oOo
Typically, things were even worse than they had first appeared.
Most of the village was already dead. It was a minor miracle that the survivors had lasted this long; as was soon obvious to everyone else in our merry little band, this was a mainly peaceful town of fishermen and farmers. It was mostly women and children left now, those who had gotten into the safety of the Chantry, and the few remaining men weren't trained fighters but tradesmen or merchants. Arl Eamon had his knights, currently scattered around Ferelden, and his guards, but those were generally concentrated around the castle.
And help from the castle had not been forthcoming. Those they had lost in the first few days had returned the next night as undead. These people had defended their town with what little they had and were desperate for an end to the conflict. They couldn't last.
It felt natural to be at the head of our group as we marched into the Chantry, Elissa to my right and Leliana and Sten just behind us, Zevran bringing up the rear. When we met Bann Teagan and I was momentarily assaulted by long-forgotten memories and faltered, and Elissa picked up the reins without pause. As I looked at him, I realised how young I had been since I saw him last. He'd seemed old to my ten-year-old mind, but despite the years I knew he must have on me, he didn't really look them. Slight laugh lines that betrayed his usually genial, laid-back nature, something that always given him an easy charm. Even as a child, I had known that Teagan was the heartthrob of all the ladies of Redcliffe whenever he visited his elder brother.
When I remembered that particular piece of information, my eyes dashed back to Elissa almost accusingly, looking for some obvious sign of attraction. But Elissa was speaking politely as if it were any other before her... albeit with the noble accent back in full force.
Doubts assuaged, I stepped back into the conversation. I had to hold back a smile as I waited to see if Teagan would recognize me, which he somehow did despite the years it had been since he'd seen me. I'd barely been past his elbow and had probably reeked of horse. I'd always liked him; he was a friendly, approachable sort, the type to always have a kind word and secret treat for young ruffians like myself.
He was a good man, and the continued support of his people showed as much. I saw respect and gratitude in his face as he looked at us, a band of warriors troubled plenty already and used to hardship who were still willing to risk their lives, and I realised then how different we all were to when we started our journey. How different I was.
We spoke briefly with the Revered Mother about the situation, leaving our packs and helmets for the time being in a corner near her. We had decided to help the villagers in preparing for tonight how we could, and didn't want to be weighed down as the sun had already passed noon and started to set. We didn't have much time.
Once we left the Chantry, I turned back to the group. I wanted everyone to help in defending Redcliffe. Zevran was fastest, so I told him to travel back to camp to collect Morrigan, Dal, and Wynne, while Sten was to accompany Leliana as she talked to the Mayor and villagers, gauging morale and their needs for tonight. Myself and Elissa would explore the houses for other survivors and supplies and speak with the Knight further up the hill next to the mill before we reconvened. Leliana nodded and started picking her way around the makeshift area outside the Chantry, Sten following silently like a deformed and slightly sinister-looking shadow.
As we started walking down the side of the Chantry towards the very edge of Redcliffe, Elissa turned and grimaced at me.
"Morrigan's going to have something to say about this."
I raised an eyebrow.
"If it were up to Morrigan, the people would die and the world would rot." Elissa had not led us astray yet, and Morrigan seemed to have quieted her questioning on that front. Me, though? Undoubtedly she would have some choice words about my decision-making skills.
Elissa sighed. "I just wish that she wouldn't complain, but every time we make the choice to help, she gets this face like she's sucking a lemon," Elissa shook her head, unable to explicitly say how Morrigan's skewed perspective made her unable to realise that if Elissa and I didn't care about helping people we had never met before, we currently wouldn't actually be trekking around trying to save Ferelden, risking our lives and sanity whilst being accused of murdering my kin. And undoubtedly Morrigan would actually care a bit about that, because she had to live somewhere.
Elissa reached for my hand and I smiled as she curled her fingers around mine.
What a bizarre feeling, being back here. Most things were so recognizable, as if transplanted out of my memory, and others… some new houses had been built, decking repaired. It made me feel a little nostalgic for the days I'd run around here, ripped up breeches and dirt in my hair. Was this still home, to some part of me?
