oOo

"Alistair," Elissa stepped towards me, placing her hands on my shoulders, looking up at me.

"Yes, my dear?"

I smiled, happy, cupping her face and stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. Her skin was so soft.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I? What a silly question!"

Elissa took in a deep breath and didn't take her eyes off mine as she let it out.

"Then I want you to think about today. What do you remember about this morning?"

"Oh, come on, that doesn't matter, does it! Goldanna's here, there's pie, there's cheese! I'm finally happy."

Elissa looked down and closed her eyes.

"Please think about it... for me."

I started to protest, but Elissa looked really, really upset. And she hardly ever asked for anything, so it must have been important, right?

My sister was calling my name now, trying to get me to come to the table. I tried to remember how I had woken up this morning, eventually getting some vague images that rapidly sharpened the more I dwelled on it. Templar armour, a mage tower, dog in a boat…

"I... there was a boat, and you, and the mages... were... in trouble. A man called Uldred and demons and... blood magic?"

I said hesitantly, and Elissa nodded, looking relieved. "So, how did we get here, Alistair? Should we not still be in the Tower?"

"But we are still in the Tower, of course..." I trailed off as I realised how contradictory that was to Goldanna's presence. Looking around, I saw the world around me – a nice house in Denerim, a smell of cooking apples and flowers in the window – slowly drain of colour and substance like water running over a painting until I could see that Elissa and I were standing amongst a group of demons. I heard a hiss from where my sister had previously been standing, supposedly next to the table with the pie.

That thing definitely did not look related to me.

The battle was short, mainly because Elissa seemed to have become an expert in demon-slaying at some point. Once the desire demon lay dead, I looked at Elissa guiltily. "I can't believe I fell for that..."

Elissa grimaced, looking exhausted as she wiped at her cheek, smearing more grime on her face accidentally. "Don't worry, Alistair. Everyone did."

"Everyone but you..."

She shook her head slowly. "No, I just managed to break free after a while."

She –and everything else, but mainly her– began to glow with light, and I made a desperate grab for her, terrified that something had gone wrong and that she would be lost forever. "No, wait! Elissa!" The next second, I realised I must have been fading, as Elissa cocked her head at me, a corner of her mouth in a tired quirk.

"Don't worry," she repeated. She was already turning away when everything went black.

I blinked, disoriented, and then I was standing in front of the demon itself, looking at Elissa's back and Dal's tense shoulders. Senior Enchanter Wynne was next to me, looking just as displaced. I glanced over at the older woman, and she sent me a look and nodded brusquely. So she too had been rescued.

"I promise I'll make you much happier..."

But even it knew that its games were over. Dal growled at it promisingly as we advanced.

This battle was not short. Perhaps it was the way time moved here, but it seemed to drag on like no other battle had. The rush of it all and the embarrassed anger of having been fooled wore off and soon I just felt tired and sore and wanted it to be over. My shield felt heavy, my sword didn't feel like an extension of my arm, and there was no heady rush of being pit against a strong opponent that could rend you in two with its claws.

The fatigue must have been affecting me more than I thought, because before I knew it, the rather enormous aforementioned claws had taken hold of one of my shoulders. The grip tightened as the demon yanked me towards it, and I felt the claws puncture holes right through armour and into skin.

I gasped in surprise and pain and heard an answering yell.

Before I'd even righted myself or torn myself free, Elissa was there, eyes blazing and face white with fury as she hacked at the thing's arm.

It let go and backed away, and she followed it, relentlessly jabbing at it, eventually ducking forward under its outstretched arms and thrusting both her blades into its jaw. It gave a defiant shriek as it wilted, swaying down to land in a heap of ashes.

Elissa didn't spare it a glance, hurrying back to me and examining my shoulder. Her blades squelched as she shoved them back into their sheaths still dirty.

"Are you all right, Alistair?" She asked urgently, hands flitting through the air above my arm without actually touching me.

"I'm fine." I waved my good hand. "Had worse and this is the Fade, anyway."

