Chapter 22 - Stay

They talked at length about many subjects - his fear of commitment and her own trepeditions when it came to matters of the heart. She'd always felt left behind, unwanted and Harm assured her that his break up was a silly effort to save her from his obsessions. It had nothing to do with how he felt for her.

He didn't mention Jordan's implication that Mac would likely leave him at some point due to the many months apart. He should have thought things through, talked to Mac before leaving and not lied about his intentions. The doctor had a point in her assessment of him, Harm was a man who would never grow up and could never have a stable relationship because of it. He was going to change that. He had to.

Mac helped him settle in as much as possible eventually helping Harm undress so that he could shower and shave. After dinner, she tucked him into bed making sure he was propped up to keep pressure off the ribs and that his injured leg was raised. He looked pitiful but still as handsome as ever. Gingerly, her fingers touched his face, smearing ointment along the laceration on his left cheek that had been sutured. "Does this hurt?"

He shook his head and remained still, closing his eyes to concentrate on her healing touch. "No." Harm suddenly grabbed her hand, pulling it away as Mac made to finish appealing the healing balm. "How bad is it, really?"

She smirked at how hesitant he was; who knew her flyboy could be a little vain. "A little but, I'm positive it will heal and you probably won't have much of a mark." Mac released her hand out of his grasp and finished applying the topical medication cleaning the access off of his good skin with a patch of gauze.

"You're being nice."

"I'm being honest. Now stay still so I can finish."

Mac bit her lower lip as she worked diligently to make sure every inch of the cut was covered.

She looked so damned cute that Harm's stomach did that little flip flop thing. Damn, he loved her. He loved her so much. "You're good at this, you know?"

"So are you." Off of his questioning glance Mac rubbed a spot on her right thigh. "You are...I happen to remember a stickboy taking care of a bullet wound."

"Oh, that."

"Yes, that. One could argue you put me in that predicament in the first place…but, you did keep me safe." She chuckled and he joined suit immediately stopping when his ribs protested again. "Take it easy, Sailor." Mac said as she recapped the bottle and then shifted to move off the bed.

When she tried to stand one of Harm's large hands wrapped around her wrist and pulled her back down. "Stay, Mac. Stay with me... And not because I'm asking you to. Stay because you want to."

"I wasn't planning on going anywhere."

"Good." Ignoring the pain, he leaned in and was thankful when Mac did too and their lips touched in a sweet, sultry kiss.

Mac stepped out of the bathroom wearing shorts and a shirt, her casual sleeping attire normally found in her seabag. It wasn't anything particularly sexy, but to Harm she looked like the most gorgeous creature on earth. The short shorts showed off her long legs. The t-shirt covered entirely too much of her body which left entirely too much to his imagination. He knew what was under there and sighed heavily at the mess he made that a zillion 'I'm sorry's' would never fix.

"Where you going?" He asked after she kissed him goodnight, grabbed a pillow and began heading towards the steps that led out of the room. "Oh no, no, no! You're not sleeping on my sofa."

Mac stopped and turned slowly, cocking up an eyebrow as she spoke. "Harm, I have nights that I toss and turn. Others that I spend the whole night sitting up in bed reading."

"Did you forget I've shared a bed with you many times?"

"Yes but, I've been going through a bout of insomnia. You need rest and that's an order Commander."

He rolled his eyes at her silly little order and patted the bed on his right side. "The Commander would never undermine a superior's orders, ma'am but, he feels...uh...safer if you're by his side."

"Safer? That's your argument?"

Harm grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "Maybe the Commander just needs a little body heat to make it through the night."

"Body heat, hmm?" She motioned to the temperature gauge and continued to tease him. Actually, it was more like flirting, his voice had taken a lower tone and Mac was happy to banter back. "If you're cold I could always kick up the heat."

"It's not the same."

Mac snorted at how his voice sounded. The man was whining but something about it was so endearing and kinda sexy. Truth was, she was afraid of rolling over and hurting him so the living room sounded like a more viable option. His loft being basically one large room, it wasn't like she was far away if he needed her. "What if I hurt you?"

Harm patted the spot next to him again. "It's my left side that's beat up, not the right."

"Harm, seriously."

"The Commander would really enjoy it if the Colonel would cuddle with him. Aren't senior officers supposed to concern themselves with the health and wellbeing of their subordinates?"

She cocked her head to the side and let out a long exasperated sigh finally relenting. "You have a point but if I roll over and hurt you, that's on you."

"Fair enough." Harm smiled when she finally crawled in next to him, snuggling against the right side of his chest. He pulled her a little closer, ignoring the little pain it caused. "I missed this...just laying next to you."

"I did too...I'm really not a cuddler." She normally hated it because most men tended to smother her. With Harm it felt natural to lay next to him, her body curved perfectly into his.

