Day 37
Cosima wakes late, and scuffles over to the box in her closet. Inside, Kiki purrs while her kittens suckle and squirm. She remembers it well, watching kittens emerge from Kiki one-by-one, clutching at Delphine's hand. It was silly, and yet, it had moved Delphine. Delphine had kissed her. She closes her eyes for a moment, but all she can picture is the uncertain expression on Delphine's face as she'd leapt to her feet and practically run from Cosima's apartment.
"Looks like you're all doing fine." Cosima sighs. She leaves a small bowl of cat food just outside the closet. She presumes Kiki will be hungry but who knows.
She texts Scott quickly, snapping a quick picture of the cat family to send. She receives a ridiculous number of heart-eyes emojis in response. At least that much is done.
Cosima stretches and goes looking for breakfast. She's eating a toasted waffle with one hand when her phone dings. Delphine seemed to know she was up. How do they move forward from this? Delphine had initiated which suggested to Cosima that things should progress fairly quickly. That… it should be fine to flirt and suggest experimenting. She reads the message finally, unable to wait a moment longer.
Really busy today. Too many meetings. TTYL
"Seriously, Delphine?" Cosima hollers close to the wall, knowing that Delphine can likely hear her. So can whoever she's talking to on Skype in all likelihood. Whatever it is, it cannot be that important.
A second ping. Cosima checks again.
I am with a client. Please do not yell.
Cosima groans and begins drafting her response. She hopes it sounds non threatening enough. It definitely isn't everything she wants to say.
Come for lunch. I'll use the tofu press. I will make it very worth your while.
Cosima finishes her waffle and starts cleaning up her kitchen. Disposing of the leftover takeout containers also makes her think of Delphine. Delphine who was so calm throughout the whole night. Delphine, who no matter how tired she was refused to leave. Delphine who got up to get her tea several times, who had rubbed gently at her back more than once. Delphine who had delighted at each tiny kitten and had done the reading up so Cosima could feel like someone was prepared.
She checks her phone again, having received no response Cosima resolves to get some work done for a while. She shoots an email off to her advisors, and then sends a quarantined in Toronto update to her parents. Figuring that they might appreciate it.
When her phone rings she jumps up from half-heartedly reading, perched on one of her kitchen chairs.
"Hey Cosima."
"Oh. Hi Scott." Cosima grumbles. It wasn't a surprise Scotty was calling. She should at least make an effort to sound less disappointed.
"So five kittens. Did you sex them yet?"
"What?" Cosima starts. What the hell was Scott talking about?
Scott sighs audibly. "Did you look at their tiny newborn cat genitals to tell me if they are male or female?"
"Umm no? I made sure they were nursing and breathing and let Kiki do her thing." Cosima admits.
"Well, when you get a chance, please take a look. I'll send you a reference comparison tool." Scott offers.
"Wow… okay." Cosima tilts her head, but no one is around to see it. "I guess I'll do that soon?"
"It's just for the rescue's information."
"Do you need to know now?"
"We'd like to." Scott tells her honestly. "Then we will name them and they'll have their own files. Medical records. Vaccinations. Sterilization…"
"Right. I guess I'll do that."
"What's going on with you anyway?" Scott laughs. "You're way more distracted than usual."
"It's my new neighbour Delphine." Cosima smiles despite herself. "I am absolutely crazy about her. It might be mutual but… she says she's too old to experiment."
"Well I guess you have your answer then." Scott replies. "Just photograph each kitten for me. OK?"
"Yeah. Yeah will do. Talk later Scotty."
"Bye Cosima." Scott hangs up the phone leaving her feeling more alone than ever.
Cosima tries to busy herself with trying to sex the kittens. At least Kiki doesn't seem to mind her picking up her tiny baby and craning to look at their rear ends. She thinks two females and three males, but snaps weird kitten butt pictures to send to Scott to make sure.
She cleans up, and refills Kiki's litter box with fresh pine pellets and then washes her hands, she has to see Delphine. It's mid afternoon now. This is getting ridiculous.
Cosima creeps out into the hallway, wondering if the man in 302 will wander back around, in drag, or otherwise. She knocks insistently on Delphine's door.
"Delphine it's me." Cosima calls softly. "I think we should talk."
"I am busy." Delphine's voice calls through the door. "I am working, Cosima."
