eye open.

Winn came into the room and knelt by the chair Kara was curled up on, gently brushing his thumbs over her cheeks.

Now that Alex was awake and mostly coherent, the staff had gotten a little more lenient with the number of visitors that came to see her. It wasn't hard to overlook the rules considering the Danvers family never questioned when the doctor or nurses asked them to step out, never got in the way, and were respectful of their noise level.

"Baby, it's time to go home. Let's go say goodnight to Alex and get some rest. We'll come back in the morning, I promise."

That special tone that Winn used did the trick. Within three minutes, he had Kara up and kissing Alex goodnight with the promise of returning the next day.

"They're really good for each other, aren't they?" Maggie asked as she took a seat in the plastic chair next to Alex's bed.

Alex hummed in response, the tea already helping to soothe her voice, content to just be in the same room as Maggie.

Maggie let the silence continue for a minute, allowing Alex time to drink up her tea and settle. But she couldn't let it go on forever.

"How're you holding up, Danvers?"

"Gr-ea-t," she cleared her throat rather painfully, "n-ver better…"

"Y'know Danvers, you don't have to say that with me. You never have, and I never want you to… You know if you want to talk about anything, I'm here for you. Judgment free."

"C-an barely t-alk." Alex cleared her throat before drinking the final sips of tea. As she reached to put it on the table, her grip gave out and the cup slipped. Maggie caught it before it could hit the ground and put the empty cup in the trash can.

"I know you can barely talk right now, but every day your voice will get stronger until it's back to normal. And I'm here even if you don't want to talk. Sometimes just having someone be in the same room is enough knowing that they support you. And I do support you, Alex. We're partners and make a hell of a team."

Maggie slid her hand on top of Alex's and returned the squeeze when Alex's hand tightened ever so slightly around her own.

She didn't expect Alex to say anything else, especially with the way her eyelids were drooping again, but Alex murmured quietly, "'m so tired of bein' tired…"

"I'm sure you are. It's your body's way of healing itself… Not easy work. Get some rest, Alex. I'll be right here…"

In light of one of the events that happened in my life in the last few months, I want all of you to know something. You're all beautiful and exactly the way you are supposed to be. You're never alone, and there's always tomorrow. One step at a time. And Most importantly, love and be kind to yourself. "So far you've survived 100 percent of your worst days. You're doing great." ~ Unknown

I love you all.

Lizard.