Chapter 8
The next morning Clay found himself within Delta's war room waiting to receive their new mission. Commander Boden and Mandy were both already here, but they had yet to get started.
"What exactly are we waiting for?" Sanders asked.
"You have to go on this operation with a second team. We are just waiting for them, they only found out a few minutes ago." Commander Boden explained.
Before anymore could be said the door to the room opened and in walked the one team Clay did not expect to see, Bravo. Instantly you could feel the tension in the room kick up a hundred percent. Delta didn't like Bravo and Bravo did not like Delta. Clay couldn't help but think the Upper Brass were idiots for putting the two of them together. Commander Blackburn walked in and immediately went to the front of the room.
"Before anyone starts anything, we are well aware that neither team is happy the other team is here. But the Upper Brass is putting you both together because this operation is to detain a high valued target. Bravo is going in as backup to Delta, Delta has control of the operation and strategy." Commander Blackburn started.
"And if Bravo can't follow Delta's lead, you won't be going. I am not going to risk any of my men's lives or this mission failing. Anyone tries anything or goes against the plan, you will be punished accordingly. I have no problem court martialing any of you." Commander Boden added.
"I have assured Commander Boden that Bravo will be team players. Especially because this operation relies heavily on Clay's language skills." Commander Blackburn said. He was hoping the guys would play nice if it meant keeping Clay safe.
"We'll play nice." Jason said on their behalf.
"We're going to Boasan Liberia to capture Zane Amare. He has connections to the leader of the rebel organization within Africa. If we can capture him and flip him, we can help shut down the rebel organization terrorising the country." Mandy explained.
"Do we know where he is?" Maddoc asked.
"He is held up in this compound." Mandy started as she put it up on the screen before she continued. "Intel has him well guarded, our last count was thirty armed combatants. We need two teams to hit the compound and extract Amare. He only speaks Mende so we will need to rely on Spenser's translating skills for the interrogation."
"Alright, we'll helo in and walk the rest of the way to the compound. Bravo will breach from the back, we'll breach from the front and meet in the middle. We'll grab Amare and then head to exfil." Maddoc easily said.
"We're wheels up in thirty." Commander Boden said.
"Alright, get geared up." Maddoc ordered, as he stood up.
Everyone in Delta got up, including Clay and headed out. Jason wanted to talk with him, but he knew it was a bad idea to get Clay upset when he had to translate very heavily on an operation. Once every Delta member and their Commander left, Sonny spoke.
"What the fuck."
"That's his whole plan? We just breach and hope for the best?" Ray said, not impressed by this at all.
"I know this won't be easy, but we will have to make it work. We cannot risk sending Clay with them on this operation with another team as backup. Clay grew up in that area, someone could recognize him and that will put an even bigger target on his back. If Clay can't translate for the interrogation we will lose our chances of ending this faction." Blackburn said.
"It'll be fine, we'll make it work. We have control of the breach in the back, we'll prepare and make sure we are ready for whatever is on the other side of the door. It's not ideal, but we will make it work and be prepared for anything that could go wrong." Jason said.
He knew none of the guys were happy, he wasn't happy either, but this was the situation they were in. There was no point in bitching and moaning about it, they just had to do it and hope it all worked out. This wouldn't be the first time they had to go in without being in control, it worked those times and they would make sure it worked this time around. The guys all made their way to their cage room to grab their gear and get ready. Once they were on the plane they saw that Delta was already here and getting their things set up. Cerberus immediately ran over to Clay and Clay gave him a pet as he worked on getting his hammock set up. Cerberus stayed with Clay and followed him all around the plane.
"Well, at least he still likes one of us." Sonny grumbled.
"Clay or Cerb?" Ray countered.
Cerberus had not been happy with any of them since Clay had left the team. It was like the dog knew they had hurt his favorite human and he was making sure they knew it. He would often growl when one of them would try to pet him. The only one he would tolerate right now was Brock. He hadn't changed in the field and for that they were thankful for, but outside of it, they were feeling iced out by the pup.
"Touché." Sonny commented.
The guys went about getting themselves ready and once take off had finished Clay got into his hammock with Cerberus curling up with him in it.
XXX
It had been five days, five very long days. When they landed they were all expecting to hit the compound that night but it didn't work out that way. They weren't sure if their target was actually on the compound. Intel said yes, but so far they had no visual confirmation of it either through ISR or in person. Hence the reason why they had been spending the past five days surrounding the compound hidden trying to get eyes on Amare. Something that Bravo was not happy about, but it was Maddoc's idea so they had no choice but to go with it. Normally they would have been staying in their hanger waiting for Davis to get confirmation and then they would head out. But Maddoc seemed to prefer to be right on target ready to move in at a moment's notice, even if it meant them being in a hot zone during the day.