"Dissertation or private clients?"
"Does it matter?" Delphine responds, still not opening the door.
"It matters to me." Cosima decides. The dissertation can be interrupted. She can accept that if Delphine is doing assessments or follows ups on private practice clients she should not interrupt. But the dissertation? That can be done at any time.
"My dissertation." Delphine answers softly. "Please.. Just let me have some time."
"But…" Cosima swallows. She needs to be more considerate. Needs to try to be patient. "OK. I'll be around tomorrow." Cosima returns to her own apartment, figuring she should get whatever work done she can now. Tomorrow, tomorrow she'll try again.
Day 38
She returns to Delphine's door the following morning at 10am. She begins to knock insistently. Hoping that this time Delphine will open her damn door.
"Where have you been?" Cosima demands as soon as Delphine opens her door. You have avoided me for a day.
"I was working."
"Bullshit." Cosima tilts her head, her hands unable to remain still. This, this means too much to her already. This cannot go wrong. Her heart cannot take it.
"I'm sorry." Delphine sits on a chair, a mug of tea clasped in her hands.
"What is the problem? You like me. I like you. We have shared research interests. We… we really connect . I know it's not just me!" Cosima exclaims.
"I really really like you." Delphine tells her softly. "I can't help it."
"Then don't help it. What do you like about me?" Cosima tries to give Delphine a way to verbalize it. To set it all out there in front of them on the table.
"Your mind…I love your mind." Delphine shakes her head delighted. "I…I have never connected with someone like this before. Emotionally too, it's all there." Delphine laughs. "More than ever before."
"Yeah?" Cosima feels suddenly hopeful. This is enough, surely. Enough to convince Delphine that this is worth a try. That the two of them could be so much more.
"If you were a man," Delphine gives a devilish grin for a minute. "I wouldn't be able to resist you."
"Woah… you did not just say that." Cosima cannot contain her offense. "That isn't a compliment."
Delphine's brow furrows. "What do you mean?"
"This mind? This mind you think you love? It lives in this body." Cosima puts a hand to her own chest. "And you need to accept that. It doesn't mean you have to want to fuck me. But don't say things like that. Just… let it go if that's how you feel. And we'll go back to being friends who don't kiss."
"I didn't mean…" Delphine shakes her head. Seeming more than a little nervous.
"Then what did you mean, Delphine?"
"That… you're nearly irresistible." Delphine offers, her voice softer now. "I just don't know about the...physical side of things. I don't know how. I am too old to experiment."
"You kissed me." Cosima spells it out.
"I know. I know I did." Delphine nods. "I wanted to. Maybe because it was so late. Maybe staying up with you all night made me feel younger. Maybe, maybe it just made me feel closer to you."
"Then take me. You can have me, like this." Cosima shakes her head. "Come to bed with me, and let me show you. I can give you what you want." She keeps her tone soft, inviting. This… this isn't a fight as much as it is seduction.
"I'm on my period." Delphine admits finally. "We have to at least wait a few more days."
"Seriously? That's… that's not a problem. At all." Cosima lays it out. "We'll throw down a towel, do it on my bed. Yours is...too nice." And too new, Cosima adds to herself.
Delphine's eyes widen. "But I'm bleeding!"
"So? I don't care. " Cosima doesn't know how much detail she should get into on how much she doesn't care. She doesn't want to gross Delphine out, but she wants to make it clear. "I have been with women during their periods before, Delphine. It's OK." Admittedly, never during a first time, but why did that have to matter?
"If you were a man we wouldn't have this problem. I'd just give you a blow job and you'd be happy." Delphine throws up her hands, looking at her. It's comical, even if it wasn't intended that way.
"Umm ok." Cosima laughs. "First off, you don't need to get me off. Second, would you enjoy that? Like for you?"
"Not particularly. But I know how to do it." Delphine admits, shrugging her shoulders.
"Learning is lifelong." Cosima prompts, reminding them both of a previous conversation.
"Are you saying that I need to be more flexible? I understand sexuality is a spectrum. I acknowledge that people are often more sexually flexible than they'd state. But I'm 31, Cosima. I don't have time to start all over with sex."
"Why not? I'm saying it's never too late to learn something new. I know you said you feel too old to experiment. So screw experimenting. So, how about a date instead?" Something a little more serious, Cosima theorizes. Something real. Something not just about sex.
