Chapter 4: That's one way, I suppose ...

I don't own 'Harry Potter'

Harry slowly made his way through the room and stopped behind Regulus sat on the sofa, leaning forward to nuzzle into the dark curls as he wrapped his arms around the other man's shoulders.

"Hello, the world's most wonderful husband."

"Harry?"

"Yes, my lovely other half?"

"You're not having any more chocolate."

He immediately pulled back with a scowl and crossed his arms, staring daggers at the back of Regulus' head. "Why the fuck not?"

The taller man turned around and met his eyes, an elegant brow raising in silent yet derisive question. Bastard.

"I'm fairly certain we've had this discussion already, multiple times in fact. Chocolate is extraordinarily unhealthy for the human body, and that's without accounting for the pregnancy. You need nutritional food for sustenance, you and the baby. Both of you require a controlled and specific diet so as to ensure that you're both in excellent health. Chocolate every now and then isn't an issue, but the amount you've wanted to consume in the past few months is frankly more than I've eaten in the past few years," Regulus finished dryly.

Harry pouted – and no, he wasn't being childish, he had every right to complain at his unfair treatment – and glared at his husband. "That's all well and good for you to say, but you're not the one whose very body is screaming at them for chocolate all the time, and you know damn well what happens to pregnant people if they ignore their cravings, you stupid well-read git."

Regulus just rolled his eyes at Harry who could almost feel his eye twitch with physical irritation. Pregnancy sucked; morning sickness – and who was the arsehole that had the gall to insinuate that shit only happened in the morning – dizziness, aching muscles, and above all the incessant and demanding screams for chocolate from his interfering body. Or the baby. (This kid was going to have one hell of a sweet-tooth, he knew it.)

Pregnancy might be oh-so-amazing about the miracle of life or some such tripe that naïve people spouted, but the physicality of it was getting more awful as the days went by, hence why having his husband constantly whinging about his cravings was starting to get on his last nerve. Harry wasn't stupid by any stretch of the imagination and knew what he wanted wasn't healthy, but unfortunately Regulus wasn't in a position to understand just how much his body's hormones were screwing him over. He couldn't wait for Regulus to get pregnant himself, then he could sit back and laugh and point and think, 'take that, wanker!'

… So maybe carrying a child was making him more of a bastard than before, but he was hormonal, sue him.

(Speaking of hormonal, if there was a good thing to make up for his problems it was the influx of certain hormones that left him feeling very receptive to his husband's affections. As in, the two of them made repeated use of any comfortable surface in their home to shag each other's brains out because Harry was so damn horny all the time. Literally, all the time. It was a good thing he was already pregnant considering their activities of the past few months.)

"So what if I like the taste of chocolate? I can't help that, you know. It doesn't help that Melania bought us about a year's worth of sweets from Honeydukes as a wedding gift. There's still so much left and it looks so good …" Harry trailed off, already half day-dreaming about the piles upon piles of confectionary goodness that Melania Black had gifted them with for their wedding alongside her official gift. The woman might be mad but she was also kind of a godsend. Well, she was until Regulus started hiding their chocolate and even got Melania to agree with him concerning Harry's chocolate intake.

His new family was full of arseholes.

He came back to reality to see a flat look on his husband's face and pouted. "Regulus!" he whined, "why are you so mean to me? I'm carrying your child, you know. The least you could do is let me taste some chocolate."

Regulus opened his mouth before he paused, a contemplative expression appearing on the aristocratic face that Harry very much enjoyed ogling every chance he got. There was a slight crease between his husband's brows, but what made Harry a little wary was the intrigued glint in the grey eyes that seemed to be gaining life as the seconds went by. He might love the other man, but that didn't mean that the time traveller was all that enthusiastic of his penchant for doing things to cause havoc. Which, yeah, might be a little hypocritical of him to say – Harry wasn't that unaware of his own personality, thank you very much – but he was in too foul a mood to give a crap right now.

