So this doesn't exactly follow Season 4's order. I took the liberty of jumping around to suit whatever I wanted to do. I was going to get into "redoing" S4 buuutt, I think I like this more. Harm "getting it" that he loves Mac. Not waiting until Brumby takes her away… :)

S4 had a lot of nice HM moments but I am gonna make my own. Sorry if this is dragging out. Originally, this was an Annie story. Starts off the same with Annie grilling Harm as to why Mac was in his office and it spins her out of control. But, after chatting with OTHER writers - Jordan made more sense as being the manipulative one. She has the tools for it and Harm is Harm. Why he stays around with her for so long on the show, I never understood. And that desperate attempt to get back together with her when he gets back from flying was nauseating.

I keep rehashing the first time we meet here when she is sitting at the conference room table with Harm and he's just talking to her all easy like. I still can't get over he was calling up women to spend Christmas with when Mac was right there… oh boy can be so clueless.

Chapter 8 - Break

Mac could count in one hand how many times she'd seen Harm so distraught. His face was ashen, his eyes red from tears; she was sure he repressed until he couldn't bare them anymore. He wasn't crying now but the man standing at her doorstep wasn't the normally self-assured, cocky Naval officer he slipped into once he wore the uniform. And he was still in uniform although the tie was loose, the top three buttons were undone and his cover was dangling between two fingers.

"I ah...It's late. I shouldn't-shouldn't be here." He stammered, still at the other side of her threshold balancing his weight between one leg and the other. "I should go." Harm felt when she pulled him in, the tugging of his sleeve until he was in the center of the living room and his coat and jacket were pulled off of him to hang on her coat rack. He looked around at Mac's apartment, the space he was familiar with and seemed foreign to him today.

A warm fire was burning, most of the lights were off except for a lamp in the corner. There were shadows, lots and lots of shadows and when he looked up at Mac he noticed her eyes were dark, a sad gleam cast over them that he wanted to take away. "Go take a seat. I just finished a pot of that hot chocolate I make."

"The one from scratch?" He perked up at this. The first vestiges of cold weather and she would make a pot of hot chocolate, a recipe her grandmother taught her as a child. It took a few hours to perfect with her toiling over the stove stirring in each ingredient until this decadent drink was created. It was sweet, salty and absolutely delicious.

Mac smiled. "The very one. Go sit. I'll be right back."

They sat in silence for what seemed like an hour. Harm carefully sipping the piping hot drink holding the mug between his hands needing that kind of warmth. He glanced over at her as it seemed since his appearance at her doorstep Mac couldn't keep her eyes off of him with that questioning glance. "Why are you here? Not that I don't like the company but…" Of late he wouldn't visit - not since Jordan came into the picture. "I've barely seen you outside of the office since we had dinner a few weeks ago."

Dinner. Oh yeah, that had forced the continuation of an argument he'd walked away from. After Jordan dropped the bomb that he'd called Mac's name in bed they fought. They fought loud and ugly like an old married couple that was tired of eachother. "If you want her then just tell me and I'm gone." She screamed and he walked out without a rebuttal. What was the point anyway?

When he got home around midnight, that had been the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. "You were with her."

"We were working."

"Until midnight? Harm… what's going on? Why are you doing this to yourself? To me? What have I done? If you don't want me just tell me."

"I do want you and you are the one with the problem here, Jordan. If I wanted her, I would be with her but, I'm with you. I'm with you and not her. Let it go." And then he'd set off to prove his devotion to her but the sex was neither good nor wanted. He was grateful when she didn't bring it up in the morning. Things did get better, somewhat but Harm was actively trying not to think of another woman while he was with Jordan. Sometimes it was easy other times it wasn't and for the life of him he just couldn't shake Mac from his system - he wasn't sure he wanted to either.

And that was what led him to her doorstep, he needed her comfort, her companionship. He needed more than that but, for now, this would do. "You're the only one who understands me."

