AuthorNote: I did utilize a lot of small things in this chapter from people's comments and discussions I've had. Though I won't span my AN with listing usernames, you know who you are, and I thank you for the inspiration. And yes, I borrow directly from cannon script with some alterations.

WARNING: Yeah, I usually try avoiding angst despite my loving drama grene, but Obi-Wan has PTSD and Anakin is angst embodied, which again, is why I have been avoiding making him a main character. But here we are, sigh, you were warned.

Chapter 4 - Limits

Ben knew that he couldn't run from Anakin forever. Mainly, because if he hoped to help Anakin, he needed to be there.

Their base strategy had been decided and they were going to reconvene before invading. Even if they came up on the Zygerrian's radars after exiting hyperspace, it was still unlikely that the Zygerria would assume they were about to be under siege.

Ben let himself breathe in and exhale, before knocking on Anakin's door.

Anakin opened his door a moment later, not looking entirely happy, "Obi-Wan, what do you want?"

Ben raised a brow and Anakin, having been his Padawan, let him pass without a word.

This ship, belonging to the 501st, had some of Anakin's personal belongings. Probably more than his room at the Temple had, but likely less than Padme's apartment had. There were unfinished bits of droids and ship parts.

Seeing them made Ben smile, and he levitated the 'projects' with great care onto the work desk to clear a seat for himself.

He wondered if Vader had abandoned working on his ships.

Probably. The Emperor wouldn't have been pleased if his most fearsome enforcer showed up in a ship that sputtered out on landing.

Ben had focused on Anakin, trying to shove away the memory of one of the last times he had borrowed one of his ships to rescue Satine, and subsequently failed.

"Obi-Wan?" Anakin asked, sounding truly confused, "Really, what's wrong? You've hardly talked to me at all since you came back with Luke."

Ben sighed, and motioned for him to sit on his own bunk, "I would like to talk to you now."

Anakin sat, folding his arms like he had done all his life. Anakin was a big man, but the gesture belonged to the little boy Ben had first met all those ages ago.

"Then talk."

There had been time for this the last time, they had run head long into danger and Ben had gone along with it rather than be left behind. Because Anakin had made it clear that he had been going in with or without help.

Ahsoka had ended up being caged and he had ended up whipped within an inch of his life, tortured, and dropped in a workers camp underground as he had been on Bandomeer.

He had those scars for the rest of his life.

He no longer had those scars, and he was willing to risk his sanity to kill the slavers rather than go through that again. He only hoped that the enslaved people thought the cost was worth the blood price.

Ben leaned back, careful to keep his body language easy, approachable. Force help him, Anakin looked so young to his eyes now. They had always been brothers, his little brother, but Anakin no longer knew the man Ben had become.

The Crazy Ben who had aged beyond his years.

Were they strangers now?

"Where were you and your mother first sold?" Ben asked.

Anakin startled, "You want to talk about my mother? You never want to talk about her. You've berated me my entire life for mentioning her, but now that's what you want to talk about? Let's talk about your family, let's talk about your girlfriend, who was she?"

Ben almost smiled at the deflection, but he kept his voice even as he returned, "The Council warned me to try and distance you from your mother. They wanted me to get you to forget about her."

Anakin's expression twisted, "Do you realize how awful that sounds? Or are you truly that heartless?"

Ben sighed, "I do now, but taking you as my Padawan was disagreeing with the Council more than I was comfortable with.

"And I never knew my mother. I don't know why she gave me up. I don't know if they were sad to give me up, I don't know if I have siblings or grandparents or anything. All I have from my parents is my life and my name. And whatever my life could have been, I am content with the choice my guardians made for me. The Jedi truly became my family, and I was blessed with more brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles than most people in the galaxy will ever know."

Anakin frowned at him, "I never fit in that well, and I will never forget my mother."

Ben nodded, "And it was stupid of me to even think I could try and part you from your memories of her. Your love for her and her love for you makes you who you are. That is nothing to be ashamed of."

"But you tried."

"I tried to get you to let her go. Her life was her own, her path and yours parted; that was her choice."

Anakin leaned forward, anger sparkling in his eyes, "It was my choice to leave her."

Ben shook his head, "No, Anakin, it was her choice. You were a child, old enough to remember, old enough to get into a forsaken amount of trouble, such as podracing and getting swept into saving an entire planet, but you were still a child."

"She asked me, Qui-Gon asked me, I left her."

"Anakin, she let you go. To go from a slave to a Jedi… that is more than most people would dream to wish for. Even if you never became a Knight, you would have been provided for. You had so much more potential with the Jedi than the years it would have taken you to get off of Tatooine to even begin a life. She made that choice because she did what great mothers do, she wanted the best for you. She loved you so much that she was willing to let you go."

Anakin shook his head stubbornly, "Obi-Wan, I. Left. Her."

"Anakin, you may have been the man of your household, you may even have been the one of the two of you who had the more marketable skills, but you were a child. It was not your choice, not much more than it was mine, to become a Jedi. Yes, I certainly believe that your mother would have kept you if you had begged her to stay, but she could have told Qui-Gon no regardless of what you said. Qui-Gon would have respected your mother's wishes over yours."

"And you think that makes a difference?"

"Yes, it does make a difference, because you seem to be under some delusion that your mother's death was your fault."

"I left her! And I never came back! Not until it was too late!" Anakin was on his feet bellowing over him.

Ben had to fight to not flinch, he kept his gaze on those blue eyes, so like Luke's, completely free of the yellow taint that had possessed him on Mustafar.

"Do not dishonour her like this, Anakin."

Confusion coloured his expression, and it was enough to halt the angry tirade, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Your mother died a freed woman. She married a man who she loved and became part of a family that never forgot her. The Lars family will be telling stories about Shmi Skywalker until they have no descendants left."

Luke likely knew more about his grandmother's life after Anakin left with Qui-Gon than Anakin did.

Anakin just stared at him.

Ben sighed, "Anakin, your mother earned her own freedom, she might have been a slave, but she was a person, an adult, an individual responsible for her own fate. She didn't need to be rescued."

"She was tortured to death!"

