. I know, I know. Why would Harm sleep with Jordan again? I don't know but, it happened! Now, the end of this one is a Disruption of a Disruption. :D So I got my Disruption for Shakedown and retooled it to fit here.

BTW - If you haven't ventured to Disruptions - head that way. It has no order just snippets of episodes that have been manipulated to make shippery. So many wasted opportunities with DJE's and CB's on screen chemistry. Some are romantic, some are sweet, some are sexy others are just for comfort. Anyway… I think you guys will like where this one is going.

Chapter 9 - Shakedown

"So, about last night." Harm had said the very second Mac got into his car. There was no 'good morning' or the usual pleasantries. He didn't even seem cheerful just not himself. He was also gripping the steering wheel in a vice and wouldn't look at her. He sighed. "That kiss...I didn't. I mean...I wanted and…"

Mac's hand covered his own that had dropped to the gearshift. "Harm. I'm fine...We're fine." She wasn't, not really because most of the night she sat by the cordless, the desire to call him and ask him to return so strong. The problem? He was vulnerable last night and that wasn't the way she planned to be with him.

That kiss, though not the steamiest she'd experienced, made the butterflies come alive in her tummy. It made her shiver and Mac berated herself for sending him off in his condition. But, the very nearness of him made her want more than just a kiss and last night wasn't the time. She wasn't going to use him that way especially since he had a girlfriend. "We were both a little emotional. It's natural to want to seek comfort with someone you trust."

"You sound like a shrink." He surmised, chuckling as she smacked him playfully on the shoulder. "So we're okay? Really okay?"

"Never better...except…"

"Except?" He eyed her wearily and then heard her stomach rumble in protest. "You're hungry?" Mac shyly nodded and her eyes opened wide, expecting his next response. "We got a little time. Edna at your greasy spoon must be missing us."

"Oh thank God. I haven't had coffee either."

They sat across from each other at a small diner near the airport. Harm having oatmeal and fruit while Mac was devouring eggs, hash browns, bacon and pancakes all slathered in syrup and butter. He raised a brow when she finished it all off wondering, not for the umpteenth time where she manages to put it all. "Happy?"

"Very." She was glowing actually and practically bouncing in her seat from the sheer joy of a food coma. Harm loved watching her eat. It was one of those moments that Mac was very Mac, subdued and full of mirth. The whole 'Marine' thing in her would die down enough so that some of their most thoughtful, private conversations were easier.

Absentmindedly, he reached across and swiped at a bit of maple at the corner of her mouth. As he did, his thumb brushed her lower lip and a jolt of electricity jumped between the partners. Mac's eyes shot up to his, the merriment was gone replaced by wonder if not a little confusion. He lingered for a moment and then pulled back to lick the syrup from his finger.

"Thank you." She said shyly, her cheeks tinting a lovely shade of rose as she took her napkin and dabbed at whatever was left. "You know? I couldn't sleep well after last night."

"I couldn't either." He said because while Jordan nodded off almost immediately, he needed to shower and think. Even though Jordan's kisses had been fully of enticing passion, Mac's had been sweet and full of promise. "Jordan and me...We're hitting the pause button for a bit."

The words stumbled out so casually it was as if they were talking about the weather. He looked down into his coffee cup seeking answers that weren't there or anywhere else. Last night had been a mistake on his part - she'd led and he'd followed like the stupid man that he was. To be fair, Harm was vulnerable last night, consumed by both the emotions of dealing with child abuse and kissing Mac. If she didn't want him, what did it matter if he fell into Jordan's arms 'just one more time.' They had been dating; she was his girlfriend and sex was a perfectly natural thing between boyfriend and girlfriend.

When he got up that morning, she was still in his bed either asleep or feigning to be. Whatever the case, Jordan hadn't moved when he showered and shaved, dressed and then left. He couldn't just kick her out - his deficiencies as a man weren't her fault, not at all. It was his issue to get over - his issue to see through and maybe, one day, he could fall in love with her or something like that.

