The Revengers written by Nikki Pond
Summary: When the Avengers fail, there's a secret back-up superhero team called the Revengers, who has done a better job as superheroes. When the Avengers fail, there's a secret back-up superhero team called the Revengers, who has done a better job as superheroes. Nobody knows who these heroes are since they wore masks. But one of them seems familiar with that dark hair and snarky attitude.
In which Loki and his team are apparently the better "superheroes" than the Avengers. The Avengers are not pleased while Loki is secretly enjoying this. His teammates are just amused.
Note: This is not my first prompt, but it is the first I have done Loki-centric and attempt at humor *shrugs*. Before Thor: Ragnarok, I had an idea to do The Revengers fic, a team of supervillains, similar to the Suicide Squad. But I never got around with it, and this is more of a comedic version and has fewer members than the initial draft. And this is honestly more of a "warm-up" fic since I did humor/crack fics since it's been YEARS. I don't know how many chapters this would be, but I'm only predicting 3 chapters.
Anyway, happy holidays everyone!
"DUCK!" Tony screamed.
Steve ducked. A car nearly taking off his teammate's head.
Tony shook his head as he blasted into the air, having the height advantage to take down the enemy ships that were bursting in New York City again.
"Where is Daredevil when we need him?" Clint muttered.
"He's at the conference in California," Steve said apologetically.
"This is a sequel," He couldn't help but complain. "What Reindeer Games did is nothing compared TO THIS!" The buildings in ruined. People running around the streets, screaming. Aliens there as usual.
"Tony!" Steve scolded in comms.
"Hey, back off! You're not invited here on Earth!" Tony blasted these weird octopus looking aliens, knocking them out of the balcony. He turned to the civilians who were frozen in fear. "Go get out of here!" He snapped at them.
But nothing seemed to fully damage the aliens; not even Thor's lightning and Hulk smash can put a dent in them.
"Y-you sure you don't know—WHOA SHIT!—who the hell these are, Thor?" Clint grunted in comms.
"I have said so before, my friends; I have no idea what these creatures are. Or where they came from," Thor replied, using Mjolnir, those freaky heads back to back with Steve.
"Well, whatever they are, this has been going on for hours!" Tony whined.
"Oh, shut it, Stark!" Natasha muttered as she did her 'I'm-the-black-widow-and-i-can-kill-you-with-my-thighs' move. However, it didn't really do much damage.
"FEAR ME, AVENGERS! YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME." The villain's voice can be heard on the opposite side of New York. Probably he has some kind of mega-phones if the whole city can hear that.
"Who is this loser, again?" Tony muttered like he still can't believe that his team was not even close to winning to this guy.
What's shocking was that the villain looked around the early 20s, with the black cape and crown resting on his head. The Avengers wasn't even sure if he was human since nothing in their facial recognition database was pulling out. 'Are you sure you fixed that virus HYDRA did a few months ago?' Pepper muttered to him last time.
It's a personal insult to Tony. Not only were they about to be beaten by a 20-year-old guy. But the fact this battle has been going on for 5 hours nonstop. In his opinion, the villain looked like an idiot with that costume. Well, barely a costume since he happened to be only wearing pants, black straps around his bare chest, multiple jewelry hanging in his arms and fingers covered in rings, and that lame black cape.
"At least the last guy had style," Tony shook his head while Clint's eyes hardened.
Geez. Soo not a great morning start. Tony didn't even get to have his delicious waffles in the morning before the Captain cried out, "Avengers Assemble!".
"HULK SMASH!" Tony could hear the Hulk's roars across the streets. As he used his repulsors to blast aliens that were climbing high onto the buildings, he could see the Hulk trying to get across the villain, who seemed to be in some kind of shield that not even Hulk can get in.
The villain looked bored as he continued to eat whatever meal that was.
Then, Tony was taken aback. "Wait, a second, how dare you ate that shawarma? That's an Avengers shawarma; you have no right to eat that!"
"TONY!" He can hear the annoyed voices of his teammates.
"What?" Tony snapped. "I haven't eaten breakfast thanks to mister pipsqueak over here." He could hear Steve sighing in the comms.
"It's not yours anymore," the villain dryly said. "It has been obliterated."
"WHAT?!"
"TONY FOCUS!"
"What a nightmare!" Tony complained as he flew down next to Hulk, looking at the villain. "Guys, our shawarma place is gone."
The villain let out that evil laugh. "Part 1 of my plan is complete." Then, without a word, all his minions paused. Tony and Hulk shared a look before Tony tried to blast the nearest minion, but nothing. Not even Hulk can grab it as if they are glued down the sidewalk.
"What do you want, mortal?" Thor asked, joining with his teammates. Natasha and Steve followed behind.
"What I want?" The villain sneered, "I want to prove a point for what you did to Sokovia." Without warning, he heard the sound of the blast. Tony turned around and then watched in horror as the building collapsed, hundreds of civilians in there screaming.
