Year 4: A Fresh Start

Chapter 38: April 2018

After what happened with Flora and Amber and Professor Longbottom, Molly determined to keep her helpful study aides to herself and her actual friends. Wasting time wasn't something she was much interested in doing and trying to help people that didn't want to be helped was the biggest waste of time there was.

After disabling the spells she'd set up in the dorm and taking back her flashcards, Molly went back to using them the old-fashioned way. Sarah and Julie would occasionally have enough free time to go through the flashcards for one subject at a time, and Molly would frequently run through them herself just to keep on top of things. In the meantime, she'd taken a few books out of the library on the topic of wandless magic and had started reading up on the subject.

As it turned out, wandless magic was an entirely more complicated thing to accomplish than anything Molly had ever tried before, and her book said that there were some witches and wizards who never managed to get proper control of their innate magic to channel it without a wand. Wandless magic required a great deal more introspection and self-awareness than Molly had expected, and she finally understood why the subject wasn't taught until seventh year. It wasn't just about the level of magical experience, but also about the maturity of the caster. Molly was only fifteen years old. And while seventh year was only three years away, a lot of maturing could happen in three years.

All that wasn't to say that Molly couldn't try to master wandless magic. It just meant that she had to start looking inwards, which was an activity she wasn't used to. For Molly, knowledge had always come from the outside, from books and professors. But in order to get control over her magic herself, she had to get to know herself. And after hours and hours of reading, Molly discovered a tip in one of her books that suggested using meditation to create a connection with the magic that lived inside of her.

"What is she doing?"

The question was mock whispered, as if Flora wanted to pretend like she was respecting Molly's current state while she very overtly wasn't. Presently, Molly sat cross-legged on the floor at the foot of her bed, eyes shut as she attempted to block out the world.

It was hard. Molly had never liked being alone with her thoughts. All her life she'd striven to block out the silence and solitude of her own mind and had filled it with a constant barrage of information and learning. Now she was going against everything she'd ever known, and it wasn't just hard, but exceptionally uncomfortable. When she'd lost her friends last year, Molly hadn't liked where her mind had tried to go. It had taken everything in her to keep herself busy, and now she had to let it all go.

"Maybe she's finally cracked," Amber responded.

It took a great deal of concentration and willpower not to open her eyes and her mouth and bite back a sharp retort. But Molly gritted her teeth and maintained her position. After deciding that she was going to attempt this meditation thing, Molly had found a number of books on the subject and learned as much as she could before going into it. The books had said that even if she couldn't fully block out external stimuli, she should try her best not to react to them, because it would slow her progress once she got herself relaxed again. So, she ignored her roommates.

"Do you think it's some kind of weird ritual magic?" Eliza wondered. "What is she's putting a hex on the dorm?"

"No way," Flora replied. "Look, her wand's over on the bedside table."

Molly took a deep breath and then another, trying to focus on her breathing. The first step in all this was clearing her mind, but that was hard to do with people holding a conversation five feet away from her, now not even pretending to whisper.

"Do you think she can hear us?" Eliza asked. "I mean look, her face isn't twitching or anything."

"She looks like she's gone catatonic," Amber agreed.

At this, Molly lost her concentration and as she blew out a long breath, her eyes opened in frustration.

"Yes, I could hear you," she grumbled, picking herself up off the floor. Now that she'd lost concentration, it would take ages to get back into it, and Molly was stiff and hungry. "I'm not deaf."

"Well what were you doing?" Flora demanded, hands on her hips.

"None of your business," Molly returned, grabbing her wand off her bedside table and verifying that her bag had been packed with the books and notes she would need later when she went to the library to study.

As Molly left the room and started to go down the stairs, she could hear her roommates still talking through the partially open door she'd left between them.

"I think she's losing it," Amber stated.

"She's definitely headed for a mental breakdown," Flora agreed.

Molly rolled her eyes. Her roommates were such drama queens. She wasn't heading for a mental breakdown; she was just trying to learn wandless magic. But they didn't need to know that.

She met up with Sarah and Julie in the Great Hall for dinner, and after the three girls set themselves up in the library for the night. Sarah had to work on her Uranus essay for astronomy, Julie still had her assignment to complete for defence on protection spells, and Molly was planning on getting a head start on her ancient runes translations: this week they were focusing in past participles. If there was time afterwards, Molly had brought flashcards for potions in preparation for their upcoming class where they were going to brew the pepperup potion.

"So how was meditating today?" Sarah asked as they spread out their books and notes.

"Not great," Molly admitted. "Flora, Eliza, and Amber showed up and distracted me before I accomplished anything."

"If you told them what you were doing, they might be a little quieter," Sarah pointed out.

"They wouldn't," Molly shook her head. "In fact, they'd probably be more obnoxious."

She thought about what had happened last month and knew she was right. Any understanding she'd had between herself and her dormmates was gone now. Not that she cared. They'd never been people she'd really cared to have as a part of her life.

"Maybe you need a new location," Julie suggested. "Like an empty classroom or something."