She didn't move away, but she nodded and checked over the rest of our party, her eyes lingering especially on Wynne's thin robes.

When a man's voice sounded, I was only slightly surprised to turn and suddenly find one standing there. The man, Niall, whom Elissa had obviously met while she searched for us, told her that it was too late for him to leave. I saw Elissa's hand bunch into a fist, but her voice was soft and achingly tired as she reassured him and agreed to get the Litany.

"Goodbye... friend."

I looked over at her, wondering how long this nightmare had lasted for her. Then the light started up again, consuming everything like wildfire, and the next second we were back in the Tower. I stared up at the ceiling and lamented how difficult everything had to be for a few self-pitying seconds before I stood. Wynne was already on her feet and Dal was whining as he nudged Elissa, who was still prone.

Her eyes were open, no injuries visible, but she looked as drained as she had in the Fade. I knelt down next to her.

"Elissa?" I asked in worry. Her gaze eventually drifted towards me. She stood, pulling on my arm for leverage. Once she was standing, she tugged her helmet off and ran a slow hand over her face, looking around slowly over the white-knuckled fist held to her mouth.

I watched her anxiously, the difference in her slow, dimmed gaze so startling. It reminded me of that awful discussion about the Taint, and it worried me deeply. When she opened her arms to me, I didn't hesitate to move forward and hug her, pressing my face into her hair as she leaned into me, head coming to rest on the crook of my neck. I held her tighter as I once more felt her shake, glad that this time, I could hold her.

It must have been very close. We faced death every day and night, we faced saving Ferelden from a Blight on our own, and it didn't scare Elissa like this.

Maker, what had happened in there?

Elissa turned her head slightly and very gently placed a kiss onto my neck.

I managed to not blush, but she could probably feel how my pulse jumped. Maker.

With or without an audience and the present circumstances, I was struggling to decide whether I just wanted her to continue doing that when she pulled away from me and addressed the whole group.

"Let us go and use this, then." She didn't stumble as she walked over to the body Wynne was kneeling next to, picking up the Litany off what must be Niall's body, reaching down to carefully slide his eyes shut with a steady hand. She didn't look back as she led the way out of the room.

I still knew she wasn't quite right, and Wynne seemed to know that too.

"Wynne, is there anything you can do for her?"

I asked as we walked behind Elissa. We hadn't found any more enemies yet, but I wanted her in top fighting condition and her fatigue was concerning. I looked down as a small vial was pressed into my hand.

"Here. A tonic. It should help."

I nodded my thanks and quickened my pace so that I was next to Elissa.

"Take this." She looked down at what I was offering as we stopped in front of a door. She looked up at me and nodded, silently taking out the cork and downing the lot in one go. She pocketed the vial as she stumbled a little before righting herself, standing visibly taller and straighter. Her eyes were wide as she raised a hand to her head and adjusted her helmet.

She stared slightly at me, and I noticed that there was a faint glow around her skin. "What in the name of Andraste's holy beard did you just give me?"

Wynne and I chuckled, and the worry disappeared. Elissa sent me an appreciative look as she opened the door. I was still thinking of her lips pressed against my skin and how intimate it felt, when everyone realised that there were a half-dozen maleficarum beyond the door pointing their staves and weapons at us. I curled myself around Elissa and into the doorframe defensively and felt a numbing cold hit my shield and upper arm, and I knew that I had made it just in time. Gritting my teeth, I glanced back towards Wynne and moved my legs so that Dal could leap through the doorway. I looked at Elissa as she drew her blades and nodded to me. I concentrated and used my Templar abilities to drain the mana of the blood mages rather than Wynne. I heard cries of dismay above the sound of Dal snarling and something ripping.

I lowered my arm and charged in, holding my sword ready as I took stock. Dal had already made short work of one of the mages and was on his next, Elissa was targeting two at once with her double sweep, and Wynne had frozen one already. I smashed the latter's face in with my shield and used the force to pivot myself around with my sword arm kept at shoulder height so it connected with the last mage's neck and went clean through.

