A/N: So I am going to try something different with this story. I normally have very long chapters, 20,000 words or more, and it takes me a bit to update. I wanted to try something different this time around. I'm going to have shorter chapters around 5,000 words and upload once a week. I'll see how that goes over and if people prefer it then I'll start doing that with my other stories.
Summary: After Ash's interview the team turns on Clay. Given no other choice he leaves Bravo behind and joins Delta. Only Delta is a different Tier One Team, they are not all about being a family and they are given the missions other teams would never do. Getting involved with Delta sets Clay down a dark road, one he might never be able to recover from. Bravo is determined to get Clay back, no matter how long it takes.
Story Warnings: Drinking, drugs, violence, swearing, and some sex scenes (Warnings before sex scenes so you can skip)
Chapter 1
To say that the past month had been hell would be an understatement. From the moment the team had caught wind of Ash's new book and his supposed source they had been icing him out. Ash never said who his source was, but saying it was someone connected to Tier One missions that he had a connection with was all they needed to hear. Ever since that day they had been treating him like crap. Jason was going harder on him in training, pushing him in drills when everyone was done. The guys didn't say anything, just stood there watching and making their own comments. If Clay spoke up on an op, the guys would shut him down and make sure he knew his place, as Bravo Six meant he was the lowest man on the totem pole. When before Jason and the team welcomed his input and had even come to rely on it. They never took his questioning as anything more than him wanting to learn, now they acted like he was questioning every decision they made. If something went wrong on an Op, it was all of a sudden his fault, even if he was nowhere near it. This past op the helo was having engine troubles and they still found a way to blame Clay for it.
"Man I need a drink." Sonny said, as they were all putting their gear away from this past op.
"I'm in, Naima is asleep by now." Ray added.
"We all deserve a drink after this op. Check and see if Davis and Mandy want in. Family night is just what we all need." Jason said, before turning to Clay. "Bravo Six, I want your paperwork completed before you head out." He ordered.
Clay just gave a nod. This was also very common now. He was no longer included in anything that had to do with the team outside of operations. He was no longer included in the family dynamic of the team, and that is what hurt the most. He had grown up in a warzone, seeing things that the guys had no idea about. None of them had even bothered to ask him what growing up in Africa was like or how he even got there. He still had nightmares about his time there. Still had days where it was hard to not let it affect him. Clay had never truly had a family. After he got back to the States he never allowed anyone to be close to him, he kept his walls up. Then Brian got through them, how Clay still didn't know, but then he had to watch as his only friend, his brother, free fell to his death. He kept himself closed off then and still Bravo had wormed their way into his heart. He let himself care for them. He let himself embrace the family they were offering him. He allowed himself to trust them with not just his life, but his heart. And now it seemed like that was a mistake. He thought he could trust them, but one little wobble from Ash and they were throwing him out like trash. What hurt the most, wasn't how they were treating him, it was the fact that they just assumed he would betray not only the Navy by releasing classified intel, but he would betray them. Betray this family.
"When I give you an order, you show me the respect by giving me a verbal confirmation Bravo Six." Jason said with an edge in his voice.
"Yes Sir." Clay said with an empty voice.
At one point Jason and the others would have been bothered by the empty tone from their youngest brother. But right now it didn't even register to them. After hearing that interview they all couldn't help but jump to conclusions. Clay was the only one that made sense to be the one to provide classified intel to Ash, that was his father. And they all knew they still saw each other, they had seen them a couple of times at the Bulkhead. It wasn't really that hard to connect the dots. Clay betrayed their trust, he betrayed the brotherhood and as a result he needed to pay for it. He needed to take the consequences and fight tooth and nail to get back into their good graces. If he truly wanted to be on Bravo he would man up and take his beatings like a real man.
What they didn't realise was the emotional and mental pain they were causing him by just their words. It wasn't even their actions, but their words and the snide comments about everything. He was never good enough now, something he dealt with growing up. He wasn't good enough for his mother, he wasn't good enough for Ash to raise him. He wasn't good enough for his grandparents to move out of a warzone. Then he wasn't good enough for the different foster homes he went through. He was never good enough and he finally thought he found a place where he was good enough just being himself. A place where he didn't have to have all of these walls up. A place where he didn't have to wear his cocky facade and could just be himself. Where he didn't get bullied for being smart. Where he didn't have to hide how he was feeling. Bravo had been a safe place, the first truly safe place he's ever known, and now it was ruined and Clay doubted it could ever be repaired.
