Chapter 19 - Don't Cry

It was dark. Wherever the hell his mind had gone to it was dark but warm and cozy and Harm never wanted to leave there. Despite the dark he felt… safe although something was missing - the same thing that had been missing since he hopped on a Tomcat and flew it towards the waiting carrier five months prior. He wanted to open his eyes but the warmth felt nice so he drifted off only each time he tried to rest, Mac's voice would chime in.

So urgent and desperate it kept him waking up, kept him fighting. She told him to kick so he did eventually ripping off his boots so that his feet could propel him above the water. She told him not to give up and so he fought and moved with the waves in order to conserve precious energy. Harm could feel her pain, sense the endless stream of hot tears as they slipped down her cheeks. Oh Mac, don't cry.

This is what Jordan warned him about after all wasn't it? Hadn'this mother also mentioned something about a fate like his father? Well here he was, struggling to live, holding it together only because of the disembodied voice in his head. He was probably losing it but then what did it matter if he did? After the third pass of the helo, Harm knew he was going to die, was so certain of it he did something he hadn't done since he was a child - prayed.

And Mac prayed with him in her corner of the World, he could hear her voice again guiding him through each refrain of the "Our Father" when he seemed to forget the words. He didn't know how long he'd been at sea only that his body had begun to fail until her voice told him to look up. Through the angry wind he heard the sounds of rotor blades coming closer and closer, the bright light of the SAR team made him sheild his eyes.

There was a splash nearby and soon the voice of a rescue swimmer at his ear. "Sir! Are you okay sir?"

Was he? Harm wasn't sure, all he could do was laugh maniacally and pass out once he was hoisted up into the cabin.

Jordan Parker had been tasked to make rounds that day. The resident psychiatrist had come down with the flu and asked her to check on some of his patients. As luck would have it there was someone newly admitted - a Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb Jr that had been transferred with a mild case of amnesia. She took that as a sign that the fates had made them cross paths again because, as far as Jordan knew he was still recovering overseas.

Yes, she knew about the crash and his ejection, had watched with great interest and was concerned over his well being. She was happy he was alive, touched base often with Bud who happened to believe she was still involved with Harm. Jordan felt he didn't need to know the truth because they hadn't quite broken up, had they? It was a break; Harm called it a break and it was time to suspend that and help nurse him back to health. He needed a good woman in his life, a feminien touch and she was more than willing to provide some along with helping cure his mental ailment.

The physical ones were prevalent although it was deemed safe enough to transfer him to the States where better care could be given. The ejection had fractured three ribs, torn various ligaments in one of his knees and bruised his spine. Shock from hypothermia and sent him into a coma and when he awoke his memories weren't quite there. Amnesia could be a tricky thing, she knew from dealing with a few patients that had suffered terrible bouts after a mission hadn't gone as planned.

Some recovered, others never did and it saddened her to think that he wouldn't remember her. Despite their 'break' she really wished the best for him and this would be the best method possible to 'fix' him. When she walked into the room Harm was asleep, the curtains were drawn plunging the room into a half darkness. He was laying on his back, his head turned away from the door but from what Jordan could tell he hadn't been shaved in days - the light beard was a testament to that along with the longer hair messy and spiky all over.

Various cables were connected to him including the small oxygen tubes at the entrance to his nostril that helped him breathe a little better. His face had multiple bruises, one that stretched from his forehead over his eye and another on his cheek encircling a gash that seemed to have been sutured. He was a mess and her breath caught at just how terribly pale he looked. She pressed a hand to her mouth, holding back a sob. "Oh God."

It was terrible to find someone you loved so beaten and it had shaken her to see such a strong man looking so fragile against the stark white bed sheets. She slipped into the guest chair and sat there for several long minutes hoping he would wake up and those sea-blue eyes would lock onto hers and remember. And he did just that the moment he registered someone near, that intuition that had him opening his eyes and finding her.

Harm squinted at Jordan and blinked several times as his eyes adjusted to the sparse light. They hurt, made the temporal part of his head throb and a headache split his skull. Whoever was sitting next to him was familiar and for a moment, just a quick one he believed it to be Mac and almost called her name but this raspy voice stopped the words from coming out. He choked on his own saliva and then the woman - he knew it was a woman because of the scent of her perfume - was feeding him ice chips that he greedily gulped down in effort to get his vocal chords working again.