Ben sighed again, "The Tuskens and settlers have been a war for centuries. Her death was not so uncommon. There are many ways to die in the desert. And unless you planned to move back to Tatooine to become her personal bodyguard or separate her from her husband and extended family, what could you have done? Again, Anakin, you were her child, not the other way around."

"I could have saved her-"

"Your step-brother, Edern Lars died at fourteen years of age," Ben interjected.

Anakin blinked at him, "Wait, you really know the Lars?"

"The moisture farmers in that area are all gossips," he said, which was why he hadn't been able to really hide among them. Everyone in that area knew of 'Crazy Ben' no matter how infrequently he went in for supplies. Hiding was easier in Mos Eisley. "And I likely know more about your extended family than you do."

Anakin glared at him, "Jedi aren't allowed attachments, I hardly think you would have approved of my fostering relationships with them."

Ben smirked at him, "That isn't untrue, but neither is the fact that you have about as much in common with a moisture farmer as a bird has in common with a fish."

"They're still my family."

"Oh, then forgive me for stopping you from holiday trips to Tatooine."

Anakin glared at him, "I would have liked to see my mother."

"But you don't really care about the Lars."

Anakin snapped at him, "Of course I do!"

"Strange, here I am talking about them, and you've failed to ask a single question about them."

"I met them."

"You didn't meet Edern, and to my statement of he died at fourteen, you didn't ask how."

Anakin rolled his eyes, "Tuskens, Tuskens killed him."

Ben sighed, "No, not even close. He died in a speeder accident."

Anakin sat back down, "Oh."

"Anakin, you can't protect the people you love."

Anakin almost snarled at him, "Yes, I can."

"No, you can't. You can do your best by them, you can protect them in a fight, you- well, there are many things you can do. But you cannot be in all places at once, and accidents are the reality of life. And eventually, everybody dies."

"But the Force gave me a vision! I could have saved my mother!"

"Anakin, the reason the Order warns so heavily against visions is because some of them never come to pass while others happen because we try acting on them. What we are able to glimpse within the Force does not define us. You cannot chase after every single image you receive or you will be driven mad."

"But it was right!"

"It was right this time, but look at what happened to Master Sifo-Dyas. He was so fearful of a galactic war that he joined with the Sith unwittingly. In his last appearances before the Council, he was raving. Maybe he was right, maybe his visions were spot on, or maybe he caused the things he saw and the Force was trying to warn him against acting."

"But my mother-"

"Anakin if you had told me that you were having Force-given visions about your mother being in danger, I would have taken you myself back to Tatooine."

He would have tried to talk him down and out of it, but the Anakin he knew was stubborn and Ben would have gone rather than let Anakin go alone.

"No, you wouldn't have."

"Anakin, you do realize being a Jedi is a choice, correct?"

"What?"

"You were kind of stuck with me after Qui-Gon left, but if you had told me at any point that you didn't want to be a Jedi anymore, I would have helped you resettle yourself. I would have brought you home to your mother."

"I want to be a Jedi," Anakin said defensively, "Don't you want me to be a Jedi?"

"I think you are a great Knight, Anakin, and I have always believed in you. But I think you would be just as great in anything else you choose to do. Being a Jedi is not the only path and the Force will always be with."

"Would you really have left the Order for Luke?"

Ben nodded, "I would have. Just as I would have left if Satine had asked me to stay with her. But until it comes to that, I want to be a Jedi Knight, do you?"

"You know I do."

"Do I? Because apparently, I'm not the only one who has been keeping secrets."

"You don't understand," Anakin said, looking away, his hands clenching.

"When the visions started, did you think they were just nightmares?" Ben asked, "When did you realize that they were more?"

Anakin looked down at his hands, "I didn't know, I was… when you asked me that night Padme was almost assassinated by the bugs, that's when I thought they were maybe more than bad dreams." He glared up at him, hiding his insecurities with bravado, "Don't act like I didn't come to you for help."

"You told me they were nightmares, Anakin. By the Force, do you have any idea how many nightmares I have? Half of them you gave me."

Anakin flinched and Ben cursed himself for being too loose with his words. He softened his voice, "Anakin, when you first became my Padawan, I had nightmares about Maul killing you while I watched. I had nightmares about the Council kicking us both out. I had nightmares about taking the formal trials myself to become a Knight and failing. Resulting in other Knights taking you away from me to be their Padawan while I was sent back to Bandomeer."

Anakin stared at him, "You feared not being good enough?"

"Always, Anakin, I have always feared that and likely always will. But I try my best to not let those fears rule me. All of those were just nightmares, I got through them, even the recurring ones, even the ones that make me fear closing my eyes at night. They were dreams. And I swear to you, that when you spoke of your mother I did not understand that you were having visions. As your Master, I should have, and I am sorry for failing you."

Sorrier than you will ever know.

Anakin stared at him, bewildered and confused. He swallowed hard, "I- I forgive you."

Ben shut his eyes, feeling as if Anakin had just shot him through with a blaster.

Forgiveness.

He said it so simply, like it was a natural thing to say.

Anakin said as if he meant it.

Forgiveness.

What a strange, strange notion.

Ben had lost faith in such a notion when Satine had died in his arms and Mandalore had burned itself to the ground. Not an hour after her death, from the skies had rained fire and smoke. Screams had filled the streets, the beckoning call to an empire that would all but finish the job a few years later.

And Ben had given up on ever being forgiven on the river banks of Mustafar.

"Obi-Wan?"

Ben shook himself, "I know what you did to the Tusken tribe, but I would like to hear it from you."

Anakin looked down at his hands without saying a word.

Ben sighed, "So who did you talk to about this then? Or have you been letting this rot inside you?"

Anakin flinched, "Padme."

Ben didn't know how to respond to that. Padme had married him after knowing he had killed children? That didn't sound like her.

But maybe he was missing something, or maybe Padme believed what the settlers did, that Sand People were monsters.

Sand monsters shaped into flesh and human shape.

But Obi-Wan knew they were human.

He leaned forward trying to see into Anakin as he glanced up guiltily. Ben tried to see what he had missed the first time around, "Padme, and anyone else? And did you ever have visions after your mother's passing?"