"I wasn't either...with Jordan I…" Immediately he cringed at having mentioned his ex. For serberal long seconfe he held his breath and hoped that Mac wouldn't run from him. "Sorry...I didn't mean to mention...I'm not interested in her."

"I know."

"You do?" She nodded and he let out a breath. "I do like this though...just wish I could lay on my side. Being on my back is driving me nuts."

Mac's hand ran lazy circles over his chest, a soft touch that was helping Harm relax. "You need to be patient."

"Not my strong suit." Harm felt himself start to doze off, his eye kids growing heavy with each intake of breath. He nodded off for a few minutes tops when he felt it - the washing machine effect of a roaring ocean and that bone chilling cold.

It made his eyes snap open and his breathing erratic. Mac's calm voice cooing him to relax was the only thing that stopped a full blown panic attack. "Damnit, everytime I close my eyes.. "

"You're out there?"

"Yeah." A gentle hand slid up over his heart, the warmth from her skin easing his distress somewhat. She found him, it was a fact he still couldn't quite wrap his head around and yet it made sense. "I was far more battered after the ramp strike but younger and cocky. Plus In was scooped out of the ocean right away...this time."

He's lost count of how many times the Viking passed over him. The sweeps from the searchlights illuminating the sea around him and then plummeted him back into the freezing darkness. He swallowed so much salt water it was a miracle he hadn't thrown up or drowned. "I was sure I'd die out there. How did you find me, really?"

"I don't know...It came out of the blue...I felt cold and then I saw you...Like I was there." She heard him speak in her mind. Mac saw him, felt him and she knew she could save him, somehow. "I heard you start to pray, you forgot the words."

"I've never been a religious man. Kinda lost faith in God after dad went missing. You reminded me the words." He shifted slightly, enough so that he would look Mac in the eye when she raised her head up. "You know I have dabbled in metaphysical things sometimes... Seeing that Ghost on the Hornet and even with Dar-lin, it was a little more than a sixth sense. With you it was intense. You were there, I can't explain it Mac but, you were."

"I guess we have a connection somehow."

"We do."

She lowered her head back to his chest and snuggled closer to him. The movement hurt but Harm kept calm and let it pass, grateful that she was back in his arms after everything. "I love you, Harm...As pissed off as I was, I don't wanna live in a world without you."

"I love you too."

Harm managed to sleep some without being plagued by horrible thoughts or nightmares. It was dreamless and although his body was uncomfortably sore, the woman dressing in the corner of his bedroom made Harm feel so much better.

"Good morning." Mac said cheerily as she stood in front of his full length mirror adjusting the tie on her uniform.

"Yes it is. Heading to the office?"

She nodded. "For a few hours and then I'll be back. Will you be okay on your own?"

"Yeah. Just need help getting out of bed before you go." With her back to him Harm openly glanced at her body. Even in uniform, she was stunning. It was actually very unfair that she looked that good all of the time. "If you have a few minutes you can get out of that uniform and come back to bed."

"Even injured your incorrigible."

"Only with sexy, Marine Lt. Colonel's."

"Mmm hmmm." She laughed but did indeed go back to bed, sitting on the edge to lean down and kiss him. "Mmm how'd you sleep?"

"With all the drugs in me?" He said and it was followed by a dry chuckle. "I've been here before. It's never easy, the recovery. Hopefully I can still fly."

Fly? He still wanted to get into the cockpit of a jet? That thought made Mac feel like she was smacked dead center of her chest. She closed her eyes tightly willing that sinking feeling to pass. She wouldn't let the insecurty win. She would be happy for him, support him and then welcome him home if he chose to leave. "Mac? What's wrong?"

"You're going back?"

"I want to keep my wings if I can. But, with two ejections on my record Sarah may be the only thing I can fly." His hand snaked into hers threading their fingers together. He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle. "Does the Colonel think our commanding officer would mind our relationship? Especially given we're different ranks at the moment?"

Mac's closed eyes fluttered open and she stared at him. "Why would he...Wait...You want to come back? Back to JAG?"

He nuzzled her palm and then pressed a kiss to the center. "Only if it's okay with you. And it's not a fall back. I belong at JAG just needed to finish getting all of the excess jet fuel out of my blood I guess."

"Have you?"

"Yes."

Harm back? Back at JAG? The thought gave her the good kind of goosebumps and for the first time in months she felt a weight lift from her shoulders. She missed him there, terribly so. They were a team, the best one JAG ever had and she needed him there to bounce ideas off. She missed the late night dinners while they worked on a case. The banter. Lord did she miss their verbal sparring match that got the blood pumping with adrenaline. Mac just missed him.

"Harm..think about this. Really think about this. Whatever you decide there's no going back this time."

