Year 3: Left Behind

Chapter 28: April 2017

It was more difficult that Molly had expected, forgetting about Sarah. It had been easy to reject them when her friends hadn't wanted anything to do with her, but knowing that Sarah wanted to resume their friendship made it harder for Molly to ignore her. It also didn't help that Sarah kept looking at her with this forlorn expression on her face that made Molly feel guilty every time she saw it.

But Molly didn't have time to be worrying about Sarah. School. Studying. Straight O's. This was what she needed to focus on. There were only three sacred S's, not four. Sarah was not getting added to the list, not if Molly had anything to say about it.

It wasn't personal. Molly wasn't trying to punish Sarah at all. Maybe it had started out like that, but honestly Molly just couldn't afford to waste her time anymore. She knew Sarah's grades had suffered since joining Quidditch. It had been inevitable. Molly couldn't be spending her time helping to boost someone else's grades. She had other things to think about. She had articles to read, and N.E.W.T. level charm-work to study, and professors to have intelligent conversations with.

At breakfast, when Sarah would stare at the empty spot across from Molly, Molly would pointedly avoid making eye contact. In class, when Sarah would hesitate upon entering the classroom, deciding where to sit, Molly would make sure to put her bag on the empty chair next to her to make it clear that it wasn't available. In the library, Molly chose single-person study carols instead of multi-person tables where anyone could come up and join her. In the dorm, Molly spent the majority of her time hidden behind her curtains, where nobody could bother her. And Molly spent almost no time in the common room any more.

Most of the time, it wasn't too difficult to avoid Sarah. What was difficult was not thinking about her, especially when Molly's actions were now specifically tailored to keeping the girl at arm's length. Molly couldn't help it. She'd very recently gone through what Sarah was going through, and it had been hard. If it hadn't been for her father's advice and her conversations with her teachers, Molly probably would have gone crazy. And Sarah didn't appear to have either of those things.

But Molly couldn't think about Sarah. She didn't have room for the girl in her mind or in her life. The part of her life where she'd been friends with her roommate were over. Molly had moved on to bigger and better things, and Sarah would eventually do the same. She just needed time to get there.

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It was third period and the third years had all just filed in to their ancient runes class. As usual, Molly immediately put her bag on the chair next to her to encourage Sarah to take a seat elsewhere. Unfortunately, Sarah was rather late to class, and by the time she'd arrived, all the other seats were taken. Professor Thicket looked pointedly at Molly, and with a sigh, Molly removed her bag from the chair, dropping it to the floor, and allowing Sarah to take her seat.

Molly determined not to look over at the girl, no matter how tempting it was. Molly got her quills and ink and parchment for her notes in order, aware of the fact that Sarah was doing the same on her left, but not looking to confirm.

Professor Thicket then announced that they would be starting the class with a pop quiz.

Molly cleared her desk of her notes immediately, leaving only one sheet of blank parchment on her desk to take the quiz on.

Professor Thicket enchanted a piece of chalk to start writing out the questions on the chalkboard and Molly closed her eyes for a moment as she mentally prepared herself for a quiz.

Quiz was relatively straightforward. There were a few vocabulary words to translate, a few verbs to conjugate, and a few nouns to decline. The final question was a very straightforward sentence to translate, while identifying the conjugations and declensions of the verbs and nouns. Molly could have done it in her sleep.

But as Molly moved on from the translations to the conjugations, she found herself wondering how Sarah was doing. Was Sarah getting the right answers? Or was she struggling because she hadn't had time to study the material. Some of it was even stuff they'd only just covered in their last class, which for Molly was irrelevant, because she'd already learned everything until the end of the year and beyond, but would make a difference for Sarah.

She tried not to, but eventually curiosity got the better of her, and Molly surreptitiously glanced over at Sarah's paper. The girl was still working on the translations, and had already mistranslated at least one of the runes.

Molly forced her gaze back to her own paper. Conjugations. She had to focus on her conjugations. The verb in front of her was clearly third person singular, the question was what was the tense?

Molly's eyes shifted over to Sarah's paper again and she almost cried out when she saw that Sarah was translating the rune for hungry as food. Sure they both had the same root, but the rest of the rune was completely different.

Focus. Molly needed to focus. She looked back to her own quiz, scribbled down an answer, and moved on to the declensions. Declensions were even easier than conjugations. This should be a breeze.