Clay was having a hard time with the memories of being back in his hometown. It still smelt the same and that was triggering some very painful memories. Clay was doing his best to keep his mind focused on the situation in front of him. It was getting harder though, as he was exhausted. None of them had been able to rack out because apparently Maddoc doesn't believe in it. He had already taken three packets of caffeine pills over the past five days. Clay knew the guys on Bravo would be rotating sleep and they would be assuming they were as well. Stokes made his way over to Clay, who was standing behind a tree, and he went and stood behind him. Stokes leaned in and kissed the back of Clay's neck.
"I got something for you Pretty Boy?"
"I can feel it." Clay said, as Stokes pressed against his back and Clay could feel his dick through his pants.
"I meant a pick me up, but if you want me to fuck you against this tree I got no problems with it." Stokes said, as he kissed along Clay's neck.
"We're on an operation. Now's not the time for that." Clay said, making sure he kept his focus.
"I know, and I agree. I came with this gift for you." Stokes said, as he held up a small baggie with cocaine in it.
"We can't be getting high right now."
"We're not getting high, I did one line and now you need to be doing one. Maddoc has us all doing it to keep us awake. Can't keep taking caffeine pills."
Clay grabbed the baggie and removed his glove. He poured some cocaine along his hand from his wrist to his thumb. He then snorted it in one go. Clay knew it would work to give him a boost of energy and hopefully soon they would have a green light to hit the compound.
"One day, I want to watch you snort some coke off my hard cock, and then listen to you moan as I fuck your throat." Stokes said as he moved closer to Clay's mouth.
Stokes smashed his lips against Clay's and quickly dominated the kiss. Stokes pushed Clay against the tree and shoved his tongue deep inside of Clay's mouth. The kiss was rough and hard, it was made so Stokes could completely dominate him. All too soon Stokes was pulling back, leaving Clay breathing heavy.
"We're gonna need to play again soon. I can't stop thinking about your tight ass. I want to watch my cock go down your throat." Stokes moaned at just the thought of it.
Before Clay could respond their radio came to life.
"Got a possible on our target. All call signs move into position to commence operation." Maddoc said.
"Bout time. Let's go Pretty Boy."
Clay moved with Stokes as they joined the rest of Delta and started to make the short journey down to the compound. Once there they all got into their positions, each member would be searching a different part of the compound inside on Delta. Clay knew that was not how it would normally be done, but again, he wasn't in the position to argue. Roth blew the door and they started to head in. Clay went off to the right of the compound and started to search through it, taking out combatants as he went. He went through a door and saw that it was another part of the compound that they hadn't seen outside. It was a basement of sorts.
"Delta Six to Delta One." Clay said, as he stood at the doorway.
He received nothing back.
"Delta Six to any Delta element." Clay tried, but again he got nothing.
Clay moved back from the basement entrance and tried again. "Delta Six, can anyone hear me?"
"I can hear you Clay." Ray said.
"Delta Six to Delta elements, can you hear me?"
When nothing was responded Ray spoke again.
"I don't think they can hear you. The coms must be spotty. Bravo One, do you copy this?"
"I copy. HAVOC, make note that comms are spotty, we've lost contact with Delta minus Delta Six."
"Copy Bravo One. Delta Six, is everything alright?" Blackburn said.
"I got a basement entrance, right side of the compound about a hundred yards of the front entrance."
"Copy Delta Six. Breach the entrance, I'll send Delta Four as backup." Commander Boden ordered.
"Copy Commander."
"Sir, someone on bravo can go and back him up." Jason said.
"Bravo has their own section to clear. Move forward Delta Six." Commander Boden ordered and his tone told the guys he was not happy with Jason's input.
"Yes Sir." Clay said.
Clay made his way into the basement, being careful to clear it as he had no idea who could be down here. He had only made it three steps before he heard someone behind him. He quickly turned around, but it was too late. The combatant punched Clay hard across the face before pushing him down the long flight of metal and concrete stairs. Clay rolled and tumbled down the stairs, in the process his helmet fell off and he landed on the flood banging the front of his head against the ground. Clay fought to get his eyes to work. The room was blurry and he knew it was from his head wound. Clay could make out the voices of multiple men as they spoke in Mende, but he wasn't able to get the words to compute into his mind. Before Clay was ready he was being kicked in the back. Clay knew he had to fight back. He rolled over ready to get up, only to discover there were ten guys above him, and all of them were kicked and punching him. Clay did his best to get up, but one man moved in and wrapped his big beefy hands around his throat. Clay moved his hand up to his vest and hit the button on his vest that would send an emergency signal to HAVOC letting them know he was in danger. All he had to do was hold on long enough for someone to come and help him.
A beeping alert in HAVOC caused Davis to look at her screen. She saw that it was Clay's beacon alerting that he was in trouble.