Anakin nodded, "And after what happened with my mother and you're not being there, I started going to Yoda for counselling."

"Yoda?" Ben repeated. He couldn't keep the consternation out of his voice, "You went to Yoda for a confidant? Grandmaster Yoda, really?"

Yoda had disapproved of Anakin more strongly than anyone else on the Council had, why would Anakin have possibly gone to him?

Not that Ben didn't love Yoda. Yoda was the reason Ben had become a Knight at all but Ben had never thought that Yoda would have been able to get Anakin to open up to him regularly.

Also, curse Yoda for not confiding in Ben that Anakin had been asking for help.

No wonder Yoda had assigned Ahsoka to Anakin without his involvement.

Meddlesome bastard.

"Yoda is a good listener."

Ben sighed heavily, "Yoda is a reflection pool, in his words you hear whatever you want to hear or on the occasions he gives you a solid answer that you disagree with and you do what you want anyway, he was probably right and you're proving him right adds to his mystic that he knows everything."

Anakin raised his brows, "Yoda is usually right about everything."

"No," Ben said so firmly that Anakin rocked back, "No, he isn't. Yoda is not always right and it is folly for the Order to be trusting him on everything when he is blind as the rest of us. His age gives him wisdom, but his great age also puts a void between him and the rest of the galaxy. Time does not pass for him the same way it does for us."

Yoda had trusted Palpatine, liked him even, until the bitter end.

Yoda hadn't let Ben take more Knights or troops with him to Mandalore to help Satine and take out Maul and Death Watch. Yoda hadn't listened to him when he said putting Anakin on the Council for the sole purpose of spying on Palpatine was a bad idea.

Yoda had trusted the Senate, Yoda had stayed the course in the war, Yoda had led them to destruction as much as Ben had prepped the weapon for their detonation.

Yes, he and Yoda, the sole survivors of the original Jedi Order, and also the reason it had been destroyed.

"Aren't you usually the one lecturing me about trusting in the Council's wisdom?"

Ben looked at him tiredly, "Being on the Council gave me an unpleasant perspective. You should have gone to Mace or Plo Koon, even Kit, all of them could have helped you better than Yoda could possibly have."

"Mace? Mace Windu hates me."

"Mace is a hardass because he is leader of the Jedi Order and because he uses both the Dark and the Light Side of the Force. Meddling with the Dark Side requires an amount of self-discipline that is humbling. He would have understood what you had gone through, perhaps better than I can."

Anakin blinked at him, "Mace is a Dark Sider? And he isn't the leader, Yoda is the Grandmaster."

"The only reason Mace isn't Grandmaster is because he isn't that great with the younglings and because Yoda was his Master. The power dynamic between them will always be such that Mace will differ to Yoda's judgement. So yes, in some light, Yoda is still the head of the Order, but Mace does a lot more active work than Yoda does. This war has pulled Yoda from his retirement."

Anakin blinked, "Yoda was retired?"

Ben nodded, "He was a voice on the Council, but he had every intention of stepping down in order to focus solely on teaching initiates. He is a wise being, and I don't disapprove of you talking to him. But if you really needed help…"

Then clearly Yoda dropped the ball.

Anakin looked lost, "Yoda is the voice of the Jedi though."

"Alright, then what did Yoda say about your actions on Tatooine?"

"Um, well, I didn't exactly tell him, but he knew something was wrong."

Ben frowned, "What did he say?"

Anakin shrugged, "I can't really remember his exact words, but it translated to let go of the people I love."

Ben frowned harder, "That's blunt."

"He worded it more vaguely."

"So you told him you returned to Tatooine to find your mother dead-"

"No, I didn't tell him that."

"Then what did you tell him, Anakin?"

"I- well I put it in vague terms."

Ben stared at him, "I'm sorry, you talked in 'vague' terms to Yoda?"

Anakin nodded.

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose, he had no words.

"Obi-Wan?"

Ben let his hand fall and sighed, took a breath, and sighed, again. "So really, the only person you've talked to about this, is Padme. Padme who, as wonderful and understanding as she is, is not a Force sensitive and could not have helped you through the metaphysical parts of your actions."

"Metaphysical?" Anakin asked, "I didn't mind control them, Obi-Wan, I sliced them up."

And there was an edge to his voice.

Ben sat forward, "Okay, enough. Give me the full story. What happened from the time you left with Padme to Naboo?"

Anakin swallowed hard. "I- had nightmares. Visions. I told Padme that I had to go."

Ben didn't bother berating him for leaving his mandate to protect Padme. Padme after all, had flown to Geonosis to save Ben, and she hadn't wanted Jedi guard at all to begin with. That had been Palpatine's idea.

"We took her ship to Tatooine, Watto, my old Master, told me that my mother had been freed by a settler. By the time we arrived, my mother had been gone for weeks."

Ben frowned, "And she was still alive?"

"Yes, she had been tortured for their sick pleasure."

"They were testing her strength."

Anakin looked outraged, "What are you talking about?"

"Tuskens take women, and sometimes men, to join them to sustain their numbers. Although it is almost unheard of for them to steal children. Most children simply aren't strong enough to survive that kind of life."

"They wanted my mother to become a Tusken?" Anakin asked, horrified. "My mother could never be a monster like one of them."

"She likely would have just been responsible for taking care of their younglings and learning to tend Bantha herds, actually. Not all Tuskens are warriors, they're rather skittish actually."

Anakin frowned at him, "Are you saying what they did to my mother is okay?"

"Not at all," Ben said, I'm interrupting you so you will think rather than get lost in the memories, "I just don't know how much you actually know about Tusken culture."

"Enough to know that kidnapping people and torturing them is evil."

"Individuals can act evilly, but be careful to judge an entire population when their way of life is based on survival. The settlers learned to draw water from the desert skies, but the Tuskens lived many hundreds years before the settlers, before even the Hutts. Theirs is a brutal life, and they are a brutal people, but do not assume them incapable of love and morality."

Anakin's expression was closed off, "Well, I found my mother, and she died in my arms. I couldn't save her. So avenged her."