He had a woman waiting for him at his apartment knowing he was running late and that the case of Dar Lin Lewis was top priority over anything else. Harm knew Jordan would offer some sort of comfort but, that wasn't the kind that he needed. The last thing he wanted was that psychobabble, her trying to break into his mind as to why the horrible death of Annie Lewis affected him so much.

"Harm, you have a girlfriend. You should have gone to Jordan." Even as the words came out, Mac wanted to take them back but, she knew the damage him coming here would do. Although she didn't want Harm dating the shrink, she wouldn't be the piece that broke them up either.

Harm shook his head, still gripping the mug between his hands. "She thinks I'm obsessed."

"You know I do too."

Oh, he knew. She'd vocalized it when Harm seemed so consumed by that singular death and he'd shut her out as a result. Shooting her down was more like it because he'd brushed off her concern the same way he'd brushed off her concerns about his father, Diane and his recent thoughts about returning to a squadron. "There's a reason….this is going to sound stupid...Remember when I saw something on the Hornet? I thought it was my dad?"

"Stupid or not, it saved us, didn't it?"

"Mac, I had visions of a little girl." Even when he closed his eyes he could see her running ahead, hiding, beckoning him to search. "I could see her leading me to Dar Lin, that's how we found her...I promised her I'd avenger her sister. What if I can't?"

"You will."

"Mac…" It was extremely cold that afternoon while he and Teri Coulter stood by the gravestone of a girl that had been murdered. He made promises to her too that her death would be avenged and Charlie would pay. He didn't even know where to start but Jordan had promised him Dar Lin would be taken care of, watched and not tossed into a broken system. She would personally take care of the little girl's psychological issues and had done just that while he attended her sister's funeral - paid for the headstone himself.

She scooted next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. It was comforting especially when the fingers kneaded the tight muscles there that felt like bricks beneath his skin. "I have no doubt we'll find the bastard. For now, she's safe." And like it or not Jordan would do her job, making sure the little girl had a good life without so many demons. "You need to take care of yourself too, you know? You've been running on coffee and adrenaline for the last few days."

"You've noticed, huh?" He sighed as her hands maneuvered over him and he surrendered to her soft touch. Again, they remained silent, Mac's hands gently kneading his shoulders untils he felt the muscles that much more pliable and relaxed. "Thanks, Mac…. I shut you out and still you took me in."

"I'm used to you doing that. You did it with Webb too."

Harm sighed. Webb. What a cluster that had been. In the middle of a rather nice start to an evening with Jordan the man had called needing his assistance and thrusted them into a game of spies. He left Mac behind that day because of the danger involved. The thought of her getting hurt was too painful to imagine. "You would have had my back but I needed to make sure you were safe. I care for you too much… I still shouldn't have come here but I needed to for some reason."

"Comfort?"

"Yeah, comfort." Harm studied her for a moment. Her head was held down, her eyes fixated on her now empty mug that sat on the coffee table. She seemed sad and he wondered why that was. Her Article 32 had come and gone, she would be alright although promotions would be harder to come by. That thought upset him - they couldn't date if they weren't the same rank. Not that they would ever date - Harm was convinced she didn't want him that way. But the contentment in just being her friend felt like a noose these days.

"I needed this too." She confessed with a watery smile. "The day we found Annie I came home and cried. It's not fair, you know. Kids shouldn't have to suffer like that. No one should but...a child..."

Harm hadn't thought about her own struggles until then, the things little Sarah must have endured time and time again. She had always told him that she was never abused, that her mother took the brunt of it all but, then there were other forms of abuse and his heart constricted painfully thinking that someone could have hurt her. "I sometimes forget that you have a past. I'm sorry you went through what you did."

She shook her head. "It's not the same. What I went through is nothing, not like this. At least my parents tried to care from time to time. This was a monster's act."

"It affects you though. Still does." How they wound up sitting so close together was anyone's guess. His eyes had found hers holding them in a soft gaze of a lover. Harm came here seeking some sort of comfort and now he wanted the same for her - to ease the pain of the last few months and erase her past. He couldn't help leaning in, her lips were parted and Harm found that to be an invitation.