Delphine's eyebrows raise. "A date? Toronto is locked down."
"So we order luxuriously expensive takeout, we dress for dinner, eat, maybe see a movie…" Cosima offers weaving Delphine into her fantasy.
"Alright." Delphine agrees. "I'll go on a date with you. Pandemic style."
Cosima grins, "Great. Come to mine for 7 pm. Everything will be waiting."
"You're serious?"
"Of course I'm serious!" Cosima answers without hesitation. "I am going to romance you, Delphine Cormier."
"I look forward to it." Delphine smiles slowly.
"Good. It's more fun that way." Cosima winks. And turns to leave.
"Cosima?"
"Yeah?"
"What should I wear?"
"Whatever you want." Cosima laughs, she has preparations to make.
She's trying on different dresses, trying to strike the right balance between sexy and not pushing Delphine too far. When the click of her spare key in the door heralds Delphine's arrival.
"Cosima?" Delphine calls into her apartment, heels clicking against the laminate flooring as she looks for her.
Cosima freezes, maybe she should let Delphine get a peek. « In here! » She calls, still in her black slip.
"Oh no. I'm early!" Delphine says from her doorway, eyes taking her in.
"Nope. I'm late as per usual." Cosima assures her, throwing another dress over her head and sliding into it. She quickly returns the rejects to the closet.
Delphine looks amazing in what looks like dress pants and a white sleeveless blouse.
"Wow you look amazing." Cosima grins at the sight of Delphine.
Delphine smiles, taking her in. « You went to a lot of trouble. ». She looks around, taking in the pillar candles now lit, strewn on her shelves. The lights dimmed.
"Are you hungry?" Cosima asks. "Food is just sitting in the oven to keep warm. It arrived about ten minutes ago."
"Yes." Delphine smiles at her.
"I ordered us Indian food from this awesome hole in the wall place. All vegetarian." Cosima produces several aromatic dishes, followed by a large container of basmati rice.
"It smells delicious." Delphine seats herself and leans in, beginning to serve herself in the flickering warm light.
"It does." Cosima grins, digging in as well. "I thought it would be a good date night."
"It's amazing." Delphine comments after trying an onion bhaji. "This is delicious."
"It is…" Cosima grins, helping herself. "I would take you there. It's incredible. Great ambience. Unfortunately…"
"Pandemic." Delphine supplies, dipping naan bread in one of the dishes and bringing it to her mouth.
"So… we kissed." She brings it up softly.
"We did." Delphine nods.
"I really… it was great. I wouldn't mind more of it." Cosima grins, reaching softly across the table to quickly squeeze one of Delphine's hands.
"Tell me something about you. Anything." Delphine prompts.
"Well, grew up on the west coast. Canadian mom, German-American immigrant dad. Sally and Gene. Smoked too much pot. Kissed a lot of girls." Cosima pauses to tease Delphine, but her date doesn't react. "Came to Toronto for my Master's about… five years ago. And I'm still here. I love the city. I can't imagine leaving it now. But… sometimes I miss home a bit. The weather for one thing."
"No snow there, right?"
"Not in Vancouver. Not really." Cosima smirks. "Not much down the coast in the US either."
"France isn't like that. But I don't really miss it." Delphine admits.
"And you've been in Canada, three years?"
"About that, yet." Delphine responds. "Siblings?"
"None. Only child. My parents are older. They were lucky they could have me older. I think my mom was 39 when she had me. That's what they always said anyway. They're wintering with friends in Vancouver but they have a houseboat. They're both professors and way too into their research and each other. They're probably the most in love people I know. I mean, like long term love. Not like, short term gotta have you now obsession-love."
"Obsedée." Delphine gives her the French word. "Obsessed."
"Have you ever been totally obsessed with someone?"
"Non." Delphine laughs, helping herself to more chana masala. "I am not the obsessed type."
"Me neither. Well, other than my research."
"That… that I could obsess on all day.' Delphine laughs. "I mean with sex, I don't know where you get obsessed. It… it doesn't last that long. It feels good. But… obsessed? Non."
"Do you have siblings?"
"One younger brother, Sébastien." Delphine responds honestly. "But...we have almost no relationship as adults. Parents are divorced, for… the last 20 years. I visit them when I am home, separately. Never in the same room."
