Chapter One

Thames House - Christmas Eve 7pm

"How about you Ruth? Will you come for a drink at The George?"

"I'm not done here yet, sorry" she smiles wanly at her colleagues.

"But after? Will you join us?"

"Yes okay. I'll see you there." She won't.

Everyone knows she won't come, but they play along with the pretence still. She hasn't been to the pub with them for months. She hasn't really spoken to anyone for months. Soon they will probably stop asking, she thinks.
Harry has watched this short exchange and walks up to her desk slowly.

"Ruth I'm sure whatever it is you're working on can wait - it's really quite peaceful here for once…" he leans against her desk slightly, folder in hand.

"Harry it's fine. It wouldn't feel right not to at least finish this translation. Then I'll go."

"What are your plans for tomorrow?" He doesn't look up from whatever file it is he's holding and pretending to read.

"Oh just a quiet one really - a friend's coming over for lunch." This is a lie.

"Good I'm glad you're not - "

"On my own?"

"That's not what I meant." Harry has stepped on a landmine again and he flinches.

"Doesn't matter. I really don't care about Christmas anymore to be honest."

"That's a shame, you used to love this time of year."

"Well, I've changed Harry." He knows a dismissal when he hears one.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll leave you to finish up." He hovers for a second and then walks back to his office. He can't bear not having Ruth on the Grid, but at the same time, having her on the grid is bloody hard work these days. She is hurting and prickly and sombre all the time now. He blames himself of course, but can't fathom how to fix it.

Ruth feels so drained by their brief exchange that she closes her eyes briefly. She wonders how much longer she can face working with Harry like this. She doesn't understand why it's so exhausting being near him now. It's like all her emotions are at war over him. There's anger that pushes him away, guilt that keeps him close, resentment that lashes out at him and, at the same time, love that yearns for him deeply. And it's so tiring.

After another half an hour she decides to leave. Even she can't think of anything else to do. She packs her things away and gets up to go like it's a normal Monday evening. As she passes Harry's office to walk to the pods she glances up but he is on the phone so she leaves. Just like that.

OOO

Chapter Two

Ruth's flat - Christmas Eve - 9:30pm

When Ruth arrives home there is a black cat sitting bolt upright on the doorstep. It is such a surprise that she stops dead in her tracks and the two eye each other. After a beat the cat stands and moves out of the way slightly. Ruth approaches and bends to scratch it behind the ear. She has missed having cats. The cat immediately winds itself around her ankles and purrs sweetly.

"Hello there. Whose are you?" No collar. The cat is purest black, no distinguishing features. Maybe a little skinny but too well-groomed to be a stray surely.

Ruth unlocks the front door and the cat flies inside.

"Come in why don't you?" She grumbles.

As soon as she enters the flat something feels wrong. Her senses are suddenly on high alert. She is reminded of Angela sitting on the sofa in the darkness. Ruth flicks on all the lights in the flat. Nothing seems out of place. It just doesn't feel right.

Putting it down to spook paranoia, slowly she starts to relax a bit, removes her coat and puts her bag down.

"Hey kitty ! Where'd you go?"

Then the landline rings, which hardly ever happens anymore. She forgets she has one sometimes, until the bill arrives. Must get that disconnected, she thinks.

"Hello?"

"Ruth?" All her hairs seem to stand on end suddenly.

"Yes, who is this?"

"An old friend." The voice is disturbingly, eerily familiar.

"Who are you?"

"You don't recognise my voice?" Yes, it is Ros Myers, Ruth thinks. But it can't be.

"I do, but it's impossible. You're dead."

"Always the analyst eh Ruth? Yes that is true, I am dead. And yet, here we are."

"It's not possible. I saw you die. In the explosion. I went to your funeral."

"And Harry asked you to marry him afterwards. I know."

"How do you know that?" Ruth sits down heavily on her armchair. This is surreal to say the least. A dead woman is asking about her relationship with Harry on Christmas Eve.

"And you said no. Why?"