"HAVOC to all Delta and Bravo elements. Clay's beacon has been activated. Clay is in trouble. I repeat Clay is in trouble." Davis instantly said.
It alerted Mandy, Blackburn and Commander Boden, all three moved over to her to see what was going on.
"Bravo One, copy HAVOC moving to Clay's position."
"Delta moving." Maddoc said.
Ray was the closest with Brock, the two of them ran towards where Clay's last known location was. The second they reached the basement, Brock let Cerberus go so he could find Clay. The second they came through that door they saw ten combatants on Clay, one of which was strangling him. Ray instantly had his gun up and fired, taking out the man that was struggling Clay. Cerberus already had the arm of one man and Brock started to shoot as well as he made his way down the stairs. The rest of the guys started to enter the basement and they helped to eliminate the remaining combatants.
"Clay stay down." Trent instantly said, as he went over to Clay.
"Talk to me Trent." Jason instantly said just as the rest of Delta showed up,
"Sanders, check him over." Maddoc ordered.
Sanders instantly headed over to Clay as Trent spoke. "He's got strangulation marks on his neck, head wound that is bleeding heavily." Trent started.
"My guys got it. Bravo, start checking the area and make sure we don't have any more surprises." Maddoc ordered.
"You wanna try that again." Sonny snapped.
"This is a Delta op, Bravo is here as back up and considering it's not a member of Bravo on the ground, you all are in the way. So do as you are ordered or I'll have you court martialed for insubordination." Maddoc said pissed off that he was having to deal with this shit.
"Come on Son, let's make sure it's safe here." Ray said, trying to cool the situation down. It wasn't going to be doing anyone any good if they got into a fight right now.
Everyone in Bravo headed back to secure the immediate area. Jason stayed with Clay to see what his condition was.
"Sanders, he good?" Maddoc asked.
"Banged up and a bit bloody, but nothing feels broken, neck and spine are clean. You with me Spenser?"
"Ya." Clay said, but his voice was thick with pain from the strangulation.
"What happened Delta Six?" Maddoc demanded.
"I don't know. One second I'm alone and the next someone is behind me. They came out of nowhere."
"People don't just appear." Keith said, as he looked around.
"These places always have tunnels hidden all over the place." Roth said.
"He good to keep going?" Maddoc asked.
"He's good." Sanders said, as he stood up.
He held a hand out and Clay took it. He stood up and the room spun for a second but he was able to push through it. The rest of Bravo came over as Ray spoke.
"We're clear."
"Clay, you ok kid?" Sonny asked, concerned.
"I'm good."
"Amare wasn't upstairs, chances are he's down here. Let's go." Maddoc said.
They all headed down the hallways and searched each room. It was a good hour later when they had finished searching the compound, but Amare wasn't there.
"Delta One to HAVOC. No jackpot, Amare isn't here. We're heading to exfil."
Maddoc wasn't impressed, none of them were, but there was no point waiting around here any longer. They all made the journey out of the compound and off to the helo to get back to the hangar.
XXX
The teams arrived back at their hangar and Maddoc spoke.
"Sanders, take Delta Six and get him checked over."
Sanders gave a nod and Clay followed him over to a table so he could be checked over properly this time.
"I can check him over." Trent said.
"My team has a medic." Maddoc dismissed.
Trent was not happy about not being able to look Clay over. He wanted to make sure he was ok with his own eyes and his own skill. Sanders was a lower ranked medic, only being a level four compared to his level eight. None of the guys were happy about it being Sanders that was looking over Clay. He looked terrible. He already had bruising all around his neck and the guys all knew he would be covered in bruising on his torso, despite having his plate on to protect his ribs. There was blood still going down the side of his face from the head wound he sustained when he went down the flight of stairs. None of the guys were happy with how this raid went down. It should never have happened. Jason knew for a fact that Clay would have had a better plan in his head, but he wasn't allowed to voice it. It was ridiculous that Maddoc had an asset and he wasn't properly utilizing it. Clay's mind, his strategies were a huge asset that could have turned this operation around. Yes, their target still wouldn't have been at the compound, but Clay wouldn't have been jumped because there wasn't someone with him. Maddoc should never have sent him on his own, there was a reason there was a two guy minimum rule.
Jason went over to Maddoc, who wasn't even by Clay to see how his guy was doing, something else that pissed Jason off.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Jason demanded.
"Excuse me?" Maddoc said, not impressed that Jason felt the need to come over to him about his operation.
"Your strategy was bullshit and you know it. You can't just storm into a place and think nothing is going to go wrong. You can't send your guys on their own to clear a compound with at least thirty combatants in it. How stupid can you be?"
"My strategy would have worked perfectly, if you and your men had followed it." Maddoc challenged.