"A pause?" Mac wasn't sure whether to be elated or sad. True, she loved him but it was equally true that with that love was the extreme care for her friend. She didn't want to see him upset and yet, something about Jordan just kept rubbing her the wrong way. She had actively prayed they would fizzle out and now that it seemed she got her wish, she felt numb. "Is that a good or a bad thing?"

Harm shrugged. "I don't know." He sighed, grabbed an unused napkin and began to make a paper airplane that was far too flimsy due to the soft paper. "I don't know what I want, Mac….But, she's been getting too comfortable and I'm not ready for that. Maybe a break is what we need to reevaluate things. What is it that they say? 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder?'"

"What prompted this? I mean I know you had a spat a few months ago but, why this? Why now?"

He bounced his leg up and down nervously and then with annoyance tossed the half folded plane into his empty plate. "She went through my things, Mac. My private things and every time we're alone it's like...like.. I'm a patient she's trying to fix. It's exhausting." And yet he fell into bed with her… again. Sighing, he scrubbed a hand across his face. "I'm an idiot."

"Don't do anything rash. Relationships do tend to have an up and down. Give it time."

"Whose friend are you anyway?"

"Yours and I will almost always take your side." Almost always because there were times, such as this that he could understand Jordan's concern especially given the way the woman grilled her a few weeks prior. "I know it will end the moment you decide you want him."

"Do you love her?" Mac asked quietly.

"I don't know."

"Well, you need to figure that out."

Harm frowned. "Yeah I guess I do."

Mac stood in the shadows, her back pressed against one of the hard walls of the comm room. They had been aboard the carrier for nearly a week trying to decipher some of the odd ongoing that made her think about their issues on the Watertown. This had been different, the deliberate attempts to steal the ship's purse. All was well and soon, they'd be back in Washington.

The ship was in the middle of air maneuvers and she watched with interest how Harm's eyes widened. He spoke under his breath as if commanding the aviators that were patrolling the skies above, each turn and movement anticipated. He was in his element, one that she knew he missed and still felt part of. From what she'd gathered through a lot of sleuthing and varying reports of his accolades - even classified ones - Harm had once been one of the best.

He'd flown during the Gulf war and was a lock for squadron leader and even a position as CAG until that ramp strike. She'd read the incident report and her heart squeezed at all of the minute details that he'd never shared with her - with anyone more than likely. His RIO had been killed and it was a weight Mac knew he carried on his shoulders along with that of his father's death and Diane's. The review board had cleared him of any wrongdoing but they hadn't reinstated his wings until, miraculously, he was allowed to fly again.

It proved he still had the stuff to be a great aviator albeit limited by the night blindness that plagued him. Harm was still a good stick, she wouldn't have climbed into the back of an F-14 or a MIG if she doubted his abilities. But this was something different. He had a spark in his eyes she'd never seen, an excitement as if he were the man behind the stick making the plane shoot through the sky like a bat out of hell. He recited each movement, each control with such complete confidence.

It made her smile and so she hung back and watched him. What Mac couldn't expect was the pang over her heart - what if he got another chance to fly? What if one day JAG wouldn't be enough for him? Harm wasn't the kind of man to be reined in which is likely why his relationship with Jordan sat on rocky ground. He needed the adrenaline in his veins, needed to be free and in control of that freedom. And he belonged on a ship with the nasty combination of hydraulic, petroleum, sweat and burned rubber. He needed that 'wham' of the catapult and the sounds of metal groaning when each bird slammed on deck.

Later that day when the pilots returned she found Harm in the Officer's Mess watching videos of each landing, laughing while the men cajoled one another. Harm caught her looking and the eye contact they made was clear - she didn't like this side of him. When she was once smiling in earnest now it was sad and so were her eyes. He turned his attention back to the pilots and then she was gone.

An hour later Harm leaned against the frame of Mac's stateroom and rapped his knuckles on the door. He heard several curse words eminanting from inside and when she finally opened he found her hand haphazardly wrapped in gauze the end of which was held between her teeth. "Need a hand?"