Thor and Tony rushed to their aid, even though it seemed hopeless.
The villain cackled. "Nothing. Not even your powers and weapons can penetrate anything. It is hopeless, Avengers." Steve watched as the guy rubbed one of his rings, and then he disappeared, taking all his minions with him.
And before the rest of the Avengers can react, suddenly, they were thrown away in the air by one of the detonators that they apparently overlooked went off.
…
The Avengers stared at the television, helpless as the news reporter announced thousands of casualties in the battle, more so than the Incident (with 74 deaths).
"How can this happen?" Steve said, guilt in his face.
Natasha sighed, wincing at the pain on her back. She hated that she was stuck in a wheelchair after the blast while Clint was stuck with a brace on his neck. Thor was sporting a black eye. Tony had dislocated his shoulder. And Steve had burns on his arms. The only one barely injured in the team was Bruce.
"And now the public hates you," Fury announced, stepping into the room.
'"WHAT?" Tony cried outrage before he whimpered in pain at the sudden movement as Pepper shushed him in comfort by his side.
"All because you lacked team coordination and rushed into this god damn battle without a plan. What in the world were you thinking? Earth is counting on you, and instead, you couldn't even bring this guy in chains. FIVE HOURS, REALLY?"
The Avengers winced at the tone, headache worse as usual.
"Whose idea was this for everyone to be drunk last night?" Clint couldn't help but mutter while Thor's face turned red in embarrassment, seemingly to hide his mead hidden under his pocket. Tony couldn't help but chuckle at himself but more in a self-deprecating manner, as if he knew it was his fault but rather not admit it.
"This is your damn fault," Fury growled, slapping the newspaper in front of them. "We have no information on who this is. Nothing in our database in Sokovia. Not his weapons. Or whoever his alien minions are," He shot Thor an unimpressed look. "NOTHING!"
"Look, we can—" Steve tried. But bless him, Tony thought, as Fury growled at him.
"Sir, there seems to be a commotion outside," FRIDAY said.
Tony blinked. "Commotion? Pull up the screens." FRIDAY did, and nearly everyone groaned. An angry mob was on-screen with signs that said something along the lines "Avengers Accountable." "Hey, why are they not blaming the loser?"
"Probably because of Sokovia," Bruce sighed, who still can't shake his guilt from being responsible for the deaths of hundreds that day.
"I DON'T CARE! FIND HIM AND BRING HIM BACK TO THE HEADQUARTERS! AND FIX YOUR GOD DAMN PUBLIC IMAGE!" Fury said before he stormed off.
"Looks like I have to set up a press conference," Pepper sighed.
…
A month later, since the battle, the loser appeared with an army, but this time, it was in London. The Avengers had been doing their best to locate him, sleep-deprived from the angry mobs still standing outside the Avengers tower those past few weeks.
So far in this battle, even with the strategy this time. They were losing. Again.
Unbelievable, Tony thought. Not even the new weapons he came up with can put a dent on these minions, which the team had hoped would work. But no. Nothing.
Natasha and Clint were down. Steve was alone, trying to protect his unconscious teammates as he fought off the weirdos. Thor was in the air, chasing after the London Eye that has been rolling down the streets nonstop while the civilians inside screamed. Hulk, as usual, jumped high in the air, smashing the battleships. The bits and pieces raining down the people's heads, some crashing down the buildings. The villain was just standing in the middle of the street, a force field surrounding him as usual. If only Tony could find a way to disable that shield…
Damn it. How were they going to stop this villain?
"You must stop this nonsense." A dry voice called out.
Tony frowned. Why does it sound familiar?
Out of nowhere, bolts of ice freeze each minion, one by one. Everyone nearly gaped. Tony tried to look for the source while the loser stared at his frozen minions, outraged.
"WHO DARES—" The loser's mouth was suddenly frozen shut.
"I did," A figure stepped out of the fog in the middle of the streets.
Wait, where did that fog come from? Tony watched as a pale man in a dark-getup with gold accents, his mask covering his face. He had short black hair that was slicked back. This getup was in black leather with gold accents. His black-gloved hands glowing in blue before he shot another frost blast at the minion, who looked ready to defend its leader.
"I thought he would never shut up," Another voice spoke up behind this mysterious ice guy. Tony blinked. It seemed he missed two women behind this ice guy.
The first one was a woman with blonde curly hair in a tight green suit that hugged her curves, yet she was wearing a mask too that hid her identity. The second one had dark hair and was wearing a black and red getup, her twin Sais resting on her belt. Similar to her teammate, she was wearing a mask too, except it was color red.
"Enchantress, I need you to shut down this lunatic's shields. You're the only one who can manipulate its energy," The ice guy barked order at the blonde, who only gave him a sultry smile before she disappeared. Geez magic, Tony thought. The guy turned to the dark-haired woman, "Black sky, I need you to eliminate the rest of its pathetic minions and evacuate the rest of the civilians who are trapped in those buildings!"