Unable to control herself, Molly found herself looking at Sarah's paper again and noticed that she'd identified a verb as first person plural when it was really first person singular. Molly grew frustrated, and tried to kick Sarah in the foot without drawing attention to it. When Sarah didn't react, Molly reminded herself yet again that she was supposed to be focusing on her own work, and she pushed Sarah's quiz from her mind.

She finished off the declensions and started working on the final sentence translation. Unfortunately, Molly kept thinking about Sarah's quiz, and before she had a chance to finish translating, let alone identify any of the conjugations or declensions, Professor Thicket was waving his wand, causing everyone's quizzes to zoom to the front of the room, regardless of whether they were still writing or not.

"Time's up," he declared.

Molly cursed silently to herself. Never before had she failed to complete something as simple and straightforward as an in-class quiz. It was all Sarah's fault, for sitting next to her and distracting her from her work. If she'd been sitting next to anyone else, she would have been able to focus on her own work without issue.

As the lesson began, Molly made an explicit point of not looking over at Sarah's notes even once. She was nipping this in the bud. Sarah meant nothing to her. She was someone who used to be in Molly's life, but wasn't anymore. Molly had to stop thinking about her and worrying about her and feeling guilty. Molly had no reason to feel guilty. If anyone should be feeling guilty, it should be Sarah.

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The following class, Professor Thicket returned their pop quizzes. Molly was afraid to look at hers, and was appalled to find that she'd received an E. There was a note at the bottom from her teacher indicating that she should come and talk to him about it if she had any questions, but Molly didn't need to. She knew she'd been unfocused during the quiz. She knew she'd deserved the grade she'd gotten.

She was determined that this would never happen again. Whether it was a quiz, or a test, or a homework assignment, Molly couldn't let her grades slip from below a perfect O, which meant no more sitting next to Sarah. This also meant that in order to avoid having the only empty seat next to her, Molly would have to start sitting next to other students. Students like Makayla Higgins and Flora Bailey. Molly was getting a headache just thinking about it.

In her next class, Molly was even more shocked to find that she'd gotten an E on one of her homework assignments. It was a transfiguration assignment, which was strange, because Molly was usually really good at transfiguration. Then again, it was very out of character for Molly to be getting E's at all. Molly tried to remember what had been going on when she'd written this assignment and realized that once again, it was Sarah's fault. Molly had been working on it in the library and Sarah had been studying at the next carol over and Molly had been preoccupied thinking about how lonely the girl must be feeling.

Molly knew now more than ever that she needed to nip this in the bud. One E was one thing, but two E's in a row? Her grades were slipping, and she had to catch them before she started outright failing.

Molly decided her only course of action was to speak with her Head of House. So after classes that afternoon, she went straight to Professor Longbottom's office and knocked on the door.

"Sorry Molly, there's nothing to do in the greenhouses today, I'm afraid," Professor Longbottom said immediately upon seeing who his visitor was. "I'm just grading papers, which unfortunately you can't help with."

"Actually, I came because I need your help," Molly revealed.

Professor Longbottom immediately pushed the papers he was grading aside and gestured for Molly to sit down in the chair across from him. "What seems to be troubling you?" he asked.

"Well," Molly said slowly. "I got an E on my pop quiz in ancient runes, and then again on my transfiguration assignment."

"That's very unlike you," Professor Longbottom said in surprise. "In fact I can't recall a time you've ever gotten below an O."

"Exactly," Molly said in distress. "So far it was only a pop quiz and a small assignment, so it shouldn't bring my average down, but I can't let this keep happening."

"Are you having difficulty with the subject matter?" Professor Longbottom inquired. "I'm sure Professor Thicket and Professor Tonks would be more than happy to sit down with you and go over the material if that's what you need."

Molly almost laughed out loud. For Professor Longbottom to even suggest that Molly was struggling academically – well it was downright hilarious to say the least. Molly was already translating way beyond third year level, she was performing her magic non-verbally, and her essays sounded like they were being written by a seventh year. There was nothing wrong with Molly's ability to grasp the material. Her problem had everything to do with her inability to focus on her schoolwork when the time called for it.

"No, that's not my problem," Molly shook her head. "My problem is that I keep getting distracted. During that pop quiz, I knew all the answers, and if I'd been paying attention purely to what I was doing, then I could easily have gotten an O. But my attention was elsewhere, and I scribbled a few things down wrong, and then didn't even finish the quiz."

"Alright," Professor Longbottom said. "What is it that's distracting you?"

Molly hesitated.

"I can't help you if you're not honest with me," Professor Longbottom insisted.

