"It doesn't matter." Delphine tells her calmly.
"Oh it matters. It matters to me. Where do you sneak off at 4 am?"
"I just… I spend time alone and go to sleep in my own bed." Delphine answers calmly. "I have a routine for my mornings, and my day goes much more smoothly if I follow it."
"Not good enough." Cosima tilts her head, leaning further into Delphine's space.
"I'm just… I have trouble sleeping. And I don't want to disturb you." Delphine steps backwards, and it throws them both off balance for a moment.
"Are you smoking?" Cosima throws out finally. "Is it like a sneaky addiction thing?"
"I don't smoke anymore." Delphine tells her, but something seems off.
"Where are the cigarettes? Just like admit it, if it's just smoking." Cosima groans.
"OK. Sometimes I am smoking." Delphine admits reluctantly. "Sometimes."
"OK… so you can't deal with the fact I know you've lapsed back onto cigarettes? It has to be ' oh I don't smoke Co-si-ma, I quit ' and you just need to sneak around my back to smoke?" Cosima loses patience snapping. "Is it really worth lying to me about?"
"I do not sound like that." Delphine argues. "And I am trying to quit."
"You totally do. It was an accurate impression. Why is smoking such a big deal? I smoke pot all the time. I mean, it's not as bad for my lungs but… I am well aware that inhaling burning anything isn't great. It's why I vape too." Cosima throws out angrily.
"I have a routine." Delphine tells her finally, looking very firm. "And I prefer to keep it consistent. It… it helps me."
"So you're still on an SSRI?" Cosima looks at her, taking a quick guess. "So many people are on SSRIs, Delphine. It's not a big deal. Hiding that is dumb. Just take your meds. I don't care."
Delphine shakes her head. "I am not on an SSRI."
"Lithium?" Cosima prompts, racking her brain. Is that it? Has she made a huge mistake not asking more about Delphine's history? She'd thought it had been considerate not to pry. Were things still more serious than she had assumed? Was writing off Delphine's mental health history a mistake?
"No. Not lithium. I am not bipolar." Delphine tells her firmly.
"Then what? What is so bad that you need to hide it?" Cosima feels herself losing patience. Maybe this had all been a huge mistake. Bubbling. Falling head over heels in love with Delphine. Making love to Delphine… Maybe she should have stopped when she saw the scars. Maybe she should have asked more questions.
Delphine stops, biting her lip. "I was on an SSRI. For years. I am not anymore. And… I need my routine. I have trouble sleeping. And… I need to be consistent."
"OK. So do your routine, and if you need to take your meds." Cosima shrugs. "See your doctors. Whatever you have to do to be functional. I can guarantee you I am not going to try to get high on your medication. Or laugh at you. Or think any different of you."
"Can you pretend you don't know?"
"Why? So you don't have to work me in or out of your routine?"
"So this can be… normal." Delphine begs. "I… I just want this to be… perfect. And it has been perfect."
"This is normal." Cosima moves to grip one of Delphine's hands in her own. "We're dating during a pandemic. We're…. We're falling in love ." Cosima adds pleadingly. "Whatever else you have going on doesn't erase that."
"But it complicates it." Delphine points out. "We don't really talk about it."
"Only because you're getting out of my bed at night to go home. It's not a walk-of-shame situation." Cosima reminds her. "We're two adults having consensual sex at one of our apartments. It's not like your university days or whatever. No one cares if we are having sex."
"I care."
"Well yeah, but you want it. We aren't even going out anywhere… Like, no one has to know you're having sex with me if you really don't want them to. And … I don't think you're ready to be on a date with a woman in public. Not if you cannot even wake up next to me." Cosima tries to mitigate her frustration but it pours from her mouth.
"That is not why! I am not ashamed of you. And… when we can go out again. I will prove it to you. We also got a noise complaint." Delphine reminds her.
"So we scream less. Or do it in your apartment." Cosima shrugs. "No one cares that we're two women."
Delphine looks at her quietly, crossing her arms across her chest. "Why don't we try something then."
"Try what?"
"Sleeping in my bed. That way, even if I do get up. I will still be here. Even if I am working or ...smoking." Delphine sighs.
