Okay kids! Another chapter... I a sure I will hit the breaks hard t some point, this story has been a little too easy to write. Hopefully not. I do have chapters 18, 19 and 20 ironed out. Not too sure about an end but, hey...whatevs.

Chapter 17 - Missing

"Sir, that's the eighteenth time you've sighed in the past hour and I'm already freaked out as is by this recon mission." It was Skates and from his rear-view mirror he looked at her to find a bemused expression. "Get your head in the game, Harm."

"Sorry Skates." He sobered, closed his eyes for two seconds and tried to get Sarah MacKenzie out of his head. It wasn't good to dwell on his fruitless love for her or the fact that she was probably in another man's bed right about now. Mario. She was in Mario's bed and he hoped to God that the man was terrible and couldn't satisfy her. He snorted at the thought and quickly felt ashamed at thinking such a thing. Mac deserved peace and happiness, not a man who refused to commit for selfish reasons acting like a spoiled brat in the process. He sighed again; he was doing too much of that lately. "Let's make another pass before heading home."

"Spidey senses tingling?"

"Something like that." Harm locked his mask into place, radioed in to the ship his intentions and throttled the Tomcat speeding it past a mountainous region to find movement on a supposedly abandoned airfield. "Would you look at that? Jackpot! Pictures Skates, take a ton. Dreamland this is Echo 2-3-8, we have movement on that airfield we spotted last week. I count seven jets, troop carrier vehicles, the works."

"Roger 2-3-8. Take photographic evidence and come back to Dreamland.'

"Understood. Skates, I'm going to make this as fast as possible. My Spidey senses are off the charts."

Moments later all hell broke loose. The enemy gave chase forcing Harm and his wingman, Tuna to push the jets to their maximum capabilities. His skills got Harm through a risky tango with the enemy but Tuna did not fare so well - he'd taken several shots and one of the engines shut down, the other running on less than half power. The tomcat was limping in the air, literally and closing in on enemy territory so fast the only decision was to eject. But, Harm wouldn't allow that and Pappi would finally get the respect he deserved from his peers for one crazily, idiotic maneuver that saved his wingman's life.

Skates found him in an empty officers mess sitting at a table in the darkest corner. He was a hero today and normally jet jock heroes celebrated with their peers in the ready room. But while all other pilots and RIOs were boisterously recapping every second of every maneuver, Harm had left after a few celebratory pats on the back. Even refusing to drink the contraband someone had snuck aboard.

He was still in his flight suit staring into a cup of coffee as if it held answers for him. In fact, for the last few weeks he'd been off. It was true, the man was an ace in a jet, professional and just plain good. Harm belonged there, he had the right stuff and could anticipate things other pilots couldn't. But he rarely spent time with the squadron after Buxton's ordeal and it gave him something of an arrogant reputation amongst the pilots. 'Hammer' they began to call him when one of the boys learned about his father. The call sign suited him well - he'd become hard and unmalleable like one.

If Skates had to find the perfect word to describe him it was: brooding. Dark and brooding to be exact. There had always been something off from the moment he boarded the ship and she wondered if the rumors Buxton had tried to spread about Harm were true.

He'd caught the tail end of a conversation between the Colonel and Hammer. While it wasn't inappropriate, the Lt. Commander had lingered a moment too long outside the Colonel's quarters and Buxton made an off colour comment. "You blew my case because you were too busy fucking her, weren't ya? Not that I blame you. I'd fuck her too if I was you."

The 'discussion' happened in the ready room, thankfully and the only reason Harm hadn't been brought up on serious charges was because Tuna stepped between both men. "Say something crass about the Colonel again and your career won't be the only thing destroyed, Buxton."

He'd seen red, wound up his fist and was ready to slam it as hard as possible into any part of Buxton's body. The altercation was cut short but it had cost Harm a Captain's Mast with non-judical punishment.

And now here he was, only a few hours had passed since Harm saved Tuna, using their tail hook to push the damaged Tomcat with his canopy. It was brave and absolutely insane but, it worked, Tuna and his RIO did not have to eject over enemy lines.

"You should be celebrating, sir. What you did up there was nothing short of miraculous." And she was still reeling from it all, the adrenaline still coursed through her veins. When his head snapped up she pointed at the chair near his. "May I? Unless you want to continue staring into that cold cup of coffee. How about I buy you another?"