"I don't send my guys solo, no one does. The only time someone is if your sniper is on overwatch and they are a safe distance away from danger. You don't just send your guys in alone on a compound that is full of hostiles. How stupid can you really be Maddoc? You got a huge asset in Clay's ability where strategies are concerned, and yet you don't utilize it? He would have seen thirty different ways to clear it that would have prevented someone being hurt. You went out of your way to play dirty to get him and then once you do, you don't even use him to your advantage."
The last thing Jason wanted was for Clay to be used like some tool, but if it got him in a safer place he would use that to his advantage.
"How I use my team is at my discretion. It doesn't concern you Hayes." Maddoc said, before he walked away and towards Sander and Clay.
"How is he?" Maddoc asked, keeping his voice professional.
The guys had all gathered closer to hear what Sanders had found.
"No concussion, neck and back are fine. Five bruised ribs, lots of bruising, his throat is fine it's just bruising."
"He good to go?" Maddoc asked.
"He's fine. I'll wrap his ribs for added protection." Sanders said with a shrug.
"He's not fine. He can't be operating with bruised ribs like that. Not to mention he should be on concussion protocol from the blow to his head. He doesn't have signs of a concussion now, but that doesn't mean one won't develop." Trent instantly argued.
"And if one does I'll deal with it. For now he's good." Sanders said, not happy for Trent's input.
"We found him." Davis said, as she came over with Mandy, Commander Boden and Blackburn.
"Where?" Maddoc asked.
"A secondary compound that is used by the rebel organization to keep high valued assets secured." Mandy answered.
"And we have confirmation that he is there?" Maddoc asked, he wasn't too happy that the intel had been wrong last time. He didn't like doing things unnecessarily.
"Intel is confirmed. We have a visual on him from ISR. We don't know how long he will be there for. Word will spread that American soldiers hit their compound and they will hide everyone." Mandy answered.
"We'll hit it now." Maddoc easily said.
"Whoa what?" Ray said.
"We don't know when we'll get the chance to grab him and I do not have mission failures. We know he's there, so we're going to get him." Maddoc said.
The guys on Delta started to get ready. Sanders started to grab what he would need for Clay.
"I'll get you the ISR images so you can see the compound." Mandy said, as she headed off.
"You can't actually be this stupid. None of us had any real sleep in five days, we're all burnt out. We should be having HAVOC keeping an eye on the compound and the rest of us getting some sleep. If movement starts then we can move in." Jason said.
They had been going nonstop since they landed all because Maddoc didn't want to take the time to properly plan. The result was them spending days outside watching a compound and then raiding it only to get no jackpot and Clay injured. Once again Maddoc was going half-cocked into a situation they knew nothing about.
"If you don't want to go that's your choice, but my team is going. We roll out in ten minutes." Maddoc ordered.
"I'll make sure you have what you need." Commander Boden said.
Blackburn looked at Jason before he turned with Davis to go after Commander Boden. He was hoping he would be able to talk some sense into him so he could talk sense into Maddoc.
"Sanders, he good to go?" Maddoc asked.
"No." Trent instantly answered.
"He'll be fine. I just gotta wrap his ribs real quick to give him some padding." Sanders answered, as he started to get Clay ready.
"He can't be in the field injured like this." Trent argued.
"My medic says he can be."
"He's injured. He needs to be resting. Not to mention he hasn't slept in almost five days." Sonny argued.
"I'm sorry, do you need to sit this one out Baby Hayes?" Maddoc asked Clay with a condescending tone.
"Seriously?" Jason said, not impressed at all that Maddoc was mocking Clay.
"No Sir, I'm good." Clay said, confidently.
"Perfect. Everyone take a packet and get ready. We roll out in five." Maddoc ordered before he headed off.
The guys all gave a nod and once Clay was set Sanders left so Clay could get his shirt and gear on.
"Clay, you know how stupid it is for you to be operating injured." Jason started, hoping he could get through to Clay.
"It's not the first time. And I am really getting sick and tired of this mother henning bullshit you and everyone on Bravo does. You all act like I can't do my job. Like I don't have the same capabilities as you for whatever reason. But despite you having more years of service then I do, that doesn't mean I am not just as skilled. I don't need your protection. I don't need you to coddle me or treat me like I am not just as skilled and capable of taking care of myself as the rest of you. I'm sick of it and I will not tolerate it any longer." Clay said with an edge to his voice, before he turned to get the rest of his gear on.
Stokes walked over to Clay as he spoke. "You ok Pretty Boy?"
"I'm fine."
"Oh I know your ass is fine, but I was asking how you were feeling." Stokes said with a playful wink.
"I'm good to go."
Stokes handed Clay a packet of caffeine pills as he spoke. "Good, we're getting ready to load up."
Clay opened the packet and took all four pills dry. Trent grabbed the packet and read what it was.
"Caffeine pills. Spense, you shouldn't be taking these. It's dangerous to have too much caffeine in your system." Trent said, worried now more than ever about Clay's health.
