Sam let the door to the Bunker slam behind him as he stared, grocery bags in hand, at the scene before him. A string of multicoloured lights wrapped around the railing of the catwalk and stairway, the map table had been draped with a red fabric tablecloth, a huge poinsettia the centrepiece, a tall pine tree twinkled with white lights and tinsel in one corner and the sound of carols could be heard from somewhere.

"God rest ye merry gentlemen-" Dean's voice sang out, coming closer down one of the connecting hallways, "Hey, you're back! What do you think?"

Sam stared at his brother's grinning mouth and sparkling eyes, a plate of what looked like gingerbread cookies in his hands.

"What's uh, all this?" Sam asked, coming down the stairs and dropping the grocery bags on the table.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked innocently, "It's December, or didn't you realize?"

"I know what month it is, Dean," Sam retorted, "I just mean, what's all… this?"

He waved a hand around the room for emphasis.

"Christmas decorations," Dean replied, "Duh."

Sam frowned, "Why?"

"Cookie?" Dean held out the plate to his sibling.

"I don't want a cookie," Sam snapped, "I want to know why all this crap is here."

Dean set the plate on the table and sighed.

"I thought we could use some cheer after the year we've had."

"Take it down," Sam demanded.

"What?" Dean frowned, confused, "No way. Do you know how much time Cas and I spent putting this together? It stays up."

Sam shook his head and moved away from the table, towards the stairs and began unraveling the string of lights.

"Hey! Don't do that! What's the matter with you?" Dean stepped up to his brother and grabbed Sam's arm.

"Let me go!" Sam snapped and pulled his arm free.

Dean took hold of his brother's wrist, "What are you doing?"

"Don't touch me!" Sam snarled but the sound of footsteps gave both brother's pause.

"Who wants eggnog?" Castiel appeared in the doorway, holding a tray with a pitcher filled with cold, creamy nog and three glasses.

Dean released his brother's arm and Sam stalked crossed the room, nearly colliding with the angel on his way into the hallway. From deeper inside the bunker Dean heard a door slam shut.

"Is Sam all right?" Cas asked, his expression hurt and bewildered.

Dean waved a hand dismissively, "I think it's his time of the month."

Cas didn't look convinced but didn't question the hunter further. He looked at his friend.

"Would you like some eggnog?"

SPN

Closing himself in his bedroom didn't seem to make Sam feel any better. He crossed the room and sat down on his bed, putting his head in his hands. Pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes, all he could seem to see was the glitter and shine of Christmas decorations. A lump formed in the hunter's throat, unbidden. His eyes prickled with unwanted tears. Sighing, he laid back against his pillow and stared at the ceiling, struggling to shove the memories that had risen to the surface of his mind down where they belonged.

SPN

Dean took a breath and knocked quietly on his brother's bedroom door.

"Can I come in?"

Not waiting for an answer, Dean eased the door open and found Sam laying on his bed, one arm over his eyes.

"Are you asleep?" Dean asked.

There was no response for a moment and then the younger sibling answered.

"No."

"You want to tell me what that was all about?" Dean asked, folding his arms over his chest.

"Not really," Sam muttered.

"Well I do," Dean countered, "Since when did you become Ebenezer Scrooge?"

Sam didn't reply.

"Come on Sam, this is stupid," Dean pressed, "We haven't celebrated Christmas properly in… years. I thought you'd be tickled to see the place all decked out. I didn't expect you to act like such a Grinch about it."

"I just… this time of year isn't exactly happy for me, Dean, okay?" Sam explained.

Dean sighed, "Hey, I know we had some pretty messed up Christmases as kids but we're not little anymore, we can do the holidays right this time around."

"It's not that, Dean," Sam muttered, "I don't care about the shitty times we had as kids."

"Then what is all this about, Sam?" Dean asked, "C'mon man, give me a clue here, 'cause I have no idea what's got you so depressed."

Sam swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. He didn't speak for a long moment and Dean wondered if his brother was just going to tell him to get out of the room.

"The last time we had Christmas," Sam spoke without looking at his brother, "was when you died."

"What?" Dean frowned, then his eyes widened as he realized what his brother was talking about.

"Sam, that was years ago, ancient history," he said, even smiling a little, recalling the crappy motel, the eggnog that was more rum than nog, the stupid gifts they'd exchanged.

His sibling looked up at him, his eyes red rimmed, "Maybe for you, it doesn't matter. But every time I see Christmas decorations I get this feeling of dread like something terrible is going to happen and there's nothing I can do to stop it, just like back then."

Dean's smile disappeared, "Why didn't you say something before now?"

Sam looked down at his hands in his lap, "I didn't want you to think I was weak."

"Sam," Dean stepped forward and took a seat beside his brother on the bed.

"You are not weak," Dean insisted, "You are, in fact, the strongest person I know."

Sam shook his head, "I don't feel like it."

Dean put his arm around his brother's shoulders, shaking him a little.

"If it's really going to upset you, we can take the decorations down."

Sam shook his head, "Don't do that. I'm sorry about earlier. If you want to leave them up, we can. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Dean asked, "Seriously?"

Sam looked up at his brother and nodded.

Dean smiled, "Then let's start making some good memories."

SPN

Sam felt the tension seep from his muscles and the sense of dread dissipate from his mind as he sat on the couch with Dean and Cas, glass of eggnog in one hand and gingerbread cookie in the other, as Kevin McAllister created boobytraps to prevent Harry and Marv from robbing his house. Although they might never have a normal Christmas, that didn't mean that they couldn't celebrate it in their own way and create happy memories that they would cherish for years to come.

Author's Note:

Please leave a review if you enjoyed this little story.

Have a merry and safe Christmas everyone!