"OK." Cosima agrees. "I can agree to that. Shall we start with your date tomorrow? Is that still happening?"
"If you want it to, it is." Delphine tells her. "I have some shopping to do for that now… you have work to do?"
"Always." Cosima laughs, leaning in to give Delphine a quick kiss. She thinks of letting her fingers rub Delphine's wrist, as some kind of reassurance but thinks better of it. "I'll get to work and see you tomorrow."
"Good. Don't be late." Delphine tells her softly.
"Oh I won't be. I am expecting to be wined and dined." Cosima laughs. "Later, Delphine."
"À bientôt." Delphine tells her, giving her a soft kiss on the mouth.
Day 57
Cosima is seven minutes late knocking on Delphine's door. And it shouldn't really matter, but she finds herself feeling nervous. She'd dressed up for dinner and had taken several different dresses before deciding on one.
"You're late, Cosima." Delphine opens the door with a smile. Cosima sees the long dress and grins, Delphine's arms are exposed, and she seems almost confident looking back at her.
"Kind of always late, kind of always sorry." Cosima quips with a smile. "Can I still come in?"
"Of course." Delphine moves to let her enter the apartment. Two large white candles are lit on the table. A snacky meal is prepared for them, veggie spring rolls and dipping sauces with two glasses of water. Maybe it's a first course? Maybe Delphine wanted something light. Either way, it feels suddenly perfect.
"I wasn't expecting that." Cosima smiles, and leans in to give Delphine a soft kiss. It's returned immediately.
"Good." Delphine smiles widely back at her. "I think I need to keep you on your toes a little more. My couch hasn't arrived yet."
"That's OK. We don't need a couch. You have a wonderfully comfortable bed." She eats and it's suddenly easy again, looking at Delphine in the flickering candlelight.
"So what have you been up to in the last…. Oh 30 hours?" Cosima leans in grinning madly.
"Preparing for this." Delphine laughs. "I did a bit of work on my dissertation. Went through my case files and organized them."
"Mmmm… Delphine Cormier, you are full of surprises."
Delphine blushes. "I am trying. How are the kittens?"
"They are starting to roam. I am finding kittens in weird places now. I am legitimately afraid I am going to step on one all the time. I need like… a kitten playpen? Or something?" Cosima jokes. "I don't think Kiki would be happy about it though. I try to cuddle them everyday. Scott says he wants them well-socialized."
"We should get them more toys." Delphine muses. "Maybe for Kiki too…"
"We can… tomorrow. Tonight, it's just you and me. No 21 day old kittens. No Kiki… No neighbours with too much time on their hands and no ear plugs."
"Cosima!" Delphine laughs, dipping another spring roll before munching it delicately.
"Dance with me?"
"I thought this was my night." Delphine mocks playfully. "I planned this date."
Cosima nods. "What do you want to do then?"
"Dance with me." Delphine prompts, standing, but she keeps her distance, almost teasingly. She keeps her hand on Cosima's hip, maintaining a mere six inches of distance.
"Closer." Cosima urges, wondering what else Delphine has planned for her that she'd resist. Delphine gives in and she pulls her in, pulling her down to kiss. She's intently massaging Delphine's lips with her own when she feels it. A bulge, likely silicone in origin, attached to Delphine.
"Delphine?" Cosima breaks the kiss, unable to stop herself from laughing. "Are you… packing?"
"Oui." Delphine grins and her and quickly raises her eyebrows.
"Oh my god…" Cosima laughs. Cosima reaches for the hem of the dress. "Can I?"
Delphine laughs and turns around, letting her unfasten the dress before pulling it down, letting it fall to the floor where the black fabric pools around slender legs. There is no bra, small firm breasts immediately bare to her eyes, a smattering of increasingly familiar moles across Delphine's back.
Cosima finds the grey fabric familiar, even pulled down to secure the dildo into place. Her hands go to Delphine's hips, leaning in to kiss her exposed skin along her shoulder blade.
"Is that my rodeoh harness?" Cosima recognizes it, even partially pulled down.
"Yes. It is. I figured it would fit. Probably." Delphine explains. "I borrowed it from your drawer a couple days ago."