Cosima nods, not wanting to pry that much into something that sounds painful. "Alright. What do you like best about Canada?"
"Hmm tough question. Pass." Delphine prompts her.
"Pass? You can't pass!" Cosima teases her, hands drawing new patterns in the air, as if she could draw Delphine into her. "Fine. What do you miss most about France?"
"The food." Delphine giggles. "Though, this meal is exceptional. You have spoiled me, ma chérie."
"Good. Spoiling was one of my goals." Cosima leans back in her chair.
"What is your other goal?"
Cosima lowers her eyes for a moment, gazing at Delphine through her glasses. "I want to dance with you."
"Here?"
"Turn on some music, dance. Maybe watch a movie."
"What kind of movie?" Delphine asks.
Cosima considers her response. Her first instinct had been for something very queer. But maybe that wasn't quite the right way to seduce Delphine. "I don't know."
"That's alright." Delphine clears away the takeout. Putting lids back onto the containers and loading them into the fridge. "You can dance with me."
Cosima cannot contain her excitement as she draws Delphine into her arms, one hand going to Delphine's waist. She flicks on her speaker, hoping that her phone auto connects. It does, playing a slow mellow beat. Nothing that will help her romance Delphine.
"A waltz?" Delphine looks at the position of her hands.
"Hey, I just thought it was classier than holding your butt and swaying to music." Cosima teases with a shrug. "We can dance however you like."
She draws Delphine in, swaying to the music. Her eyes go to Delphine's lips, so close that she could easily close the gap. Pull Delphine in. But Delphine has to do it, Cosima has realized. She can only wait, and encourage.
"You're gorgeous." Cosima says instead, enjoying the slight blush she sees appear on Delphine's skin in the candlelight.
"You're very kind. Thank you." Delphine goes for politeness.
"I'm serious." Cosima tries again, holding Delphine's eyes, noting how they flicker down to her lips and back up again.
"I know…" Delphine breathes, leaning in just a little bit closer. Pulling at her shoulders to hold her closer, tighter against her body.
"Go on…" Cosima urges gently. Her hands rest against Delphine, but don't demand. She makes no effort to close the gap.
Delphine leans in a little closer. "Go on and what?"
"Just kiss me." Cosima whispers. "You're looking at my mouth, your pupils are dilated, you're breathing faster."
Delphine laughs softly. "Are you trying to psychoanalyze me, Cosima?"
"Is it working?" Cosima asks before Delphine's lips crash softly into her own. They kiss softly for a moment or two before she feels Delphine's tongue try to gain entrance to her mouth. She pulls back.
Delphine looks at her through lidded eyes, clearly entranced by this.
"Kiss me." Cosima demands again, pulling Delphine back towards her couch. She lets their lips meet and cling, trying to be slow, be thorough in her exploration of Delphine's lips. Lets her hands softly wander Delphine's shoulders, through her hair.
"Cosima…" Delphine moans her name softly, and she is unable to stop the rush of heat through her body at the sound. She whimpers and tries to guide Delphine down on top of her on the couch. She yields control of this encounter to Delphine, even as Delphine follows her lead, moving to sit and lean on top of her.
"Is this OK?" Cosima mumbles between kisses. She makes no movement to remove any clothing. Tries to remember what it was like when she was 19 and 20, with girls who were new to sex, or sex with women at any rate. Tries to be that for Delphine.
"I… yes.. It's… faster than I thought it would be." Delphine admits breathlessly. Her fingers still tangled in dreads.
"Hey. We can go slow. We don't have to do anything tonight." Cosima stops, cupping Delphine's face in one hand. It doesn't have to be tonight. Cosima decides. She can wait a few days at any rate. Maybe longer if need be. Her feelings for Delphine won't go away. And it might heighten the experience for both of them to put it off.
"What if it's only ever once?´" Delphine asks softly between their kisses.
"Then it'll be the night I made love to you." Cosima whispers softly.
"You want to make love to me?" Delphine strokes at her dreads, meeting her eyes. The words seem to touch her, they soften Delphine.
"Yes." Cosima leans in to kiss her again, letting Delphine's tongue enter her mouth this time, let it touch and tease her own. It lights a fire in her blood, sends heat directly to her core. And it's enough. More than enough to kiss Delphine senseless on the couch. At least for now.