Thank you for the reviews!
I was surprised how quickly this story came together so it's not shocking I had to hit the breaks at some point.

this chapter is a bit of a filler but it's a "scene" i had in my head. I can't (and you shouldn't either) expect everything to be okay after they kissed in the hospital. Mac lied to Harm and she feels abandoned... So they need to work on them for a little bit.

Also, what is Jordan up to?

Chapter 21 - Kiss and Make Up

Jordan was humming happily as she stepped out of the elevators that led to Harm's room. Her fingertips rapped on the file she held, paperwork of what she'd procured from the neurologist. She had a chance to speak to Commander Mayse, the head of psychiatry at the hospital and managed to place Harm in her care.

Unethical? Possibly. But no one knew about her personal life or the fact that she had once been romantically involved with her patient. Who better to help Harm with those little obsessions of his that prevented him from growing up? Jordan would help him and he would find his way back to her.

As it was they shared a moment over an hour ago, he held onto her so tightly - well, as tightly as he could given his injuries. She could feel his head fall into the crook of her neck, feel him breathe her in like she was the precious oxygen that kept him alive. There was still a spark! Oh yes and she was going to capitalize on that.

Nevermind that the man had mentioned Mac. From the pained look on his face it was clear that they were over and Jordan was determined to help him heal from that too. She'd be everything he ever needed, better than before because he deserved that. Turning a corner, Jordan checked in at the nurses station and obtained the latest information on her patient.

A treatment plan would require a few days of therapy sessions just to make sure Harm didn't suffer any post traumatic stress after the incident. She would be thorough as she was with any other patient although maybe a little too knowledgeable when it came to Harm's hang ups. No matter because as much in control as Harm thought he was, the moment they met he'd spilled his life's secrets with her.

It was like they were chatting more about his personal issues than her silly little case. What doctor forgets that there's alcohol in a bottle of cough syrup? As an OTC it had been high on the list of medications that were habitually abused. As stupid as it sounded, she played the part of a damsel that needed saving and Harm took the bait.

It worked, she had him eating out of the palm of her hand, telling her all of those little secrets Jordan doubted anyone else knew. He seemed shy around her, it was a method of seduction to not seem so eager. Oh, and she was so helpful, assisting that Marine Major with the bratty little girl that needed more than a talking to. Seed after seed, Jordan planted herself into his life and it was thriving but her need to fully have him rammed her straight into his walls.

Jordan remembered wanting him from the moment she'd first seen Harm months before her little cough syrup incident. He was striking and gorgeous, walking down the halls of Bethesda with a female Marine officer in tow. He smiled her way, Harm always had a bad habit of smiling at pretty girls and it was so sexy and deliciously arrogant, like the World owed him something.

Fate brought them together, she was sure of it. Why else would such a talented lawyer take her mundane little case? Surprisingly, he'd asked her to spend the holidays with him and what Jordan believed would be a quick fling became a little more involved. Dating him was easy and uncomplicated and she started to fall hell over heels for him. For a time, Jordan believed he felt the same and then, it began to unravel when that whore of a Marine began to dig her nails in.

She tried to pinpoint when it was that Harm became so defensive but, couldn't find the answer as to when those intense, intimate moments began to fall flat. She still enjoyed sex with him, he was good at it but while she concentrated on the man in her arms, Jordan knew he was in a whole other World without her. Harm called the Marine's name more times than she was willing to admit - even in sleep the woman seemed to torment his dreams. While awake, he spoke about his partner as if the woman could walk on water, always bringing her up in conversation until Jordan realized she'd soon be replaced.

And now they came full circle; he found his way back to her. Life was odd that way - he and the Marine had split a and she vowed to help pick up all of the broken pieces until Harm was hers again. And so when she hurried to his room Jordan didn't expect to find anyone else there. She especially didn't expect the woman dressed in Marine greens.

"No." She whispered. The file in her hand fell to the floor, papers scattering haphazardly across the linoleum floors. She let them fall because there were far more important things afoot like the woman currently occupying her boyfriend's bed.

Not just any woman, Sarah MacKenzie. "No."

The woman was like a goddamned gnat, constantly hovering around him, doting with those wide brown eyes. It was pathetic but then so was Mac, pathetically in love with a man that didn't want her, not really. If Harm wanted her, he wouldn't have gone off to fly, it wouldn't have been that simple to place the suggestion in his mind.

What's worse they were kissing and Jordan could hear those sucking noises and a soft feminine sigh that felt like nails on a chalkboard. From her vantage point she saw the Marine run a hand over his chest and then caress his cheek. Each time Mac touched him made a wave of anger rush through her veins and the desire to pull the other woman off and fight for what she wanted ebbed and waned. The years had taught her to be patient and so she took a breath, steeled her spine and bent over to pick up the pages that were scattered on the floor.