"Funny." She ground out and left him standing in the hall while she tended to her injury. The chemical burn hurt like hell and it was Harm's quick thinking that stopped the injury from being worse.

"Came to see if you wanted to join me for dinner. What are you doing?" He eyed her as Mac sat on the lower rack and tried wrapping the gauze around the marred skin. Each time she tried it unraveled again and the little mesh which served to protect the burnt flesh was exposing her tender skin.

Mac sighed, grabbed the gauze and heaved it onto the bed with a groan of frustration. "The corpsman said to keep it wrapped and dry. I just showered and Corpsman Lewis wasn't at his post."

Ah, so that was the pleasant scent that he'd noticed when she opened the door. Sweet, clean like strawberries which contrasted with the smell of sweat, gas and hydraulic fluid that seemed to coat the ship. "Let me see."

Harm closed her hatch, grabbed the chair by the small desk and sat just in front of her after cleaning his hands in the small sink. He gingerly took her injured hand and placed it on his thigh frowning at just how bad the burn looked. "Hand me the meshy thing and the ointment."

Mac did as told, watching with great fascination as he slathered on the ointment, placed the mesh back on and then began to wrap her hand. He was gentle and slow, his tongue sticking out in concentration. "You like it here, this life, on a ship."

"I miss it sometimes."

"You're gonna leave JAG aren't you? Flying is your real passion."

How he wished he could just to get another shot before he was far too old. "I can't. My eyes don't let me fly at night. Those traps are kinda necessary."

"What if, somehow you got them fixed, what then?" He didn't answer, just kept her injured hand still while he did his best to wrap Mac's fingers neatly.

"Our partnership will end." The insecure tone was shocking. Seldom had she opened herself up to him so earnestly. "I get it but, I don't understand why."

"I spent my life training to be a Naval Aviator, Mac."

"So JAG was a fall back?"

Harm sighed, unraveled the gauze and began again just to have something to do and avoid her questioning gaze. "You always have to have a plan B. I didn't intend to stay forever, you know? As much as it's a rush, it isn't like flying...and then you came along…"

"Oh please."

"I'm serious. Work was getting boring, stagnate, you made it interesting. I loved working with you. Fighting with you. We're good together."

She sighed. "Yeah we are." In more ways than he likely realized. Mac's eyes went from the hands wrapping hers up to his face. Despite his arrogance at times and the infuriating ways he pushed her buttons, Harm was a good man. Chivalrous, honorable to a fault. He could be charming when he wanted to and though it was never romantic towards her - Harm was loving.

Mac swallowed hard. Hadn't she left once? And it wasn't to fill a lifelong dream. She left for the allure of something she never had - money and a man she thought she loved. She still remembered the sad look in Harm's eyes, the way he held her when they hugged goodbye. She wondered when their goodbye would come and how much it would hurt her.

And so she watched when Harm mumbled a curse under his breath because the gauze wasn't wrapped to his standards. She would have teased him if it weren't for how determined he was. God, she was so in love with him. Why did she have to fall? Mac just didn't know how to tell him and given his involvement with Jordan, Mac knew she would never have a shot. Even with them 'paused' Harm didn't want her that way.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked when he caught her eyes almost boring holes into him.

"Like what?"

Harm held the hand resting on his thigh, hooking her two good fingers with his. He'd finally finished wrapping the gauze, satisfied that it wouldn't unravel easily. "Like you have something you wanna tell me but can't."

I love you. "I don't." She lied.

"Mac."

I need you. "Harm, just drop it." She tried to pull her hand away but his long fingers grabbed around her wrist. "Please just let it go."

"Why?" When she wouldn't answer he tucked a finger under her chin to raise her head up. She seemed so sad and he would give anything to take that away. "Tell me what's wrong. I don't like that look in your eye."

"Why is that?"