Checking the room, I saw that Elissa was cleaning her blades and checking the blood mages for any interesting items, so with a frown of distaste I toed the disconnected head away with my boot to clear the path back to the door.

It was a little frightening, honestly, how efficiently we took care of things now.

"Blood mages," Wynne sighed regretfully. "I had hoped never to see this."

I gestured to the carnage behind me without turning round as I wiped the gore off my weapon and checked that everyone who hadn't been decapitated was just as definitively dead. "At least there are six less in the world now."

"Why would people ever do such a thing?" Wynne seemed genuinely bewildered.

I looked down at the body of the woman whose face had met an abrupt end at my shield. She looked younger than I was. I felt a bit nauseated.

"Why would Loghain do what he has done? Ambition, paranoia, greed..." Elissa stepped up next to us, shrugging. "Unfortunately there always have been and there always will be people who would do things like this to gain power." Elissa had probably asked herself that question after Howe's treachery. It certainly sounded like she had thought about what motivated to do terrible, inexplicable things before. Elissa gestured with her dagger before she sheathed it and sighed heavily. "Come on, I think we're near the top."

She looked to the Circle mage for confirmation, who nodded slowly. "Yes. They must be in the Harrowing Chamber."

Elissa had a ghost of a smile on her face. "Harrowing Chamber? That sounds ominous. Don't think I really want to know."

Wynne smiled. "No, I don't think you do."

"Let's get going, then," I suggested, and Dal barked happily in agreement, bounding down the corridor. Elissa quirked an eyebrow at me, and I waved it away. I was fine.

We followed the eager mabari and soon came to a young man kneeling in a prism of light. We eventually gathered that he too had been prey to the demons, tortured with false images, and now refused to entirely believe that we were real. When he insisted, however, that everyone in the next room had to be killed, Elissa's reply was swift and blunt.

"I am not having the blood of innocents on my hands. If they are abominations, they will die, and if they are mages who have managed to survive, they will live and the Circle will hopefully be restored."

The young man went quite mad at that, looking up at us with a frenzied gaze, insisting that it had to be done.

I was shocked to realize I had run into someone I knew after all. It was Cullen, someone I'd trained with and probably should have hated because of how much he had loved the idea of being a Templar. Cullen hadn't minded that I didn't share his fervour though and hadn't picked on me for it. He had been a good kid, a bit quiet, but easy to get along with.

I stared at him, completely flabbergasted at the idea of where we had both ended up, but he didn't seem to recognize me. I decided not to say anything about it and instead re-iterate definitively that there was no need for an annulment. He looked straight through me and I tried to decide whether this was worse than the reunions I'd been nervous about this morning.

Worse, definitely worse.

We left the man to his mutterings and prayers and continued on our way, where we entered the chamber and spotted this Uldred, the man who had started all this trouble. His insane explanations of his doings proved more than anything how far gone he was, and I was actually a bit offended when he offered me power; as if I would! I had known from the beginning that there would be no reasoning with someone who used blood magic so abhorrently, and it felt quite gratifying to battle cry and charge towards him, and immensely satisfying to see him drop like a normal mortal, dazed as blood dripped down his face.

Of course, the next second he looked like an ogre's ugly and more misfortunate cousin.

Uldred himself fell quickly, but his twisted disciples ganged up on Elissa and managed to wound her, and though Wynne healed it a second later anyway, I felt bloodlust rushing through me at the sight of her wounded. My pounding pulse was all I heard as I charged forward, crashing into one of them with my shield and turning to hack at another in a frenzied daze.

Once it was over, their corpses were more blooded than really necessary. I rested my hands on my knees and panted, tried to regain my composure, my disciplined focus in battle that had never failed me before. I barely even remembered... One of the creatures had a brutal slash across their back. It must have been me but... I didn't remember inflicting it.