He didn't say anything, merely nodded and cast a glance out a porthole. There was a storm on the horizon and the darkening skies fit his mood. Hopefully it would ground flight ops and he could get some rest. "Thanks Skates and why aren't you celebrating if you don't mind me asking."

"Because I'm a woman." She shrugged and stared at him him over the brim of her mug. His eyes squared and his cheeks suddenly burned red. "Simmer down. No one's been inappropriate. I earned my wings but sometimes the boys club gets to be a little too frat like for my taste. I skedaddle when it does."

Harm nodded. Ever since Tail Hook the Navy had taken a stronger stance on their treatment of women. Things had improved but boys would always be boys and he no longer wanted a part of that. "Skedaddle is right. I hate to admit this...I feel ancient around them."

"You aren't. You're still a young guy."

"Not young enough for this Navy." He shook his head and couldn't help but think about 'what ifs' and how his life could have been. The fact that he would have made CAG and maybe even gone on to instruct or drive this very ship. " I lost a lot of time and I won't get it back. Promotions won't come easy."

"You were born to fly, Harm. Your instincts are better than any other pilot I've been a back seater for. You're good, damned good. So what's really bothering you?"

Harm rolled his eyes and grinned. "Guess I really am transparent." He glanced out the porthole again and then leaned in despite them being the only two in the room. "I became a pilot because its all I ever wanted. My dad flew. My grandfather before him. Both died because of this job." And although he didn't want to die, it came with the territory only he was determined to do it better and not suffer either of their fates.

"Don't tell me you plan on dying in a blaze of glory? Please don't take me with you."

"No." He snorted. "I just feel like something is missing and I made a huge mistake. It's cost me more than I could ever imagine.."

"Is this about the Colonel?" Off his shocked expression Skates could only chuckle. "Buxton isn't the only one that noticed you were in her stateroom for longer than appropriate. So, it wasn't my business to ask before but...Do you love her?"

Harm nodded. "Yeah, I do. And stupidly broke it off to come back here."

"Why in the hell would you do that?"

"I thought I needed this. Turns out I don't and it won't matter that I love flying because when it's all over I'll have nothing to come home to." Eventually his friends would move on; Mac already had and that sick, sinking feeling began eating away at him again. What have I done?

"And I'm not bullshitting when I tell you you're the best at it. You're meant to fly and lead an air group."

"I know, but I lost someone I love because of it and I can't stand it."

Skates stared at him again, unabashed as she noticed the emotions he could no longer keep in check. The walls built around him crumbled a little and she smiled. "You got a second chance here, maybe you'll get a second chance with the Colonel."

He shook his head. "No. She's moved on to someone else - a homicide detective." Harm couldn't keep the jealous timbre out of his voice or the roll of his eyes when he thought of Mario Bigi touching Mac - his Mac. His Marine because even though he'd broken things off - Mac would forever be his. He groaned at that thought annoyed and how obsessive he'd been of late.

Sarah Bigi.

"Jealous much?"

"Insanely. I fucked up, she has a right to hate my guts even though I thought I was sparing her."

"Sparing her?" Those words made Skates' eyebrows inch up to her hairline. Men could be so daft and complicated sometimes. "You know? Michael and me nearly crashed and burned when I decided to remain a RIO, he was adamant that the only way we would marry was if I left this life. I think that mishap you rescued me from scared him more that it scared me."

Harm frowned. Skates was a good woman, deserving of a good man. "So you left him behind?"

She shook her head. "No. I keep him with me." After glancing around to make sure no one was watching, she pulled up her dog tags and dangling alongside the two thin metal plates was a stunning engagement ring. "It's ostentatious and I love it." The rock was huge and clearly not something a military man could afford even at the highest pay grade.

"Nice rock...What does this Michael do?"

"Works for State, we met at that Navy Marine Corps ball. Love at first sight but then I was in a sexy dress not these things." She pulled at her uniform and giggled. "He loves both sides of me, Harm although it took him a while - two tours and he's willing to let me enjoy this for a while. So I'm gonna impart a bit of female wisdom: get off this tub and go get your girl. You're gonna have to grovel like hell but, if she loves you she'll come around."

