Not in love with this chapter but, it moves things along a bit and Mr. Rabb starts to wake up.
This is basically the next two or three chapters slammed together neatly and cut out several unnecessary scenes…. I love the last part… a lot. That Harm and Mac flirting is adorable. At least, I hope it comes out neatly. Heh!

Chapter 25 - Obsessions

"You can relax, you know?" Jordan's expression was bemused at how anxious Harm seemed to be. "I won't bite." Unless you want me to. She mentally added barely suppressing a wicked grin.

Harm was dressed in civvies again. This time jeans and a black button down shirt with those same top buttons undone. The man may not have been trying to seduce her and yet he oozed sex appeal. Oh, she wanted him so badly that these sessions would be a form of foreplay. If that homewrecking whore of a Marine could verbally spar with him, Jordan would do far worse.

For Harm therapy had been unnerving mainly because his desire to find a new therapist had been met with some red tape. He probably should have told Jordan's CO about that ethical breach - they dated once upon a time - but, he didn't want a formal reprimand on her record or his. So, he would have to suck it up. If only it wasn't so apparent that Jordan was still interested in him.

As much as the woman tried to hide it, there had been several times when he caught her looking at his lips or his neck - an act he'd once enjoyed and now wanted no part of. Often enough it was the intense gaze that he'd shrugged off during their second and first session but could no longer deny on the third when she forced him to open up about the nightmares he'd slowly begun to have. They didn't occur much when Mac slept next to him but in the waking hours when he'd tried to nap he was almost always woken from a dead sleep to the feeling of drowning.

The conversation brought out a fierce panic attack that he couldn't stop much to Harms chagrin and he found himself in Jordan's arms although he couldn't say how he got there. She held him as he broke down, stroked his back, soothed him. It felt nice until her head turned and her lips brushed across the side of his neck which forced him to tear away from her as if burnt. He hadn't told Mac about the incident and all it did was sully his already brooding moods.

He was constantly moody, unforgivably so. The lack of physical activity like weights or running was driving him manic. Harm wasn't the type to be idle and it was giving him mood swings plus the "therapy" made him remember too much, made it too real. "You get to leave. I'm stuck here overthinking all day." He snapped at Mac that morning while he sat by an uneaten plate of food.

"It's not forever."

"What if it is? What if I'm not wanted back? A washed up pilot and mediocre lawyer. Who wants that?" Christ he sounded like a defeatist whiner, none of which he'd ever been in the past and he hated it. "You should run. Run away from me as fast as possible before I drag you down with me."

"Snap to!" Mac steadied him as she always had. Her voice of reason cracking through his silly bout of depression. "This isn't the Harmon Rabb I know. So, things are a little uncertain now? They were when I left JAG too. I was scared, never thought the Admiral would let me back. And I didn't leave to serve my country or for duty like you did. I'm still ashamed to admit that I left because of a cute guy who bought me pearls and promised me the world. It was a mistake that I learned from. I'm still here. Things will work out, I know it will."

"Until I get obsessed with something else." He glanced at her pondering if Jordan's suggestion had any merit. He'd gotten over Diane, over that need to find his father, then flying...what was next? Was it Mac? Would he tire of her or her of him?

"Is that what I am to you? You're new obsession?"

"I don't want you to be."

"Harm, I love you. I care for you but, I won't go through you cutting me out of your life again. You'd better figure it out before this gets too serious and both of us get hurt...That's an order." Mac had a sad expression when she left for work that day and it left him mulling over the subject. He knew he'd hurt her again and called to apologize but she didn't take the call or return his three messages.

And so this session felt awkward from the moment Jordan closed the door behind her. And for the first time in his life, Harm felt like a lamb to the slaughter - willing prey. "I'm sorry about the other day, I was out of line. Guess I'm not over you as much as I thought." She admitted but, he did not seem amused, not one bit.

"I thought this was supposed to be painless? Why do I feel like absolute shit?"

"Mmm. It can be far worse before it gets better." She studied him for a moment, his expression sullen, eyes cast down as if shamed. It was clear something was afoot at home and she hoped their little interaction had caused some friction. "This isn't about the mishap is it? Let me guess, you butted heads with Mac? You told her about us didn't you?" When he didn't answer she reached across and placed a hand on his forearm. "Of course you did. It's okay, you know? You can talk to me."

Harm forcefully pulled his arm away. "I told you Mac was off limits."

"So that's a yes. It's normal for someone you're with to rub you the wrong way during this process. You learn things about yourself and maybe they don't fit into your master plan."