"It...does fit." Cosima notes, looking down as Delphine turns. Delphine packing is not something she thought she'd see. The dildo is new, bright and multicoloured, light blue with a small rainbow across the middle. Cosima briefly wonders what Delphine's selection criteria was. It certainly wasn't particularly realistic.
"I ordered it online..." Delphine explains between kisses. "You… you like this, right?"
"Yeah, yeah of course." Cosima assures Delphine, even as she's pulling her backwards towards the bedroom, which was prepared for them. Sheets turned down and a couple towels laid on top of the sheets.
"I wish I met you sooner." Delphine whispers into her ear between kisses. Delphine lays down, she lets Cosima prop her up on the pillows. She lifts her dress and grinds against Delphine. This plam surprised her more than Cosima was willing to admit.
"Why?" Cosima is quickly lifting off her own clothes. She throws her dress behind them, her undergarments both a deep red she leans over Delphine who continues undressing her eagerly. She pulls up the rodeoh harness, fixing the strap-on back into it.
She grins down at Delphine who reaches for her hips, undressing her before pulling her on top to hover above the toy. But when hands move to push her hips down she has to slow this down.
"Wait, wait…Fingers first. Fingers first." Cosima insists, stopping Delphine. "You need to work me up."
"Alright." Delphine agrees, resuming her kisses. Delphine kisses her, sucking at her breasts as she strokes her and Cosima has to admit, Delphine is getting good at it. Brilliantly good at it, Cosima moans, rolling her hips,
"I want to be inside you." Delphine croons, gripping Cosima's hips tightly. "It's amazing how much I want it."
"So be inside me." Cosima urges her, letting her fingers probe and dive deep. She takes them easily with a low groan. She rides Delphine's fingers smiling, leaning down to kiss her, admiring Delphine, and her efforts to please her. She hadn't seen this particular activity going this way, and she cannot deny her excitement. She lets Delphine take her over the edge to a quick but satisfying orgasm.
"I thought… I thought you'd want the toy. Your book was full of scenes like this." Delphine tells her softly. "But I love making love to you like this too.
"I do. Now I am ready for it." Cosima lifts herself off Delphine's fingers and grips the multicoloured dildo. She moves to take in the toy. It's not big, Delphine had clearly been cautious about her selection. It's not as easy as she expects there's a burn with the stretch. She stops, easing off for the moment. "I just need a minute."
"Are you OK?" Delphine appears concerned at her slow process. "Does it hurt? Is it too big for you?"
"Yeah… It's not too big. I just need to take this slowly." Cosima assures her. "It's been a while for me." Longer than she really wants to admit, but she knows she'll adapt again.
Delphine licks her lips, but looks concerned watching Cosima slowly sink down, easing off and trying again to take it in.
"Uuuggghhh." Cosima groans, raising her hips to sink down a little deeper. It's not comfortable yet, but she's determined. Also determined to make this as hot as possible for Delphine. She wants to show Delphine that this is good. That it was a great idea.
"Tu es belle, Cosima." Delphine whines at her, biting her lip. But she keeps her hips motionless, letting Cosima set the pace.
She raises and lowers her hips, and Delphine sits half-reclined, gripping her ass tightly as she moves. "This is so hot, Delphine." It is like something out of her smutty book. Only better.
"It is." Delphine agrees, watching her with hazel eyes that seem to roam to take it all in.
Cosima whimpers but continues to move. "Do you like it?"
"I mean… I cannot feel it. Of course." Delphine explains. "But the way you look. The way I know it's inside of you… even though part of me wants to be using my fingers. It's… I like it."
Cosima raises and lowers herself. "You feel so good. Either way. You're filling me." Her body is adjusting and the slow rhythm they're establishing feels good. She moves a little faster, moans more.
Delphine's hands keep her close, clutching at her hips. "Oh, mon amour!"
Cosima moans hoarsely, her volume increasing as Delphine gently presses upwards, intensifying their rhythm. "Delphine!" She knows she's too loud, that she's gripping Delphine too hard.
She approaches climax again rapidly, it threatens to overwhelm her. Cosima knows she's being loud, but she cannot help it. She wonders how this looks to Delphine. If she's enjoying it, if she can tell how close she's getting by her body's resistance to their gentle movements.