Molly took a deep breath. "It's Sarah," she revealed.

"Sarah Radford?" Professor Longbottom asked for clarification.

Molly nodded. "She wants to be friends again, but I said no. I don't want to be her last resort."

"What do you mean by that?" Professor Longbottom asked.

Molly opened her mouth to answer and suddenly found herself telling the whole story. She went as far back as last June, when the whole idea for joining the Quidditch team had been originally proposed. She told him about the tryouts, how strained their friendship had become afterwards, how her friends had ditched her, how she'd realized that they weren't worth her time anyway, how she'd rebuilt her life, and how now Sarah had come to her, wanting them to be friends just like they had been before.

When she finished, Molly felt infinitely better. It was nice to share all that she'd been through, good to talk about everything and finally lay it all out on the table.

"And now my grades are slipping because I feel guilty for turning Sarah away," Molly added, bringing the story full circle.

Professor Longbottom took a while to respond, allowing himself time to process what Molly had said.

"I see no reason for you to feel guilty," Professor Longbottom said finally. "You haven't done anything wrong. But I don't see why you couldn't accept Sarah's offer to be friends again. Give her a second chance?"

Molly shook her head. Her professor hadn't understood. "It's not about second chances," she said. "This isn't about revenge, or me being unforgiving. This is about how Sarah isn't as focused as me. If I was friends with her again, she'd pull me down with her."

"But what if instead, you pulled her up?" Professor Longbottom suggested.

"No," Molly said. "That's not how it works. She has different priorities than I do. We can't be friends again."

"Well that is your choice," Professor Longbottom replied. "But having different interests doesn't mean you can't be friends. Lots of friends have different interests."

"Not me," Molly insisted stubbornly. "I have my grades to think about."

"Your grades are way above average," Professor Longbottom pointed out.

"But they're slipping!" Molly exclaimed. "I need to forget about Sarah and just focus on school."

"Maybe I'm not the right person to help you with this, Molly," Professor Longbottom said apologetically. "I think we need to leave room in our lives for more than one thing."

Molly agreed. "You're right. You're not the right person to help me with this."

With that said, Molly stood and said her goodbyes. If Professor Longbottom couldn't help, there was still an adult she knew would be on her side.

MmMmMmMmMmM

Father,

Though I was at first hesitant to tell you this, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I've received two E's. The first was for a pop quiz in ancient runes, and the second was for a small transfiguration assignment. Don't worry; neither is heavily weighted in the calculation of my final grade. I don't expect them to affect anything in that regard.

My fear is that this may keep happening. My attention is split and I don't know how to stop being distracted. Sarah has asked me to be friends with her again, and I don't want to, but I feel bad saying no. And whenever she's around, all I can think about is how she needs me to help her to get better grades. Because I know she's pulling an E average at most.

What should I do?

Molly

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Molly,

First of all, I'm very disappointed to hear about this dip in grades, though I'm glad to hear about it from you first and not from one of your professors.

Second of all, you need to snap out of it. There's no easy way to say this, but grow up and forget about that girl. If she wanted her grades to be better, she could quit the Quidditch team. It's her choice to stay on it, and that has nothing to do with you. Remember, you're not rejecting her friendship because of what happened in first term, you're rejecting it because she's not the kind of person that can help make you better. Those are the people you need to surround yourself with.

If your grades continue to slip, we can consider more drastic action. For now, remember that her situation is her own fault, not yours.

Your father

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When Molly received the reply from her father, she realized that he was right. Sarah had made her own bed, and now she had to lie in it. It had nothing to do with Molly. Molly wasn't rejecting her permanently. It was just that so long as Sarah was on the Quidditch team, Molly couldn't be her friend. If Sarah were to quit or not make the team next year or not tryout next year, it would be a different story. But it was out of Molly's hands. She couldn't be friends with Sarah because Sarah wasn't ready to be a friend to Molly. She was only looking for a friend for herself.

With this newfound perspective, Molly was able to properly push Sarah from her mind and refocus her attentions on school. For the remainder of the month, she maintained an O's only average, and even managed to convince both Professor Tonks and Professor Thicket to let her do make-up assignments so that her E's would be replaced with O's.

Though Sarah continued to send Molly sad looks, Molly no longer had any reaction to them. Sarah could change her situation if she wanted to. She'd made her choice: quidditch over friendship, quidditch over grades. It wasn't a choice Molly ever would have made for herself, but everyone was entitled to make their own decisions. And Sarah had made hers.