"I do believe there may be a solution to this issue."

Harry cocked his head to the side in question, but before he could question what the fuck Regulus was going on about, a shiny object left his husband's hand and came flying in his direction. Years' worth of playing Seeker had honed his reflexes and hand-eye coordination to astounding levels, and Harry instinctively grabbed whatever it was out the air, frowning at the slight crinkling sound as his fingers closed around it.

He lifted his hand and opened it, eyes widening in delight at the bar of chocolatey goodness his oh-so-brilliant husband had apparently decided to gift him with, completely forgetting the other man's vague statement a moment ago.

"Regulus, I knew you loved me!" He tore open the packet and bit in to the treat, moaning at the taste on his tongue. "I love you so much."

"Why are you acting even happier now than when we got married?" The muttered response went unanswered as Harry drifted into sugary bliss, happily unaware of his husband's petulant mood. (Not that he would have cared too much if he was concentrating, anyway. Um, hello? It was chocolate, and chocolate was the food of the gods, and he and the baby were in complete agreement that this small bar of sweet-tasting cocoa was the food of dreams right now. Regulus could go sulk.)

Harry absentmindedly licked a bit of melted chocolate off his fingers and blinked as his hormone-infested body provided another use for the confection that Regulus would probably very much enjoy.

He turned to the other man and grinned salaciously. "Have you ever heard of body paint?"

Regulus blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Harry walked over to the sofa and climbed on, shuffling over on his knees until he was straddled across his husband's lap and lifted his arms to wrap around his neck. He started absentmindedly playing with Regulus' hair and leaned forward to kiss his neck, grin stretching wider at the almost-silent hitch of breath he elicited.

"Well …"

As he explained more and more about the different, personal uses of chocolate between couples, he could feel the man underneath him start to become quite interested in Harry's explanation of just how sweets could be used to spice up their love life.

A few minutes later and he was being pressed down into the sofa with Regulus attached to his lips.

I knew he'd come around to chocolate eventually.

Regulus was a smart man and he wasn't being arrogant by admitting it.

He'd been top of his year every year since he began Hogwarts, attained a Prefect badge in his fifth year, ended up with ten O's on his OWL exams – there was no way in hell a scion of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black could have taken Divination or Muggle Studies and actually retained any respect; they were better than that – became Quidditch captain in his sixth year and graduated with six O's on his NEWTs. He was academically brilliant, magically powerful, and his years growing up as a Black then entering Slytherin House refined his political acuity to the point that he'd managed to dance around and avoid Death Eater recruitment at school for over two years without alienating a single one of his peers.

The point was, Regulus Black was an astoundingly-capable wizard that was well-equipped to deal with all manner of trials and tribulations life might deem to throw his way. He'd always known he was intelligent enough to handle life's adventures and had never been given a reason to suspect otherwise.

Until he got married to Harry Potter and got him pregnant, anyway.

Regulus groaned and leaned back in his chair, lifting a hand to rub harshly over his face in tiredness despite the smug grin on his face. Harry had been a nightmare recently with his addiction to chocolate – and yes, it was an addiction no matter how nicely his passive-aggressive husband liked to dress it up; nobody craved something that much without having some form of dependence on it – not that he was stupid enough to even think such thoughts about his husband while in his vicinity; Harry was like a bloodhound with how he tracked people bitching at him.

It wasn't healthy, nor was it even remotely appetising seeing his husband smear his favourite sugar-filled snack over everything because his hormones were horrendously erratic. (Seriously, how on earth could the other man even stomach chocolate-covered rice with pickles? Pregnancy hormones were nothing to scoff at.)

Harry couldn't keep eating so much chocolate. This was a fact and had been for the past several months, so much so that Regulus had been rather single-minded in his attempts to find a solution to what would inevitably be the declining health of his husband and unborn child if Harry continued consuming so much sugar on a daily basis.