"Slow, Harm. It's okay. You're safe." Jordan cooed, removing the spoon from his mouth as he coughed up some of the melted ice that sluiced down his throat. "Easy there, sailor."

"Jordan?" He croaked out, eyes finally starting to come into focus.

Her eyes went wide when he mentioned her name and in the back of her mind, the stars aligned as well. He remembered her and she couldn't help but crack a smile so wide it hurt the corners of her face. "Yeah. How you feeling?"

"Like shit."

She sighed. "I'll bet. From what I've heard, you went through quite a bit of hell."

"I thought I would die. I wanted to for a bit." He said slowly, Harm's voice barely louder than a whisper.

"Don't say that. You're so lucky you're alive."

Luck had nothing to do with it, Mac did - her voice that kept him fighting for survival. The prayer that they chanted together until rescue finally found him. "Where am I?"

"Bethesda. You arrived today and as luck would have it, I was asked to check on your mental state." Her hands literally itched to run through the messy hair and smooth the wayward strands. She did only to frown when he pulled away from her touch. "Easy. I'm not going to hurt you."

Harm pulled her hand way when she tried to touch him again. This was wrong, so wrong. This wasn't the woman he was supposed to wake up to. "Where's Mac? Does she know?"

At the mention of the other woman Jordan dropped the cup sending ice chips all over the linoleum. "She isn't here." She spat out unable to keep the disgust out of her voice. Mac, it was always Mac and she was sick of it. In his state he needed medical attention not the floozy Marine who had taken him from her. "Why do you think that is? If you were my boyfriend I'd be the first one here. Hell, I'd fight to be the first person you see when you woke up."

Harm's heart sank into the pit of his stomach as the memories flooded back. There was a good reason why Mac wasn't there because despite hearing her voice and being that constant that kept him alive there was one fact; "We broke up. She doesn't want anything to do with me." He would have cried if it wasn't because his body was too tired. "You need to go Jordan. I'm tired...I just want to rest."

Rest and brood and think of that Detective dipshit Mac had slept with. Oh yeah, his memories were fine alright down to that last minute detail when he finally realized he'd lost her. More thoughts flooded in though, the ones of Skates telling him to go after Mac; to fight. But at the moment, the really wasn't any strength left in him. Plus his eyes were feeling heavy again as if he could sleep for a hundred years and it would never be enough. "Okay. I"ll come back later before I leave. I need to check on you, the psyche resident will be out for a few days which means you're stuck with me."

He reached his hand out grabbing hers in a strong but gentle touch. "I'm sorry for breaking things off with you, I am. Can we be friends?"

Friends? The word cut through her like the sharpest of knives but, she managed to fake a smile. If he wanted to start of as friends, she was willing to go through that, to help him heal until Harmon Rabb Jr. let Sarah MacKenzie go and come to his senses. "I'd like that. Can I…hug you?"

"Sure."

Her arms came around him and Jordan held on as tight as Harm would allow. She sighed when he hugged her back and held on.

Unbeknownst someone stood outside, her eyes focusing through the partially opened door. Mac had rushed to Bethesda as soon as it was confirmed when he would arrive. The news of his condition was frightening and the thought of him not remembering her enhanced the ache that hasn't subsided since he plunged into the ocean.

She wasn't sure if he wanted to see her again but that didn't matter. Mac would forgive him, help him heal his body and her heart. If he still wanted to fly, she would support him and simply pray a little harder for his safe return. She loved him,.always would. She needed him, Harm was the other half of her soul.

Mac didn't expect to find him with Jordan, one of his arms wrapped around the woman and her head nuzzling Harm's neck. She wanted to scream but instead turned on her heel and hurried down the hallway.

She held the tears back until sitting behind the wheel of her car where the tears flowed freely. Mac jammed her key into the ignition turning the engine to life so that she could drive away as fast as possible.

No. Something inside made her hand drop from the gearshift and shut the engine down. No running. Mac came to see Harm and she would, Jordan wouldn't change that. He was her friend, her best friend and as such it would be remiss of her not to check on him. She brushed the tears from her face, applied a little make up, straightened her spine and headed back inside.