"Yeah," Molly agreed. "Maybe that could work."

Though she didn't like the idea of her dormmates running her out of her own dorm, she also knew that what she really needed was total silence and a lack of exterior stimuli. She wasn't going to get that in the dorm, even if her dormmates left her alone. The soundproofing in Gryffindor Tower wasn't great, and even with the door closed, Molly would frequently be able to hear sounds of raucous laughter floating up from the common room into her dorm.

The girls spent about an hour and a half working on their homework assignments, and then switched to potions flashcards until curfew started to close in on them.

"Who invented the pepperup potion?" Molly quizzed.

"Glover Hipworth," Julie immediately responded.

"Working off of the research of Linfred of Stinchcombe," Sarah added.

"Correct," Molly declared, flipping to the next card. "What is the final step in brewing a pepperup potion?"

There was a pause while both girls tried to recall the steps.

"Simmer for ten minutes?" Sarah responded in the form of a question.

Molly shook her head. "That's the second-to-last step," she stated.

"Stir once counter-clockwise?" Julie guessed.

Molly shook her head. "Wrong again. It's to cast the counter-spell for the curse of the bogies over it, to imbue the potion with the healing magic."

"Oh, right," Julie said, hitting herself in the head with the palm of her hand. "I always forget that that counts as a step."

"You can't fool me," Molly rolled her eyes. "You just forgot. Period. How are you going to fare tomorrow when we have to brew the potion without looking at our notes?"

"I'll be fine," Julie assured her. "Don't worry, I'm ready."

"Me too," Sarah agreed. "Just because you write tricky questions doesn't mean we don't know the steps."

"That was hardly a tricky question," Molly defended herself. Casting the spell was the last step of brewing the potion. How was that tricky?

"Come on, it's almost curfew," Julie declared then. "We should get going before we get caught."

Molly and Sarah agreed, and after quickly packing their things away, the three girls climbed up to the seventh floor together, parting at the fork that separated the paths to Gryffindor Tower and Ravenclaw Tower.

"See you tomorrow," Molly called after Julie. "Don't forget to go over that recipe once more before bed."

"Sure thing," Julie called back, though Molly suspected she wouldn't really do it.

MmMmMmMmMmM

They had potions immediately following lunch the next day, which was good, because Molly always preferred to brew potions on a full rather than on an empty stomach. Professor Abbott-Longbottom declared that she wanted everyone to brew their potion individually this time, which Molly had been expecting. In the past, they frequently brewed their potions with partners, but the older and more advanced they got, the more important it was that Professor Abbott-Longbottom be able to grade them and asses their progress individually.

Molly was working at her usual table with Sarah next to her, and Julie had the table right in front of them all to herself, since Debbie was her usual desk mate and the spot had remained vacant since she'd been away. Molly thought Julie was lucky. She had more space to work with and more room to spread out her ingredients and equipment.

As usual, Professor Abbott-Longbottom didn't bother with a long preamble to the lesson. She'd talked about what they were going to be doing today at the end of their last lesson, and there was no reason to waste time going over it again, especially since the fourth years were going to need the full period to make their potions.

Molly had made sure to memorize the recipe for this potion in full before coming to class, so as soon as the lesson began, she made a beeline for the store cupboard and began filling her arms with everything she would need. Before Julie or Sarah had even left their own desks, she was back at hers and separating the ingredients into piles based on when she would need to add them and pulling out her cutting board and knife to start chopping the first ingredient.

As Molly worked, she even caught herself humming to herself a little bit. Brewing potions had always had a bit of a calming effect on Molly. Though it wasn't her favorite subject, there was a certain peace to the precision and careful timing required for this kind of a task. It was a simple subject. If you did everything you were supposed to do, then everything turned out as it should. One mistake and your cauldron could explode. It was unlike herbology, for example, which was messy and very imprecise.

About halfway through the lesson, Molly's curiosity got the better of her and she glanced over at Sarah's potion. She noticed that while her potion was a pale lavender at this point, Sarah's was still a deep purple.

"You need to add salamander blood next," Molly whispered to Sarah.

"I know," Sarah hissed back. "I'm just preparing my lionfish spines. I want them crushed before I add the blood."

"But you don't need to add them for another five minutes after adding the blood," Molly reminded her. "You'll have plenty of time to crush them after."

"I know what I'm doing," Sarah insisted.

Shaking her head, Molly kept an eye on her own cauldron while she began to crush up some lionfish spines. It was all well and good that Sarah wanted to be ahead in her preparation of ingredients, but if she left her potion sitting there without the salamander blood too long, it was going to expire. There was a reason the instructions said to crush the lionfish spines after adding the salamander blood.

Molly continued to watch out of the corner of her eye as Sarah finished crushing her lionfish spines and then grabbed a vial and walked off into the store cupboard to measure out some salamander blood. While she was gone, Molly peeked over at her table and saw that she hadn't even added the horklump juice yet.

Casting her eyes around for a sign of Professor Abbott-Longbottom, Molly saw that she was currently facing the other direction as she answered a question Flora Bailey was asking her, and Molly quickly measured out the correct amount of horklump juice and poured it into Sarah's cauldron.

