Year 4: A Fresh Start

Chapter 31: September 2017

It was the morning of September 1st and Molly was stressing. The summer was over. Later today, she would be going back to school. She'd spent the summer trying to reinvent herself. She'd spent way more time with her sister than she cared to admit, trying to understand how casual conversations were held and how to have a relationship that wasn't based on studying.

It had been exhausting. All Lucy seemed to care about was the Hogwarts Herald, the school newspaper that she'd been a part of since starting at Hogwarts. But Molly had pretended to be interested. She'd asked questions and followed those questions up with more questions.

She'd let Lucy spend the past two months blathering on about that, and anything else that popped up in her mind. Her friends; Tina, Ashley, and Andrew, as well as their cousin James. Her classes, her dormmates, her fellow reporters on the newspaper. Molly now knew way too much about, for example, Allison Clearwater, and the letters her younger sister Danielle sent her every other day whining about being left at home alone with their parents.

But the point was, Molly did know about Allison Clearwater. She'd listened, paid attention, and retained the details of the story, so that anytime Lucy brought up Allison Clearwater, Molly could say 'she's the one with the younger sister at home, right?'.

And though Molly truly didn't care to get to know her sister any better than she already did – Lucy was only two years younger than her, but acted like she was four or five years younger – she'd been excellent practice for what was to come.

Molly was going to make friends this year.

She'd had an epiphany on the train ride home last June where she'd realized that the reason her life felt so meaningless and monotonous was that she didn't have anyone to enjoy it with. She realized that people didn't have friends because they didn't care about their grades, like she'd originally thought. She realized that people had friends because friends made life worth living. And though Molly had used to have people she'd referred to as friends, she didn't think she'd ever truly had friends, because she'd never opened herself up to them the way friends should.

But Molly wanted to change her patterns. She was tired of spending all her time on her schoolwork. Sure, it was nice that she received an O on every assignment, but others managed to maintain straight O's without forfeiting friendship. Molly didn't want to forfeit friendship in favor of grades anymore.

And she had a plan. Sarah Radford.

Sarah was one of Molly's dormmates at school. There'd been a time when Molly had considered herself and Sarah to be friends. She realized now that she'd never been a good friend to Sarah. It was what had ended their relationship. Molly had been selfish. She'd refused to support Sarah in her athletic aspirations, and they'd gone their separate ways.

Since then, Molly knew that Sarah's other friends, Debbie and Julie, had rejected her, out of some kind of ridiculous house rivalry. Sarah had tried to reconnect with Molly, but Molly had refused her, convinced that going it alone was the only way to stay at the top of the class.

So, this year, it was Molly's mission to reconnect with Sarah. She was finally ready to pursue a real friendship, to give as much as she would take. She was ready to get to know Sarah the person, instead of Sarah the best at history of magic.

But Molly was afraid. After turning Sarah away last year, she wasn't sure Sarah would be open to being her friend now. What if Sarah had moved on? What if Sarah hated her now? What if Sarah rejected her, and Molly was left alone and friendless forever?

Because Molly knew the reality of her situation. There weren't many students at Hogwarts who would be open to her friendship. She'd gained enough of a reputation over the last three years that most of her classmates avoided her at all costs. Even the teachers tried to minimize contact with her now, after she pestered them for months last year.

Molly's eggs were all in one basket. And that basket was Sarah. And Molly was terrified.

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"Are you going to be alright?" Audrey asked Molly as she lingered on the train platform. As soon as Molly boarded the train, she would have to set out to find Sarah and make amends. She didn't want to dawdle or waste any more time sitting by herself when she could be starting fresh.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," Molly assured her mother. Though her stomach was in knots, she wasn't about to reveal that to Audrey. Her mother had been kind enough to help Molly out over the summer, teaching her about the true meaning of friendship and how to go about repairing things with Sarah. But now Audrey was coddling her, and Molly didn't want that. "I've got to go."

"Well go ahead then," Audrey agreed, gesturing to the stairs leading up onto the train. Molly's trunk had already been lifted into the train. All Molly needed to do was climb those stairs herself and she'd be on her way.

"One more second," Molly said, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. Her heart was beating faster than it ever had before, and Molly berated herself for being so emotional. This was ridiculous. She never got this nervous before a test, so why should she be so nervous now?

"Molly," Audrey's voice pulled Molly from the swirl of thoughts that filled her mind. She opened her eyes as her mother placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, grounding her. "You've got this. You're so smart, and you're so sweet, and you never take no for an answer. Anyone would be lucky to be friends with you."