I glanced down at mine and Elissa's joined hands, which shouldn't have pleased me as much as it did. I wondered how it would be for Elissa to return to Highever, not only her home most of her life but also the scene of such tragedy and betrayal... what would remain for her there? Would she be able to see herself within those walls, or would it be overwritten in blood and grief? I could only imagine how hard she had fought that night, she must have been ferocious. My eyes followed the line of her arm up to her cheek, tracing first her tattoos and then the elegantly curving line of her neck and jaw. My own cheeks reddened as I started to think about all the little touches, all the times she had reached for my hand, or stood closer to me than anyone else, the way she had quickly rebuffed Zevran and told him in no uncertain terms that she wasn't interested. The way he had glanced at me made it glaringly obvious that he took it as her being spoken for.
And perhaps she was. We had not discussed it, but Elissa was not the kind of girl to hold hands with anyone, her rejection of Zevran's advances had reinforced that much, and she was far too honest to string anyone along. For her to have done the things she had, she must... feel something for me. The thought was almost too much to hope for, and I considered it dazedly as Elissa slipped her hand free of mine for reinforcements against a recalcitrant door.
Surely? I told myself to not get my hopes up, but this was Elissa. She would be honest with me. I had to speak with her.
I looked down at her uncertainly as she hissed in annoyance at the door that refused to budge. Was now the right time? We were alone, but... we had things to do, and we would be fighting tonight. Maybe later tonight? Or when we were back in camp—no, it wasn't like I was ashamed, but I didn't want to invite scrutiny. I didn't want a public spectacle.
And… I had to consider that maybe we wouldn't survive tonight. Just because we were both good at staying alive, didn't mean we would see tomorrow. Plenty had died already and the villagers seemed convinced that tonight was going to be particularly bad. We couldn't take any time for granted. This was also a Blight, for Maker's sake. Did I really have time to be a coward?
Decision made, I took off my right gauntlet and let the back of my hand brush gently down her cheek. Elissa paused, hands on the door, before she turned to look up at me. Her face was so close to mine. I could—I could easily bend my head and kiss her.
The way she was looking at me, so close I could see the different blues in her eyes, made my voice low and hoarse.
"All this travelling, the fighting, the death, the whole Blight looming over us thing... Will you miss it, once it's gone?"
If she was confused as to why I was asking her this now, it didn't show. Her eyelashes brushed against her cheeks as she looked down.
"Miss it? Or miss you?" She asked astutely as she met my gaze again.
"I know this might sound... strange, but I have come to care for you. A great deal. I think it's because we've been through so much together. I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone but you." She bit her lip, and with a dreadfully optimistic flare of hope I saw a tinge of red creeping up her neck. "Or maybe I'm just imagining it. Maybe I'm fooling myself. Am I? Fooling myself? Or... do you think you could ever feel the same way about me?"
She was smiling, and her hand left the door to rest on my hip. She looked wonderful. She was just—just so good, how could she want me? How could—
"Alistair... do you really need to ask?"
She looked up at me then, eyes bright as she held herself a few inches from me, eyes on my lips. Everything about her was saying kiss me, even a complete novice like myself could read that much.
"So I fooled you, did I? Good to know."
Her lips were soft and she tasted sweet, but she smelled even better and I inhaled deeply, feeling how my heart went crazy. I threaded a hand into her hair and used the other to pull her even closer until her front was touching mine, our breastplates clanging noisily. Not that I cared. I was finally this close to her, and the effect was heady. My hand wandered up and down her arm, wishing she was in that short sleeved leather jerkin, wishing I could brush over her skin and feel her muscles move.
Kissing Elissa was like being drowned in honey. Everything warm and tingly, and so right. This was the sort of feeling bards wrote songs about.
Eventually I managed to pull away, though I stayed with my arms around her.
"That... that wasn't too soon was it?"
Elissa was—she was shaking, though from what exactly I couldn't tell. I hoped it was good. "I don't know. I'll need more testing to be sure."
I smirked happily. "Well, I'll have to arrange that, then," I said, and her resulting shy smile was dazzling. I sucked in air.
"Maker's breath, but you're beautiful." I let a hand trace over her cheek again. She had such soft skin. "I am a lucky man." I said reverently as I watched her lean into my touch. I couldn't stop myself from leaning in and pressing my lips against hers again. I broke away a little just so I could do it again, my hand lowering to rest on her neck and stroke it. Her mouth opened and her tongue swept across my lips, and I opened my mouth and let our tongues brush. Maker why hadn't we done this before was all I could think as she drew herself tightly to me. I could feel myself getting... well. It was definitely too soon for that.
It took more effort than I anticipated to draw away. I pressed my mouth against her neck with muffled groan, kissing her as she had me in Kinloch Hold before moving up to just below her ear. I could feel how fast her pulse was and I thought how few things I liked more than being able to make Elissa Cousland's heart go mad.