The guys all made their way out of the cage room all talking and laughing. Clay finished putting his gear away before he got up and headed out to the lounge area. He had a bunch of paperwork that he needed to do. Normally they would get a few days to work on it, but Jason wanted it all done so he had no choice but to do it. He was already exhausted from the operation plus he was sore. Sonny had "accidentally" spilt his water all over his hammock so Clay had to try and sleep on the very small metal benches along the wall. He was sore and exhausted and all he wanted to do was take a shower and sleep, but that was looking like it might not happen for the next six hours. It was only five at night, so he at least had a chance of getting to bed before one in the morning. He was just hoping that they didn't get spun up again so soon.
When Clay was halfway done his paperwork the door to the lounge opened and Delta's leader, Maddoc, came in. Clay didn't know much about Delta team, he just knew that Delta was a different type of unit. Most of the other units tended to avoid Delta team and only work with them when they had to. Maddoc ran his team differently too, unlike Jason or even Full Metal, Maddoc liked his men to stay in line and follow the chain of command. It was different and not something everyone could handle, but at the same time Clay also knew that you would always know your place. There wouldn't be times where that grey area took over and you were unsure if you could speak up. On Delta, everyone had a number and it was just that simple. Number Four didn't ever comment on Number One's tactical plans. You had a number and you respected everyone's seniority above your number.
"Spenser, it seems like you and I should have a chat." Maddoc said, as he made his way over to Clay.
"Regarding what Sir?"
Clay had no idea what Maddoc could possibly want to talk to him about. He wasn't really in the mood for a chat to begin with. He just wanted to get the second half of his paperwork done so he could go home.
"Regarding your future. Everyone knows about your father's interview and his newest book."
"I'm not his source." Clay instantly said.
"Didn't say you were, don't even care if you are. Upper Brass could have suspended you if they thought you did it, they didn't so either there's no proof you did or they know you didn't. I don't care which option it is. My point is that all of the teams have been talking about it and we've all noticed how Bravo has been icing you out. They're turning on you and when that happens bad things can happen on operations. Things that could get you or anyone else seriously hurt or killed. But you already know that."
"Yes Sir, I do."
Oh Clay knew it alright, it was what worried him the most. Not for himself, but the guys. He may be hurt by them, heart broken really, but that didn't change that he didn't want anything bad to happen to them. It was kinda like being dumped by the love of your life. You had to let them go, but you still loved them and wished the best for them. While secretly hoping they gain twenty pounds and the next guy they date is fat and ugly.
"Sometimes Spenser, the team that picks you, isn't the team that you were meant for. I spoke with my Captain and your Captain and both have agreed to allow you to transfer over to Delta, should you want to."
"Transfer off Bravo?" Clay said, slightly shocked.
"You have skills Spenser, very useful skills. I take pride in having a highly skilled team. You would be a great addition. Now, I run my team differently then Hayes. It's not a democracy, you would be Delta Six, lowest ranking man within the unit. You would be expected to respect your rank and everyone above you. Any questions that don't revolve around the information about the operation are not tolerated. Your opinions are not yours to give. You do as you are told, and that goes for everyone that is ranked under me. I didn't get to my rank and become a leader overnight, there is a reason I've survived this long. We are a team, but that is it. I don't treat it like a family, but a well oiled machine. Any team building is through drills to ensure our skills are top notch. We take on different missions then you are used to. Same skills, but different targets. We go after the organizations that are too dangerous for the other teams. The ones that are in the darkness of this world. We don't go on any Gucci tours. We don't go to J-Bad, we go into the Korengal Valley and see the worst this world has to offer. And I never get a mission fail, we always get it done. We push through exhaustion, we push through injuries and get it done."
Maddoc placed the signed transfer paper down on the table and continued. "If you can handle that. If you can follow the rules and do what you are told. Then you will always have a place on my team. You know this thing with Bravo is only going to get worse. They will be the reason you get killed and what is worse, they won't even care. And if something were to happen to one of them, they'll blame you and get you thrown out of the military over it. If you stay, your career or your life will be over and you don't seem dumb enough to just let that happen."