Thankfully, his marriage to Harry was unlike the dreadfully-manufactured unions of the majority of their societal peers – he couldn't fathom being bound to somebody he hated – which meant he actually paid attention to whatever came out his husband's mouth and processed the words he heard. Even if Harry had thoroughly distracted him with some novel uses for chocolate – uses which he was very keen to continue again in the future many more times; Harry was corrupting his mind more and more every day – he still hadn't forgotten what Harry had said to him beforehand.

He craved the taste of chocolate. The taste.

'What if something could be made to taste like chocolate?' That was the errant thought which spawned his little research project and led to him experimenting with all manner of foods. Kreacher seemed very enthusiastic to help out in this regard, most notably because Regulus himself was having a child that was going to bear the Black name. (Of course Sirius was having a child also, but considering the annoying shit had actually had the gall to elope with Lupin and take his name, only Regulus' children would be carrying on the family line. Bastard brother.)

This little project had once more reaffirmed his intelligence and genius – it was hardly arrogance if it were true, no matter how much Uncle Alphard mocked him – and Regulus took a few seconds to bask in his success. He rubbed his eyes once more as if to physically force awareness into his sight before looking back down at his desk and the innocuous-looking item sat on his notes, the small size at complete odds with the weeks and weeks of research he'd conducted.

He had a bar of chocolate.

Or at least, it looked like chocolate. It also smelt and tasted like chocolate, but in reality the faux confection was the result of nearly an hour's worth of painstakingly-difficult transfiguration, carefully turning a plate of healthy and balanced food into Harry's favourite snack, finished with several different charms to ensure that the human senses fully processed the food as chocolate rather than what it started out as. It was so realistic in fact, that if somebody were to consume the bar without being made aware of its origins, then they would automatically assume it was genuine chocolate.

It was genius, if he did say so himself.

(He resolutely ignored the little voice in the back of his mind, the voice sounding suspiciously like his husband, snorting and muttering sarcastic diatribe concerning Regulus' ego and sense of pride. Sarcastic shit.)

Regulus stood up, stretching his arms above his head and cracking his back in a manner that would have caused his mother to start shrieking about propriety and image and some such tripe or other that he had never truly listened to. And would never have to again because the crazy bitch was dead, thank fuck. He paused for a second before shaking his head ruefully. I've been spending too much time with Harry.

He bent down to pick up his newest creation – I didn't think I'd be using my Transfiguration books for this – and started to walk out his office, briefly looking over the pictures adorning the hallways of the upper floor. His family, Dorea and Charlus, even one of Ophiuchus for some bizarre reason – only Harry – were plastered on the wall in random places. It was so far removed from the dark and dreary décor of Grimmauld Place or even the classic and pristine Black Manor, and once more he couldn't quite believe how much his life had changed since finding an unconscious man collapsed in the family attic.

Turning into the master bedroom, Regulus paused for a moment to watch his husband, grey eyes roving over the relaxed form reclining on their bed. Harry was laying on his back with his eyes closed, one arm tucked underneath his head while the other was resting on his rounded stomach, gently caressing the small bump. He was humming slightly, a calming lullaby of sorts, and Regulus was struck with affection that warmed him all over. Harry might be a pain in the arse – which was putting it lightly – but the man was the person he was in love with and the man carrying his child; it was a wonderful picture.

Regulus gently cleared his throat and walked into the room as green eyes snapped open and flicked over to him, the humming cutting off as Harry sat up on his elbows.

"Regulus?"

Said man climbed onto the bed next to Harry and wordlessly handed over the 'chocolate', barely holding back a snort as verdant eyes lit up in glee and the man grabbed it and bit into it like a child, features softening in bliss as he moaned. I really wish he wouldn't make sounds like that. The other man munched on his treat for a few seconds before opening his eyes and pinning Regulus with a questioning look.

"What changed your mind?"

Regulus studied the transfigured food before turning to Harry with a speculative gaze. "What does it taste like?"

The other man froze with the bar in front of his mouth before narrowing his eyes at him. "What the ever-loving fuck did you just give me?"