"We all take em. It's not a big deal. If you little bitches can't handle it, that's your problem. Let's go Pretty boy." Stokes said.
Stokes and Clay headed off to join the others, leaving Bravo pissed off where they stood.
"I really don't like that fucker or the way he seems to be flirting with Clay." Sonny said, once they were alone.
"It just might be his personality." Vic said, not really seeing the big deal. Clay was his own person and if he wanted to do what the rest of his team was, then so fucking what?
"I still don't like it. Clay isn't gay and that guy is calling him hot and winking at him, calling him Pretty Boy. That's too far." Sonny argued.
Vic just gave a shrug, he really didn't understand why they were still so caught up with Clay. He obviously didn't want anything to do with them, so let him go and move on. It made no sense to him.
"I'm more worried about his health. He shouldn't be going back out there injured and he shouldn't be taking caffeine pills. It's dangerous to be intaking more than a set dose of caffeine in a day. He knows that, he knows better than this." Trent said.
"He's obviously not thinking clearly." Ray said, not pleased with this either.
"As much as I would like to stand here and gossip about this, what are we doing? We going or staying?" Full Metal asked, looking to get everyone back on track, because like it or not, Delta was going.
"We're all exhausted and running on fumes." Ray pointed out.
"Ya, but we can't just let them go out there on their own with a raid this big." Brock pointed out.
"Get ready, we'll do this and then get the hell home." Jason ordered.
He didn't like operating his men when they were this tired, but he also couldn't let Delta go into another raid where they would be outnumbered. He couldn't let Clay be out there with Delta watching his back, they had proven they didn't truly care what happened to him. The guys weren't happy about it, but they knew they couldn't let Clay go in alone. They quickly grabbed their gear and made it out to the chopper in time to take off with Delta. They would need to come up with a plan to grab their guy and hopefully it wouldn't result in someone else being hurt.
XXX
Clay went and sat down at the back of the plane on the cot set up for him. They had finally gotten their guy, he had gotten him in fact which made this operation all worth it. His whole body was sore, especially his ribs and his throat. This was the first time he had been strangled and he was hoping it would be the last. He still couldn't believe he had been jumped, he should have seen it coming. He was not used to this type of planning, he really needed to figure it out before he got hurt again or killed. He would need to see the doc back on base before he could go home. Right now Clay just wanted to get some sleep, but it seemed like his mind wouldn't turn off. Being with Yoder six nights ago had not helped him to understand why he was suddenly attracted to men. He could now say he was bi-sexual, but he was still confused. Plus he couldn't get the image of that sixteen year old boy that he killed out of his head. It was easy when he was home and could do a line or three of cocaine, but he couldn't while on mission. The result was an added exhaustion that he couldn't shake. He needed sleep, but he couldn't get his mind to just shut up.
Cerberus came running over to him and jumped up on the cot on his right. Clay instantly moved his hand and started to pet him. He did miss Cerberus the most right now. He missed always having him around. It was hard being around Bravo on this operation. It was like going back home, only that home was a combination of shitty memories and good ones. It leaves you wishing you could go back, but you can't because you know it wouldn't be good for you. Clay wished he had brought a book, but the guys didn't seem to like it when he read. He always heard little jokes about it and the teasing was annoying when he was trying to concentrate on the book. Clay had been focusing on his Russian course, but right now he was not in the mood to learn, he wanted to shut his brain off.
A book was placed down on his right and Clay looked up to see Jason standing in front of him. All of the Delta guys were crashing, but Bravo seemed to be still awake. Clay saw them looking over at him, but Clay was too tired to be annoyed right now. Clay looked down at the book and saw it was the same book that Brian had given to him, only this one wasn't destroyed.
"We knew that book meant the most to you. We wanted to make sure you could still have it in your life." Jason said.
When Clay didn't say anything, Jason turned and headed off, but Clay's voice stopped him.
"I'm still pissed off at you."
"I know." Jason said, as he turned back around.
"But I miss talking to my dad." Clay said in a soft voice, as he looked up at Jason.
He was so confused and the only person to ever be able to help him work through his confusion was Jason. He just always knew what to say to him to make the questions stop. Jason could see the hurt in Clay's eyes. Something was going on with him, more than what had happened within the team. Jason spoke as he sat down on the cot facing Clay.
"You can always talk to me Sunshine. What's going on? What's causing all of that pain in your eyes?"
Cerberus whined and moved his head to rub against Clay, trying to offer what comfort he could. Clay continued to pet Cerberus as he spoke, keeping his eyes on Cerb rather than Jason.
"I killed a sixteen year old."
Jason closed his eyes for a second at the pain that Clay would be going through. He had taken a life before that was under the age of eighteen, a fifteen year old that was being used as a soldier by a rebel faction. It was not something that anyone wanted to do, but when that person was shooting at you, trying to kill you and your brothers, your training kicks in and you fire.