That was the reality that Clay had been worried about recently. Clay thought he had a family and a career, but now he just had a career and it was the only thing he had. He couldn't lose that, but did he want to leave Bravo?
"I've heard rumors about some not so regulated tactics that you allow to happen. Other team guys have said different things about how you order your men to torture information out of a target." Clay started, but Maddoc held his hand up to stop him.
"What the other teams don't realise is that we get different operations then them. The ones that they can't do or would never agree to do gets passed down to us. These are missions that need to happen to ensure the lives of thousands. A lot of our operations are assassinations, mass target eliminations, destroying supply chains for drug traffickers, gun traffickers and human traffickers. We see the worst that this world has to offer and we get it done, because if we don't there isn't anyone else. Yes, there have been times we've had to do rough interrogation tactics, but only when given no other choice and thousands of innocent lives are on the line. We have special immunity because of the operations we're assigned. Just like we don't have to submit to drug tests because we are often exposed to one drug or another during operations. You have to decide what is best for you. If you agree to transferring Spenser, there is no going back. The other teams don't want you, so the only place you could go is behind a desk. If you make the transfer to Delta you have to commit to us and go all in. For the record I think you'll be great."
"Thank-you Sir. When do you need an answer by?"
"The morning. If you agree to the transfer, all you need to do is sign it and then drop it off. It'll be official once you sign it. We got a cage all ready for you. I'll either see you in the morning or I won't." Maddoc said, with a shrug as he turned and headed out.
Clay looked down at the transfer form once he was alone. He had never seen one before, because never in his military career has he ever had to transfer. He went through boot camp and aced it with flying colors so the Upper Brass put him straight into BUDS where he became a seal and was placed on Team Three. He stayed there until Green Team and now Bravo. Clay had pride himself on not being one of the seals that were always jumping around. He worked with a team and did his best to fulfill his position within that team. Generally Clay could work with anyone without a problem. When he first got to Seal Team Three things were a little rocky, but that was to be expected. Not only did he have Ash's name to deal with, but he was the only man on the team that was completely green. Most seals had been in another division and had already been on tour before they even got the opportunity to go into BUDS. Clay was drafted right at eighteen for it, so he had never even been in real combat before. There were problems with that, the guys didn't like having to have someone so green with them, someone that could slow them down. Clay took the verbal trash talk, took all the pushing, he sucked it up and proved to them all that he could handle the job. That he could be an asset to them and a valuable member of the team. He gained their trust as being a skilled operator that had their backs in the field.
Seal Team Three was all about the order ranking just like Delta. He had adapted to it and followed the chain of command back then. It wasn't until he was Chalk Two did he start to voice opinions and suggestions more openly. He was allowed at that point to have a say in strategies and it didn't take long for everyone to figure out he was an amazing tactician. That freedom was part of the reason why he wanted to be on Bravo. Not only were they the best ranked team, but Jason allowed for a more relaxed environment. He listened when people on his team spoke, he never turned you away from a strategy session. There was a freedom to grow and learn within Bravo that Clay desperately wanted. That freedom though came with a price, you had to let people get close. You had to let your walls down a bit and bond with them. Come to care and love them all. At first for Clay it was terrifying, after his childhood it was no surprise to him at all. Yet bit by bit he opened himself up to them. He opened his heart and allowed himself to feel their love, their security. To know that they were always going to have his back in and out of the field. It brought a whole new freedom to Clay; and now that same very freedom was destroying him inside.
It had been decades since he had allowed anyone truly in. Even Brian was kept at a distance in fear of losing him, which he did. Clay kept his walls up for so long so he would never have to feel what he was feeling ever again. Now it was worse than anytime from growing up, because being in Bravo felt like a real family. He had brothers and sisters that cared for him, even Jason was like a dad to him. Now those same very people that had the power to make him feel safe and wanted were the reason his heart was shredded. Were the reason why he was sitting here all alone feeling more worthless then he ever had before. Why his confidence and self-worth had plummeted so far down he couldn't even find them. What made it worse was knowing it was all for nothing. He didn't tell Ash anything, it wasn't him and yet he was being persecuted for it. They didn't even ask if he did it, they just assumed he did. When he said he didn't, they acted like they didn't even hear it.