"Right," Molly nodded. Somehow her mother's words were both helpful, and yet not at all. Shaking her head, Molly decided she just needed to do this. She gave her mother a brief hug, and then turned and grabbed the handrail, pulling herself up onto the first step and then joining her trunk on the landing.

She waved goodbye, and without any more dilly-dallying, began to wheel her way towards the end of the train in search of Sarah.

She found the Gryffindor girl a few doors down, much sooner than she'd anticipated. To her relief, Sarah was sitting alone. Molly couldn't imagine having to do this all with others looking on.

Tentatively, Molly raised her fist and knocked three times on the glass to get Sarah's attention.

Sarah raised her head and then startled at the sight of Molly. Possibly out of sheer shock and surprise, Sarah motioned for Molly to come in, and Molly let out a sigh of relief as she pulled open the door and maneuvered herself and her trunk inside.

"Let me get that," Sarah offered, producing her wand and stowing Molly's trunk in the overhead compartment with a quick flick of the wrist.

"Thanks," Molly smiled. She suddenly found herself at a loss for how to proceed.

"Did you want to sit?" Sarah offered, since Molly was still standing.

Flushing in embarrassment, Molly took a seat across from Sarah, perching on the edge of the bench nervously and clasping her hands firmly in her lap to prevent herself from fiddling with them too much. "Right," she muttered awkwardly, trying to figure out how to start the conversation.

"So… what are you doing here?" Sarah asked, taking that particular responsibility out of Molly's hands. "Last we spoke you wanted nothing to do with me."

Molly swallowed thickly as Sarah leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms across her chest. The shock of Molly's arrival had clearly worn off, and with it, Sarah's good-naturedness. Now Molly could feel hostility rolling off of Sarah in waves.

"That's not true," Molly disagreed. "It wasn't – I didn't want nothing to do with you, I was just – just so focused on my grades – "

"We're not friends. We can never be friends again. So, go away. You can either learn to be alone, or find some new friends, but my friendship is off the table," Sarah said in a scary voice.

What was scarier still, was that Molly recognized those words. They were hers. It was what Molly had said to Sarah that day in herbology, when Sarah had tried to apologize and reconnect. It had been harsh, and mean, and she'd felt bad about it for a while.

Hearing the words parroted back to her was like being whacked in the back of the head with a hammer.

"I should never have said that," Molly said, finding it difficult to get the words out. "It was wrong of me to treat you the way I did."

"It was mean, and hurtful," Sarah agreed. "And it also sounded pretty final."

Molly hung her head. It had been final. She'd meant it to be final, at the time. And oh, how she regretted that now.

"I didn't know what I was – I was still hurting too," Molly insisted. "From what happened in the fall."

"You mean from when you were acting like a terrible friend and we called you out on it?" Sarah demanded aggressively.

"Yeah, that," Molly said. "I know I messed up there too, but it still really hurt when you all decided you didn't want me around anymore."

"You know you did that to yourself," Sarah insisted. "If you'd have just supported us when we joined the Quidditch team, instead of always rolling your eyes when we talked about it, and trying to change the subject back to schoolwork every chance you had."

"I felt like you were all leaving me behind!" Molly cried, surprising both herself and Sarah. "I'm sorry," she said, immediately sobering from her outburst. "It's just – you were all connecting over Quidditch, and I couldn't, because I wasn't a part of it. I just wanted to be able to be a part of the conversation."

"Well why didn't you just say that back then?" Sarah insisted.

Molly shrugged. "I don't think I really realized it until just now," she admitted uncomfortably. "I've been uh – having quite a few new realizations lately."

"Yeah?" Sarah challenged. "Like what else?"

Taking a deep breath, Molly prepared herself to be totally honest in a way she wasn't used to being with others, or even herself really.

"Like, I was a bad friend even before all the Quidditch stuff happened," Molly revealed. "All any of you were to me back then were means to an end. Studying with you all was how I made sure to stay at the top of the class. And then when you all got obsessed with Quidditch, I told myself that I didn't need you anymore. But it was a lie. I always needed you, I just didn't realize it until now. Because spending most of last year alone – it was the loneliest I've been in my entire life."

There was a long silence while Sarah processed everything that Molly had said. Molly found herself squirming under Sarah's intense scrutiny, anxious as to what her reaction would be.

Finally, Sarah spoke.

"What makes this time any different?" she asked. "How do I know this won't be the same thing all over again? How do I know you're not just using me?"