"We were doing a raid on a drug cartel in Mexico. I didn't even realise how young he was, all I saw was the AK47 pointed at us. Bullet tore through his chest, dead on impact."
"I'm sorry Sunshine. I never wanted you to feel that pain. I know it's hard, I've been there, the only thing that helps is time. Unfortunately. Know though that what you did protected yourself and your teammates."
"I keep thinking it might not have happened if we had gone in differently. There was more than one entrance we could have breached from. If we had hit multiple entrances we could have prevented some deaths and we would have known there were more tangos in there than we had intel on."
"How did you breach? Walk me through it." Jason said gently. He knew it would help Clay's mind make peace with what happened if he could talk it all out.
"Intel had our main targets in the main section of the warehouse. The area where the drugs were being cooked was in a separate room within the warehouse. Our objective was to take out the leaders within the cartel and then destroy the building. Maddoc's strategy was to breach through the front door with explosive tags. We went in and started firing, that's basically it."
"He wasn't worried about you guys getting blown up by the chemicals?" Jason asked. If they were making drugs on the premise they would have been around chemicals that could easily explode by a bullet.
"He said it would be fine with where the chemicals and equipment were. They had done it plenty of times so I didn't question that. We got the targets and the mission was a success, but we were the only ones to walk away. Twenty-five dead, more than one of them were seventeen or sixteen. It just feels like the success of the mission is the only thing that matters and I get it, but shouldn't we be focused in trying to prevent the death of people too? We might not have had to kill everyone if we had breached differently, we could have gotten some in cuffs and maybe flip them for more intel."
"Each team leader is different. Some focus on regulations like Beau, and others focus on mission success above all. I always try, and balance mission success with having the lowest number of casualties, it doesn't always work out. Maddoc has always focused on the success of the mission. His strategies tend to be very simple and straightforward. I know he doesn't like people voicing their opinions, especially if you are lower in rank, and I know you are used to that from being in Team Three. But, you aren't in Team Three anymore. You are classified as a CIA asset, that is a huge advantage to any team that you are on, plus on top of that your shooting and language skills. You are in a position of power, you can go to any team's commander and ask to be transferred to that team and you will be. Every team wants you. You don't have to keep Delta, Delta has to keep you. They need you not the other way around. I would talk with Maddoc and tell him that you want in on strategy sessions, that you want a say and if it's a no, tell him you'll go to another team that will listen to you. Alpha will take you in a heartbeat and have you as Alpha Two. Every team will take you in a heartbeat. If Maddoc wants to keep you, he's going to have to let you be yourself and use that to his advantage. You have that mental chess game going in your head, I'm sure there is a move you can make that will have Maddoc thinking it was all his idea."
Clay gave a nod, Jason did have a valid point. Every team was still trying to get him. They would approach him when he was on the training grounds, in the lounge, even in Delta's cage room. They all wanted his skills and the operations that came with him. He was in a position of power with Delta, something he should have realised himself. He might have if his mind hadn't been so distracted by the boy he killed.
"I want you to know that how we treated you on Bravo, the mother henning as you called it, it was not because we didn't think you were capable. We know you are skilled, we know you are just as capable of doing this job as the rest of us. It was never about your skills or your age. You are my son, you are their kid brother and it kills us when you are hurt or sick. It tears our hearts out to see you hurt and know we can't do anything to help make that better. But it's not just you, we're like that with everyone on the team that gets hurt. You've done it yourself. And yes, we are more protective of you, because you are the future of this team. You were the one set to take over, the future of Bravo and the Navy, we have to protect that. Adam did it with me, it drove me insane, and one day he cornered me and told me why they were overprotective of me and basically told me to get the fuck over it and suck it up, that it wasn't going to change. I should have explained it to you. I should have made sure you understood that it was not a reflection of our confidence in your skills or capabilities. Just like I should have explained to you why we were icing you out. As your father, I should have sat you down and explained that we were issuing a punishment that was only about the professional side of our relationship and not personal. It would have happened with anyone on the team that did something wrong. Like we are doing with Sonny. I should have handled it better and explained it to you. I should have asked you what happened instead of assuming you let something slip by accident. I'm sorry, for all of it."
Clay could hear the regret in Jason's voice. He could understand where Jason was coming from, he could, but that didn't take away the hurt and anger. He wasn't ready to forgive Jason for that yet. He wasn't ready to forgive the guys yet. And he seriously doubted he would ever be able to forgive Sonny for what he had done.
"I'm not ready to forgive you or the guys for it yet. One day, but I don't know when that will be and it will never be the same. I thought I found a family, but it just turned out like all the others claiming to be a home." Clay said, with a deep pain to his voice.