Clay knew he could adapt again to the way Maddoc led his team. He could go back to being just one of the guys in a unit and do his job that he is assigned. There was a slight comfort in that, being able to always know what was expected of you and where you were in the team. Knowing that you can't disappoint anyone as long as you did your job. There were no personal feelings that you had to take into account, everyone was a professional and there were no personal connections you had to worry about. There were no personal landmines you had to watch out for. There was a familiar comfort and peace with that. At the same time though, Clay didn't know if he could just throw in the towel and give up on Bravo. Deep down he was still that little boy wishing someone would come to the foster home and pick him up. Someone would show up and accept him, take him away and just love him. He had that love with Bravo and now he was still foolishly hoping he could earn their trust back. That if he just did what he was told that he could make them proud and want him again.
Clay scrubbed his hands over his face. He needed sleep, he was too tired to think clearly right now. Clay pushed the transfer form off to the side and focused on his paperwork. The sooner he got this done the sooner he could head home. That time finally came at midnight when Clay was able to get the hell out of there. He made his way towards his apartment and the second he walked inside his heart sank even further. There was glass all over the floor in the living room and kitchen. His kitchen cupboards were all open and from where he stood Clay could see every dish was broken. The countertop and backsplash were smashed. The food from his cupboards, fridge and freezer was all over the floor. It was smeared into the carpets, staining them. Everything was melted from the freezer, his condiments were squirted out all over the carpet and stomped on. The trail on the floor went into his bedroom and down the hallway. Clay followed it to see that there was red paint all over the carpet throughout the rest of the house. In his bedroom he had red paint thrown all over his clothes as they were thrown around. There was a strong stench of urine coming from his bed and Clay knew it was ruined.
The bathrooms were trashed, all of the mirrors, tiles and glass shower stalls were shattered. Beaten apart with a hammer. Every wall in the whole apartment had holes in them from what Clay assumed was a hammer again. There were black spray painted words; snitch, traitor, bitch, and worthless, all over the apartment. The whole place was trashed, it would all have to be redone. Even every photo he had was smashed and ripped up. Clay made his way into the second bedroom, his own personal library where he kept his most prized possessions, his books. Clay was dreading going into the room, he knew it would be destroyed as well, but he was hoping it wouldn't be that bad. That not all of the books would be destroyed.
All of his hope vanished the second he walked into the room. Not only was there paint all over the floor, but so were his books. All of the pages had been ripped out, the book shelves were smashed into nothing. There was no salvaging any of it. This room hurt the most, because it was the only room he had something in it that was irreplaceable. The guys on the team knew how much he loved to read, they knew he took very good care of them. They were worth a lot of money, most of them were first editions that Clay spent a very shiny penny on them. Clay walked through the wreckage to pick up the one book that meant the most to him. It didn't cost the most, the opposite actually, but it was the only thing that Brian had ever given him. It was the very first time he had ever received a gift in his life and it came from Brian. It was the one thing he owned that he cared most about in this world. It was completely destroyed, there was nothing he could do to repair it.
What made this whole situation worse was knowing that his front door was locked. He unlocked it before he could walk in, so the people who did this had a key to his place and the only people that had a key was the team. The people who he was told were his family had done this and they knew how much this room meant to him. They knew he took pride in his books and they did this anyways. Clay knew he should be pissed, but all he felt was pain. He couldn't stop the tears building in his eyes or the tears that escaped down his cheeks. Clay had thought maybe they could turn things around. That maybe he could earn their trust back, earn their respect back, but this changed everything. There was no going back after this. The trust was gone on everyone's half and there was no way to rebuild it.
Clay wiped the tears off from his cheeks and then pulled out his cell phone as he went back over to the front door. He picked up the transfer form and saw Maddoc's number. He sent a quick text just asking if he was awake and if he could call him. Clay then turned to give his apartment one last look before he headed out. There was nothing he could do about this right now. Clay headed out and made his way back to his truck. Just as he got into it his phone beeped and he looked down to see that Maddoc had said he could call. Clay dialed the number and put him on speaker phone as he started his truck and headed back to the base.
"Maddock."
"I'm sorry for calling so late Sir." Clay instantly said. The last thing he wanted to do was piss him off.
"It's fine Spenser. Do you have any additional questions about the team?"
"No Sir. I am going to sign the transfer paperwork, I really appreciate you offering me a place within your team."
"That is great news to hear Spenser. You will be a great addition to the unit. Do you want us to be there just in case as you empty your cage?"