"Noted," Black Sky said before running towards the screaming civilians who were trying to defend themselves from the aliens. Thor, who was just finished with the London Eye, looked ready to assist the ice guy before he was blasted away by some unknown force.
The Hulk, meanwhile, seemed to be creating some unnecessary damage before some sparkling glitter rain down on him out of nowhere. "Pretty. Lights." He said, sounding almost drowsy and seemed to follow the opposite direction of the battle.
"Now," the ice guy drawled at the villain, who stared at him hatefully. "What shall I do with your pathetic attempt of villainy?"
And the battle was over five minutes later. There was a crowd surrounding the three figures, asking questions. Steve tried to interfere but was currently chased by an angry mob. Tony was trying to drag an unconscious Bruce in an alley while his armor lay on the streets broken. Thor was flying with Natasha and Clint to the nearest hospital.
…
The bruised Avengers, once again, was watching the news. The Prime Minister of London was thanking the three heroes who came to their aid.
"May we ask for your names?" The Prime Minister asked, "So I can properly thank our heroes."
"We're the Revengers," the Enchantress gave a sultry smile in the camera.
"How original," Tony rolled his eyes.
"I'm Enchantress."
"I'm the Black Sky." The next woman said, her smile said that promised people danger.
The ice guy chuckled. "I'm Boreas." Even with the mask, Tony could tell his eyes were twinkling with amusement.
"Man, he sounds hot," Tony breathed. Natasha groaned.
"Wait," Steve rubbed his face. "Boreas, the Greek God of Winter?"
"No way!"
The Prime Minister shared the same reaction as the Captain. "Greek god of winter?" he asked, hesitantly.
"Ah so you do read Greek Mythology." Boreas grinned while Natasha muttered, "who doesn't?". He continued, "My powers are Cryokinesis." He gave a demonstration by making a snowflake appeared in his palm, which was still covered in gloves.
"Thor is the living proof," Bruce pointed it out. "Why not Greek Mythology?"
"Does that mean there is a planet filled…Ummm Greek Gods, Thor?" Steve nervously rubbed his neck, as if he didn't want to call them his god.
Thor frowned. "I do not know of the myths that speak this being." Then he muttered something along the lines, 'my brother would know'.
Bruce only sighed before he turned to the next channel. This time, it was a news report interviewing the Londoners, who criticized the Avengers for failing to save them. One by one.
"Who are they exactly? Where do they come from?" Steve sent a questioning look at Fury, who pursed his lips as if in a debate.
"The Revengers was proposed by the World Council years ago, after the Avengers initiative." Fury said. The Avengers' attention was turned to him. "A back-up team that can handle a crisis when the Avengers are unavailable."
"And who were the candidates for this proposal team?" Natasha asked.
"Why do we not know about this?" Steve frowned.
"HYDRA," Fury answered. "We don't have a list of candidates. So I do not know who these motherfuckers are. But what I can say is they done a better job than you did." He gave them a stink eye.
"Oh, COME ON!" Tony complained.
"Where do you come from?" The reporters asked on-screen, bringing their attention back to the television.
The Black Sky smiled. "We're not from SHIELD, nor do we associate ourselves with those so called Avengers," she let out a sneer as if she can tell what the Avengers were talking about miles away. Tony looked offended. Bruce and Natasha raised an eyebrow. Thor looked confused. Clint rolled his eyes while Steve just sighed in despair.
"Next time, do your god damn jobs better," Fury growled before he walked out of the room.
"Yeah! We can do better than them, guys!" Clint said lamely.
Natasha frowned. "Why you care?"
"I lost 500,000 followers on Twitter," Clint whined, holding up his phone. "And the sales rating of my Hawkeye merchandise went down so fast."
"Compared to mine," Thor muttered, who still couldn't access his Twitter account. For some reason, not even FRIDAY could get his account to reset. Thor's account was filled with horrible imagery that nearly sent the God of Thunder to break Tony's windows with his Mjolnir.
"Look, guys!" Tony turned to his team, his swagger still on. "We don't need them. We can handle the next crisis anyway."
Then suddenly, a couple of eggs smashed the window.
Tony gaped. "But we're like 100 floors up? How did that happen?" Then a brick crashed the window and smacked Tony's head. Bruce scrambled to his side while Steve peered out the window. An angry mob still shouting and screaming at them.
Thor frowned. He could have sworn the air conditioner was broken, yet why was he shivering?
Author's Note: It's more of stress relief for me to write this, which is why you might see some grammar errors here. Shockingly, I wrote this back-to-back for nearly two and half hours straight. Anyway, I predict this would be 3 chapters. And before you ask, yes it is a reference to Facial Recognition Software Failure