"How did you avenge her?"

"I thought you knew what happened."

"I want you to tell me."

Anakin didn't kick him out, which Ben was relieved and worried by. Either his own scandal was enough to prove to Anakin that he wasn't the perfect Jedi, or Anakin had kept this bottled up so long that he just didn't care anymore, "I killed them."

"Who?"

"What do you mean 'who'?"

"Who did you kill, the people who tortured your mother or-"

Anakin hissed, leaning forward, anger rising like a veil to protect him, "I killed them all, the men, the women, and the children."

Ben kept his expression passive, "On purpose?"

"What the hell do you mean, 'on purpose'? I sliced them down with my lightsaber, I hunted them into the night as they tried to run away. I spared no one."

"On purpose?"

"I didn't kill them on accident."

"I mean, do you go into that camp knowing that if they had killed your mother that you were going to kill them all, including the children?"

It was harder to say those words to Anakin then any discussion he had ever had before in his life, all Ben could see in his mind were the Jedi younglings. The holoimages of Anakin… But Ben had to know, he had to ask. He had to know where he had gone wrong and why Anakin had fallen.

"No," Anakin blanched, his anger departing as if whisked away on a wind, "I would never plan- I mean…" his voice trailed off.

Ben closed his eyes, relieved beyond measure. He hadn't been kidding himself that Anakin hadn't been evil in the beginning.

Most people did not start out evil, and Anakin was not the exception.

"Do you know why you killed them?" Ben asked gently.

"You ask that like I'm not the one who did it."

"You are, but I want to know why."

"Because they tortured my mother."

"The younglings tortured Shmi?"

Anakin glared up at him, "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to understand yourself. What pushed you to kill everyone?"

"They were animals, so I killed them like animals."

"First off, you know that isn't true. They were people of a different culture, but still people. And secondly, unless I have been very blind, you don't go around slaughtering hapless furry creatures in your spare time."

Anakin flushed, his gaze on his metal hand, it was late enough that he wasn't wearing gloves, and said so softly Ben almost couldn't hear him, "I was so angry."

Ben was quiet for a long time, waiting for Anakin to hear himself.

Finally, Anakin looked up at him, his eyes filled with fear and sorrow, and Ben was both glad and grieved to see it.

Mace described shatter point as a moment that can break the course of the future, and in that instant, Ben saw it.

He saw Anakin's breaking point, one that had passed Ben by last time.

Because he hadn't understood how much Anakin needed to be understood, how very, very lost he was.

"Do you hate me, Master?"

Ben held out his hand, and Anakin put his left hand out at once, reaching for a lifeline. Ben swore he could feel Anakin's pulse pounding.

"No, Anakin, I don't hate you, and this is not wholly your fault. I tried to teach you control, but I think what I should have been helping you find was your limits."

Anakin squeezed his hand, "What do you mean, my limits?" His gaze though never left Ben's face.

He had never seen Anakin look so afraid, terrified to be turned away, terrified to hope that Ben wouldn't fail him again.

Ben felt like the worst sort of being in the galaxy, but he shoved aside his personal feelings, right now this was what Anakin needed.

"It is not so uncommon for people to lose their heads when faced with great trauma. There are husbands who come home to their wife in bed with another man and the husband kills the lover and his own wife. Only after the rage subsides do they realize what they've done. Many would say it was heartless, cruel, revenge for revenge's sake. But the same people will often take their own lives out of grief. Trauma that causes trauma, reaction that leads to disaster. Some courts in the galaxy will forgive it, but I don't know that the person who killed their own wife ever forgave themselves, no matter the provocation."

Ben had so long to over analyze Anakin's reaction to seeing him walk off Padme's ship.

You're with him. You've betrayed me!

Ben would kill Anakin before he let him kill Padme again.

"I would rather die a thousand times over than do that to Padme," Anakin said, as if echoing Ben's conviction.

Ben wondered if Anakin realized he just implied that Padme was his wife, but now was not the time for that discussion.

Ben put his free hand over their clasped hands, "Anakin, what you did to the Tuskens was not a good thing, but I do understand."

"You forgive me?"

"Do you forgive yourself?" Ben asked.

He said nothing.

Ben sighed, "Anakin, I cannot absolve you of anything, though I can tell you that isn't a crime that will get you expelled from the Order."

Anakin blinked at him, "Wait, really? But I-"

"You are not the first Jedi to lose control. Though you certainly would have been chewed out for doing this in response to your mother's death. This is the very reason the Order forbids attachments."

Anakin pulled his hand back, "Are you telling me that what I experienced, that being that angry, is normal?"

"A normal man, Anakin, will shoot his wife and her lover. A normal man might have been able to sneak into the Tusken camp and killed your mother's immediate torturers. But short of being a Mandalorian or armed with a bomb, a normal man could not have killed the entire tribe."

Anakin stared at him.

"You are very gifted, my Padawan, and your gifts go well beyond your skills in the Force. But it is your connection to the Force that makes you so dangerous. Extreme negative emotions can throw you into the Dark, and your actions, your very thoughts, cease to be your own."

Anakin was traumatized by what he had done and he likely had never come to terms with it. His eyes showed that pain, that pain that Palpatine had so carefully and cleverly coaxed and shaped to his own purposes.

Cutting Anakin off from anyone who might have been able to help him.

"You are incredibly dangerous, Anakin," he said again, "So am I, so is Ahsoka, so is Luke, it's the nature of what we are. We have powers that others can only dream of, and the destruction we can wrought can be beyond comprehension."

"They were just Tuskens," Anakin muttered.

Ben tsked, "That is no excuse. You lost control. You've seen what the Sith can do. There are a maximum of five of them running around, and they've managed to start and prolong a galactic civil war."

"I am not a Sith."

"No, because you don't have nearly their control."

"Excuse me?"

"The Dark Side, Anakin, is of the Force, but it functions differently than the Light. If you lose control, the Dark Side will use you as a vehicle."

"Like possession?"