"You have all the time in the world that you need to reach forgiveness. We'll never push for it. As for the family part, we're still here for you, all of us. We will never give you up. I will never give you up. I'm always going to be your dad, through the good and the bad. You can always talk to me, you can always tell me anything. And you can always show up on my doorstep if you ever need help. You have a family, we're still here and we're not going anywhere. I don't know what the first eighteen years of your life has been like. I would love to know, but I know I broke that level of trust with you and it takes time to build it up again, to earn it back. When you are ready to talk about it, I would really like to have that conversation."
"I don't talk about it, but every time you or someone says punishment, it feels like I can't breathe." Clay softly admitted and Jason could hear the pure raw pain in his voice.
"What makes you feel that way?" Jason asked, gently.
"It brings up really painful memories. They come flooding in and it's like I'm back there. The emotions all come back and it makes it hard to breathe." Clay softly admitted.
Jason had no idea that Clay had felt that way. He never wanted Clay to feel like he couldn't breathe all because of something he said or had done. There was a lot more to Clay's memory then Jason understood and that was not acceptable to him. He was going to have to do research and talk to someone that was a specialist for this type of thing. He needed to have a full understanding so he knew just what to do and say for Clay.
"If I have ever done or said something that made you feel that way, I'm so sorry Clay. I never meant to cause you harm and I promise it won't happen again. I won't bring it up, unless you do. I don't really know or understand everything that you go through with your memory. I'm learning so I hope you will have some patiences with me as I learn how to properly communicate with you. How to properly support you with it."
"Basically, I remember everything since I was three years old. Every second of it. Everything I have seen, heard, smelt or read is all stored in my head. It's like everyday there is a box in my mind and each new day gets a new box. Each box holds every second of that day in it. The boxes are all neatly stored in order in my head. On the days where nothing major happens, good or bad, it gets dusty and becomes unimportant. But the boxes that hold the days where something bad happened, the contents can spill out whenever I hear a word that represents that box. Or a smell of something that I smelt that day. It could even be a section in a book that I was reading and if it is quoted it spills the box out. If one single box spills over, it's not too bad, it can be managed and I can clean it up and put it back in. But from growing up lots of things trigger hundreds of boxes. When all of those boxes get spilled out, it makes it hard to focus. All I can see are those days flashing through my head. It makes it hard to breathe, to move, to do anything and it takes a long time to get those days back into their boxes."
"Ok, I understand that. That can't be easy though. You have to be exhausted all the time trying to keep everything in place. To keep all of those boxes closed." Jason said, as the reality was truly starting to sink in.
"Some days. Today is one of those days." Being back in Liberia had taken a lot out of him mentally and he just wanted to get some sleep and wake up back in America.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
Jason hated seeing his son in pain like this. He wished he could take Clay into his arms and make it better, but he knew Clay wouldn't be happy if he did that right now. They weren't there yet.
"No. I just need sleep."
"Ok, why don't you lie down and try, and sleep. You're exhausted, you'll probably fall asleep pretty quick. I'm sure Cerb will keep you company."
Cerberus barked and wagged his tail. Clay looked down at Cerb and kissed his head, he had missed Cerberus. Clay gave a nod and Jason got up off the cot. Clay moved so he was laying down, Cerberus moved so he could curl up against Clay. Jason grabbed the folded blanket at the end of the bed and covered Clay. Clay curled up into Cerberus and closed his eyes. He didn't know how well sleep would actually come to him, but he was hoping having Cerberus there would help him to fall asleep. He wanted to talk to Jason about being bi-sexual and hopefully he could help him figure it all out, but he was too exhausted right now. He was in pain and now his mind was being flooded with memories. He just needed to sleep.
Jason left Clay to sleep and went down to join the guys. He could see how anxious they all were, minus Vic as he didn't know Clay. They were worried about Clay's injuries, they were worried about him taking caffeine pills and Delta running him even when he was injured.
"He ok?" Trent asked, once Jason joined them.
"He's tired and in more pain then he wants to let on."
"I wish he would let me look him over." Trent said, and the guys could hear he wasn't happy about not being the one to check Clay over. He had to let Sanders do it, someone he considered to be less skilled than him.
"He's not going to let you. He's going to try and sleep. I think being back in Liberia is not helping things." Jason said.
"It's going to be hard on his mind. Even the smell in the air could trigger a memory." Trent said.
"That's what he said." Jason agreed.
"It seems like there's a lot in his mind. I can't imagine how much of a toll it takes on him." Sonny said.
"It's a lot. Your mind isn't designed to store that much within your memory box. It's why eventually you forget things that happen, it's to protect your mind from being overwhelmed. Clay doesn't have that. His memories can be triggered with a single reminder and it doesn't have to be anything major. He's grown up with it, but even at times it would be exhausting when there are triggers coming at you in all directions. Like there would have been with being back in the country he grew up in." Trent explained.