He was already considering the endless days and nights of groveling. Maybe even standing outside her apartment in the middle of the night serenading her with his guitar. Yes, it was cliché and he would probably get arrested but… "I'm not coming back, Skates. At least not full time."

"I know." She came around and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I know you're not gone yet but, good luck and if you're ever on a carrier again and need a back seater, I'm your girl."

"Always." Harm finished his coffee and stood, it was time to speak to Captain Pike and pray he could change his designator again.

Another month had passed since Mac had seen him but things were still difficult although no one could ever tell.. She was reminded of Harm's absence each time her Corvette maneuvered into its usual parking spot and found his devoid of that stolen Cherry Red Corvette or newly acquired Lexus. It made her heart sink each and every time and Mac wondered if there was a deadline on how long that feeling would manifest?

Today something felt off. Efficiently so and she couldn't put her finger on the cause other than perhaps her body telling her she needed more sleep. Maybe that was why she's literally lost it this morning? Experiencing something of a panic attack while in the shower. She couldn't breathe during the worst of it, felt her throat being squeezed shut and the water on her face simply made it feel as if she were drowning.

It lasted forever - over half an hour, her internal clock decided after it had reset and opted to work again. Even with the water so hot, she felt cold and had needed to curl up in her bed wrapped in a sopping wet towel amongst the comforter and blankets. It chilled her to the bone, this feeling and though it eventually ceased, Mac's nerves were still on edge as she attempted to make herself presentable for work.

As she rode the elevator he body felt lethargic so much so that even carrying her briefcase was a trial. That damnable chill wouldn't leave her alone and she even wore a long sleeve shirt beneath her uniform although the weather was unseasonably pleasant. She leaned her head against the rear wall of the cabin knowing the moment her presence was made known Chegwidden would be up her ass about this new chronic latency of hers. He expected it from Rabb but not her, she was always the one arriving before others; the perfect Marine.

The bullpen was in it's usual state of controlled chaos, the shuffling hustle and bustle of personnel executing their duties but, there was something in the air that was off. And that something made her heart sink to the pit of her stomach. Casually, she glanced towards Harm's office, now occupied by one Mic Brumby who was standing outside next to bud tracing his finger over a navigational chart that she'd never seen before.

Harriet was on the phone, a ghostly pallor making the hair on the back of Mac's neck stand up. The woman quickly looked away as if she'd been speaking something that Mac was not to know. Tiner equally paled as he stepped up to her and took her briefcase after telling the Marine that the Admiral needed to see her ASAP. She hurried as fast as her heels could carry her, sauntering past the overhead TVs that rattled off details about some sort of plane crash and it's missing crew.

"Colonel MacKenzie reporting as ordered, sir." The words stuck to her throat which felt dry and scratchy, her saliva sticking to her mouth. She wouldn't stand there long for Chegwidden waved at her as his eyes were glued to the screen of his TV. He clicked it off and threw the remote onto his desk which made it slide to the end and nearly fall off.

"Mac, have you seen the news?"

He was direct, something Chegwidden rarely afforded anyone as he was the typed that liked to explain each and every nuance. Plus he called her Mac and that only ever occurred when something personal was about to be discussed and it only made her anxiety rise that much more. "Briefly. Some sort of plane... crash." Oh no. She held the cover in her hand not realizing she'd gripped it so hard the EGA was embedding itself in her skin. Oh no...not him.

"I was trying to reach you but, it seems like your cellphone number has changed."

I had only because she found it a useful method to avoid Harm's insistent calls and may have forgotten to update her number with Harriet. "A few hours ago two F-14s on the Patrick Henry were patrolling a 'No Fly' zone when they took on enemy fire. Harm's plane was shot up pretty bad and…" He shook his head and sighed, suddenly feeling so guilty for his treatment of the aviator. "Christ, I've told most of the staff and it never gets easier…"

He rubbed the bald spot on his head and fixed his gaze on Mac although he didn't really need to say the words. By the look of the Marine she knew where this was leading. "I'm sorry Mac...Harm couldn't make it back to the ship and had to eject. He's missing at sea."

Missing.

Harm was missing and what was left of her heart shattered like spun glass.