"Akin to possession, but think of it more as a steroid or drug. It is possible to build up a tolerance, but you will never be yourself while you are using it. Take Dooku for instance. He was a great man once, he was Qui-Gon's Master, while always reserved, he was compassionate for life in the galaxy. But he traded everything that made him decent for his own goals, his own passions. Because in truth, the only way to rise above being a tool to the Dark Side is through apathy and control."

It's how Ben had beaten Anakin, even with all that power, Anakin hadn't been as dangerous as Dooku had been, he had lacked control and experience.

Palpatine had driven him to the brink and pushed him into the abyss.

Dooku had already found his footing in the Dark before Palpatine had sunk his claws into him.

Anakin stared at him, "I- what should I do?"

Ben leaned back in his seat, "If I suggested meditation-"

Anakin scowled at him.

Ben grinned, but his expression fell, "Being a good person, Anakin, doesn't mean being infallible. You must face your mistakes, your pain, acknowledge them, then let them go."

Ben had been learning to do that for nineteen years, maybe longer, maybe since, Satine had died because of him, maybe since Qui-Gon had died because of him, or maybe since is every failure since becoming a Padawan.

Holding on those mistakes he never forgot, but he couldn't give in to the despair of them.

"You can't let yourself forget, our mistakes teach us what we are capable of and what we aren't. They teach us that life is never fair and that we are imperfect even when we try our hardest. But we can't let that define us, we can't let that make us believe that there isn't goodness in the galaxy, that there isn't good that we can yet achieve. The path of a Jedi is not an easy one, but we aren't doing this to find inner peace, we walk the path of the Light in hopes that we can help others."

"At a great personal cost," Anakin said softly.

Ben nodded, "We are Knights, not monks."

They were quiet for a long time.

Anakin asked quietly, "What will you do if something happens to Luke?"

Die.

Ben sucked in a breath, then let it go, "I wouldn't be okay, Anakin, I wouldn't be okay."

He hadn't been okay since Anakin had fallen, since Ben had crippled him and left him for dead, burning to death.

But Ben had always known he was destined to suffer, his visions had always been bleak of his own future lost in the desert, alone in ways that he had never imagined. Qui-Gon had confirmed throughout their Padawan and Master years that his visions of Ben had been the same.

Luke was his only hope, Luke and Leia. But Luke had been his to protect.

Just as Anakin had been.

Ben knew deep in his soul that he would not have been able to survive Luke's death, he might go on but his life would be a prison sentence.

"Then why bring him into this war?" Anakin asked.

Ben looked at him, "Because I have faith in him. I think he can make a difference. And because I love him enough that I would rather he be with me than let him take his chances out on his own."

And those words were as much for Anakin as they were for Luke.

Anakin felt better than he had in years after talking to Obi-Wan the night before. He felt like a load had been taken off his shoulders. After he had left, Anakin had meditated on all that his Master said.

And though he was far from inner peace, he felt much clearer headed. Nothing had been solved, exactly, but he felt closer to Obi-Wan and the Jedi than he ever had before.

He knew he was the black sheep in the Order, but to know that what he was struggling with wasn't uncommon gave him connections that he didn't know he needed. It made him feel more secure about what he could teach Ahsoka for one.

Unfortunately, there wasn't time for more reflection.

Obi-Wan had said, "There are more slaves on Zygerria than Zygerrians, and unlike the Hutts, they don't use slave chips." He had pointed to the map, "We need a thorough evacuation, which means we'll need to occupy the planet for a few days to ensure we get everyone who wants to leave out. Plo and his men are going to back us up tomorrow in the case that the Separatists get wind of our position."

Rex had let out a soft relieved breath that Anakin only noticed because they had been standing shoulder to shoulder.

Anakin was just relieved that Obi-Wan had agreed to killing anyone who threatened a slave to protect themselves. Yes, enslaved people would die today, but not nearly as many as if they let them play the hostage game.

The sharpshooters among the clones were being broken up between squads for that very purpose.

Anakin trusted his men to take head shots and not injure the civilians.

Luke was being placed in the second wave in the air when the Zygerria realized how screwed they were. It would take fire power to take down this little empire of scum and villainy.

Ahsoka and Rex had led the charge on the palace.

While Obi-Wan and Anakin were evacuating the mines, several squads waited at the entrance to help get them to the carrier ships, and a few more followed them as ready to shoot as to help. Not everyone in those mines is going to have enough strength to get out on their own.

It went both better than Anakin had been reasonably able to hope for, but the results were still pretty horrific.

Slavery was wrong, and seeing it like this, knowing that this is what his mother had gone through… it hurt. Just as it hurt to see the people they were trying to save be used as meat shields or slaughtered by the Zygerrians they were chasing down.

Every slave on this planet would be freed today, Anakin just wished that they all could have lived to see a life away from their slavers.

Luke's heart was in his chest. He was flying solo today.

He was flying a Delta-7 Aethersprite-class Light Interceptor, and R2-D2, the very droid that had led him to Ben and started this whole adventure, was beeping happily in front of him.

Luke had the strangest suspicion that the little droid liked fighting and crazy ventures.

But as they were in the middle of a war, he supposed, that wasn't a bad thing.

He had thought the worst thing about today had been having to wait while others went down to fight.

As his ship took off, he finally felt like he had a purpose as if he was in his element.

Ben had given one piece of advice, "Trust in the Force, Luke."

He didn't really know what that meant, but as he soared to intercept the Zygerrian fighters, he thought he understood as he let his instincts take over, weaving between fire, and fire back exactly where he needed to.

He knew he was a gifted pilot, he knew he had good aim, but letting himself truly trust that, to let go of doubt and just respond, it was beyond what he thought to be possible.

"KT-Two," Jax called over the coms, "Defend that carrier ascending to the east."

"Copy that Jax."

KT-Two was what Plate had jokingly called him, as in Kenobi Trooper, the Second Kenobi, and it had stuck, even if most of the clones still called him Luke. The nickname made him feel like he was a part of this time. It was strange really, he thought there would be a bigger difference between when he had grown up and twenty years in the past.

But he hadn't known much about the wider galaxy, and it was more of adjustment just realizing who Ben really was.