I gave her one more quick kiss on the mouth and then withdrew. I cleared my throat. "Now then, we'd better get back to what we were doing, lest I forget why we're here."
I wasn't lying. If I kissed her any more I was worried I would end up doing all kinds of things that were most certainly too fast. I felt like I was falling into a well, except the bottom was something I desperately wanted to hit. Did I really care about not falling too fast, about what might happen if I just stopped holding myself back? Maker, just kissing her was amazing.
No, no, she deserved better than that. That wasn't how I would treat her.
Her eyes were dark with lust. Don't do it, Alistair. I reprimanded myself for wanting to hoist her against the door and press closer.
"Such a tease, Alistair," she said, but I didn't think she really minded. She rested her head against me and we left the tension drain away as we held each other in silence, brushing kisses against each other and reveling in the new intimacy. Eventually Elissa sighed and tapped my front, prompting me to open my arms and let her move away. I wanted to hold her hand, to touch her now that I knew I could, but we needed to focus.
We finally got the door open, apparently this was the general store, but there wasn't much of interest except some barrels of oil Elissa thought might be flammable. I watched her pensive face as she tapped her lip, and when she caught me looking, instead of trying to pretend I hadn't been gawking I just smiled at her. Her cheeks went a bit pink and she gently slapped my breastplate as she reprimanded me for being distracting, but she gave me a kiss anyway.
We continued on our search and I felt like I was walking on air.
Now that I knew for sure her touches had been a sign of her interest, I almost felt ashamed at how long I had been skirting acknowledging them. Innocent Chantry boy or not, Elissa was braver than I to continue with her... affection when I hadn't ever really returned it. She had even kissed me twice- was she as desperate for me as I was for her? The thought seemed ludicrous.
The houses didn't reveal much, most of them being locked or empty and desolate. Elissa still managed to get into an argument with a moody dwarf, and something about a qunari sword was mentioned.
To be totally honest I hadn't been paying much attention and had mostly been standing at Elissa's shoulder as she handled things with her usual affinity for negotiation. All I really knew was that I now had an enormous greatsword strapped across my back. I informed Elissa that it was in fact quite heavy, which just made her laugh at me. In a nice way.
We cleared the rest of the houses in this area of town and trekked up the hill to speak with the Knight. He arranged for the barrels to be brought up to the chokepoints he would be defending that night and then asked us to pester the revered mother for holy protection. I could tell Elissa privately thought the notion ridiculous, but she agreed to try and sort something out.
We emerged back onto the main square to find Leliana and Sten in the shade in front of the Chantry. Leliana waved us over and informed us that she had managed to cajole the town's blacksmith into repairing what armour the villagers had in exchange for a solemn promise to look for his daughter in the castle. If we were lucky he would have enough time to forge a few more weapons. Elissa mentioned the holy tokens Ser Perth wanted and Leliana volunteered to go and speak with the Revered Mother.
I considered Sten, standing with his arms crossed and his face blank, wondering if Morrigan had refused to fight, or if she'd set something on fire in protest. A few minutes later, Leliana returned triumphantly with some cast symbols of Andraste and immediately started her way up the hill to Ser Perth. I glanced back at Sten and realised he was staring at me very intently. Did I have something on my face?
I rubbed the back of my neck and felt my hand bump into the greatsword on my back.
"Oh! This is for you, Sten," I said, swinging it around off my back and nearly whacking Elissa with it. "Sorry," I muttered, but my mistake was soon forgotten as Sten took the gift a slowness that spoke of reverence. He ran a hand down the blade and rubbed his palm over the pommel like he was trying to convince himself it was real.
He didn't speak for a long time, his face conveying more emotion than I had ever seen. He didn't look like he was about to cry, but he did look… moved.
"I thank you," he said simply. He nodded seriously in our direction and then unbuckled his current sword and began attaching the new one.
I sent a confused – and fine, I admit it, alarmed – look towards Elissa, and she was looking back at me, an eyebrow already raised. I stepped close to her.
"You don't have any idea what just happened, do you?" She said lowly, turning away so her amused smile was just for me.
I huffed indignantly as I spied Leliana returning with a spring in her step. "You distracted me." Not that I minded in the slightest.
Elissa laughed, bright and cheerful and with her head tilted back, and the startled look Leliana sent in her direction at the sound made all the weeks of trying to do just that utterly worth it.
oOo