"Because I can see you're hurting and don't tell me it's just the burns." He slid his hand up and over her forearm stopping to curve underneath her elbow. "I'm your best friend, Mac. I want to be the one you trust."

Mac sighed, his fingers on her skin were making her dizzy especially when they began to run slow circles. The man never did play fair. "I don't trust easily."

"Is that why you didn't tell me about Farrow or Ragle."

"That again? You knew about John anyway."

"I suspected." What Harm couldn't wrap his head around was that little green monster and how much his stomach twisted in knots any time she mentioned the senior officer. Mac's eyes would light up and there was a smile he hadn't seen before that she had for Farrow. "Why not tell me you were together? I would have understood."

"Oh yeah, I understood and passed judgment that I screwed a senior officer? You would have given me that disapproving look you get and rattled off some snarky comment of…"

"I was jealous." He stated and finally let the hand drop from her arm. "I still am."

"Of Farrow? That's long past...buried."

"Farrow, Ragle, Dalton and everyone else that looks your way and...and it's driving me a little crazy." He took her hand again, this time the one that was not injured. "Damnit, Mac! You don't understand...When I'm with Jordan I think of you... I think of you when I'm not supposed to. It's not right but it happens and I don't know what to do about it… It doesn't stop and I'm not sure I want it to stop."

He thought of her - with Jordan - he thought of her? Maybe the other woman had been right to be concerned. "Of me? Why me?"

"I think you know. God, I hope you know." He was still holding her hand when his other came up to press a palm against her cheek. "I have...feelings for you and they won't go away."

"I have feelings for you too and mine won't go away either."

"Mac…Aww hell." Without asking his head dipped down to hers and Harm kissed her. It was soft and tentative until Mac kissed back and a chaste kiss threatened to burn too hot given their current location. She tasted so sweet again and this time his tongue did part the seam of her lips begging for entrance that Mac was quick to give.

She was clutching him then with her good hand pulling Harm closer while her injured had rested in one of his. A low, sexy moan escaped the second his tongue found hers and that slow, sensuous dance began until either of them could breathe. The comm unit crackling alive forced them apart almost comically and Harm rubbed the spot on his head he hit against the top rack when they jumped apart. "I'm sorry. This isn't the place for this."

"I liked it." She smiled at him and then leaned in to brush her lips over his one more time. That kiss got heated as well. She sighed when his hand slipped under her blouse and moved upwards, stopping at the edge of her bra. His hand was rough and warm and it made goosebumps raise across her skin. "You're right this isn't the place." Mac said on a long, suffering sigh. Her forehead rested against his own and the hand that was touching her bare skin slowly slipped out. "Damnit, why now, Harm?"

"We'll be off this tub soon…" In one day, weather permitting and then they would be back home, on dry land and maybe… just maybe... "Maybe then maybe..we can uh...talk?"

Talk? Lord, he wanted to smack himself. This woman had him Tongue Tied, no woman had ever had and tongue-tied. He felt his axis shift slightly and found the brief loss of control kind of exhilarating. He wanted more of it and he wanted it from Mac. "I mean… what I mean… I guess we should talk and… uh...Damn Mac, you have me babbling like an idiot here." That made her laugh which made him laugh as well and for the first time in months, Harm felt a levity that he hadn't since her trial. "I want to kiss you again."

"I want that too."

He pressed his lips against hers, a chaste pop kiss before stepping away and heading to her door. Harm's hand wrapped around the knob and he paused before opening it. "I want more than just to kiss you...I want to show you what I feel." He was facing the door, eyes closed, hand gripping tighter. Harm took a deep breath, made sure his blouse was straighter and cautiously opened her door.

"Harm?" She called out and when he turned to face her the smile he found lit up the room. "You're all I think about...and I want more too."

And there went that flyboy grin, cocky, confident. "I'll meet you in the officer's mess for dinner, Major. We still have some work to do."

"I'll see you there, Commander." Mac flopped onto her bed and sighed. "He loves me." She said to herself and although no words to that fact had been shared between them, she knew.