Who would have thought that Crazy Ben was one of the most senior Generals in the fallen Republic?

Spinning away from a near collision brought his focus back on what he was doing. And he shot down two more enemy ships.

"Luke, pull up!" Appo called through the coms.

But Luke was already rising as a fury explosion heated his undercarriage.

"Luke!" Appo calls again, "you alright?"

"I'm a little cooked, but I'm alright," he said, R2 either beeping in confirmation or cheering on the risky flying.

After seeing his birth father fly, Luke was not surprised that R2 had belonged to him.

"You are not allowed to get cooked," this from Fives.

"Copy that, Fives," Luke answered with a smile.

He understood their worry, really he did, nobody wanted General Kenobi's son to get blown out of the skies, but Luke was having too much fun to worry as much as them.

Jax commed, "Watch yourself! There's a lot of fire coming from the right side of that deflection tower."

"I'm on it," Luke called back, twisting his ship in a dive to target the tower that was targeting the carrier ship.

The tower crumbled, smoke plooming from it, and the carrier got out of range from the worst of the fighting.

As Luke came out of the strike, he noticed a fighter on Jax's tail.

Plate called to him, "Jax behind you!"

Jax swerved, "He's on me tight, I can't shake him… I can't shake him!"

Jax peeled off and dived toward but he was unable to lose the Zygerria fighter who stayed on him.

"Hang on, Jax, I'm coming in!"

His screen is taking too long to lock onto a target, and R2 warned him that they have a slight malfunction. Luke let out a breath, he can't wait, one shot and Jax is will be a goner.

Trust in the Force, Luke.

Luke fired, and the Zygerria ship exploded.

"Got him!" he exclaimed.

Jax's relieved voice came a bit breathlessly over the open frequency, "I owe you one, KT-Two."

Luke was grinning, as the aerial assault continued, he knew he was exactly where he's supposed to be.

But his luck didn't last.

"Pull in! Luke... pull in!" Appo shouted in his ear.

"Watch your back, Luke!" Fives called.

Plate was shouting at him too, "Watch your back! Fighter's above you, coming in!"

"I'm hit, but not bad," he said as the glancing shot rocks his ship.

Smoke was pouring out from behind R2, and Luke had to angle upwards so he could keep his windshield clear.

"R2, see what you can do with it. Hang on."

All bravado left him as he realized that if that shot had been a fraction more precise he would be dead.

He started flipping switches, keeping pace with R2's repairs.

Luke glanced up in time to see Jax get hit, his fighter disappearing in a fireball descending toward the surface.

Luke felt Jax's light go out, like a string cut in the world around him.

Jax was dead.

"Jax down," Echo stated, his voice all business.

Luke was speechless as they reformed into a strike pattern.

He didn't do a lot of talking after that, but to respond to direct information.

When Plate went down too, Luke realized what Uncle Owen had been trying to explain to him.

There's nothing good about war.

Ben can't help but pull Luke into a hug when they regroup on the Star Destroyer.

He can feel Anakin's eyes on them but he didn't care as he looked Luke over for injuries.

He's fine, if a little shell shocked. He must have lost some friends. Luke had fallen in with the troops well, and Ben was glad of it, even if it brought Luke heartache.

More of the Jedi should have cared for their small losses as well as their bigger ones. And that Luke grieved people he knew for less than two weeks, spoke to his compassion.

He really was his mother's son. Not that Anakin didn't care, but he tended to hide his softer emotions in front of people he thought would judge him, well, except when it came to Padme, Ahsoka, and R2.

"You alright?" Ben asked.

Luke nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Sir," Appo said, "Our squads are ready to scout the surface."

Ben nodded, "Take Luke with you."

"Obi-Wan," Anakin protested.

Ben shushed him with a gesture, "You're alright, Luke?"

Luke nodded but looked at Anakin oddly.

Appo and the others were stone faced, they understood.

"Be careful, Luke, and follow Appo and Five's orders. The Zygerria surrendered but that doesn't mean people won't still shoot at you, and not just the Zygerrians. Do you understand?"

Luke nodded, "Yes."

Ben looked to Appo, "Then go, be back in five hours. You will need to rest and Plo's men just entered the atmosphere."

"Sir," the troops saluted him, Luke falling into line with them.

When the doors shut behind them, Anakin turned on Ben, his gaze blazing, "What are you doing? Luke isn't ready fo-"

"If he can kill people in a war then he can see the price of it," Ben cut him off.

"He's your son!" Anakin almost yelled at him.

Ben got in Anakin's face, and even though he was shorter, it was still Anakin who took a step back, "Yes, and I would rather he see this after the worst of the fire storm has passed than bring him into a full siege. He needs to learn ground skills. You know how many shoot outs we have been in while in the hangers. Being a great pilot is not enough."

"You're going to traumatize him," Anakin said.

"Luke is two years older than Ahsoka and only two years younger than you," Ben said, "If he can't handle it then I will find somewhere for him to go into hiding. But he's stronger than you think."

Anakin shook his head, "Obi-Wan, that kid is so fresh he sparkles."

Ben wondered if Anakin's parental instincts were being raised by somehow sensing the bond between them, or if he was picking up on how like Padme Luke was.

"Luke," Ben said calmly, "has lived all his life on the Tatooine frontier, I'll admit that he doesn't have much experience with social circumstances, he certainly isn't a city boy, but he isn't soft either."

Force knows the boy got into enough trouble that Ben had to bail him out of over the years.

"You're being cruel."

Ben fought not to flinch, "War is cruel. But Luke will be okay, you're the one I'm worried about."

Anakin blinked at him. Ahsoka and Rex were watching this discussion like a match of toss the battle-droid.

Ben grinned, "I told you, we need to find your limits."

"Now?" he asked, "We have been fighting all day."

"Which is good, because otherwise we would have to be at this for days."

Anakin looked at him, "What do you mean?"

"I think we need to figure out how much you can do before you drop."

Anakin smiled, "Sparring?"

Ben shook his head, "No, telekinesis."

Anakin looked less excited at this, lightsaber duelling was his passion.