Ruth sighs audibly and moves the handset to her other ear. She doesn't know anymore.

"It was the worst timing."

"But you love him don't you?" Ruth closes her eyes slowly. There is a long pause.

"Yes. But - "

"You know Ruth...I don't do regrets…" A wisp of a smile appears on Ruth's face. It is her !

"But if you did…?"

"I would have said yes to the date…"

"...with Andrew Lawrence? I knew you liked him. Why didn't you say yes?"

"I thought it was unprofessional."

"Ah. "

"Listen, I've got to go now Ruth, but I need to tell you that I'm not the only ghost from the past that you'll hear from tonight…and you should listen to what they have to say. Because we really only get one go around. As I know too well. Don't die with regrets."

"What do you mean?"

"Good bye Ruth. Happy Christmas."

"Wait! Hello?"

The line went dead. Ruth just sat there holding the handset - looking at it. A shaky sort of sigh escaped her. Was the phone going to ring again now? Who would be next? The black cat reappeared, asking for supper.

OOO

Chapter Three

Ruth's Flat - Christmas Day - Midnight

The Ghost of Christmas Past

Ruth has been asleep for about half an hour when she suddenly hears a noise outside the window. She opens her eyes in fright. Nothing. Then suddenly again the same noise, something hitting the window? Clang ! A pebble maybe? Bloody kids next door. She gets up and pulls aside the curtain. There's nobody there. She lets go of the curtain. Clang ! She pushes both curtains aside hard and looks out. Sure enough there's someone down there...a man with fair hair.

A thrill of fear passes through her. She doesn't recognise his silhouette. What should she do? Instantly she thinks of Harry - should she call him? Why does her first thought always include that man, she thinks with frustration.

Instead she takes her dressing gown from the back of the door and enters the hallway. There's now a shadow on the other side of the glass door pane.

"Ruth, open the door, it's me, Adam."

Ruth is frozen in fear. It sounds exactly like him.

"'I promise I'll explain everything - just open the door."

Ruth rests her hand on the latch, and, rolling her eyes heavenward, slowly opens it to reveal exactly who he said he'd be. Suddenly she can't feel her knees and falls forward slightly.

"Adam? Oh God, Adam. What's happening? Am I going mad at last? Am I dead?"

"No Ruth no, it's just a dream - you're dreaming."

"I don't understand...Ros called me."

"I knew she would...I do miss her."

"Me too...sometimes."

"Listen Ruth, you need to come with me for a while - I want to show you something."

"I can't go anywhere Adam, I'm in my pyjamas. And you're a dead man."

"It's a dream Ruth, anything's possible." Then he smiles at her in that devastatingly handsome way that he used to. Christ but he was such a good looking man.

"I am here to show you a Christmas Past."

Of course, she thought - three spirits. Just like Dickens. Past, Present and Future. It's just a dream…what could go wrong?

"Okay - where are we going?"

He takes her hand and then suddenly, immediately they are standing on the Grid. It is (slightly) decorated for Christmas.

"Shit!" says Ruth, shocked and disorientated. And very self-conscious in her dressing gown.

"It's okay, they can't see or hear us - we're just here to observe the past."

She looks out in wonder at the scene in front of her. Amazingly, she herself is there, sitting at her desk and dressed in some god-awful outfit of the sort she used to wear before her exile. Too much pattern, too much colour. And the jewellery! She flinches. But then she sees her face and she remembers a time before the cynicism and bitterness had set in. Her face is fresh and alive.

Zaf approaches Past Ruth and they are chatting and Ruth hears herself laughing, sees herself smiling. Zaf passes her a tea and Ruth offers him a biscuit from her private stash. More laughter.

"He was such a laugh, Zaf."

"I remember. I'm there too...look." Sure enough there was Past Adam, talking to Harry by the pods.

"Do you remember this day? You had organised the secret Santa spreadsheet."

"I forgot that I used to do things like that…"

"RUTH! I believe I have you to thank for the fact that nobody is doing any work?"