"We didn't get to talk about much of what happened between us all. But he did say when he is given a punishment or the word is spoken, it makes it hard to breathe." Jason started.
"It triggers something." Ray easily stated.
"It triggers a lot. He wouldn't talk about growing up, and honestly I don't know if he ever will. But he did say that basically certain things or words can cause all of these memories to push themselves forward and when there are too many being remembered it makes it hard for him to breathe."
"So every time he's had to run hills for doing something wrong, it would trigger all of those memories. We're assholes." Ray said.
"We don't know anything about his childhood?" Full Metal asked.
"Nope, just that he grew up in Liberia, the languages that he speaks reflect that. He was in foster care at some point. I know from Adam that Clay was here with his grandparents on Ash's side." Jason answered.
"Why was he in Africa?" Vic asked, not really caring but he felt like he should contribute.
"Mom died and Ash didn't want to change his career or be a father." Sonny answered.
"I did some research after Clay mentioned being in the foster homes. It's not perfect, but I looked up articles from surviving foster children that were within Liberia during the same time Clay was. Some were more horrific than others, but all of them had a common theme of abuse and neglect. They all mentioned how there was almost no food, they were forced to eat literal garbage or moist dog food. One story talked about how their foster parents would eat rice and chicken and whatever they didn't finish, they would throw it into the garbage and make the child dig it out to eat. There was no hot water, no electricity. They weren't allowed toys or books. One said he didn't speak that dialect and every time he didn't understand or he would answer in the wrong dialect, they would whip him with a belt until he learned." Trent said, sadly.
"Jesus fuck." Full Metal said.
"There was one article that I found, it was from a man who is five years older than Clay. He spoke about the worst foster home he was in when he was ten. The foster father had a hole dug with a wooden box that was six feet long in the ground. It was always covered with dirt. If you were to be punished, and the punishment could be because you broke a dish or you spilt some water. He said it was anything that could be perceived by the foster father as more work for him. Whether it was an accident or not, you were punished. If you were lucky it was a beating, but for those that weren't lucky they were told to go out into the yard and dig up the dirt over the box. He said it was five feet in the ground and you were expected to do it on your own with your own bare hands, no shovel. He didn't care what the weather was like, you were to do it. Afterwards you were to get into the box and another child would bury you. There was a timer in the box that was set to an hour and they were told that when the timer went off, they were out of air. Sometimes they would get to come out before it went off and sometimes he said the kids never came out. The next day there would be a new box in another spot."
None of the guys even knew what to say about that. To hear that there were people in the world being responsible for children would abuse them to that level. It wasn't even abuse it was torture. It was torture the second that kid would have to dig up the hole knowing they would be in it. That they could be digging their own grave. And to be the kid that had to bury you alive and you die, it was disgusting.
"Some people in the world just need to be shot." Sonny said.
"Some deserve a much slower death then that." Full Metal said, pissed off.
"Within the article he talked about another boy there. He was American with blonde hair and blue eyes and was only six. He didn't speak the language, but this man taught him. The boy was only there for six months before he was bought by another foster family because he could speak english. The man said though within those six months, he had to dig up the kid twenty-two times, eight of them he had to give him CPR." Trent added.
"You think it was Clay?" Ray asked, too scared of what the answer would be.
"I do. I was able to find another article about an attack on a missionary just days before that American boy arrived at the foster home; assuming the dates are right. The article about the attack spoke about how a rebel faction attacked the compound and killed everyone, including the head doctor and nurse whose last name was Spenser. It went on to say they left behind their six year old grandson who was at school during the time of the attack."
"Fuck." Sonny said.
"So he's got a lot of demons living in his head. No wonder he has a hard time with punishments or even just hearing the word." Ray said, sadly.
"And we would have caused all of those demons to come out." Brock said.
"What do we do?" Sonny asked, feeling completely lost at this point.
"We give him time and space. He has to come to us. Until then we let him have all the time and space he needs, it's all we can do." Jason answered.
He wasn't happy about this any more than the guys were. To hear that there was a real possibility that Clay had been buried alive multiple times when he was a small child was gut wrenching. He wanted to go back over to him and pull him into a hug and never let him go. He couldn't though, he had to let Clay come to him. It was the only way this was going to work. Clay wasn't in his team, he wasn't his teammate. All he could be was his father and that made the relationship different now. He had to wait for when Clay was ready to talk, just like he does with Emma. Jason was really hoping that Clay would come to him before it was too late. The very last thing he wanted was for Clay to self-destruct and risk losing not only his career, but his life. He just hoped when Clay reached out it wouldn't be too late.
A/N: Alright next chapter is Clay's first tour. I don't like writing battle scenes or raids, so I will be focusing on Clay's thoughts and feelings throughout his first tour. You will still get to know what is going on, but from his thoughts of it afterwards.