"Does it taste like chocolate?" Regulus Black was not terrified of his short and pregnant husband, no he was not.

"Regulus Arcturus Black …"

He must be taking lessons from Grandmother. That warning tone that promised a world of pain was just like Melania Black and Regulus barely held back a wince. Combined with the furious glint in the green orbs Harry looked a moment away from hexing him, and Regulus hurried to explain before the stress could hurt Harry or the baby.

"It's not anything bad, it's just that we both know so much chocolate is nutritionally unhealthy for you at the moment, so I decided to see if I could transfigure a balanced meal into chocolate and charm it to taste and smell like chocolate. This way you can actually eat decent food while it tastes like the sugar you crave."

Harry squinted his eyes at Regulus for another minute before fixing the item in his hand with a dubious expression. He held it up to his nose and sniffed it, then tentatively book a bite and chewed thoroughly before swallowing. His husband stared at the chocolate for a while longer before shrugging and stuffing it back in his mouth.

"Fuck it."

Crisis averted. Regulus slowly untensed his shoulders, doing his damnedest not to show Harry he'd only been seconds away from fleeing. Hormones plus Harry's normal temper were a horrifically-scary combination and nothing would ever convince him otherwise. Hopefully the other man hadn't noticed, though.

"Regulus?"

"Hmm?"

Harry grinned at him. "I'm not that scary, am I?"

… Observant git.

"I can't believe we've only got just under four months left. It feels like yesterday Mrs Potter cast that spell."

Harry looked over at Lily who was musing to herself, chewing a biscuit as she absentmindedly rubbed her engorged stomach. Harry did have to admit it was fucking weird seeing his original mother pregnant in front of him, carrying a child that could very well be him from before. Or would that be the future? Fuck knows.

It was pretty weird – which was a serious understatement – that his fucking around in the past had actually completely removed any child of the Potters from being a part of the oh-so-helpful prophecy – need to think about that later – seeing as Lily's baby was due in May instead of July. Even if she was a little late that baby wasn't going to be prophesised to do jack shit, let alone save the world from an insane psycho with a penchant for world domination. Oh wait, he's dead already. Point one to me. (And no, he wasn't insane talking to himself in his head, he was perfectly stable, thank you very much. He didn't care how much Regulus sniped at him. Besides, he wasn't the one who thought going to an Inferi-infested cave alone was a good idea. Moron.)

"Yep, four months then the joys of parenthood," Harry snorted. Unlike the woman across from him, he was already intimately aware with things like changing nappies, feeding a baby during the night, and even enduring crying sessions for no apparent reason whatsoever other than the baby just feeling like it.

Teddy's lungs had been impressive.

"Ugh, don't remind me! I'm already stressing, and there isn't even a little sprog around yet to make it worse!"

He and Lily looked up at once to see Sirius slouch into the room whining, looking more than a little put out at the thought of his upcoming days as a caretaker for a helpless infant. (Harry privately wished that baby luck. And for Remus to have the mental strength to prevail. That household was going to be a nightmare.)

Harry looked up and grinned. "Careful now, Mr Lupin, or people might start getting the impression you're not excited to be a dad."

As he watched the aristocratic face light up with a blush with Lily snickering in the background, he took a moment to think through the fact that Sirius and Remus had actually went and eloped. Sneaky bastards. He'd always known they were together no matter what Hermione had said, and take that Granger, I was right! Just because Remus had married Tonks didn't mean he hadn't been into his fellow Marauder. Honestly, it was if his bushy-haired friend had never heard of bisexuality or whatnot before.

He still couldn't quite understand why the fuck the three of them were meeting up, but a good month after Dorea's surprise 'reveal' in the restaurant – which he damn well knew the former Slytherin had planned somehow, he was sure of it – he'd received a tentative letter from the young Lady Potter asking for him to meet with her and Sirius, and after some negotiating with Regulus – who was an overprotective wanker that did not want him meeting somewhere outside the wards of their home for an extended period of time – it'd been decided for Lily and Sirius to come to Oak Haven, and that was that.