Harry has gone over to Zaf and Ruth to complain about the general merrymaking occurring. Except that he isn't really cross. He's happy. Ruth and Harry smile at each other.

Adam takes her hand and leads her to a different part of the Grid. Adam and Ruth stand watching a replay of the moment Ruth tells Harry she can't see him again. Ruth finds it almost physically painful to watch.

"I was trying to do the right thing Adam…"

"I know, Ruth I get it, I do. And I'm sorry that I gossipped with Jo about it."

They are still watching, and Harry has returned to his office, Ruth to her desk.

"The truth is that we were just happy about it... We loved both of you, and we loved the idea of you being together. There was no malice in it."

"I know Adam, I know."

Adam walks towards Harry's office and Ruth follows.

"I hurt him didn't I?"

"Yes I'm afraid so. He knew he loved you, but I think after you'd been to dinner together he realised that he was really in love with you. And while he didn't agree with your rationale behind ending things - he had to respect it."

"It made sense at the time…to me anyway."

She looks through the door into Harry's office. He is pouring himself a drink. Then he sits at his desk with a slump and stares through the glass at her desk. Then after a moment he picks up the phone.

"Good evening - yes I'd like to cancel my reservation for dinner tomorrow please. Mr Pearce. Yes that's right, for two. Thank you. Good night." He presses the receiver down briefly then picks it up again and dials another number.

"Good evening, it's Mr Harry Pearce, I'm calling to let you know that I will be coming to the club tonight. In about half an hour. I'd like my usual table please. No, just me."

OOO

Chapter Four

Ruth's Flat - Christmas Day - 2am

The Ghost of Christmas Present

When Ruth woke again it was because her cat had jumped onto the bed. A normal occurrence, apart from the fact that she didn't have a cat anymore, did she? She opened one eye to find someone sitting at the end of her bed.

"Christ !"

"Ruth it's just me, it's Zaf. Sorry. I was trying to think of a better way to surprise you. But then you woke up anyway. Hi."

"Zaf, bloody hell."

"Sorry, sorry. Best part of being a ghost though. Access all areas." He said this with a wink. Ruth sat up and tucked her duvet round herself, smiling.

"I've missed you Zaf."

"How are you Ruth?"

"I don't know Zaf… I'm sad, I think. Things have been hard, since I came back."

"I know they have. But it doesn't have to be this way you know. Come with me now."

They are in The George then.

The team are sitting around their usual table at the back, minus Ruth of course. Harry has just bought everyone a rather generous round and is drinking whiskey as always. Tariq is trying to engage him in a conversation about wireless headphones, but he has a far off expression on his face. Callum and Dimitri are arguing about Formula One while Erin watches on, rolling her eyes.

Ruth looks at the group nostalgically. She can't really remember her last outing to The George - with Jo and Sam and Zoe? Maybe. God that was a long time ago.

"Remember when we used to stay until closing, arguing about god knows what…such good times." Zaf is chuckling to himself.

"It's been a long time Zaf. I don't really see the others socially anymore."

"I know. It's important to laugh though you know...even if it's just at the absurdity."

"You were always so good at that...but then things just seemed to get darker, after I left…"

"But that's life isn't it - darkness and light. Both together."

Zaf and Ruth watch Harry bidding farewell to the group and leaving the pub.

"It's so sad about those two. I mean they adore each other don't they?" said Callum.

"I'm not sure it's mutual mate," says Dimitri, swigging his pint.

Zaf offers Ruth the crook of his elbow and she takes it.

Just like that they are in the kitchen of a warm farmhouse living room with a fire in the grate and a large Christmas tree.

"Zaf where are we?"

Ruth actually knows where they are.

"Cyprus."

She draws a sharp inward breath and nods her head quickly.

They stand in silence and watch Nico turning over all the wrapped parcels under the tree until he finds the ones with his name on. His aunt catches him and scolds him for cheating. He is laughing.

Ruth has tears in her eyes. He's okay. He's happy.

Zaf puts his hand on her shoulder and everything goes black.

OOO