Jordan took a breath and then let it out slowly as she straightened up and her opposite hand pushed on the wooden door. In a flash, she stopped it from swinging open, stalling her movements and remaining perfectly still when the pair in the room spoke. It was Harm that spoke fist, his raspy voice excusing himself for being so tired and then Mac sliding off of the bed and into the guest chair stating that it was inappropriate for her to be in his bed. The Marine's voice was terse and Jordan realized that maybe the pair hadn't gotten back together at all - it was Harm's feeble attempt to win Sarah MacKenzie back and that attempt was clearly failing.

"I needed to come see you, to know that you're alright. But, I can't stay."

"Oh." Harm couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice. "I was hoping we would talk a little." And then he yawned because his body was still too exhausted for much of anything. "Mac?"

"You need to rest, you know you do. You've been through a lot. Sleep, Harm. I'll be back." She stood and pressed a kiss to his forehead not really saying much of a goodbye. Mac didn't linger, not even for a moment simply walked out of the room and Jordan pressed herself against the wall of the hallway in effort to not be seen. It was an odd kind of interaction and she couldn't help but smirk at how uncomfortable the air around them felt all of a sudden.

She breathed a soft sigh of relief and turned back to the nurses station. "Hello, I'm Dr. Jordan Parker, Rabb's psychiatrist. The Commander has asked for no visitors. He's in much pain and each interruption only backtracks his ability to rest."

"Of course doctor, I'll make a note of it." The young nurse typed a few things in a computer.

Several Days Later

As much as he hated feeling line an invalid, Harm let Mac help him out of the Lexus. He was slow to move, his body still achy from the incident. His ribs protested at even the slightest of movement or deep inhalation of breath. He glanced up at his apartment and prayed the elevator worked this time because the idea of walking up even a couple of steps seemed daunting.

Stepping into his apartment felt foreign but then that was common after deployment. Everything that once felt like home became practically alien and his loft was no exception. He shuffled inside, taking a quick look around surprised that the bedsheets had been pulled off of the furniture and the place smelled freshly clean.

His eyes drifted towards his bedroom but the idea of laying down for even another hour was less than appealing. Mac closed the door behind them and followed his gaze. "Your bed has fresh sheets, pillow cases. I washed them before dressing the bed in case they smelled stuffy."

"Thank you. I'm kinda tired of laying down, I just want to sit." He shuffled to the sofa, slumping into it and instantly wincing when his ribs protested. "I thought I'd never get out of there."

She nodded and rushed off to the kitchen with a kind of burst of nervous energy that made Mac move busily. "Your herbs died so I took the tags and went to the store. Got you new ones. You probably aren't in the mood to cook but it does brighten the room." She watered the plants on the windowsill and removed the dead leaves.

"They smell good too. Rosemary is like a mini pine tree."

"I bought them terra cotta planters, the guy at the nursery said they thrive better out of those little plastic pots." She leaned to breathe in the rosemary and paused for a moment. "Yeah I guess it does smell like a mini pine tree."

"Mac, come sit down."

She didn't hear him or, at worse, the woman was ignoring him because off she went throwing open the refrigerator door and looking inside. "I cleaned your friend, put a box of baking powder inside.…did you know that stuff stops smells? Not that your fridge smells but...they always have that smell you know? Must be the humidity and cold environment." Mac rearranged items for no real reason, they'd already been neatly put in rows and all items were in their given spot.

"I didn't know that."

"And your fully stocked, anything you can imagine." She pulled out a bottle of beer and showed it to him. "Even got that beer you like. Do you want…" At the mention of alcohol Mac stopped and straightened glancing between the cool bottle of suds and Harm. She made a face, scrunched up her nose and shook her head. Stupid, she was so stupid! "You shouldn't be drinking with your medications…I'm sorry, that was...stupid of me. There's water, ginger ale."

Mac placed the bottle back in the refrigerator and then glanced at him over the door. "Do you want me to make you a sandwich? You have to be starving that hospital food wasn't exactly edible." Apprehension was choking her and making Mac ramble on incessantly just to fill the otherwise uncomfortable silence with something. She didn't want to talk to him out of fear of what he might say although it was likely just her nerves.

Things had unraveled after she left the hospital almost a week ago. They spoke on the phone later that day and after the way he kissed her Mac held hope that everything would be alright. A man didn't kiss a woman that way and just fall out of interest, did he? Harm told her he loved her but then why was she not allowed to see him?