Molly shrugged. "You don't, I guess," she replied honestly. Because there truly was no way to prove her intentions were pure unless she was given the opportunity to be Sarah's friend and prove it that way. "But I really do wish you'd give me a chance anyway."

She watched Sarah bite her lower lip as she considered what Molly was asking of her. Molly knew it was a lot. They had a complicated history which inevitably meant it would be a complicated future. There was still a lot of baggage they would have to unpack together if they were going to move forward. But for once, Molly actually wanted to unpack it, instead of leaving it sitting in the overhead compartment.

"Alright," Sarah finally agreed. "Let's give this a shot. But I reserve the right to change my mind if I don't like how things are going."

"That's completely reasonable," Molly agreed excitedly. Her heart was soaring. She'd been so stressed about the conversation; she hadn't even thought about what to do if it actually went well.

"And I should apologize too," Sarah added.

"What?" Molly frowned. "You don't need to be apologizing, I'm the one who's been horrible."

"While I'm not going to deny that," Sarah said, a hint of a smile on her face, "I did still play a part in everything that went down. And the way that we – that I – rejected you from the group back in the fall… well it was mean and hurtful too. And I'm sorry for that."

"Thanks," Molly said, glad for the apology. While Molly definitely had more to apologize for, she realized that a part of her was still sore from being rejected by Sarah, Debbie, and Julie.

"So," Sarah said, getting into a more comfortable position. "What did you choose to write about for the potions essay?"

Molly shook her head. "Oh no, no homework talk," she insisted. "I want to hear about your summer."

Sarah looked a little taken aback by this, but quickly adapted, a grin on her face.

"Well," she began. "Noah was insufferable, as always. Now that he's going to be an upperclassman, he thinks he's suddenly so mature…"

As Sarah talked, Molly felt a strange sensation – one she hadn't felt in a really long time. She was happy. She was sitting on the train with her friend, on their way back to school – together – and they were having a real conversation. This was what had been missing. This was the feeling that had put that huge smile on Lucy's face that day at the end of last term. Connecting with another person, with a friend. It made all the difference.

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The welcome feast was spectacular as usual. Unsurprisingly, both of Molly's first year cousins, Albus and Rose, were sorted into Gryffindor. At this point, there really wasn't any point speculating about house placement when it came to the Weasleys. They all ended up in the same place.

After the feast was over, Molly and Sarah returned to their dorm together. As usual, they were quickly informed upon arrival in the common room that they were not welcome at the start of term party, but Molly had been expecting that, and truly had no interest in hanging around with a bunch of upperclassmen anyway.

Flora, Amber, and Eliza were already in the dorm when Molly and Sarah arrived. They were already hard at work unpacking their things and turning the dormitory back into home. Molly greeted each of her dormmates warmly, which surely came as a shock to each of them.

In addition to starting fresh with Sarah, Molly wanted to begin anew with her dormmates as well. For three years she'd treated them all like they were beneath her, lesser, because their grades weren't as high as hers. But she'd come to realize that grades weren't the only important thing, and just because they struggled in school, it didn't make any of them less of a person. Though Molly didn't expect to become actual friends with any of them, she hoped they could still be friendly.

Over the next few days and weeks, Molly felt a sense of joy filling her, more and more each day. Contrary to everything she'd ever thought, her grades weren't suffering a bit despite her newfound friendship with Sarah. In fact, Molly found herself enjoying her schoolwork even more now that she had Sarah to do it with.

Molly elected to go to Quidditch tryouts with Sarah to cheer her on. Unsurprisingly, Sarah made the team once again. Molly found it truly surprising that she'd actually had fun watching Sarah's tryout, and figured that maybe friendship did that – made you enjoy a thing you'd never enjoyed before because the other person enjoyed it.

Molly also learned a lot more about what had happened between Sarah, Debbie, and Julie after she'd been kicked out of the group. It turned out it had been about more than their rivalry on the pitch. Julie and Debbie had decided that as a Gryffindor, Sarah wasn't smart enough to be friends with a couple of Ravenclaws. Sarah had actually been pretty hurt by them, and Molly found herself newly enraged. She knew that Debbie, and especially Julie, had always taken pride in the fact that they were in Ravenclaw, the house of wit and learning, but she hadn't realized it had run that deep.

Molly was also incredibly offended to learn that they truly believed Gryffindors to be less intelligent. Molly herself was a Gryffindor and proud of it. She had no intention of letting her house dictate her grades or curb her thirst for knowledge.

But that was all behind them now. It was a new year, and Molly was determined to look forward, not back. She had her grades, and most importantly, she had a friend: Sarah. She had everything she could possibly need.