But he followed Ben, Ahsoka, Rex, and Jesse following behind them.

Ben brought them to one of the hangers and had Anakin lift a fighter ship that was beyond repair.

Up, down, spin it around, over and over and over again.

Anakin lasted a good two hours, but as he tired, he began to strain, unconsciously pulling on the Force with his emotions.

"Easy, Anakin," Ben cautioned, "breathe, the Force will not desert you. You need not wrest it from its course. Ask it for help, believe in yourself, guide it. Everyone and everything is a part of the Force, but we were born with the ability to communicate with it. Control yourself, the Force is bigger than you, but it will respond to your intentions, there is no need to try to bully it."

Twenty years and Ben had obsessed over everything he had done wrong, all the things he left undone and unsaid.

He had failed Anakin, failed to show what the power of the Light truly was.

Because yes, the Dark Side was powerful. Destruction, death, and chaos, they were even necessary at times for new and healthy things to come in its place.

But death was the natural path, it was the road everything raced toward. To use the Dark Side of the Force was to give into inevitable, to declare that life isn't worth much except the temporary pleasures and short term impulses.

But the Light? The Light was creation, it was hard work and building, it was a mountain climb to see the sunsets, it was learning to surf ocean waves. The Light was the harder road, but it's rewards were lasting.

In the Light of Anakin's life, he had sired two beautiful children, two shining points of hope in the galaxy.

In his Darkness he had destroyed everyone who had known and loved. Every bridge burned, every heart broken.

Obi-Wan, there is good in him. I know there is still.

Padme's last words.

Anakin was sweating as he tired, setting the fighter down again.

Ben breathed in deeply then exhaled, throwing his hands up tossing Anakin across the room. Anakin stumbled, running backwards to keep his feet only to land on his butt when the momentum stopped.

"Honestly, Anakin, we haven't been doing this long, do you truly need a break so soon. I thought you were the younger of us?"

Anakin grinned at him, standing to his feet as if he had springs in his joints.

He was so gifted, so strong, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth and acceleration of a challenge.

There wasn't good in him, Anakin was good. A good man, a good Knight and General, a good husband, and a good father.

If only he had been given the chance.

Ben would not give up on him, he would not believe that Anakin would again be boiled down to his traumas, to his fears…

He would not be alone this time. Ben knew what was happening this time around, knew the game Palpatine was playing. Ahsoka wasn't going to be framed and leave, and Anakin was going to earn the rank of Master on merit.

Anakin would be a Master Jedi because this time Ben would get through to him. Somehow, someway he was going to get through to him.

Anakin's counter Force push wasn't nearly enough to get past Ben's shield, but he staggered dramatically, "Ow," he drawled, "what strength."

Anakin's next strike blew Ben's hair back, his robes fluttering back as well, and he allowed the outer robe to fall off his shoulders. He ran a hand through his windswept hair and struck a pose.

Ahsoka who had been watching from the corner with the clones broke into hapless giggles.

Anakin rolled his eyes, "And I'm the dramatic one?"

Ben swept his hand forward and Force pushed Anakin's legs out from under him.

Anakin was already exhausted and had been stretching his telekinesis abilities more than he had ever likely done so that his shields were easy for Ben to bypass.

Anakin caught himself in a pushup and let out a stream of Huttese curses.

"Yep," Ben said, "you're still the drama king."

Anakin glared up at him, but he couldn't hold it. He was smiling as they continued, Ben egging him on, but pulling Anakin back anytime he might have reached for something deeper.

Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, was more than a legend Yoda told to scare younglings.

Ben kept pushing Anakin, joking all the while. The Light was joy, the Light was laughter, the Light was life and it was harder to hold onto as your energy drained, harder to keep demanding of when your limbs were shaking and you kept landing flat on your face.

But the Light listened, the Light gave only as much as you could ask for, it was not overpowering.

Strength came from within, and as Ben tested Anakin, he tried to show him in more than words that this type of strength was true freedom.

Not because it was limitless, but because only you had the control and strength to decide when and where those limits began and ended.

And in the process of sparring like this, Ben was able to remember the years before Mustafar. He was able to remember the man fighting at his side in the face of certain doom, able to remember the years of training a young boy who had just been trying to find his place in an uncertain galaxy.

Ben was able to let go of his fear he had been carrying around with him since being dropped in the past, and able to fully embrace that this really was his Anakin. His brother, his son, the boy he had been so very proud of.

If only Anakin could realize how much he was loved.

Anakin couldn't laugh anymore, mainly because he could hardly breathe, he couldn't smile anymore because his cheeks actually hurt.

Force help him, he forgot how funny, how playful, Obi-Wan could be when he wanted to be. He was always so bitingly sarcastic, it was a shock to remember that in lighthearted settings he was simply a cheerful optimist.

They both laid on their backs, side by side, trying to catch their breaths.

Anakin couldn't ever recall being this exhausted without an injury. His muscles were trembling and his connection to the Force was a crackling thing. Yet this was just the beginning, they hadn't reached his limit, although he needed to build up endurance for using telekinesis like this.

He turned to look at Obi-Wan who was already smiling at him, his blue eyes dancing with happiness.

Anakin couldn't remember having quite this much fun sparring with his Master before.

Grinning, he said, "I hate you."

The warm happiness on Obi-Wan's face died, like water evaporating on hot sand, and he rolled to his feet.

A zing of panic went through Anakin and he struggled to sit up, "Obi-Wan!" he called.

But Obi-Wan was already halfway to the exit.

"Obi-Wan, I didn't mean it like that, I was only joking!"

Obi-Wan stopped and looked back at him, his expression was utterly unreadable, his blue eyes greyer than Anakin had ever seen them. "I know," he said, before turning back on his heel and leaving.

Anakin's heart was pounding, he didn't think he had ever offended Obi-Wan before, well his sensibilities, those he had probably offended on a regular basis, but he couldn't ever remember hurting him with words alone.

Nothing stuck to Obi-Wan, he was the sarcastic optimistic who could shrug off just about anything. No matter how angry Anakin had ever become with Obi-Wan over the years, he had never hurt before. Even when he had been trying to.