It was sweet; a soft kiss that was merely an extended press of his lips against hers until his tongue darted out, swept across her mouth just to get a taste. A hint of chocolate and cinnamon, those soft pouty lips - it could have lasted longer; should have lasted longer but then she pushed him away. Her hand was firm on his chest, Mac's resolve equally so. "Go home, Harm. You need to get some rest."

She was dismissing him and though Harm caught a sort of disappointment in her eyes, he conceded. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You're hurting, I understand." And he had a girlfriend so making out with Harmon Rabb Jr was just about the worst thing she could do especially given her new found reputation as an adulteress. So, Mac would let him go, send him off knowing he'd likely go home to her. But then, Harm liked blondes and they actually looked good together. "Go. You still picking me up tomorrow?"

"At 0830. The COD leaves around 1000."

"I'll be ready."

"I know you will." He stood, dropped off both of their mugs in her kitchen sink, slipped on his coat and jacket and was gone. On the drive home he thought about turning around and telling her… what exactly? That he was starting to have feelings that he couldn't explain? That she had been the principle star in all of his fantasies of late?

That he was falling for her?

That he'd already fallen for her?

It was a little surprising to find Jordan in his apartment even more so that she was laying in his bed beneath the sheet on his side. She was curled up with his pillow, pressing it against her chest like some oversized teddy bear she needed to sleep with. Hadn't this been the reason he'd given her a copy of his key? To make her feel comfortable for these sort of rendezvous and unannounced visits? He had wanted her there, in his bed half naked and waiting for him to come home. She hadn't even asked for the key, Harm had given it to her without being prompted.

Now he regretted that move because, of late, it felt like she was spending more time in his place than hers. They weren't living together - he didn't think - but then he couldn't remember if, at some point he'd stupidly asked her to stay more. Tonight of all nights he wanted to be alone, needed time to think and analyze what had happened tonight.

Jordan wasn't nude, thank God but when she turned over the sheets had slipped he saw the same NAVY sweatshirt Mac had worn weeks prior when they feared Palmer was after Harm. He barely slept the night that night as the Marine stripped apart his weapon and reassembled it time and time again. God, how he wanted to ask her to lay next to him and just be. Seeing Jordan wearing the same top felt like a betrayal of sorts and when she shifted, the sheets dropped away and he found the swell of her hip where only a scrap of white lace covered her most intimate parts.

He couldn't bring himself to sleep next to her not after kissing Mac. So he changed out of his clothes, used the head and settled onto his sofa. It would be hell on his back, he knew but before he could place his head down on a pillow he noticed them - the pictures.

There were stacks, several piles of images that he'd once had hidden in a shoe box on the top shelf of his closet. Each collection was neatly arranged seemingly on the correct timeline of when they were taken - images of the staff at JAG in various settings like softball games and formal balls. One photograph stuck out in particular - the first ball he'd attended with Mac although they'd been trying to thwart an assassination attempt. She was in his arms, a long black evening gown contrasting beautifully with his mess dress - a stunning pair.

Harm took the image and held it in his hands. He'd forgotten about it or the other memories he'd tucked away in that box the day that Mac left JAG a year ago. And that's exactly what the box contained, memories of the past. It was what he did when things made him feel a little too much - his father, Diane, Mac - all of them kept in their neat little shoe box hidden in the back of his closet never to be seen unless he needed to remember. "What's she like?"

He hadn't heard Jordan walk up to him or even felt her presence. He hadn't even thought to question why all of the images were on his coffee table or who had put them there. It was clear now, she had gone through his things - like a wife might do - but she wasn't his wife and the thought of marrying Jordan never crossed his mind.

"Jordan."

She ignored the warning in his tone and sat just next to him, taking a picture from the top, one of the whole JAG staff during a softball game. The one where he and Mac stood side by side wearing matching blue t-shirts, his arm wrapped around her waist. They looked like they belonged together and Jordan just couldn't shake that feeling that she'd been the rebound - the replacement until either of them came to her senses.