At first she chalked it up to the medication keeping him out most of the time and perhaps that scar on his face that marred his beautiful features. Some men were vain that way and she could see her flyboy concerning himself about how he looked to her. Maybe it was depression? PTSD? And maybe he just didn't want to see her because the medication had worn off and he'd come to his senses. Even the ride to his apartment was tense. She'd picked him up in his SUV, an effort for Harm to be comfortable as they silently navigated across the city.

"I'm not hungry. Please, just come sit with me." The frustration in Harm's voice was evident now, almost angry. For a moment it seemed she would come to him and then Mac dove into the refrigerator again.

"Harriet made lasagna so you don't have to worry about cooking for dinner." She brought out the glass pan, placed it on the countertop making sure that the lid which covered it was secure so that the food would not spoil and then put it back inside. "I think she brought you enough to feed a whole battalion."

Harm grimaced as he stood, pressing a hand to his ribs as the other wrapped around the cane's handle to steady himself. "That's nice...Mac, look I…"

"Oh!" Mac was straightening items in the refrigerator again only to shoot up with a flourish. She shut the door and walked around the kitchen island as he reached her. With her thumb she pointed towards the louvered windows signaling in the general direction of his bedroom. "I had to call a plumber. Your shower was leaking. Funny how those things only happen when there's no one around."

"Mac." He moved closer and she took a step farther away.

"You didn't have any mail. I asked your neighbors, is that normal?"

Not a novice to long deployments, Harm had made sure everything was in place before leaving. This included car payments, mail and a myriad of items that a single man had no one to care for. "I forward mail to a PO box."

"Oh." She hadn't thought about that and merely believed one of the neighbors had taken care of that for him. "Yeah makes sense...You know, next time you go somewhere, you need to make sure that your door is closed."

"What do you mean?" That piqued his interest because he was pretty sure he'd closed and locked it before leaving. "It was open?"

"Unlocked." Mac nodded, raising her characteristic brow. "Maybe you forgot?"

"No. I locked it."

"It doesn't appear that anything was missing. Maybe you had too many things on your mind before you left? Harm, you shouldn't keep your spare key where you do though." He normally had it attached to a magnet inside a small electric panel just a few feet from the door. To an onlooker it seemed innocuous and not something anyone would normally try to fiddle with but, the cover had been shifted and the key slightly exposed. "The cover stays open."

"Yeah, okay… Mac, we need to talk." He was losing the ability to keep up with her given the rapid fire pace in which Mac changed from subject to subject. This wasn't like her, he knew. She was always methodical and not so erratic. But, when she walked back to the kitchen moving past him and opened up the refrigerator again Harm could only sigh loudly.

Why was her heart hammering so hard? Why were her hands so clammy? She would have given anything not to be in this space so close to him. Talk. Harm kept mentioning that word and each time Mac wanted to run because talking never ever got them anywhere. What had he told her once? Oh yes, 'This isn't a marriage.' She should have headed that discussion and now allow herself to fall for him more than ever. Damnit, why did his hurt so much?

"So, what do you want for lunch?" As she spoke her voice was shaky and Harm immediately picked up on the timbre. "You know? I'll go pick something up. Chinese? Noodles, you like that tofu noodle thing." She hurried towards the door, grabbing his keys from the shelf next to his father's picture. It was only his voice that stopped the hand on the door from pulling it fully open and having her step outside.

"Goddamnit, Mac!" Harm said her name so loud the rush of air caused a searing pain to shoot from his torso. It was almost crippling and required several slow and controlled breaths until he was able to shift and feel marginally calm again. He grabbed onto the side of the island and soon felt her presence next to him, a gentle hand on his back running soothing circles.

"What can I do?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Please stop. Take a breath... Can't we just relax and...talk calmly? We need to talk." He insisted.

Maybe in the light of day he despised her for lying about a lover she never had in his absence. Certainly there were worse things than that? And yet, she took it upon herself to keep his apartment tidy and welcoming. She'd dusted, mopped, cleaned because… well… because it was the right thing to do. He was her friend once and although it would kill her if that's all he wanted to be now, she would accept it. "Talk? Okay."

Mac followed behind as he ambled back to the sofa and sat down. Although Harm patted the spot next to him she chose to sit on the chair to keep a little space between them. He wanted to touch her so badly, to hold her but attempted to move felt like an odyssey so he gripped onto the handle of the cane pretending it was her hand. "Don't avoid me."

"I haven't." She answered so quickly and just as fast backpedaled. Her eyes dropped to her hands that were clenched together on her lap. He was right, "Yes, I have."

"Why?" If it's because of that visitation snafu, I told you I hadn't done that. Maybe they got me confused with someone else. Maybe the medications had me ramble something stupid. I wanted you there. I wanted to see you. Why didn't you answer my calls?"