She's exhausted by the time she comes. She lifts off of the toy and collapses next to Delphine in bed. Leaning in to hold Delphine, wanting to be close. Wanting to stroke, and love and adore Delphine. Wanting to return the favour.
"Are you hungry?" Delphine runs her fingers through dreads, now loosened and down. "Our food should arrive shortly."
"Arrive?" Cosima looks up. "So the veggie spring rolls were… an appetizer?"
"Oui. To tide you over." Delphine smiles at her, leaning in. "I ordered dinner to arrive for 8 pm. To give us time."
"What about… you?" Cosima glances at the clock. "We have time." Cosima moves down her body, noticing the toy glistening with her own fluids she leans out and licks it. Looking up hoping to see arousal that will encourage her to continue this game, she sees only surprise. So much for that.
"But why?" Delphine furrows her brow, confused by her actions.
"Cause it's fun? Because you might find it hot?" Cosima shrugs and goes to remove the harness, sliding the fabric off Delphine's legs, she tosses it onto the floor, dildo still threaded through.
Delphine watches her go down on her, eyes intently focused on her own until it overwhelms her. She brings Delphine to three perfect successive climaxes in her mouth. Savouring her taste, letting her gush her pleasure.
"You're incredible." Cosima smiles into soft skin.
Finally she curls around Delphine content, being kissed, being loved. And maybe, maybe she was wrong. Maybe Delphine could give her everything she needed. Maybe they both could.
"Gorgeous." Cosima murmurs at her lover.
"I should get our food." Delphine kisses her softly, apologetically before climbing out of the bed.
Cosima watches relaxed from the bed while Delphine throws her dress back on.
She throws on Delphine's robe when she hears her girlfriend return.
"This is not UberEats." Cosima remarks.
"No, it's from a modern French restaurant I went to once before shutdown. Luckily they do takeout. I had a friend pick it up for us. " Delphine grins at her.
"This looks incredible." Cosima observes the various containers. Appetizers. Soups. Bread. Everything smells amazing.
"This one is vegetarian." Delphine passes her the labelled container.
Cosima moans as she tastes her food. It's ridiculous, beautifully plated, delicious, unexpected. "This is amazing. The second best thing I've tasted all day." The realization that Delphine has purposefully set out to spoil her pleases her immensely.
"Non, ma chérie. It is the best. There is no way you prefer….me to this." Delphine laughs at her, helping herself to her own meal.
Cosima looks across the table mischievously. "Well maybe I need another taste, for comparison."
Delphine blushes and smiles madly at her. "After we eat, I was thinking we could cuddle in my bed and watch a movie. Or...we could make love again if you want, if you're not sore."
"I'm here all night. We don't have to choose one." Cosima reminds her. She's a little sore but that's not necessarily going to stop her from getting what she wants.
"Non. You don't have to choose. You can have both." Delphine agrees, dipping her bread into her soup.
Day 59
Cosima is still on the floor, waiting for her painkillers to kick in when the door swings open to reveal Delphine with a bag full of what looks like cat toys. The kittens run around her apartment, all stubby legs and little tails. Kiki keeping a good watch on them, mostly.
"Cosima? Cosima? What's wrong?" Delphine rushes over to her as soon as she spies her bent over on the couch.
"I'm on my period." Cosima mumbles out. "It's fine. It just sucks sometimes. I probably have endometriosis."
"Did you take anything for it?"
"Hasn't kicked in yet. It'll take the edge off. Unless I end up puking it up." Cosima moans, clutching her heating pad to her midsection.
"I'll take care of you." Delphine assures her. "Tea?"
"Yeah. Tea would be nice." Cosima mumbles.
"I'll make you soup too. Something not exciting." Delphine offers.
"I might smoke up. You don't mind?"
"Non, of course not." Delphine tells her. "I'll make you tea."
Cosima lets herself get just a bit stoned but it too just takes the edge off. She lays on the couch, pukes at least once and lets Delphine take care of her. She watches Delphine play with the kittens, picking them up and stroking their fur.
"They'll be well socialized." Cosima murmurs.
"I'm trying." Delphine laughs. "Your friend does want them to be well handled."
"Do you want lunch?" Delphine offers, "I can start the soup. I'm feeling a little off too."
