We sat silently in my room, my fingers brushing over the scar on my thigh from the one of the first few times Zachary was violent towards me. Edward was close enough as we sat on my bed, but still no part of us touched.

The low hum of the dryer in the pantry beneath my room served as background noise in this silent morning. Charlie had an early start to his day, and we were alone in the house.

"You can talk to me. I know it'll take years, possibly our whole lifetime to make things right, but I will spend every day for the rest of our lives making amends."

It was hard to explain. My father was the chief of police, why couldn't I say anything? I knew it was mostly fear, the repercussions. I don't know what Zachary was capable of. He was also so charming. If Lauren was dating him now and he wasn't being as terrible to her as he was to me, how would anyone believe me?

I was also embarrassed. I felt dirty, and used. How could I have let any of this happen?

"I need a drink." I said out loud, mostly to myself. I got up and went to the kitchen, sorting through Charlie's liquor shelf until I found my drink of choice. It was easy to hide a bottle of whiskey in the back, Charlie never really drank anything but beer. Zachary of course had friends at a liquor store at a nearby town and I had taken an affinity for any alcohol I could get my hands on right after Edward left and I was dating Zachary. It helped numb the pain, but I knew I was going down a dark path, and took up running to try and stop.

But one drink couldn't hurt, right?

"Bella…" Edward's hand lightly touched my arm, and I stepped away. I poured myself a hefty shot, and downed it one go. My body shivered, my tolerance having gone down but I welcomed the comforting warmth immediately. It hit my chest, burning down to my empty stomach. I poured another, and took a sip.

"Why did you leave me? Did you truly think you were doing the right thing?" I looked up at him, his face dropping.

"Yes, I did. I was scared, and I felt like the biggest danger to you. But I was wrong. I can't be away from you, I have this unshaking urge to be near you, love you, protect you. And I'm so sorry I wasn't here to do that."

I had to let it go. I couldn't blame Edward for my doings. Yes, he left me, but I was the one who chose to be with Zachary, and let him hurt me. I took another large gulp of my whiskey, and held my breath. I couldn't cry, because if I started, I didn't know if I could stop.

"Okay." I let go, slowly. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I should have never let this happen. I'm washed up for you, why do you still want me?"

Edward tensed up, his hand breaking a part of the kitchen counter. He dropped his head, clenching his hands by his side.

"I'm sorry, I'll pay for that."

"You haven't answered my question." We stood in silence again, Edward trying to compose himself.

"It's very hard for me, right now Bella. I want nothing more on Earth right now than to go to Zachary and rip his flesh off his body while he's still alive. What he tried to do to you this morning, what else I can't even imagine has happened…But none of it is your fault. I will always love you, and none of this is your fault, you have to understand that."

My body was shaking, and I took another drink, emptying my glass. I turned to pour myself more whiskey, and Edward stopped me. His arms embraced me, and at first I froze until his smell reminded me this wasn't Zachary, and I was safe. I turned and let him fully cover my body with his. I didn't realize how frail I was until this moment.

"I feel so terrible Edward, I have to apologize to Esme and Alice and everyone. I've been so horrible." I sobbed into his shirt. I was disgusting, my tears staining his shirt.

"You don't have to apologize, but I know they would love to see you. Everyone is worried about you, my sweet beautiful Bella."

I don't know how long we held each other in the kitchen. At first it felt uncomfortable, but I knew Edward wouldn't hurt me. How long would it be until I felt comfortable with the embrace of him? Would I be scarred forever, like the physical scars I had from Zachary?

"How about you call Charlie, explain to him you're coming over for dinner so we can talk, he won't be too pushy with questions. It'll give you a chance to see everyone." Edwards breath was warm against my neck. I pulled him in a little closer, holding him tightly.

"I need some time to make myself presentable. Is that okay?" He nodded, kissing me lightly on the cheek. I took his hand and led him upstairs, not wanting to be alone for a minute. He sat on the perch by the window staring out to give me some privacy. Grabbing my phone to call Charlie, I could feel my heart stopping, about to jump out of my throat.

1 Message - Zachary

My mouth was dry, a cold feeling seeping from my chest across my arms and legs. I shake started within me, my legs feeling weak. I needed to walk awake.

"I'm gonna go downstairs and call Charlie actually, grab a quick snack before I get in the shower. Silly me, we were just there. Wait for me here?" I said, slipping my phone into my pocket. He nodded, smiling lightly.

"I won't go anywhere, I promise"

I could barely force out a brief smile before heading downstairs at lightning speed. I looked down at my phone, the notification making me nauseous. I unlocked my phone, a wall of text greeting me.

If you think because your shitty ex boyfriend is back in town anything changed, you're wrong. You were nothing without me, and you're still nothing without me. I'll be the only one who will ever love you, and you're fucking stupid to not understand that. Anything that happened between us, you made me feel such strong feelings! Please come back to me baby, I miss you. Let me come over.

I placed my phone gently on the table, feeling faint. Was he really coming over? He was right of course, and I knew it. I was truly nothing when he met me, and after, I was again nothing. I caught my reflection in the window, the light behind me illuminating my terrible haircut, sharp jawline making me look manly. I was thin, scary. I made myself this way, no matter how nice Edward was trying to be, I knew he was lying to me. Nothing about me was desirable, lovable, but Zachary was able to even look my way like this.

I reached into the small cabinet in the kitchen, and around the back I pulled out my old prescription for Xanax I got from my doctor when I first started having nightmares about Edward. I poured myself a big shot of whiskey, popped the xanax and downed it.

Not enough to kill me, I didn't want to die. But just enough to take a mental break from this.

Car lights illuminated the dimly lit kitchen and I froze. They quickly passed, just a random car passing by. Was I going to be paralyzed in fear forever? With a mix of emotions I didn't understand?

I grabbed my phone and quickly sent a text to Charlie telling him I was going over to see Edward. If he had any questions, we could talk later. Going up the stairs, I started feeling a little lightheaded, the first two shots I took already starting to hit my undernourished body. I knew it wasn't enough, I needed the extra push, and I needed the Xanax.

Edward was in the exact same position I left him in, and I took a moment of admire his features. How could a man so beautiful, exquisite, other worldly still want me? Like this?

I put a little bit of product into my hair to make it look somewhat presentable. It wasn't the worst haircut in the world if I tried to work with it, but it was far from good. A pair of tights, a dress and a sweater over it was enough to hide my body from the Cullens, perfectly built as I was wasting away.

"You okay?" He asked, stepping into view behind me in the mirror. I realized I had been staring at myself blankly for longer than was normal, feeling finally relieved from some tension I had been holding for a while. Even if it did take a pill and some whiskey to relax, I welcomed any kind of peace.

I smiled and nodded, grabbing my bag and his hand. The knots that I thought held permanent residence in my body slowly started to untie, a relaxation washing over me.

We were silent in the car, the trees and sunlights swirling past me like twinkly lights. I felt a wash of emotion come over me, a sadness I couldn't overcome.

We pulled up to the Cullen house, as beautiful as I remembered it. The morning sunlight shone through the trees, glaring off some of the windows. My vision was blurry, but I couldn't feel anything.

"Bella? What's wrong, why are you crying?" Edward put his hand gently on mine. I opened the car door, and fell to the ground, my knees hitting the gravel beneath me.

Edward was quickly by my side, his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, you're not breathing right. Why are you hyperventilating? Carlisle!"

It's been a while since I've updated this story, but I'm back at it! Please leave a review, I would love to know what you think! The next chapter will be in Edward POV, a continuation of this scene. Also, should I be publishing my work on Wattpad? I've never done so before, I would love to know your thoughts!