As soon as it was done, she stepped back over to her own potion and busied herself adding the lionfish spines, stirring counter-clockwise as she did so, being very careful to mix them all in and not let the powder clump. Sarah returned and poured the salamander blood into her cauldron, then raised the temperature of her cauldron just a bit while she waited for it to reach the correct temperature to have the lionfish spines added.

Molly realized that Sarah had likely completely forgotten about the horklump juice altogether and was glad that she'd helped out by adding it herself. If it weren't for her, Sarah might have completely messed up her potion. Molly recalled that potions had always been one of Sarah's least favorite subjects. Sarah preferred theory and had always especially hated classes where they'd had to do practical things like brew potions. History of magic had been her favorite class, if Molly recalled correctly.

Once her lionfish spines were mixed in, Molly lowered the temperature on her cauldron, using a non-verbal spell as always, and found herself peering over in Julie's direction. Julie was at about the same point as Molly was, but she hadn't lowered the temperature at all.

"Psst," Molly whispered, trying to get Julie's attention.

Julie turned around, glancing around to make sure Professor-Abbott Longbottom wasn't watching. She wasn't. Once again, she had her back turned as she looked into a disastrous potion currently being brewed by Trent Harper of Hufflepuff.

"What?" Julie demanded.

"You need to lower your temperature, or you'll evaporate all your potion," Molly insisted. "Look at it, it's bubbling like mad."

"I know what I'm doing," Julie said impatiently. "I'll turn it down in a second, I just have this one clump of lionfish spine that won't dissolve."

"I'm sure it's dissolved by now," Molly insisted. "It has to be if your potion is bubbling like that."

"Just let me handle this myself," Julie insisted, turning her back on Molly and stirring her potion again.

Frustrated, Molly didn't understand why her friends kept insisting that they didn't need her help. Molly had studied for this more than they had, she knew the steps, and she knew what she was talking about. If they would just do this the way she was telling them to, their potions would turn out so much better.

While Julie was occupied, Molly made a split-second decision and pointed her wand as her friend's cauldron, silently casting a spell to reduce the heat. Julie would thank her for this later, when she hadn't evaporated all her potion away and completely messed up the ratios of everything else.

The lesson continued on, and Molly added the last few ingredients to her potion without any problems. She let her potion simmer the correct amount of time, and at the very end cast the counter-curse to the curse of the bogies over her cauldron, imbuing it with the specific healing magic to make it work. As she did so, the potion immediately turned the appropriate charcoal grey color that told her the potion had been a success. Proudly, Molly scooped some potion out into a vial for grading and began washing up.

"I don't understand," she heard Sarah muttering next to her.

"What's wrong?" Molly frowned, looking over. To her horror, the potion wasn't grey at all, but yellow.

"I did everything right," Sarah insisted.

"Obviously not," Molly pointed out. "The question is, what did you do wrong?"

Professor Abbott-Longbottom came over and looked into Sarah's cauldron.

"Almost perfect," she stated. "But you added too much horklump juice."

"But I only added one measure!" Sarah cried.

Molly froze. So, Sarah had added the horklump juice after all? When Molly had seen it sitting on her desk, she'd assumed she'd forgotten about it, but what if she'd simply taken too much from the store cupboard to begin with and the measure Molly had added was extra?

"It looks like you added two by mistake," Professor Abbott-Longbottom said. "Don't worry, this is still an exceptional potion. You've earned at least an E for today's lesson."

"An E?" Sarah balked. "Not an O?"

"We'll see," Professor Abbott-Longbottom said, moving on.

Molly felt terrible. But before she could admit to anything, Julie cried out as well.

"Oh no!" she cried.

"What's wrong?" Molly asked immediately and fearfully.

"There's still a clump of lionfish spine powder in here," she said, showing Molly the vial she'd used to scoop some of the potion into. It was a small clump, but it was there. "I was sure I'd got them all. I even boiled my potion a little extra to get all the clumps out."

Molly froze again, staring at the clump and feeling a lump form in her throat. This was all her fault. She'd only been trying to help and now both her friends were going to get E's instead of O's. She should confess. She should admit to what she did. But if she did that, then she would get the E. Or worse, an A. Worse still, she – all three of them even – could be accused of cheating. No, Molly couldn't have that. She couldn't admit what she did without risking Sarah and Julie getting in trouble for having help. It would be better for them to get E's than all three to get detention.

Molly remained silent.

"This just doesn't make sense," Julie muttered.

"Maybe your potion was never hot enough," Molly suggested.

"But it was boiling. You saw it, you were afraid of it all evaporating," Julie insisted.

Molly didn't know what to say to that. It was her own fault for not trusting her friends to know what they were doing. She should have let them handle their own potions. If they'd failed, it would have been their own fault for not studying hard enough. Molly couldn't understand why she'd interfered. The only thing she knew for sure was that she could never tell anyone what she'd done. She'd messed up, and she'd never do it again. Nobody had to know.