"Yeah."
"I'll thaw the minestrone." Delphine leaves briefly, returning to leave a large glass container in her sink, running some warm water over it.
"You're very hot when you make me soup." Cosima props herself off.
"I didn't realize your periods made you so ill," Delphine sits next to her, biting her lip.
"It's fine." Cosima assures her. "I tried to get tests done but they just try to put me on the pill. No thanks."
"You didn't try that?"
"No. Not really going to get pregnant so don't need contraceptives." Cosima answers. "Besides I'm not interested in masking symptoms. It won't help my case for testing."
"I hated being on the pill." Delphine makes a face. "I felt worse. But some people love it." Delphine shrugs.
"Well, you may not need it ever again." Cosima reminds her, shifting to sit up.
"I feel off." Delphine stands up. "I'll be back."
Cosima looks up after her. "I really hope it's not food poisoning… I don't think we've eaten anything questionable."
Delphine vanishes into her bathroom and she sighs. Cosima gets up and begins heating up the soup. It takes longer than she expects so she decides to call after Delphine.
"Do you want bread too? We have some." Cosima hollers across the apartment. "Are you OK?"
"My period started." Delphine tells her in surprise, coming back from the bathroom. "It's… early."
"We synched up. Happens sometimes." Cosima tells her. This, this could be fun. Cosima muses. It's been awhile since she synched up with a lover. There are definite advantages.
"With all your girlfriends?" Delphine's brow furrows again. "Does this usually happen?"
"Some. More when I was younger. Others? We never synched up." Cosima looks over at her. "Are you OK?"
"I'll take a couple tylenol. I'll be fine." Delphine leans in for a soft kiss. "I guess that means no love making this week."
"It means no love making today unless I'm feeling better. Maybe not tomorrow. But… I am going to have you on your period, eventually." Cosima tells her bluntly. She cannot help but look forward to ovulation, knowing that they'll have each other in a frenzy for days. That she'll be able to get deep, maybe try something more intense then. A toy? Her entire hand? Cosima smiles at the thought, they likely have a while to decide.
"But… we're both bleeding."
"So? We'll do it in the shower."
"But why do you want it now?"
"Because I want to be with you." Cosima sighs. "It's sensitive, it's intimate."
"It'll be incredibly messy."
"Shower." Cosima reminds her. "Eat lunch and shower with me. I'll show you."
"But you're in pain." Delphine protests.
"Nah, that part only lasts a few hours." Cosima assures her. "I'm good to go, if you are."
Delphine looks back at her, considering her options. "OK."
"Come on." Cosima urges Delphine once she's in shower. It eases her cramps and Delphine strips down and follows her in.
"If you're wearing a tampon, take it out." Cosima sighs, kissing along Delphine's cheek to her ear.
"I'm not, yet." Delphine tells her. And she kisses her, between Delphine's kisses and the hot spray of the shower she's aroused quickly.
"Let's just try this. Another new thing." Cosima urges, as she sucks Delphine's earlobe.
She strokes Delphine gently, fingers toying at the edge of her sex.
Delphine is leaned back against the cool tile, moaning as she slowly works two fingers into her.
"You're so sensitive right now. It's so hot!" Cosima assures her.
"And the blood?" Delphine looks down between them, the mess of red between her legs being slowly washed away by the water.
"It's just blood." Cosima assures her. "It's normal." And it's hot, Delphine is sensitive, so responsive against her hand. She doesn't try to use her mouth, doesn't think Delphine is anywhere near ready to let her attempt that now. But this, this is more than enough.
Delphine clutches her, she's easily roused, climaxes quickly onto her hand, spray of fluid quickly washed away.
"So hot." Cosima affirms, and begins moving slowly again. "Tell me if you get too sore."
"No… you feel really good." Delphine murmurs, letting Cosima take her.
"I love you." Cosima mumbles out, moving to kiss her neck. "I love you, Delphine." She feels her words excite Delphine, putting her back on the edge and the climax that follows seems to rock both of their bodies. They sink to their knees under the warm spray of the shower.
"I love you…" Cosima repeats, pulling Delphine in for a kiss.
Delphine doesn't respond in words, just pulls their mouths together, fingers gently going to return the favour.