They'd been meeting every couple of weeks for the past several months and Harry couldn't deny he was ecstatic to finally get to know some of the people he'd considered family for years. Sirius of course he'd known a bit, but it was an entirely different situation to get to know him as an equal rather than a mentally off-kilter Sirius trying to be an authority figure to a depressed and neglected teen.

And then there was Lily. Remus hadn't been joking when he was younger by saying the woman had a temper, and her already-short fuse seemed to be practically non-existent with the current pregnancy. He still remembered one memorable occasion when James accompanied her before fleeing in terror after he stupidly mentioned her weight and she flung a hardback at his head.

It was a lovely Pensieve memory.

Anyway, Lily wanted the pregnant people to bond so here they were. They were, in her own words, "going to be a bloody family so everyone needs to get the fuck over their stupidity and act like adults instead of a bunch of flaming phoenixes on burning days."

She had such a way with words. (And he now knew where his foul mouth originated. Go, Mum.)

Harry would concede she had a point, though. His baby was Sirius' nephew or niece, and thanks to the self-imposed shotgun wedding also Remus'. Their baby would be the niece or nephew of Harry and Regulus, and Harry and James were cousins so their children would be, too. (It sounded confusing but it still wasn't anywhere near as messed up as the Black family tree, and that was without the incest making things worse.)

Sirius waved his arms around dramatically with a slightly crazed look in his eyes. "Of course I want to be a dad, but it's bloody mental! There are so many things to do and that could go wrong, and bloody hell there's going to be a mini-me!"

"God help us all," Lily muttered.

"Hey!" Sirius sputtered indignantly.

Harry sighed. "I just hope my kid doesn't end up looking like Marcus if it's a boy. It'll be hell when they're older if I can't tell the difference between my own brother and son."

Lily snorted and Sirius grinned, the two shits probably imagining a carbon copy of Marcus Potter stood next to him like a twin. If he did have a son that looked like him it would honestly be a pain as they grew considering there'd only be two years difference. Please don't make things any more complicated, whatever actual deity or power is listening, I'm begging you.

Not one of them actually had a clue what the sex of their individual child was, all of them choosing to wait to the birth to be surprised. Harry honestly couldn't care either way, he was more interested in who they'd take after more in terms of looks. He was hoping they were a good mix of he and Regulus both.

Before Harry could bitch back at Sirius' annoying grin – something that was just begging to be punched if he was being honest – he felt a mental ping as the manor's wards alerted him to somebody's arrival. Both he and Regulus would have felt it, even with his husband currently at Black Manor plotting with Arcturus – despite what the sneaky bastards claimed – and Harry mentally felt through the protective magic to see who his home had let in. He smirked. This should be good.

He cleared his throat and grinned a little maniacally. "Oh, Sirius?"

The other man looked at him warily. "What?"

"I do believe your time's up. You've done well to evade her so far, but running can only get you so far."

The Black frowned and gazed at him worriedly, but he didn't even get a chance to question Harry before a usually-cheerful voice echoed through the room with an eerie calm that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

"Hello, my beloved grandson. How have you been? It's been so long."

Even Harry wanted to sink into the floor at the woman's understated fury, and none of that was even directed at him. Her eyes were still wide open, she had a perfect smile stretched across her face, and her hands were clasped together in front of her as she stood in front of her oldest grandson looking like a perfect doll. If it weren't for the glint of suppressed rage in the brown eyes the older woman would have appeared harmless.

He'd said it before and he'd say it again, Melania Black was a terrifying woman, and Sirius was now well and truly fucked.

"Nice knowing you, Sirius," Harry murmured so Melania couldn't hear him.

The other man glared at him before catching sight of his estranged grandmother's furious eyes and wincing, physically cringing away from the petite woman as she slowly drifted towards him, smile widening even further and setting off every mental alarm Harry possessed.