So why had he reacted to a jibe that was clearly only meant in jest?

Ahsoka came to help Anakin stagger to his feet, "Is something wrong with Obi-Wan?"

Anakin wanted nothing more than to chase after him to find out. But maybe Anakin had found his limit after all because suddenly the prospect of reaching his own room rather than finding a corner to sleep in seemed a daunting task.

"I'm not sure," he told her, "but something has changed."

"Maybe Luke would know," Ahsoka offered.

Anakin shook his head, "No, don't ask him."

"Why not?"

"Because if Obi-Wan is grieving then it's his right to keep his privacy."

Because that was what that look in his gaze had been: grief.

Anakin knew that there were certain things that he would only ever share with Padme. And maybe it hurt a little that Obi-Wan wasn't confiding in him.

I'm not the only one who has been keeping secrets.

But Anakin was coming to realize he hadn't earned that from Obi-Wan. From his own actions, lies, and secrets, he had been the one to put walls in place between them.

In always making his Master the last to know, in always hiding the extent of his problems, he had left Obi-Wan with the job of disciplinarian. So that's what he had become, a father figure always trying to catch up to the chaos of Anakin's life.

But Luke had brought out something completely different in Obi-Wan. Luke obeyed orders as well as the clones, Luke was light hearted, and by all appearances, drama free.

Obi-Wan was just as strict with Luke as he had been with Anakin, but Luke didn't resent it, no, he seemed to be flourishing under the rules and order of both the military and the Jedi.

Anakin couldn't claim any longer that he was so unique in his power level or as an older Padawan, because Luke was supposedly as powerful and was ten years older then Anakin had been.

Which meant all the reasons he had built up in his mind that he and Obi-Wan butted heads over the years were to some extent, superficial.

No, the issues that existed between them over the years were likely caused more by his constantly testing their relationship, asking for all of Obi-Wan's attention and then pushing him away. Over and over again. It's how he had been as a younger teenager, respecting his Master while struggling to be the best at everything tampered by his small rebellions, his recklessness, trying the limits of his status as a Jedi because he was a free man and the consequences weren't enough to deter him from acting out.

As long as he fell short of actually getting kicked out of the Order, then it was okay. Or so he had believed.

"Skyguy? You alright?"

He nodded, "I'm just beginning to understand what a pain in the ass I was as a Padawan."

Ahsoka snorted, "Everyone knows Master Kenobi is a saint, and you're still a pain, but we love you anyway. Now come on, Skyguy, let's get you to your room before someone has to carry you."

Anakin smiled at her, but he couldn't shake the feeling that Obi-Wan was hurting more than anyone knew.

Ben found Luke in a galley, a cold cup of tea in his hand as he sat on a bench looking up at the window at the stars. They were on the side of the ship that looked away from Zygerria.

Ben got himself and Luke a fresh cup of tea.

Luke accepted the new cup with a soft, "Thank you."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ben asked gently, sitting beside him.

He was exhausted from the day of battle and sparring with Anakin but not too exhausted to be here.

Besides, Luke was a soothing presence, even when he was upset.

"I don't want to sleep," Luke said.

"Unfortunately," he said lightly, "you will have to sleep eventually. But for now, there is nothing wrong with sitting quietly. It will take time before the events settle in your mind."

Luke looked into his teacup, his voice shook a little as he said, "I didn't think war would be this ugly."

"It is the oxymoron of waging war, that you have to fight to end the fighting."

Luke looked up at him, "Is it bad that I felt as sorry for the dead Zygerrians as I did our troops? I mean, what I saw…" his voice trailed off.

Ben almost smiled, "No, in fact, I'm glad to hear you say that. All life is precious, Luke, never forget that."

Luke took a sip from his tea, before he said, "The Zygerrians are slavers though, they killed Jax and Plate and others, shouldn't I hate them?"

"No, killing them today was necessary, because if we hadn't, there would be even more death, even more innocents and good men lost, but hatred is a weakness. It is an emotion we call up to justify our actions, to bring some reason to the chaos in the world, to the hurt inside of us. If you hate someone then they are wrong and you are right. But the universe is not so black and white."

Luke nodded, "I feel awful though, everyone else is celebrating like… we didn't lose people."

"The clones were brought up knowing they would very likely die in warfare, they celebrate because if they can't convince themselves that what they are fighting for is of value than their brothers' deaths meant nothing."

"Oh, that makes sense, but I don't know that I can…"

"It's alright, Luke, no one is going to blame you for feeling overwhelmed. The rest of us have been training all our lives to fight and defend, you've been at this for less than two weeks and yet you've already been able to keep up with the ARCs. The troops respect you, and I am very proud of you."

"So what next?" he asked.

Ben smiled, "We sit here and drink tea until you feel ready to get some real rest." He sipped his own tea, the warm liquid a balm to his nerves. He recognized this variety as one of Qui-Gon's favourites.

It was a common enough tea in the Republic, but it still brought Ben comfort. He hadn't been able to get a hold of it on Tatooine often.

Luke took another sip of his own tea, and looked back out at the stars.

They were quiet for a long time, and Ben was almost dozing when Luke said, "The galaxy is so huge, how can we possibly keep it safe?"

Ben ruffled his hair, "The Jedi Council would say that if we listen to the Force, we can lead the galaxy to peace. But my Master would say that the Force lives and grows in all living things, therefore it is our smallest actions that will define the future."

Luke gazed at him with inquisitive blue eyes and asked, "And what do you say?"

"I say that peace is not a static thing that we can achieve and rely on. For every enemy brought down there will rise another, but the moment we give up, that's when we truly fail. So we do the best we can, and hope that there are people out there who will follow in our footsteps."

Because Ben had lost everything and everyone, but he hadn't lost hope. He had never lost his faith in the Light.

Luke sighed and rested his head on Ben's shoulder, "I can live with that, I think."

Ben rested his cheek on the top of Luke's head and admitted to himself something that had been true for years now. In his heart, Luke was his son, in all but blood, Luke was his son.

And the future somehow seemed brighter for that knowledge.

AN: Thoughts, reactions, or feedback, pretty please?