"I have thought about it. Spent the last week at Bethesda thinking about it when I wasn't asleep." His finger was tracing a gentle pattern on her inner wrist. Harm sat up slowly and Mac placed several pillows behind his back to keep him propped upright. "I want to keep my wings if I can but I can't fly full time for a living...I decided that before the accident."

"What changed your mind?"

"Nothing and everything. I was lonely on a boat full of 5,000 sailors. I felt like I didn't belong with the other pilots, I didn't enjoy critiquing my peers when they landed...And I missed my lady."

Mac could feel the warming sensation of the blush tinting her cheeks. Even after being intimate with Harm, there were certain things he said that made her feel wanted and loved. "If you go, you'd come back."

"True but, I don't want to go. The Navy can keep my wings if it means spending months away from you." It wasn't like him to be so open with his words but it felt good to admit them to her. And liked that he could make the tough Marine blush. "I don't know what the hell you did to me but damn Mac, I don't wanna be without you."

"I don't want to be without you either, but if you come back it might be complicated."

He shrugged. "We already were complicated. Look, we can keep our relaTionship discreet like we'd been doing. Besides, things aren't really complicated unless we get more...uh...serious."

Serious? Mac knew he wasn't talking about them moving in or dating. He was inferring marriage and that was not something she was willing to entertain just yet. "Do you want things tk get serious?"

"Do you?"

"Eventually. It's just not something I want to think about now. We're still trying to get back on the rails." She smiled sadly although Harm didn't seem upset that she brushed that subject aside. Truth was, he wasn't ready either but it was something to think about in the future. "I was thinking."

"Oh oh." He smirked when she playfully smacked him on the arm. "Sorry."

"Given that you are currently on the DL list, meaning no physical activity...we should hit restart."

"Restart?" His brow furled trying to figure out what a restart entailed. Going back to the beginning would be less than ideal, there was a lot of shaky ground then and Harm didn't want to relive her distrust of him. "Why?"

"Harm we went from zero to Mach 3. One minute we're friends the next we were sleeping together."

"It's not like we didn't know each other…"

Mac knew he was right. They weren't strangers. In many ways he knew more about her that she did. That didn't mean she was an open book and Lord only knew how many tidbits about Harm she wasn't aware of. "No but, we can start over, get to know eachother...date. We never really dated."

"I took you out."

"Dinner from time to time. But we never really dated. There's things about me you dont know and I want to tell you. And I hope you trust me enough to be honest with me in return." Their relationship always revolved around work, a dynamic that worked well although it had ups and downs. Mac felt they needed to work on what happened after that. "I don't wanna fall into bed with you and pretend everything is alright. Making love with you is good and intense but it clouds other things."

"It was really good, yes."

"Harm…" She admonished and almost laughed when he blushed furiously.

Repenant, he took your hand in his again and kisses her knuckles. "Sorry...so...dating, huh?"

"Yep."

He took a breath and let it out slowly trying to grasp if he needed to convince her otherwise. "If it pleases the court, I have a few questions." When she nodded, a grin spread across his lips. "One, can we kiss?"

Mac bit her lower lip and pretended to to think on it. "Oh, I think kissing is acceptable so long as it does not get carried away."

Too late, he thought. "Two, are sleepovers acceptable?"

"Yes, but only until you can move about unencumbered and then…"

"What if I promise to behave?" He interrupted, letting go of her hand and placing it on the bed as if it may prove his point. "I can behave."

Mac's a finger lightly slid down his chest stopping at the waistband of his pajama pants. "Who's to say I will?"

Her voice dropped a notch, oozing with sexual innuendo that made his body get all warm and tingly. Maybe she had a point? "Okay, no sleepovers once I'm mobile. So, three, Chegwidden."

"He knows...don't ask me how and I think he's okay with it."

"Four…" He said in a far more serious tone and then took her hands again thI time holding it. "Do you want me back?"

"Maybe." The serious look on her face turned coy and Mac could not keep a straight face. She knew she had him once his smile radiated and filled her with auch loving warmth within.

"Oh only Maybe?"

"I was winning a lot more cases with you gone." She shrugged.

"You just need someone to challenge you. And I'm just the sailor for that."

She rolled her eyes and snorted then stood up and disappeared into the bathroom. "Drop that arrogance, sailor. That's an order."

"Aye ma'am." There was something entirely sexy about her being senior officer even if he was a bit jealous that she was promoted before her. "You know, I kinda like being bossed around by you...it's kinky."

"Red light commander."

That teasing voice made him laugh. "I thought we dropped traffic signals months ago.."

"That's when we were intimate...we're only dating now remember?" Even so, Mac lowered herself into bed and fused her lips to his in a kiss that belied her whole dating theory. If this was what a reset fwlr like, He was gonna enjoy dating.