"All I want is my damned job back and maybe even keep my wings." And keep the woman he loved in the process, to be happy with her was that too much to ask for? "And I want to stop feeling like I'm drowning whenever I close my eyes."

The apprehension gave way to an unrestrained anger that had him yelling in frustration. She motioned with her hands for him to relax and then guided him back onto the sofa when he'd sprung out of it as if shot out by a cannon. "Harm, you need to relax. I get it, I do. You are sorting through thoughts you don't want to have. It's normal. Just trust the process."

"No." He was done with her process, finished lying to Mac about certain things he'd begun to pick up like the way Jordan would cross and uncross her legs slow enough for him to notice the color of her panties. He was mildly disgusted by it but then he agreed to it, told Mac that everything would be fine, that he was in control. This time he would stop the descent, he wouldn't fall for whatever manipulation Jordan was dishing out on him. "Write up whatever you need to about me. I don't care anymore….I'm looking for another shrink. This..." He waved a hand between them. "Isn't right. I'm not getting better….I'm getting worse and I'm changing and taking it out on her."f

She smiled when he fidgeted in his seat ever surprised how all the big strong men carried on like children. His eyes wouldn't meet hers as if the idea of Mac was emasculating him. "I told you not to water yourself down for her."

"It's not about watering myself down, it's about respect. I respect her. I love her and you know this is beyond unorthodox and unethical."

"Sounds like a lawyer speaking."

"I am a lawyer."

"I thought you were a pilot." Off of his defiant glare Jordan realized he wasn't going back to the carrier. These sessions weren't about getting behind a stick, he was going back to JAG - back to Mac. "You're not going back to a carrier are you?"

"No."

"Because of Mac?" The feelings she'd tightly veiled spilled out when she said the other woman's name. She actually sounded jealous, something Jordan previously stated she was not. "Don't do that. Don't settle for a woman because you don't think you deserve better."

"I'm not settling. JAG is where I belong only I was too stupid to realize it. I was obsessed with flying and it almost got me killed." He still loved the adrenaline, loved controlling something so out of control but that wasn't the missing piece of his life. That void was currently being filled by a woman who he hadn't realized he needed so much. Mac was life to him, like the very oxygen which kept him alive. How else could she have found him? "She found me. In the middle of the goddamned ocean she found me."

"How?" Jordan asked suddenly and a lazy smile spread across his lips. He was remembering something and she wanted to know what that was, it was a piece that he hadn't shared about his rescue although the story had lived in the halls of Bethesda while he recovered there.. The whole prospect of the woman Marine that rescued her former partner was deemed a miracle. "No one can just find someone like that."

"She did. Mac saw me in the ocean. I could hear her talking to me, praying with me as if she were there. She told the Captain where to look, where I'd be and saved my life."

"Oh." It made sense now, his obsession with the Marine. "And you feel indebted."

He nodded slowly. "For the rest of my life."

"Is that why Mac's your new obsession? You feel indebted to her?" He made to protest and she could see the anger flushing in his cheeks when she raised a hand to stop him. "I get it, saving someone is a big deal but you can't design a future around that."

"You don't understand…"

"Oh but, I do. Why else would you be with her? Harm, she's an alcoholic. An adulterer, she probably comes from a broken home." Imperceptibly, Jordan was right, ticked off each box on Sarah MacKenzie's flaws. "I'm afraid you're going to realize you're too good for her and then she'll be hurt again. You already left her once. Have you ever asked yourself why it was so easy to do?"

He wondered that himself but knew the answer his eyes locked onto Jordan steely and angry. The woman was good at her job, so good he'd let her manipulate him because his emotions were easy to abuse. "Because you suggested it."

"Me?"

"Yes you and I took the bait... What was it? Oh yeah, let her go while I figured out my life?" The glare didn't abate, only grew darker and much more menacing. Everything began to click, slide together like pieces of a puzzle - Jordan was trying to keep them apart. "I'm such an idiot."

When he stood, Jordan did too and followed when it was apparent he was not going to start pacing - Harm was leaving. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To find my girlfriend and take her out to lunch. Grovel a bit more if I have to because she was right...I was so desperate to get this over with that it clouded my judgement... I made a mistake. I'm not making another one. Consider yourself fired."

"You can't just walk off...like it or not, your career is in my hands."

That made him stop and turn around, one foot half out the door. "Fuck my career."

When Harm walked out he left a bristling Jordan Parker in his wake.

Five Weeks Later

It felt good to run and feel the strain of each underused muscle as Harm put one foot in front of the other. He enjoyed the burning in his chest from heavy breathing although his current pace was abysmal. Eventually he would heal more, get faster, add more miles. For now, he was content to be outside and moving - one step at a time.