Elissa had been wounded many times, of course, it was inevitable, but never had I been so incensed... just the thought of those vile, contaminated monsters even touching her... I realised some of the blood on me was my own as I stared down at my knees and felt unsettled at the thought my rage could blind me to so much. If I hadn't been looking at the gash at my elbow, I wouldn't have believed it was there.

This was... not good. I couldn't afford for my abilities to be compromised. I swallowed down my worry and told myself to get on with things instead of pointlessly fretting.

"Irving? Irving, are you all right?"

Wynne was kneeling next to the wizened mage, hands on his shoulders as she leant forward to peer into his eyes. He was sitting in a small group with wrists bound behind their backs. I went forward to untie them, desperate to use my hands for something other than violence. I tried not to flinch in return when some of the mages cringed away from me.

Please stop, I wanted to say. I won't hurt you. But I didn't, because I was a brutal killer, and they had seen that. Because words didn't mean a thing in the face of such actions.

Darkspawn were simple and uncomplicated. I'd gladly signed up for what remained of my life to be put against them. I didn't know what to do with this.

"Are there any rooms leading from this one?"

Elissa said as she stood over Wynne's as she healed Irving, eyes scanning the room, trying to see past the growths covering most of the walls.

"Yes, there's a small chamber over there." Wynne pointed and returned her attention the First Enchanter as I automatically fell into place beside Elissa and went to the door. She was in a battle stance, wary and expecting an attack as she edged open the door, but the light fell on a bedraggled and haggard group of mages that had yet to be brought before Uldred. They were terrified as they stared up at us, wide-eyed and white-faced. There were a few children, and some of the older mages moved to stand in front of them defensively. I raised my hands in a peaceful gesture before turning back to the main chamber and calling to Wynne, who came hurrying over to inspect her fellow mages.

As the older woman knelt down to look at a small boy, smiling at the cries of recognition, Elissa turned to me and I could tell by the troubled look on her face she was wondering if the Circle would even be able to help us with the Blight, let alone want to. I splayed my hands outwards, this time helplessly, as mages began hesitantly walking out between us, each having been given the once-over by Wynne. Once they were all in the Harrowing Chamber and Wynne was helping a limping man towards the exit, Elissa stepped close to me.

"The Knight-Commander said he would help, but now I think he'll say that he has his hands full restoring order within the Circle. Our only chance is for Irving to agree to lend us aid."

I nodded shortly. "I agree. And if he refuses, that will be a serious blow to our forces. While the Dalish have enchanters, of course, and Arl Eamon will have a few mages in his service, we obviously aren't going to find any in Orzammar."

Elissa ran a hand through her sticky hair.

"We can't afford to face a Blight without magic. One mage can make all the difference."

I laid a hand on her shoulder and she looked up at me, more unsure than I could remember seeing her. Seemed like we were all having some doubts today. "We're doing the right thing, Elissa. We need the mages. It's that simple."

Her lower lip was trembling ever so slightly. She looked lost and… young. "They've suffered so much already."

"It would be wrong to let Ferelden fall, to have the whole of Thedas threatened, because we didn't want to press the issue with the Circle. The treaty is binding, Elissa; it's not a friendly request, it's a summons. We will enforce it if we have to."

She nodded, looking a little less like she was about to cry as she stepped forward into my embrace once more, resting her head against my shoulder. I was too tired to question myself as I reached up and stroked her hair, still reassuring myself that she was here and real and not some twisted vision or dream. I blew out a breath, ruffling her hair, and caught her scent when I breathed in again.

I knew I would have to ask what had troubled her so much in the Fade. I had my suspicions…

My dream had been a family. A family I'd never actually met, and it was disturbing to look back on it already. I could only imagine how shaken I would be if I'd met a family I'd once had; how desperate I would have been to believe it was real, how easily I could have decided to stay and how hard it would have been to reject them, Fade visions or not.

"You know I'm here if you need to talk about what happened today," I whispered, the side of my mouth pressed against her temple.

The tightening of her grip around me was Elissa's only answer.

OOo