"H-hey, Gran – I mean, Grandmother, how've you been?"

Harry leaned back in his chair and wished he had popcorn. Wow, I've never seen him look more like a dog with its tail between its legs. Fascinating.

"Hmm? Oh, I suppose I've been fine. I mean, my daughter-in law did tragically die in an accident –"

Harry supposed him ending up back in time and getting the hag caught was accidental.

"– but then my youngest grandson finally met someone and settled down. Granted it was rather quick, but it was a wonderful ceremony. I'd ask if you agree, but you didn't attend, did you? A pity that –"

Wow, she was a pro at guilt-tripping people. Even Lily's wincing and Melania's not even talking to her.

"– I suppose you've also been concerned with your growing family. I was going to enquire about the status of your relationship, but then I noticed the family tapestry at home. I was shocked; I mean, my own grandson getting married without informing me? Of course he wouldn't!"

The woman paused to laugh airily, but the sound was anything but pleasant as Harry slowly put down his tea and biscuits, careful not to draw Melania's attention in case he needed to flee. His peripheral vision showed Lily doing the same, and two sets of green eyes met with a mutual understanding passing between them.

This was Sirius' fuck up, he could deal with it.

"Sirius," Melania sighed, sounding like she was gently chastising the man as opposed to brutally guilt-tripping him into allowing her access to her future great-grandchildren (which Harry was sure was her plan). "I understand things were strained with your parents, but exactly how did you come to the conclusion that Arcturus or I had any real issues with you? Neither of us conveyed that idea to you in any manner, not to mention you were never disinherited."

"What?!" Sirius squawked in a very undignified manner.

"Honestly," she carried on as if ignoring him, "you never even bothered coming to us when you ran away. We never gave any indication of hoping you wouldn't. And not telling me about my own great-grandchildren! Sirius Orion Black, I would have hoped you had more family loyalty than that. It is of no consequence to me if your husband is a werewolf –"

Sirius choked and paled. Harry snorted into his hand discretely. Brilliant.

"– I merely wish to ensure the happiness of my great-grandchildren – all of them – and therefore you will be keeping me apprised of your child's development, won't you?"

"Yes, Grandmother," came the faint reply.

"Of course you will, I've already missed the wedding of my oldest grandchild, I shan't be absent for anything else that arises in the future," Melania sniffed indignantly.

Harry was practically biting his tongue in half at the moment trying not to piss himself laughing. Sirius looked like he was going to pass out at the knowledge his grandmother knew he'd married a werewolf and was carrying their child, Lily was stunned at the other woman's calm demeanour mixed with her subtle cunning, and Melania was almost pouting at how put-out she looked by Sirius' recent behaviour.

Okay, Harry … Calm down, don't take the piss, don't mention that Sirius is scared of a former Hufflepuff in her eighties, just breathe …

Yeah, he knew he shouldn't take joy in the misery of others but that was hilarious. It was fun seeing someone else the victim of Melania's interfering.

Brown eyes turned his way and fixed him with an intense stare. "Harry dear, I do believe we need to discuss the particulars of the birth. After all, you are carrying the next generation of Blacks."

Harry froze and swore internally. Fuck, I jinxed myself.

He sighed and pasted a smile on his face, resolutely ignoring Lily's mischievous grin and Sirius slumping in relief. Arseholes.

This was going to be a long day.

A/N: Hello again!

So ... I know it's been a while, but unfortunately my work schedule isn't going to let up any time soon. I work full-time so earning money and keeping myself healthy is my priority. (Which seems to have failed anyway seeing as I have Tonsillitis right now, but what can you do?) I refuse to go on hiatus and disappoint people by just disappearing, so I'm afraid I'll have to just stick with irregular updates of stories if and when I can. I'm sorry if this upsets people, but I literally don't have the time to write properly, and most of the time I also have no energy. Sorry guys!

I hope everyone liked the chapter and I'll see you next time!