Jealousy was a terrible thing and she'd never quite felt it like this, the way that she did with Harmon Rabb. It was nasty and ugly, made her do such silly and female things like search the loft to unravel his mysteries. And then she found the shoe boxes, one with letters and images of a woman that looked like Mac - Diane, she knew. She knew because he'd once discussed that relationship at length with her. The next had tapes, letters and images of his father along the MIA bracelet Harm no longer wore. The last was all Mac - well, Mac, Harm and their friends at JAG but, almost every image had the pair standing side by side - an unwilling couple. There weren't tons of images but enough that she could create small little piles in order to digest what she saw.

"What's she like? What's Mac like?" When he didn't answer, she took the photo still in his hand and placed it on top of one stack. If she was upset, Jordan didn't let it show simply sitting there staring at him with her head cocked to one side - studying him like a client. "You bothered to change your clothes but I can still smell her on you. I'm fine with that because you asked me to trust you. You told me that nothing was going on. But, I need to know. What's she like?"

Harm dragged out a sigh as if his soul were being sucked out. He took the pictures carefully putting each stack into the shoebox where they belonged. "Mac's a fighter. She's strong, honorable, feisty, a good friend. The kind of friend who went with me to Russia in order to search for my father knowing I was likely following a dead lead. We went through hell, almost died and she stuck by me. And I know, if I asked, she would do it again."

Hell, he knew she would follow again even if he didn't ask. It's what they did and he suddenly lamented not being there for her more. "So that's why you love her."

"Jordie, don't start."

She waved him off needing to be heard. "No. I get it."

"No, I don't think you do." After tonight, he had it figured out - Mac didn't want him that way and he would just have to bury his feelings and move on. "Mac doesn't want me, not anything more than a friend. I was with a coworker once. Dipped my pen in company ink and it ended badly. I won't go through that again."

That explained the why but Jordan still wasn't convinced one day Sarah MacKenzie would take him from her so she needed to plan things right. She needed to find a way to keep him because a man like Harm was hard to find. Truth be told, she'd fallen for him like a stone and there was no turning back her heart. "Okay."

Harm took the box and walked across the loft to place it back where it belonged. The invasion of privacy annoyed him when he hadn't given her reason to search. He'd been faithful, up until kissing Mac, Harm had been faithful. So he decided their best course of action was a break, a time out of sorts. "We need to talk."

"You're breaking up with me aren't you?"

He shook his head. "No. But, I think we need a break for a little bit. This got too serious too soon. I'm not ready for it."

"I understand. A man like you is accustomed to being in control. You need it in your world if not you die." She placed a hand on his forearm and squeezed lightly, reassuringly. "I'm not trying to take that from you. I just want to understand this thing with Mac and now I Do."

"I'm not with her."

No he wasn't, she understood that now but the fact that he wanted to be still weighed between them. It was clear on how he'd stored those mementos along with those of two other persons that meant so much to him. "I know."

Jordan slid onto his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck loosely as her lips found his. "I know what makes you tick." She kissed him slow at first because he wasn't kissing her back simply sat there passively. But when her tongue swept over and touched his, Harm was done for. His hands came under the sweat shirt, grabbing the hem and pulling it completely off. "I know this doesn't change things."

"No it won't." But he was still kissing her, with urgency this time. "We shouldn't do this." And yet he was still touching her. His hands were cupping her breasts.

"No we shouldn't." Dammit but she wanted him to. Jordan wanted a goodbye to remember him by in case he never returned. "It's okay, Harm...Just one more time."

"Jordan."

"It doesn't have to mean anything." Except it did to her. Every night she spent with him Jordan fell deeper and deeper in love. "Let go with me one more time and then you can take your break. I'll wait for you. I'll wait for you because...because I love you."

"Okay." Harm pulled her up and took her to bed. One more time. Just one more time and it would be over.