"No thanks. I appreciate it Sir, but I'm on my way to empty it out now while the whole place is empty."
"Understandable. Your cage in the room is already empty for you."
"The reason I called, and I know it's not starting off on a good foot, but I was wondering if I could have a couple hours in the morning off. Someone within Bravo used their key to my apartment and trashed it. I have to meet with the landlord to inform him and set up a crew to come in and clean up the mess. I was hoping to get it done in the morning, if that is alright Sir."
"Fuck, how bad is it trashed?"
"They destroyed everything, all my furniture, food, there's paint all over the carpet throughout the house. There's black spray paint on the walls, there's holes in the walls. Both bathrooms were completely obliterated with a hammer. All of my clothes, everything is gone, there's nothing that can be salvaged." Clay said with a dead tone. He couldn't let this bother him, he had to lock it down like he had done plenty of times growing up.
"That's fucking bullshit, you don't deserve that. See it's a good thing you won't be on their team anymore. They probably wouldn't even think twice about leaving you behind somewhere. You can take the morning, that's no problem. We're just working on some paperwork from our last op. I need you back by the afternoon so we can run drills and get everyone acclimated to our movements with you on the team now."
"Understood, I'll be there. Thank-you Sir."
"I don't have a problem granting time off when it's justified. When you come in tomorrow, meet us in our cage room. We'll go over some basics and then hit the training grounds."
"Yes Sir. Have a good night."
"See you tomorrow Delta Six."
Clay ended the call and he couldn't help but notice how weird it sounded to hear him being called something other than Bravo Six. He never thought he would lose the Bravo call sign, being called Delta and not Bravo was starting to make it feel official. Every step he took to remove himself from Bravo now would only solidify that there was no going back. The damage was too reprimandable to ever fix. All Clay could really do at this point was hope he made the right call and it would all work out in the end. Either way, there was no going back now. He would just do his job to the best of his ability and work his way up the chain of command like he did in Seal Team Three.
Clay arrived back at base and the first thing he did was drop off the transfer form for the clerk to get it in the morning. He then made his way towards Bravo's cage room for the last time. It was a surreal moment for him to think that this would be the last time he would ever come in here. This had once been his safe place, his home and now it only brought sadness and pain to his heart. Clay unlocked his cage and was happy that he left a duffle bag here with some of his clothes. He only had three changes of clothes, but it was better than nothing. He also had two uniforms for work. Clay took in the items he had in his cage. He didn't spend much time on the weapons or any of his gear. He focused on the various things he had up on the cage walls. The photos of him and the guys both in and out of the field. The photo of Jason smiling with his arm around Clay's shoulders. Clay could clearly remember that day, the photo was taken by Emma on Family Day. The guys had all gone their separate ways to spend the holiday, Jason had invited him over to spend the day with him and the kids. Clay didn't think too much on the offer, figured Jason didn't want him to be alone. Clay was going to give a polite no thanks when Jason said he wanted to spend the day with all of his kids. Even the memory warmed his heart, but it also gave him another stab.
Clay really thought he found his home. That he finally found a loving family in and out of the team. It was going to hurt a lot to lose them, no matter how he looked at it. He would have to cut ties with Emma and Mickey. It would be unfair to them, but Clay wouldn't be able to move on if he was still in contact with them, especially Emma. They would often text each other every other day just to check in and chat. He wouldn't be able to do that anymore. Clay was already planning on changing his cell phone number, he would need to do that tonight before everyone else found out he was no longer on Bravo. He didn't think they would be calling him to come back, but he didn't want them sending him messages or calls to call him a bitch. A clean cut would be better.
Clay let out a sigh and began the process of packing everything up and moving it down the hallway to Delta's cage room. Once Clay had everything out of his cage, he removed the photos from the walls and placed them down on the metal table in the room. He then cut off his Bravo trident and removed his B6 patches and added them to the pile. Clay couldn't bring himself though to place the photo of him and Jason down. He knew it would be stupid, but he folded it and tucked it into the breast pocket of his uniform shirt where his heart was. Maybe it would be a mistake, but maybe it would bring him some form of comfort in the last moments of his life should things go south. With everything finished Clay headed out of Bavo's cage room for the last time and made his way back to his truck. He would get a cheap motel room for the night and then tomorrow he would have to deal with the fall out.