Because she was nothing more than a scared little girl still afraid of rejection. "I..Harm.." She opened her mouth to speak but the words just would not come out. There had been many scenarios running through her head of late, none of which were appealing. Truth was, Mac was weary of Harm and the pain she felt when he'd let her go. Even now being in his presence hurt something awful as if she were waiting for the bottom to drop out and let her fall into another emotional cassom. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us."

"Is there an us?"

Harm sighed, she was closing herself off and he wasn't sure how to stop it. "I want there to be.. We're good together, you know we're good together. And I meant what I said on the carrier and the hospital… I love you."

"When do you love me? When my foot was out the door and you thought I was with someone else?" She stood then and walked to the center of the living room looking like she'd lost something. Maybe it was her mind playing tricks? Laying out every last neurotic sense of worthlessness because everyone would always leave. But then, he'd proved her point - he left too and when he healed the review board cleared him, Harm would leave again.

"I deserved that...You're angry at me, I get it."

"It's not just you, Harm. It's everything. I'm angry at you. I'm angry at me and how I acted because of what I felt for you. It hurt like hell when you left; I felt like… like...I felt like I was being ripped apart. I knew you were jealous of Mario and I used that because I hoped it would make you hurt too."

"It did...And I was angry at you too but, I was determined to try and get you back. I never should have left. I know that now and nothing I do will change the fact that I did." He winced again as he took a deep breath. This conversation was needed but it was taking a lot more out of him than Harm through possible. "I can't take it back, Mac and apologizing feels pointless."

Harm knew it would hurt to stand but he did so anyway, using the cane to raise up and stabilize his battered body. He groaned in pain as he slowly shuffled towards her, not stopping until his fingers brushed the crease of her elbow. He let the touch linger, the soft skin of her arm made him want to pull her to him and never let go. "Tell me what to do to fix us and I'll do it."

"Do you want Jordan?" The question rushed out of her lips before Mac had a chance to stop it. A fresh wave of insecurity swept over her and she wished she could dissolve into the ether rather than face the look Mac knew Harm was giving her. She felt his gaze, heard the sharp intake of breath that just as quickly rushed out on a wince. "Harm…"

"Why in the hell would you think that?"

Because she still had that image in her mind of walking to his room and finding the other woman practically snuggled in bed with him. "Nothing… nevermind."

"Why are you so insecure?"

She glared at him, eyes turning dark and deadly because that could have been the most ridiculous question he'd ever asked. "Because you've given me reason to be."

Harm almost fell, either because of the weakness that would plague his body for days to come or because of her words that felt like a sharp daggar. Either way, had Mac not been standing next to him his body would have been strewn on the ground. Had he not been holding tightly to his cane both of them would have fallen.

She helped him limp back to the sofa allowing Harm to slowly settle in. Mac grabbed the pillows rearranging them so that his body wouldn't sink into the cushions and keep pressure off of his tender ribs. "We should table this." She said as she sat next down next to him hoping he'd stay put this time.

"No, we shouldn't...What do you want from me, Mac? To grovel? Beg? Plead?" Although he'd never seen himself the type to beg a woman, Harm was much too macho for all of that. Mac challenged those silly beliefs and for the life of him he wasn't sure what to do to make things right. "Damnit, Mac. I fucked up. I fucked up bad and I can't take it back."

"A few stolen kisses won't instantly fix things." And why did they have to feel so good and so right? Mac shook her head out of those thoughts because she wouldn't let her physical reaction for him influence her thoughts.

"Then tell me what will...I"m laying my heart out on the line here, Sarah."

"Harm…"

"I wanted to die, Mac… Each time a wave took me under it took a little more of me with it." All of that training, his strength and bravado amounted to nothing as his body was tossed around in a veritable washing machine. There was so much pain and so much cold until he heard her voice and it forced him to hold on and fight. He had to fight to see her again, to make things right. "However the hell you found me...there's a reason for it...You can't deny that… you can't deny us."

Harm had gotten through to her because the look of clarity now present in what was once sad eyes. He wanted to hold her so bad and kiss away every single doubt he'd instilled in her. A hand came up to cup her cheek, this thumb lightly caressing her skin. She was so soft, so beautiful and he had been such an idiot to let this go. "Give me another chance. I swear I won't ever hurt you again."

Mac's eyes filled with tears and the battle within her raged on. She wanted to be with him so much and times like it all clicked and made sense. The part that wanted to run began to float away as if carried by the wind. When he brushed a tear away with the pad of his thumb she felt her heart thud a little quicker. "I missed you...As much as I hate to admit it...I need you. I hate that I need you." Carefully, she leaned into him and her own hands framed his face to gaze into those beautiful sea-blue eyes. "I love you, too." She said and then placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"Oh Mac." Harm was home and he wasn't planning on leaving ever again.