The past weeks had been relatively uneventful, he was healing well which unfortunately meant that Mac was spending less time at his loft. It was part of them starting from the beginning but it also meant not sharing the same bed much to his chagrin.

He'd finally found another therapist, one that came well recommended and worked outside of Bethesda putting Jordan in his rear view. He saw her once more while he went to the hospital for his physical and she apologized and seemed genuinely happy that he was improving. She'd asked him out for coffee and Harm politely declined.

Pushing himself a little harder, he rounded a corner and sped up the street to his apartment building then taking the stairs up in a slower fashion to not upset his healed knee. As he unlocked the door, he took a whiff of himself and cringed. There was just something about runner's sweat that was absolutely the most putrid thing and he was very much aware that women did not like that smell of sweat on any man.

And so he planned to rush to the shower before Mac got wind of it and pray she wasn't easily offended. She'd spent the night because her apartment's water was on the fritz. LIke a gentleman, he hadn't made a move past kissing, determined to let her take the lead when she was ready to be intimate with him again. It was nice and simple and Harm found he enjoyed just sitting in front of the fire cuddling with Mac as she talked to him about her day.

That morning she'd actually wanted to go running with him but he'd asked her to stay behind. While she wasn't thrilled, Mac understood this was something he needed to do for himself. Eventually there would be plenty of mornings for shared runs and a normalcy she also longed for.

When he walked into the loft he found Mac freshly showered with her hair slicked back. She wore his robe which was absolutely too big and yet made her look so adorable he wanted to kiss her senseless. "Hey beautiful."

"Hey yourself. How was your run?" She smiled at him in that sweet sexy way that surely melted most men at ten paces. God only knew how much that smile affected him.

"Good. Slow but, good. No rib pain."

And then her smile changed. It was broader, genuinely happy that his life seemed to be falling back into place. "That's great."

"It is, yeah. I'm beginning to feel like my old self again." He toed off his sneakers, placing them next to the door and then motioned with his thumb towards the bedroom. "I'm gonna hit the shower."

Harm hadn't made it halfway when her voice stopped him. "Wait." When he turned, he found Mac rounding the kitchen island moving towards him. "You forgot something." Her hands came up to cup his face that was still sweaty and grimy. She pulled him down simultaneously coming up on her toes to bridge the gap between them. When their lips met it was in a long, slow kiss which sizzled more than Mac intended to.

As they broke apart Harm was left with a dreamy expression, his eyes half mast blinking to clear the fog his mind was thrusted into when her tongue lapped the little bit of salt beneath his lip as they stepped apart. "Wow. Wow, I didn't think you'd want to do that."

"Why not?" She asked and her eyebrow curved up delicately.

"I stink."

"Mmm. You do yes." She admitted, finally stepping away and heading back to the kitchen. "But you forget we used to run regularly together and I am aware of how bad both of us smell. It's really not that big a deal." Mac took a dish rag and came back to him again swatting his six playfully. "Now, go shower, sailor. You stink."

"Aye ma'am." He said with a chuckle already tugging his shirt off, heading up the steps. "It's no big deal now but this is probably one of those little things that will drive you nuts when we get married."

He said the word so casually as he disappeared past the louvered and into the glass blocks that made up his shower never knowing the whirlwind he left in his wake. Mac stared at his retreating form, leaning up against the cabinets, a fresh pot of coffee forgotten in favor of breathing.

Breathing and not crying.

Marriage? Harm couldn't have meant that. She didn't believe that word would ever fall from his lips in regards to her or any one else for that matter. Harm wasn't the type for those kinds of commitments which was far too soon and too scary to entertain at the moment. . They still needed to navigate their relationship and see if it would survive the stress of working together. Then there was the subject of outranking him which she currently did and would for who knew how long.

So when he came out of the shower freshly shaved and wearing only boxers she shyly asked him for clarification. "You said something about us being married." It was slightly comical how the coffee he made to sip stopped midway some of which sloshed to the ground. He stared at her. "Do you want to marry me? After we kissed you said it was something I'd be annoyed with, you sweaty and…"

"Oh."

"Yeah oh."

Harm was bent over cleaning up the spilled coffee on the floor when he straighed he poured himself another cup and leaned against the cabinets. He didn't seem apprehensive as Mac expected him to - a lazy smile curved his lips. "I know it's too soon to talk about it… way too soon but, I could entertain the idea."

"It would take a lot of change on both our parts and…"

"Do you want to marry me, Mac?" He said and his voice was laced with a kind of child like enthusiasm. He wasn't proposing just questioning and Mac's brain began to fill in the how and where he would propose if given that chance. "We're still only dating, remember?"

"I haven't really thought about it." But her lips had done that upturn thing, her eyes were wide and dreamy. "Would I sound like a complete girl if I told you I may have daydreams about it? Maybe even thought about kids. Seeing you with Josh and Darlyn. I think you'd be a great father someday."

His fantasies of Mac hadn't gone that far but as he looked at her, he began to wonder what she would look like carrying his child. "Mmmm. A little girl with your looks and my brains?"

"What if he has your looks and my brains?"

"That could work too." He laughed lightly but a tension settled in anyway. Something about this conversation had gone the wrong way when all he meant was an innocent teasing. "Mac?"

"One of us will have to leave JAG again if we marry. I love you but, I'm in the best place I've ever been professionally. I meant it about taking it slow."

Although he wished they were moving slightly faster, Harm did agree. He placed his mug down and pulled her to him, lightly holding her in his arms as his lips pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Are you okay with me coming back? Working together?"

She was actually ecstatic about it but kept her excitement veiled. "So long as you respect the ground rules, we'll be fine."

Ground rules. Harm snorted. "I can keep my hands to myself." And even as he said that his hands were roaming down her body stopping to cup her six though the fabric of the robe. It had been the most intimate touch they'd shared since before he left to fly and he wasn't surprised when she warned him to stop. "I know, I know… just a kiss."

"One kiss." Mac said as he tipped her head up so that his lips could brush over hers.

"Can I take you out to lunch later?" His lips had left hers and began traveling down her jawline. He may have made it to her neck, could have parted the robe and continued downward but Mac pulled away with a heavy sigh.

"I'll be in Norfolk, remember? I have that kid which attempted brig break." She rolled her eyes at the mild annoyance and subsequent 70 mile trip she would have to unnecessarily take.

"Dinner then? We haven't officially started this date thing." Harm reached for her again and Mac playfully slapped his hand away.

"Not tonight. I have to prepare for the new case." She was already heading into the bedroom, taking off the robe and reaching for the uniform she'd hung next to his.

"It's okay… just been imagining you in a dress, me in a suit… fancy dinner. A first real date."

His description made her peek out from around the louvered windows wearing only her blouse and little else. "I don't need a fancy dinner, you know? I'm not high maintenance like your previous arm candy. Take me to Beltway Burger and I'm a happy girl."

He cringed at the thought of squeezing into those ugly plastic booths, grease, fat and sugar sitting to be shared between them. "I thought you'd want something nice… special. A little romance?"

When she peeked out again Mac was now zipping up her skirt, a bewildered expression on her face. "Thought you weren't a romantic?"

"I guess you bring it out in me." He shrugged. "Come over tonight. I'll cook you dinner, help you with your notes for court. I promise to behave."

She bounded down the steps, fully dressed and Harm wondered how she could do that so quickly and look so damned good and put together. A difference between Marines and Sailors, for sure, it often took him forever just to put on a tie. "Last time you promised to behave your foot rubs put me to sleep. I had to cram information in like a first year law student. Sorry, Commander, the answer is still no."

"Mac, wait." Harm caught her by the waist, pulling her towards him with a squeal of delight. He tipped her head up again and this time stopped a breath away from kissing her. "You asked me once if you were my new obsession the answer is no."

"You seem sure about that."

"I am. But, I do want you around more. I want to indulge you, make sure you're possibly head over heels for me… and…"

His words made her breath catch as did the intense look in his eyes. "And?"

"And I want to see you in red… a red dress to be exact. You look good in red."

"I look better out of it."

Now it was his breath which caught at the promise at which her words held. Lord knows he was dreaming about her, the ways they moved together, how it felt when skin met skin. "Not sure I'm ready for that yet." He admitted on a sigh.

"I'm not going anywhere." She kissed him lightly and then stepped out of his embrace. "About tonight, I'll come over if you promise to let me work. And seriously, Harm, keep it simple. Good luck with Chegwidden today."

When she left he simply remained rooted in place glancing at the closed door. "Simple. I can do simple things." He moved across the loft, thumbed through his rolodex to find a specific phone. He did, indeed have a meeting with Chegwidden to find out whether or not the SECNAV approved a transfer back to JAG. He wasn't worried about it, not really for his mind was occupied by a certain Marine. "Good morning. I'd like to order two dozen red roses." Roses were simple, were they not?